But when we tell kids, especially kids with significant sensory needs to quiet their bodies, in a lot of ways, we are telling them that the way that they are regulating themselves is bad or wrong. And so when we do that, we are giving them the message time and again that if you're trying to regulate yourself, it's disrespectful. It's bad, right. And so then if we do that for enough years in a row, by the time they get to high school, they're very dysregulated. Because their natural way of regulating themselves was told it was wrong and inappropriate and disrespectful and impolite. And so then it's like, well, they have no executive functioning skills because they're so busy being dysregulated that they can't access the other higher level thinking in their brain, because they're in like a state of anxiety all the time because they're not regulated.
Welcome to the daily naked pair podcast brought to you by rocket glue. The first ever brand focused on supporting parents with special needs children. Naked parent nation is a group of parents with special needs children, who are willing to give all the rubble stripped it all down and take a look at ourselves, our parenting, our family and our plans create a life beyond our wildest dreams. On today's show, we'll be discussing our activism stimming health and mental wellness, you won't want to miss it. Hello naked parent nation, and welcome to today's episode of The Naked parent podcast. My name is Chad ratliffe. And I'm your host. And before I introduce you to our guests today, let's start by sharing our community's code. Naked parent nations a worldwide community of parents raising children with all kinds of needs, we come together to share our Naked Truth, support our fellow parents, and inspire the inner growth that each of us needs to build the life and family of our dreams. For the parents that are struggling, we want you to know that we will love you until you can love yourself. For your children, we pray and send power from our collective group. As we come to understand our divine nature, we realize that there's no need to feel sorry for ourselves, be angry or feel lack, we come to understand that our feelings of limitation and separation are only in our minds. Through Self Realization, we expand our consciousness so that the challenges that perplex us today, dissipate one by one until we're able to able to see and experience gratitude and beauty in everything just as it is. We have the power to create any kind of life we want for ourselves and our families. We do this by living in the naked present moment, one day at a time. Esther and Jerry Hicks call it the science of deliberation. And we call it the answer to all of our prayers. So let's continue this journey as individuals, parents and professionals with a short breathing exercise to get kind of centered and focused. And if today's The only time you take for yourself today, let it be a nice moment of peace and calm. So if you sit up tall with your spine, erect, your face forward, your chin down and slowly close your eyes. And then lift your gaze up to that center right between your eyebrows. And then just feel your body and listen to the sounds in the room that you're in. And just be there with yourself for a moment. And as you sit there, I'm going to read some words and thoughts for you to ponder. With each breath, I inhale the energy of positive thoughts. I deserve to feel hopeful right now. I'm doing the best I can for my child. I love myself exactly as I am. I love my children exactly as they are. Deep breath in, hold it an exhale and then listen to it one more time. With each breath, I inhale the energy of positive thoughts. I deserve to feel hopeful right now. I'm doing the best I can for my child and love myself exactly as I am. I love my children exactly as they are a deep breath in, hold it and then let it all go Oh. And open your eyes and come back to the show where I want to introduce you to Aaron Garcia, who's the author of two books, the case of sensational stems, and Tiger Livi. She wrote these books on disabilities and chronic illness. She's a teacher and parent of an autistic child. She grew up with a brother with a rare syndrome. And we're excited to have you on the show. Welcome to the show. Aaron.
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. I love how you start your show.
That's awesome. Yeah, it's a little maybe self indulgent. Because if that's the one thing I do for myself during the day, it's just a great moment that we get to have together and appreciate you.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Everyone needs to take time to be mindful. And yeah, I think that's awesome. It's really, really important. I try to do that every morning to changes everything.
That's great. Can you tell us a little bit about where these the inspiration for these books came from? I'm just gonna jump right in.
Yeah, let's do it.
How long have you been an author?
So I wrote my first book, Tiger Levine. Gosh, I think it's like four years ago. Now, about four and a half years ago, my niece was diagnosed with a really rare autoimmune disease called juvenile dermatomyositis. It's like, really extreme in that one day, your child is like, doing all the things that kids do running, jumping, and then she couldn't move, she barely could walk, it's like where your muscle kind of starts to break down. And there's rashes all over your body. It's just painful. The reason for this was because as you know, I'm a teacher, and I don't have a lot of money. They're trying to raise funds with this organization to find a cure. You know, it's interesting, like an autoimmune disease. There's a lot of ways to cure autoimmune diseases. And I just remember being like, when I was little, and I had a brother who had, you know, a lot of disabilities. His disabilities aren't the same as an autoimmune disease like it, there's no cure, you know, there's no like, answer. This is how he is, you know, and so we have to find ways to help them thrive. But for her, I was like, gosh, like, this is something that doesn't have to be like, it wasn't there. And now it is not like fighting it, but just yeah, like, how can I help? And so I don't have like, a tremendous amount of money or anything like that. But I remember thinking, like, oh, how can I help them raise money? And I was like, I'm not doing a bake sale. Like no one wants to eat anything. I beg I'm a terrible back. Then I thought, like, what if there was a good answer to this? You know, what if there was like something that could like really help them? And anyways, it like, I'm not saying my book is the answer. But I kind of thought like, you know, healing from chronic illness is something that really isn't talked about in a very, like deliberate way. Like a lot of people will say things like, oh, you know, hope you get better soon. You know, like, and my brother who has a, he has a skeletal, like issues. And so he's had many, many surgeries. And a lot of times with surgeries come like complications, and like, issues with that. And anyways, healing takes a lot. It's like a really heavy burden. And so I wanted to make a book about that. And then I just give the proceeds to the cure JM Foundation, and that's how I contribute to their cause. And it's something that like, I feel like, keeps giving, and it helps children and their families in the process, if they're trying to learn about you know, how to heal from chronic illness. So it talks about what it is like, right, when you're healthy, then you get sick. And then how that feels. Because it's different, you know, and that's scary, especially for little kids, but I think most people have a hard time with change. And then you know, how we heal from it. And it takes not just medicine, right? It takes food, it takes rest it you have to think a certain way, just like how you're talking about mindfulness, you know, you can identify with your illness, like it can become you, you know, and there's good reason for that. I think also we can, we don't have to make it our identity, you know, if we didn't want it, you know, and that's an important part of healing like you have to be able to go there. So anyways, that's Tiger Livi. And it was a great experience. You know, I had someone helped me write it. Betsy is the co author but t Miller. It was a tremendous amount of learning and growth for me, it helped me kind of heal from stuff like that I needed to know about I have celiac disease. So I know a little bit about autoimmune disorders. And then I just kept going with sensational stems and so
yeah, that's awesome. Can you tell me when where the book comes in? As it relates in your parenting begins as it sounds like How old is your child?
Okay, so my son is autistic. So sensational stems is about autism, and it's specifically about stimming. So self stimulatory behavior or stimming for short, and it's something that we do to like relax ourselves and to sue their selves. And sometimes Sims can be from joyful emotions or upset emotions and Sometimes singing can harm us. Sometimes there's harmful stem, sometimes there's harmless stems, right? And they're all like clues about what's going on internally inside a person. Sometimes we stem because of stuff that's happening outside that's affecting our senses, like loud noises or bright lights. And sometimes things happen because of how we're feeling on the inside. So if I'm anxious, you know, maybe I might bite my nails, you know, or something like that, or tap my foot a lot, right? So when I learned what stimming was from autistic people, I was like, Oh, my son, who at the time could not verbalize or articulate what he was really doing. I was like, Oh, these are like clues. And I know I paying attention that, you know, when he's biting the banister on the stair rail, he is really amped about something, and I need to figure that out, because he's going to break his teeth off, if he keeps biting that handrail, right, you know, but sometimes he would just squeal with glee and run back and forth. And that was because he's like, super excited about something or, you know, a lot of times he would like, get a lot of autistic kids have like proprioceptive needs, and they want to throw themselves into like a couch or like, get really deep pushing, and that helps me to like, oh, he needs some big squeezes right now, like something is making him feel kind of like outside of his body and needs to feel his body. So then I can, like, learn what that is. But at first, when he's newly diagnosed, and I hear people throw around vestibular, and proprioceptive, and all these different sensational things, and it was really overwhelming at first. And so my thought was God, it would have been so helpful. If when he was newly diagnosed, if I had a book to explain what this is. So it didn't seem so overwhelming, because you know, a big part of autism is it's a different way of processing information. And a lot of it has to do with sensory input. An autistic person sensory profile is very pronounced and different than a neurotypical one. And it's not better or worse is, is different. And so we need to figure out what their different sensory profile is. So as a parent, we can meet their needs, a lot of parents are doing the best they can. And sometimes we just don't even realize that we're doing things that are unintentionally, like troubling our child or like, I don't wanna say traumatizing, but like, sometimes, and I see it with teachers a lot, too. Sometimes teachers don't realize that environments that they've created, exacerbate, like, people's like, sensory needs. And a lot of times when that happens, and this was true for me, is like I was not really aware of my own sensory needs. And I started learning about them through my autistic child, because as I go sign up again, I stay up all the time. And I was like, oh, setup again, I know why like lifting weights, it makes my body, like, it makes me feel like I can feel my body in space, I need that resistance. I'm not trying to say I lift weights all the time, I'm definitely you know what I mean, I'm as especially as a young person, I had like, so much energy, and I really needed to like lift, like a certain point in my life, I got really, really strong, and it was a really healthy outlet for me. But I know I'm very privileged in that I grew up with a lot of access to things like sports and things like that. But I think to me, it's like, we need to find ways to help kids thrive. And if we can understand what stimming is, our children can thrive, we can meet their needs, and you know, what if they are harming themselves, like, you know, banging their head up against a wall are biting a banister, like my kid was doing. And be like, Ah, I can find something that can give you that input, but doesn't have to harm you in the process, right? Because it's like the sins are telling us something about a need. Or it's just like an explanation, like without words. And so then as a parent, we can kind of use that to guide us, especially when our kids are nonverbal. You know, my son didn't really talk very much until till he was about four. But I did start to learn that he was communicating in a lot of other ways that I just, I didn't really know what that meant, or like, I wasn't really paying attention to it, because I was paying attention to like, all the things he wasn't doing, which happens a lot for parents of disabled kids, right? Like we are always, you know, the way that when we learn about their disability, it's often deficit space. So it can be very tempting, even unintentionally, to be like, Oh, he's not talking. And he's 24 months old. And it should already be taught and you should be doing this. And you should be doing that. And so I love what you said at the very beginning about, you know, we're doing the best for our kids, but we love them for exactly who they are right now. Because I feel like those developmental milestones can make parents believe that their children are like, well, they haven't talked to 24 months. So I guess it's never gonna happen. You know, that's like the worst thing that there's nothing wrong or they never talk, right? There's nothing wrong. I'm not even trying to say that. But I'm like your child communicates because they're human. They might be communicating differently, but they're communicating. And that's what's stimming is really communicating, whether everyone is aware, or no one is aware, but it really unlocks a lot of stuff for people. And so that was kind of my catalyst for it and the illustrator of the book is autistic. And he going through this journey with him because this is his first Big paid gig. And it was enlightening for me because it wasn't exactly a smooth process. We were both learning a lot. I'm, I'm a novice. And so is he, in terms of like, what is the whole deal of this, but he's like, Gosh, I wish I had known about this when I was a kid. He didn't know. And, you know, he's, I think 24 Now, it's profound, you know, in meeting our sensory needs is like a really kind of thing we can do for ourselves. And if parents can do that, for themselves first, you know, it's kind of like, you know, they say, if you're on an airplane, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first. I think that's understanding our own sensory needs will help us meet our
child's that's beautiful. How old's your child?
So he's nine. He's in fourth grade, and he got diagnosed at three.
And when did you write this book?
I gosh, I wrote this book. I think two years ago. No, you started writing it two years ago, and it came out like a year ago. Yeah. Is
stimming sometimes controversial? In terms of trying to change it? Or, you know, I hear some people say that we need to encourage stemming others, you know, say my ABA therapist is trying to stop.
Yeah. Oh, that's such a good question. I love there's so many layers to that question. So I'm just gonna, you know, I love the name of your podcast, that naked parent, because you do have to get really vulnerable, right? If we're going to be like, foster growth and learning and like openness. And so here's my take on it. I think a lot of us have been trained from an early age to believe that some stems are polite, and some are impolite, some are appropriate, and some are not appropriate. So you'll see somehow, if you're jiggling your leg, right, or like, if I'm clicking a pen, as long as it's not too loud, that's okay. But those are stims. Sometimes people like mess with eyeglasses, or like they crack their knuckles, right? Those are stims really subtle. Those are usually allowed. Sometimes you can, you know, bite your nails, pick it your nails, when it's appropriate, if you'll see people flapping their hands, and sometimes, like my son had an ABA therapist, no, no, no, no, no, keep your hands Quiet, quiet, enhance. Quiet body, still body. And this gets controversial online. And I think every single person that we've ever worked with, means well, okay, like I don't, I'm not trying to like say anyone's bad or like, that's wrong. That's not right. And I don't think it's helpful or appropriate to to be judgmental. But when we tell kids, especially kids with significant sensory needs, to quiet their bodies, in a lot of ways, we are telling them that the way that they are regulating themselves is bad or wrong. And so when we do that, we are giving them the message time, and again, that if you're trying to regulate yourself, it's disrespectful. It's bad, right. And so then if we do that for enough years in a row, by the time they get to high school, they're very dysregulated. Because their natural way of regulating themselves was told it was wrong and inappropriate and disrespectful and impolite. And so then it's like, well, they have no executive functioning skills, because there's so busy being dysregulated, that they can't access the other higher level thinking in their brain. Because they're in like a state of anxiety all the time, because they're not regulated, you know? And it's like, oh, gosh, it's such a mystery, like, why it's not. And so it was really interesting, because as I started learning this, you know, when my little guy is in kindergarten, I was terrified, so terrified of what it was going to be for him. I know, at the time, I wasn't exactly sure about stimming, I didn't really know I think it was kind of like sniffing around and sort of kind of learning about sensory needs for autistic people. But I was like, Oh, my God, he runs all the time, and moves around all the time. He is gonna get destroyed in kindergarten. And I remember, I was talking to a colleague of mine, because he goes to the elementary school right across the street from me, and this colleague goes, Oh, your son's gonna be in kindergarten. It's so exciting. Who's this teacher? Oh, I love that teacher. She's so great. And I said, Yeah, I'm just I'm really nervous. You know, he's autistic, and so I'm really nervous about what that's going to look like for him. Don't you worry. By the end of kindergarten, having that teacher by the end of kindergarten, no one's going to even know that he's autistic.
Oh, my gosh. And I was like,
in that moment, though, I had done enough healing and enough growing and enough learning that it wasn't offensive to me. I feel like whenever you're offended by something, it means you haven't totally processed it all the way. That's what's been true for me. When she said that I go, Oh my god. This is a teacher who's taught for like 30 years. Who said that to me, I thought the hell are you talking about? I was like, he's always autistic like that is him. So we don't want it to like be a bad thing. And I realize like, Oh, I'm thinking like a bad thing that he's the way that he is. He's not bad the way that he is. I'm worried about everyone else around him. It was like an epiphany for me, even though it's like, she's in hindsight, I'm like, so cringy. And I wish I could have like, I mean, there's no way that I can address that with a woman on the spot, you know, like, I, whatever. But I realized I was like, Okay, I need to help him. Like, I need to help him regulate himself. And then I also need to explain what's happening to other people. And I did, and I started, like, I would work in this classroom. And I would explain to the teacher like, okay, he's doing this. Now he's doing that, because he didn't have an aid. At first, it took me three years to get him an aid, it was quite a big process. He is now a one on one aid. And it's, he's a new person, he does not hate school every single day, because he has support. But like in first grade, his teacher was a godsend because she's reading a story to the whole class, and everyone's sitting in their little spots. And RJ laid down facing away from the book. And she let him do it. And she tells me about this afterwards. And she says she read the whole story, and then okay, okay, I'm gonna ask you guys some questions. And RJ, can you sit up, please? RJ? Can you tell me about what happened in the story? And he told her everything? And RJ, can you tell me who the characters are? Right? And she's asking all these stories about comprehension. And she goes here, and it's like, by him not looking at me, he could listen better. I go, yes. Because the visual input is like too much for him sometimes. Right? So that's like another, I mean, it's not stimming. But it's related to sensory needs, right? Like, a lot of times autistic people will say, like, making eye contact with the person is so overwhelming in my sensations that I'll look away so I can hear you better. So I can like focus on my auditory input, right? But then what it loves, look at me when I'm talking to you, alright, fine, I'll look at you. But I'm not going to know one damn word you're saying. And I hear that timing again, from autistic people. So I guess what I'm trying to say. I know, it kind of went on like a convoluted road. But I think having people like that teacher knew a little bit about sensory needs, because I was able to kind of tell her a little bit about it, then it kind of allowed for her to be open to Okay, the way he moves, his body in space is going to look different than a neurotypical kid. And I don't need to be offended by the way he's moving his body because it's helping him. Right. And so I think that's kind of where we need to get the conversation to and look at sometimes, Sims do prevent kids from doing things that they want to do. Sometimes it does prevent growth, right? So the key to me is like, Look, why is this thing happening? Right? Is it an anxious stem? Like, okay, we gotta figure out what's the anxiety? Oh, gosh, the bill is so loud in the beginning of the day, and the announcements go on, and it's super loud. Oh, and there's a vent in our room. And it's like, right above your head, and it's super loud. Hey, I wonder if we give this kid some noise cancelling headphones or earplugs? Like would that maybe help with the stems that are preventing this kid from accessing their education? Like, that's where I think the conversation needs to go. But I think so often, really well meaning people who are really about who don't understand sensory differences, they're kind of like, just very ignorant. Sometimes we're like, look, I don't make the rules. I just need you to sit in your chair, I need you to be quiet, I need you to sit straight. Look at me, right? That's how you'd be a good student. It's like, no, that's how you'd be a compliant person. When you become a creative person, that's not how you become a regulated person. That's how you become a little like a shell of yourself. The trick is, like, how do we get those Well, meaning people to kind of like shift slowly into not being offended that the child is is like, looking different than maybe another child. And sometimes people say, Oh, you treat everyone the same. You know, it's like, oh, that's not helpful. You know, I understand that it can be frustrating. But I think a lot of times we police these children into like not being able to move their bodies. And then it's like, oh, well, no wonder we have chronic depression and anxiety. I think that the suicide rate of autistic people is like, astronomically higher than the general population. And, to me, I'm like, I know exactly why that is. I know, hate to say that, but it's like, it's something so solvable if we can just have a common understanding. And so my deep goal of this book is that we can have a common understanding about how autism really looks, you know, and that have us all understand it's, it's not even an intellectual disability. Some people who are autistic can be intellectually disabled, just like some neurotypical people can be intellectually disabled. Right. This is a different way of processing information from the environment around us. It's substantially different in a way that is disabling that's why it's considered a disability. And we need to figure out how they process information so we can help them grow like every other human on the planet.
I think you opened up like three more show topics during the conversation back. We won't go too in depth on all of them, but I do think that that's one of the reason parents are terrified. to send their kids to school thinking that if they don't help their kid change this behavior, then they're going to be kind of shunned in school. And then that cycle turns into a tailspin. And then like you said, the suicide rate, you know, isn't it's not that crazy that the rates increased in this population. So I'm glad you bring that awareness of my son just for the listeners that are out there, he bites his finger, and his fingers, like three times the size.
So does my son.
My doctor said, so we've gotten the bite blocks and the Chews and all those different things. And he'll still kind of go, and he actually goes to his finger when he's trying to regulate when he's sometimes frustrated or anxious. But she said, you know, as long as the skin's not broken, she was fine with it. She's just worried about infection. She's not worried about if his fingers, right, big. But that's, you know, a form of regulation that my son takes.
Yeah, totally. And to me, and my son does it too. And you know, what's interesting is like, sometimes he does a lot, and then sometimes he barely ever does it, right. And I can look at his finger and I can like, be like, Oh, well, you know, we have a holiday play coming up or something, you know, I'm like, Oh, his fingers gigantic, you know. And so we're like, oh, they had an assembly, and we forgot our headphones, say, like, it's gonna be a tough day. And yeah, it's bigger, you know, over the next few days, because it takes a while to recover from it too, right. So to me, I'm kind of like, and I don't know how your son is or how old he is. But sometimes, like, I'll have conversations with him. And now because he's, he's verbal, and is able to, like, we can have a back and forth. And, you know, like AAC devices, he's never used it. But I'm like, gosh, that probably would have been helpful when he was about three or four. And there's amazing resources, I can share them with you like just people who, having kids being able to communicate in like a mutual way, even if it's not verbal. Like there's so many other ways, and AAC is like a profound resource. And I follow this non speaking autistic adult who uses the voice text to share their thoughts. And it's mind blowing, it's really amazing. So get a lot of insights from that. But now that my son can tell me things, you know, it's like, oh, this chewy, I don't like this kind of mom, it breaks too easily. Like, some of them, he can destroy like, date, you know, there's just indestructible. So finding the ones that work. And then like, a lot of times, it's been surprising as a teacher, sometimes, like, not saying that you do this, but I've done this myself, like, I forget that I can ask my kid, I can ask for his preferences and get his input. You know, like, because I think so much we do so much to like, support them that we forget to, like, include them in the support process, you know, and like, teaching them how to advocate for themselves, because we're so busy advocating, it's like, oh, yeah, I need to like, show this to him and model this to him, you know. And so, yeah, it's like, I don't want my son's finger to be disfigured. So sometimes, like, they'll talk about it. And I'll like, ask them why and, and it is really hard for him to explain how he's feeling is like a very big, taxing thing. But a lot of times, like if I pose a question to him, sometimes it'll be two or three days later, and then he will tell me something like, it takes them that long sometimes to put the thought together. And that's good, you know, and then I can share it with the teacher like that just recently happened. He was just in this foul, horrible mood. And he's never in a bad mood. But I was like, what is happening here? And I'm like, Ah, I cannot. And I have the good fortune of having his sisters 17 months younger. So she's in the grade below me. My mom RJ isn't wearing his headphones anymore at lunchtime, he doesn't wear him. And it's it's so loud in the auditorium. Like, I need headphones in the auditorium like what the heck. So I emailed his, his RSP teacher and his general ed teacher, and I said, you aren't he's not wearing his headphones. And after I asked him, like, why aren't you he said, Oh, my aide said, I'm not allowed to wear my headphones. So I emailed them, and I didn't want to be accusatory or anything, because I feel like I know how it feels to be on the end of a accusation from someone who's not even there. They said, You know, I think that maybe there's a misunderstanding between the aide and RJ but, you know, he seems to think he can't wear his headphones, and he needs to because he is like really having a hard time when he comes home and he's like, miserable. I think he's just really overstimulated. And you know, the RSP teacher was able to get to the bottom of it. She talked with the aid but and I think that's a layer right of having disabled children to is like, politely connecting with the people who are helping him because sometimes you're just like, oh my gosh, is like why is this happening are like you can get infuriated. Like, who is she to tell me that my kid can't wear his head but like, it can be easy to get upset. And I feel like the more I practice my mindfulness and practice taking care of my own needs. I don't get offended. I don't get agitated quite so easily. And even though I'm like upset for him, I'm like God misunderstand and it was and RJ seem to misunderstand like he thought he wasn't allowed to because she had made like an offhand comment about it and he interpreted it. Like she was saying no, don't ever wear those anymore. But that apparently wasn't the case. Or at least that's what the RSP teacher said. And the truth is, is like, I will never know. I mean, maybe she did say that, you know, or maybe she didn't. And to me, I'm like, Oh, it doesn't matter. I just need to help him get his needs met. And help her understand, like, why it's so important. Sometimes it's my job. And sometimes it's not my job. And with the aid, I don't have direct contact with the aid. So I've accepted like, I'm going to use the resources that I have, and I'm going to fix problems, I'm not going to worry about who's to blame, I'm not going to worry about, okay, it's RJ wrong, or is RJ right. I think sometimes I've seen parents put their energy in that. It's really not helpful. And I don't even mean it to be because it's like a pain in the neck. Like as a teacher, like it's a pain in the neck. For me, it's like, man, such a waste of your energy. And if you only have so much energy, like use it on something that will, like, help.
Yeah, I love that his sister's there, I love that my children have their siblings, because I have five within six years of age from what
I remember. Okay, you're like the gold standard club right there, like you're in it.
I love that they have their siblings looking out for them. So I loved hearing that. For the listeners out there, I've taken both pathways as a parent, the pathway of sound every alarm in a loud way, so that everybody hears it and is exhausting and does not do as well as my newer approach, which I learned through mindfulness. And just for the listeners, and for yourself that the show is basically a solution to my own life is where it came from. And the naked parent is secretly telling everybody that the only thing that has to change is you the parent, not the kid that we're all we were in this culture where we're trying to fix our kid, so that life can like move forward. And really, the only thing I found is if I fix me, life moves forward, starting immediately, no matter where my child is in their sort of development.
Yeah, that's so good. Just to, like, add on to that thought, because I feel like so the same. I remember a long time ago, just having my brother with special needs. And people would say things like, oh, you know, they're God's children, or like, they're so special, or like, kinda like, they're like a neat little unicorn or something. That's, and I remember being young, and even as a young adult, being like, this is not fun. Like, this is not fun. This is not special, like, so different. And like, people stare at us, and I hate it. And I think I was, you know, maybe it's, I'm 38. You know, like, maybe it's kind of like the era that we grew up in. But I feel like, a lot of times we were taught, okay, we're not gonna pay attention to differences, we're all the same. We're all even, we're all equal, right? And that underpinning of that is like, Well, what happens when someone isn't the same? Like, what if someone is like, very clearly, obviously not? And what if it's, like really hard for them? Like, do we just keep pretending that they're the same? Or do we just kind of like, ignore them? And then just like, Okay, we're all pretty much the same, except for like, those couple of people. It's like, not honest, and it's not helpful. And I just always remember being like, like, as a kid, I would be like, if my brother could be normal. Hell yeah. Like, I wish it you know, I used to wish for that. And I think it was because of the, like, lens that I was, like, kind of trained to see it's like, okay, here is what right is, and everything outside of that, we're going to just work really hard to like, make everything fit into the, to this right frame. Okay, so we're gonna, I think a lot of times at school, that's what happens to us, like, Oh, you're not good at writing, okay? We're gonna practice writing, like, all the time, incessantly until you get like less sucky at it, you know. And so it's like, sort of like, what you were saying about people trying to fix their kids or like, change their kids are like, if I can just get my kids to sit on a chair, and be quiet and have quiet hands, you know, and it's like, that isn't helping your kid. And that's not really helping you. What are we doing all this energy for? And it's like, kind of like, what we'll wait, we don't have to do that. That is a game that we could play. But what if we played a different game? You know, and what if we played a game where we just accept the people for who they are and exactly where they're at? And wherever they're at is exactly the way that they're supposed to be? And then what if we just accepted it and started from there? And it changes it changed me so much of the time we spend on our shortcomings and our deficits as people we do that, but we especially do it with disabled kids. And if you're a new parent, I mean, I can't imagine you have five kids, right? Five children and that's harder. that, and then five kids, and then wait, that isn't the way that they told me it was supposed to be. And then the way it's presented to you for medical conditions, they're not trying to scare you. But they're like, well, he should be doing that, or she should be this way. And they're not. So you need to do all of this intervention and all this support and all this. And I understand that and early intervention. Yes, I understand. But it's also like, if your kid talks at 36 months and not 24 months, if your kid walks it two years, and not one year, is that okay? You know, like, you act like there's this deadline for children, you know, and I'm not trying to say we shouldn't developmental milestones are the standard of neurotypical kids. So when our non typical children are not meeting typical standards, I guess, I'm just trying to say like, we don't need to sound the alarm bells all the time, we can be like, Oh, that's information, for me to know that there's something else going on here. Like, let's discover, let's get curious about what it could be, instead of, like, I mean, for me, I was like, white knuckling it, you know, every single appointment? And I'm like, Oh, I don't even know what's happening. You know, and I missed a lot of stuff. Because I was worried about, oh, what does this even mean? You know, it's like, oh, if I just relax, I could, I don't want to enjoy the process. But like, it's way more enjoyable if I'm not afraid all the time. And if you always feel like we're behind, it's like,
I don't know. I have a ton more questions. We're running out of time here. I'd love to have another conversation in the future. If you're up for that. He's totally up for it. Yeah. And I want to thank you for being on the show. And I think it's a great way to leave the show. Like, what if we don't look at everything the way we thought we were supposed to? And what if we look at things in a different way? And then what might life be like? And how much more enjoyable might it be if we don't have the certain hoops that we need to jump through by a certain age for life to be okay, and on track?
Yeah. I love that. I think so.
So, for the listeners, check out Aaron's books, the case of this sensational stems and Tiger livie. And thank you again for being on the show. And I'll follow back up for going in depth on one of those topics. We just scratched the surface on today. I would
love that. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you guys.
Have a great day. Bye bye.
This concludes our show for today. And I'd like to personally thank you for spending the time with us on a topic near and dear to our hearts. If you'd like to be part of the naked parent nation, and help us reach those parents that are struggling and overwhelmed, there's no better way to help them by subscribing rating and reviewing the show on iTunes. iTunes highlights the shows based on these metrics. And the more the show gets highlighted, the more opportunities people will have to be introduced to the show where they can hear that message of hope, or that tip that can change everything. So follow the link in our show notes. And we hope to have you back here tomorrow where we'll do it again. From the team here at the naked parent podcast we wish you the life you've always dreamed of and then some so long
