2023-09-03 Life and Teachings of Tangen Harada Roshi 2

6:13PM Sep 12, 2023

Speakers:

Sensei Amala Wrightson

Richard von Sturmer

Keywords:

roshi

life

mu

practice

teacher

die

shinji

stick

give

pain

told

teachings

stay

defilements

japan

heard

knowing

sit

training

suffering

The talk you're about to hear is by Roshi Amala Wrightson, teacher at the Auckland Zen Center.

Today is day two of our spring seven day sesshin. It's the third of September 2023. We're going to continue a reading from "Throw Yourself into the House of the Buddha: The life and Zen Teachings on Tangen Harada Roshi."

This chapter will be reading it from first is called "War Time."

Then the war began. We were told by the government that Japan was in real danger, we had to fight against enemies who were portrayed by military propaganda as if they were devils themselves.

If you've seen any of these, this imagery, they actual actually are the enemy has been portrayed as as a kind of devil in the cartoonish characters. And we know we know from more recent history that these these images can be very, very powerful. My personal perspective, my perspective was severely limited. Now we lost yesterday we were hearing of these transcendent experiences that sow future Tangen-roshi We had, and yet at the same time, he could have a lot of ignorance about the world. And certainly, ignorance about what was really happening in Imperial Japan at that time. I had the sense that I must give my own life to protect those close to me, my parents, my siblings, my teachers, my friends, my fellow countrymen, I was still bound, tied down by a false sense of place attached to boundaries to us versus them, I believed that there was an enemy, yet I didn't have a sense of wanting to kill or to save my own life. I just wanted to give my life to protect others. So there's you can see in this mixture of, of ignorance about what was really going on politically and innocence, of of this this pure hearted desire to give give his life in order to protect others. I volunteered to fly as a kamikaze pilot, my goal in life was already to be of service to others. Suppose spearing my own life was not effective for me. I gave myself to the training that was required. There's a there's a kind of footnote to this, this account on this part of this account about was our that time he was 17 years old, when Japan joined World War Two. In the later stages of war, as was true for every man aged 15 to 60, he had to join the army. He wasn't yet a monk, they're not even a Buddhist. When asked later in life, if he would ever go to war, he immediately replied, No, I am definitely opposed to war. After I began to practice I came to see that all beings are brothers and sisters, and that even if one were to be killed, one should not kill another. This is the stage he he didn't have this understanding

Take Nhat Hanh was asked about, would he whether he would fight in order to preserve Buddhism, he would say said that he would rather see the Dharma destroyed, physical, and do teachings and so forth. He'd rather see those destroyed than to take up arms in order to defend the Dharma. Because of course, if one does that, if one kills one's no longer practicing the Dharma, so it's actually destroying the Dharma through through doing that.

The test was very difficult. This is the test to become a pilot, geared as it was for university graduates. But I was somehow able to pass, I was only 19, the youngest one in my company, the training was very strict. They didn't give us any leeway at all, the slightest mistake, and we were out. They were not worried about the human life involved, but they wanted to protect the airplanes. So to get this license, you had to be extremely careful. We had to line up in front of the military officers responsible for our training. And I was asked what is your weak point? I answered that I was prone to act on my own authority to decide on my own to do something and to do it. That's not a shortcoming. I was told, when the control stick is in your hand, any number of things can happen. And you will have to be able to decide and react immediately. You won't have any time to consult anyone else. You must act on your own authority. So it's a strength, they said. Then they asked me what my strength was acting with resolve. I said, when I commit to doing something, I don't back down and get discouraged midway. I definitely carried through with my goal. But now I see that there wasn't much of a strength, because not knowing what's right, you can carry through with the wrong aim. I see now that not wanting to listen to good advice, if there is any available is ridiculous. Having the right goal is so important. Having the right goal. And if one looks deeply then becoming a kamikaze pilots not the goal of destruction of many lives was not an appropriate one. We all wrote our last war words, which were carefully folded, wrapped and carried by the commander of our battalion. I wrote that I was ready to die for my country at any time, that even knowing I might die in training, I felt no remorse. We trained hard finishing in just one year, of course, that it should have taken much longer. We were up against a large, strong country with powerful weaponry. Our hastily and poorly built planes were no match and combat for their fine ones. So battalion was moved to Manchuria where the pilots would wait for their orders to fly from there. One by one, the pilots would bought airplanes loaded with explosives take off and aim for large ships. If just one would hit right, a large aircraft carrier with 100 or so planes could be sunk in one blow. They were the that was what we were studying to do. It was only five days after my graduation, August the fifth 15th 1945 that I was supposed to take my final flight. The other pilots went before me giving their lives. And I waited my turn. Since I was the youngest. Our commander was keeping the last in line. I had my ritual sack a cup. Just then, just when I was on the verge of setting off. We heard the Emperor on the radio announcing the unconditional surrender of Japan and the end of the war. I couldn't believe my ears. I was devastated because I was not able to do anything to protect my country. Later, we learned that we had been deceived by our leaders and that it was Japan who was the aggressor. I was shocked. All my comrades had given their lives. And here I was still alive but to what purpose? nothing made sense to me. It was then that I tasted the bitter pain of living. I suffered the anguish of Being alive when so many were dead. Not only not only was his real reason for being at that point taken away and that he wasn't going to fulfill His mission, but he was suffering also from what might be described as kind of survivor guilt. Japan surrendered on August 15. If the war had ended, even one day later, I would have flown my final flight. And I wouldn't have been able to meet the teachings of the Buddha Dharma in this lifetime. So, again, like with his mother, this this sharp sense of what am I here for? Why have I been spared? He continues, I was in the 24th component company, which is the number of Jesus on the body sat for must have followed me right into the Army because I was saved many times over. When the war ended, I was sent to a Soviet prisoner of war camp for almost a year. Many of my friends died there. I was working in the hospital and we had to bury the dead. The ground was so frozen that we couldn't. So many soldiers died there, most of them in their 20s Dreaming of their homelands and their families. Then one day, one of the Soviet soldiers asked me to drink alcohol with him. He wouldn't take no for an answer. So I had no choice but to join him. Since I was so weak, and almost never drank alcohol before and had almost never drank alcohol before. I got very sick, and was left in bed in the hospital. The next morning, most of my fellow soldiers were sent to the labor camps in Siberia, where most of them died. Just on the brink of death, again, my life was miraculously spared. I was taken care of so another, another narrow escape. My life was spared over and over. And yet I couldn't rejoice in this. I couldn't appreciate it not yet. I felt only anguish and despair. Those who had died was their death in vain. Did they die? And that was it. What is the meaning of life? These questions stayed with me. They took over my mind. And I had to find out what I could do what was in my own power to do to somehow in some way, make it up to all those young men who had given their lives. I returned to Japan on a boat that arrived at the port of Hakata on Kyushu island on June the ninth 1946.

Next chapter is hidden meeting Diane Roshi. I spent the next year in suffering, just at that time of greatest pain and anguish. a concerned friend arranged for me to see a Buddhist nun. Who name was Susan Nagasawa Roshi, and she was the top female disciple of Sogaku, Harada Roshi, and as a footnote

so Zen Nagasawa Roshi who dates at 1888 to 1971. She received Dharma transmission and Inca show is

confirmation as a as a teacher. From Sogaku Harada Roshi, she was the only female teacher in the Soto school at the time to independently cheat teach at a training monastery for nuns kanji. She also played a major role in nuns gaining equal rights to monks in the Soto school is sores on Naga Roshi, she's in our pool of radiance chants that we that we do, which has the names of the many of the the female practitioners going back through the centuries back to before the Buddha. I would love to learn more about out her since she's in our in our lineage and and also was a pioneer in getting more equality for the Soto nuns be wonderful as somebody could track down some of her teachings and translate them into English she's she's so she's a main most recent female ancestor Dharma great aren't you could say but anyway she had an important role played an important role here in helping out Tongan who sell this this line at Laney she told me that there was a very wise man that I could take my questions to someone who could help me find the answer. To help me understand the meaning of life. She arranged for me to attend the Nov see Shane at her Shinji. That's really throwing somebody in the deep end. But because I wanted to go sooner than that, she told me to come and sit with her. October sesshin at his endo in karanji, in the town of Mitaka, near Tokyo, which I remember she described as more like a HUD. So pretty, pretty basic. It sounds like but he was he was so fired up that he jumped at the offer. When I first first met so as in Roshi, I knew nothing about Buddhism. And I wasn't even particularly interested in it. But thanks to that meeting and to her, I was able to connect with the Buddha Dharma.

At sesshin, so Zen Roshi show me to sit the lotus in the lotus position. Zen is sitting for Lotus, Zen equals full lotus, I was told, so I jammed my legs into a full lotus posture, and the pain was intense. I was in hell for 30 minutes. I was in hell after 30 minutes. Now, you need a big big warning statement here. Don't try this at home. There. I think it's fair to say that at that time in Japan, most people if not all, people grew up sitting on the floor. And so they they were much more flexible than people who sit in chairs and and cheers

if we try to, I think most of us if we try to see how does he put it? Jam his legs into a full loaded posture. We'd be doing serious damage immediately. And it wouldn't be helpful at all. For young Tongan it seems like he was able to do this without causing any any permanent damage, though. certainly plenty of pain, which we can imagine. It's not hard to imagine. He says he says the pain ran through my body as if my legs were sawed off at the knees. One minute was eternity. But what an incredibly good thing it was that I practiced with as I was instructed without trying to sneak away from it. Fortunately, I was told to count my breaths. So in desperation, the pain he threw himself into his breath counting. And he relates to it at this temple. So zazen Roshi is temple, there was a practice of counting aloud. Now you can imagine what that would make the center like if it was happening in a heart, it was probably quite small. Maybe we don't know, but maybe 15 or 20 people, but imagine that all of them counting aloud, and not only allowed but loud. He says the practice and her temper was to count out loud during session, and I counted so enthusiastically that the glass of the windows rattled. The children who were out playing near the Zendo could hear each count And they came up to the window and peered through the curtain at me. Then I was asked to count in a softer voice. The zazzy of even a beginner manifests the whole essential nature. So we don't we don't have to literally do as as you sow did, future Tongan. But we can we can take encouragement from from the fact that even as a beginner you can, you can just give yourself completely to the practice. And often we discover this, we may have heard many times become one with the pain, soften around the pain. Unite with the pain. And it isn't until we're really, really suffering from some pretty extreme pain that we may actually follow the instruction. And when we do then we may find ourselves beyond the pain still may be there that are in the periphery. But it doesn't bother us in a way that it has up to that point. That happens when we let go of our resistance. So that's why I think he's he's celebrating here when he says I'm so so glad that I followed the instructions because he followed them to such a degree that he was able to do this issue this machine. Stick it out the October sesshin and the teachings about the Buddha way that I received from Southern Naga Salah Roshi had a deep effect on me. It must have been around late October 1947 that I went to her Shinji and was fortunate to be given an audience with the great master who was to become my teacher. Die on Sogaku Ro di Roshi dianond saga has dominated EMS and Ro di she is a title. It literally means old great teacher. So Roshi with a die in the middle there for great ro dice she. And of course this is this is Philip capitalist, first teacher also. He was tiny and very thin. But he had an enormous surging power. I openly talked to him about my problem asking, I just can't live knowing that there were so many who had to die. What can I do in atonement, he told me that he understood my suffering, that I could come to be at peace, that there was a way to solve the problem of life and death at its root. He said, You yourself, you are still alive. So you can forever and ever follow the path of giving. You can steadily evermore give your life to save others. Even with the death of this body, genuine life continues. There is something that does not die. True Nature does not disperse like a mist throwing nuts, sorry. True Nature does not disperse like a mist. Knowing true life, you can be at peace. If you really want to understand the meaning of life, true life, it will take all the determination and effort that you can possibly muster. You will not realize the truth if your aim is unclear. And if your practice is weak. You must resolve to be absolute. You must you must you resort your resolve must be absolute. You must be prepared to persevere with single minded conviction and effort. If you can really commit yourself to seeking this truth to this one important thing, then you can stay here but if you're not earnest and sincere if your commitment is lukewarm if you won't be able to make a complete whole commitment, then you can go home now no doubt

heard the Roshi saw the potential in this young man will come to him. It's such an his point of extremity

The masters always pitch their their teaching to the person who is before them. And who saw was was ripe, he was ready

when Diane Roshi laid down these conditions, I vowed, then in there to awaken to truth, to come to realize my true nature. I had no doubts. There was no question that I wouldn't that I would make that commitment, I already had resolved to give my life once in the war. So putting my life online wasn't a problem for me. When I heard his words, I was really unwilling to practice. And I answered from the bottom of my heart, I will give it my all to practice, just as you show me. I will never forget the look in his eyes at that time, when he stay stared right into me, this kid, still wet behind, still well behind in years, who knew nothing, as I vowed to follow his teaching, his eyes was small and black as coal, how they shone when he simply said, You may stay the way is one, you follow this one way, this one practice, don't allow your value value judgments to enter into it be a pure white sheet of paper, let go of everything. This is the only way be a pure white sheet of paper.

What good fortune that I was able to still be alive to hear his teaching, to receive His guidance. From then on, I did give it my all. Of course, my practice was still greedy, immature, far from perfect, but I practice just as I was instructed. Each of us if we're honest, will see that there is these these defilements these impure aspects to our practicing. That's that's just, that's fine, because that's the way it is we come to the practice suffering because of those defilements. And we go to encounter them. There shouldn't be a cause for discouragement though, because we have the practice and we if we follow the instructions, we don't know how long it will take. But if we if we are assiduous in our practice, then we're on the right path. And over time, we can purify those defilement farmans purify ourselves, become as he says here like a white sheet of paper.

Doing each one thing, this one thing, I poured my entire being into my practice, I heard of myself and dissolves in without knowing anything about ordination or without even considering the possibility of becoming a monk myself. I simply tried to listen to the teachings and my teachers instructions without adding my own ideas. In this way I could hear his teachings with a deep familiar familiarity and respect just to put one's trust in the in the in the teaching and the teacher

then the new member says Shane came and I was given the car on Mu I think everybody will be familiar with this. The whole the whole cases. Among Us, Joshua does even a dog have the Buddha nature and Joshua says, Mu. Well actually that's what he says in in Japanese and in Chinese is wool. negative particle he has not. Why does Joshua's saying not when the nirvana Sutra teaches that all beings have the Buddha nature. When we practice on this, can we boil it all down to In this one word Mu is the is the nub or essence of the of the koan. And we delve into that. And this was the practice that tangan received at this point die on Roshi told me give your life to this one move till everything becomes Mu Do not give your energy to anything else, no matter what arises neither grasp it nor reject it. Just be this one being do this, do this one doing stay centered in your tendon and just do Mu the tendon is the name for kind of energy center in the lower abdomen. Sometimes also we hear the reference to Hara, which is the same kind of general area

stay centered your hand in your tendon and just do Mu. I gave myself to Mu. During that first session, I sat next to the president of a big candy company. He had been working hard at his practice for 10 or 20 years, but his mind's eye was still not open. So he was pouring self himself into it with a ferocity that was contagious. When the monitor would walk past him, he would invariably ask for the gusto and ask for the Kiyosaki. So here they have the practice that we have outside of sesshin we request the state. And so this man was always asking for it, and Thailand says that he would follow His guidance in receiving it so whenever has his neighbor put up his hands to ask for the stick? Tongan would ask for two. He was a great example for me, how fiercely I was struck. And the atmosphere the Zendo was electrifying. Everything was one was so intensely devoted the power of the one the power of the group. I hope I wasn't an obstacle to anybody in my enthusiasm, but at that time, the only thing on my mind was doing what Diane Roshi told me to do, just staying with this one thing.

Little comment here a little bit about the Stick

It was used very vigorously and in adhesion G. And that was what Phillip Kapleau experienced when he went there for training. His his first main teacher was this same Dyens saga who Roshi Roshi. And when he when he came back to America, he brought back this this very energetic use of the stick with him. But then, under an MIT teacher, Roshi called her hate, it changed and became much, much less frequently and not as heavily used as hard or used as hard. And it was, at least in part because of what my teacher experienced when he went to train with Tang and Roshi and Wilcox eg when he when he went there, I think it was about 1919 85. He discovered that this stick was used much more infrequently at Coca G and not as heavily. And so he he remarked about this to somebody, and he was told

that Tongan had said and as a suitcase a second hand but make sense. This person who was relating it to my teacher, he said, when Diane Roshi died, the training had her Shinji fell apart. I realized that it was because the discipline was all from the outside. So now I think the discipline should come from the inside. I used to hit the monks terrifically hard with the Kiyosaki. But now I hit like a baby that when when we went to broke Woodcock eg the stick wasn't wasn't used very much at all and not not it wasn't any heavier than that I'd experienced it when I first went to the the Rochester Zen Center so it's this the stick is it's it's one of those things which can be helpful and we can call it a kind of upaya or skillful means but it certainly doesn't help everybody and it's no it's no shame in asking not to be heard of it's not being helpful it needs to be something that helped many people find that it helps in different ways that helps to dispel drowsiness it can help break up tension that's in the shoulders and if that that does help and or it can just spirits on its one put that person put it that I know he you found the stick helpful he said it's like I can I can use the energy of the stick to to make extra effort and employ that that shot of intense energy in bringing the my practice to another level

for some people though, the act of being being struck is is not helpful it can be a trigger unpleasant memories if one has been struck, as a child will experience some kind of abuse or you if you just have a constitution which is highly sensitive and delicately tuned then the stick may just not it may be maybe too much of a blunt instrument but literally so people should feel free to ask the monitors for more stick for less stick for stronger for lighter Some people even just get touched lightly on the shoulders with the keel psycho as a way of just being brought back to the present that's that's its main function is to to keep us in the president to actually physically kind of nail us to the prison of course the prison is keeps on changing but it can it can be a lot of centers have actually stopped using the stink stick. But we would would lose a few things if we if we stopped using it. Also, it'd be in life enlivens the atmosphere the sound of the stick even if you're not receiving it, you can employ the sound of it to help you stay focused. And dullness and drowsiness is one of the main things that plague meditators. And so the stick gives gives the the people running the the Zendo one sort of tool that they can use to enliven the energy in the Zendo.

In the evening, we had a 20 minute period in which we were allowed to do Mu out loud. Now again, you we had mentioned the Zando was everybody counting Loud now, everybody moving aloud and and these sit these sessions Shinji we're big, there might be 60 or more people there you can met imagine that the record that this would would make, but a way, a way of getting the koan getting the question into the body. When we first started going to Rochester, this was a practice that happened on the last night of sesshin. And it was it was very, very powerful. We did it for a while when we first started doing machines in New Zealand but when you have a Zendo with only a few people doing doing the kind Mu it doesn't really work it needs it needs the power of many people. So we haven't done it for quite a few years now. But again, it's an it's a it's an energy release, like like the stick it can be it can be helpful in grounding us and and getting us out of our heads and into our body.

So tangan recounts this happening on one one occasion during this machine he says how the 60 year old man beside me burned his entire being becoming Mu this one Mu, I remember so well the intensity of his practice, how it touched me. Having just received the carne Mu, I also was determined to give my life to it. I had thought had no thought of can I do this practice? Or how do I do this practice? Or am I doing this practice right? Rather, from the depths of my gut, I threw myself into this Mu only Mu and that very sesshin Mu opened its door to me before we go on with that thread. Just just to point out here that the 60 year old man who'd been He says he'd been doing CNN for 10 or 20 years had not passed his con and yet he was a great encouragement and teacher even to his next door neighbor in the Zendo we don't know you know when something we do will be an inspiration to someone else. But if we if we all engage with as much sincerity as possible then there's no doubt that we will contribute to the the setting of those around us this happens all the time. It's why one of the reasons why we do group practice because we can gain so much strength and give so much strength to others

so he says Mu opened its door to me without calculation I became one with Mu everything became Mu the Oreo kuball bowls on the shelf before me became Mu one with me these little nested bowls that are used in a traditional formal meals in Japanese monasteries. No matter what I saw or heard it was just this one Mu there was no other response no other everything was Mu Mu mountain Mu ocean, great Mu skies tiny Mu stone tiny add Mu and there was nothing that was not Mu. And we can we can understand how these other experiences they had prior to coming to the monastery laid the groundwork for this opening. When I took that move to die and Roshi, he said to me, so now your practice begins. how right he was he cautioned me still more strictly. Not yet. Not yet. Stay with it. Do not try to lay back and rest in your experience. Do not become complacent. Stay with us. Always knew always fresh, carry on carry through. If I became arrogant or complacent he would not tolerate it. He will growl.

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