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Caring and Living with Breast Cancer: Part 1 | Otter.ai

Caring and Living with Breast Cancer: Part 1

Sarah Anati21min

Raihan Rahman

00:17

Hi and welcome to another episode of the Homage Web Series. Thank you for joining us on our first ever live session and today we'll be talking to Kim Foong Lim. Kim Foong is a breast cancer survivor, that was recently diagnosed with breast cancer during the pandemic last year. During that time she was also the sole carer for her elderly mother. Today she's here to share more of her experience as a caregiver, living with breast cancer and some of the tough decisions that she had to make along the way. Without further ado, let's hear from our anchor PC, and her very special guest, Kim Foong.

PC Gan

00:52

Thank you Raihan. I'm so excited and also a bit nervous at the same time because it's our first time doing live, but I think I'm more in awe that I have Kim Foong here with me. So I just want to share a little bit. When I first heard from Kim Foong that she was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't know how to react. I think because as a friend, a lot of times we just don't know how to react, do we cry? do we reach out to you? I somehow just don't know how to act normally. And then later on when I wanted to, you know, invite her for this show, I asked her, "oh, can I have a picture of you?" And when she so courageously, send me the picture of her full makeup on and just without the headscarf and I was like, wow, like just so wow and I really don't know what to say. So thank you so much for making your first debut here with us. And thank you for being such an inspiration, especially to me at least.

Kim Foong

01:53

Thank you Pooi Chan, thank you everyone, thank you Homage for having me here. It's really a great honour, as this is also my first sharing session and my first live session. So, yes, I haven't seen you for so long so it's so nice to see you. So, I was diagnosed last year when I was 39. And it was a big shock for me. What happened was, in April, end of April, when I woke up I found out that my right breast was actually swollen. It was swelled very badly. It was a big shock to me, as it was painful, I was very worried. And during that time it was the peak of the pandemic season. I don't know where to go, I was so scared to go to the hospital. But I went to the nearest hospital to get myself checked. And the doctor said that it was okay, so he actually gave me the anti-swelling medication and the swell went off in five days

PC Gan

02:55

Oh, so the first time you went to see the doctor, the doctor did not detect anything?

Kim Foong

03:00

There was no further checking so he actually gave me the anti-swelling medication first. So the swelling went off five days later, but the tumour was there. It was a very hard and big tumour. That time it really scared me but as like anyone else, you will actually think that is nothing. It can't be that bad, right. So, but after one month, two months later that tumour was still there. It got me really worried.

PC Gan

03:29

So, meaning you did not see the doctor, even within that one to two months?

Kim Foong

03:33

No, because I think naturally, me - myself at least right I will think that it's nothing serious. It can't be me, I have no family background of breast cancer. But after two months, something's just not right. So I actually went to my GP to check up. And he immediately told me that this tumour is not normal, it's hard. So he actually gave me a referral and told me to see a breast surgeon immediately. So I quickly called the breast surgeon that he recommended, and it was so full. So, and I told the nurse that this is actually quite urgent. So, nurse was really nice and scheduled me two weeks later. So I went to the breast surgeon two weeks later and got myself check with the mammogram ultrasound, and after that it was confirmed after the biopsy. It was confirmed a cancer. Obviously when the doctor was actually explaining to me. I couldn't even capture anything that she said. Because I was seeing this like this is serious, this is cancer. And that time she told me was stage one. When I first met her, she told me it was stage one. After biopsy, she told me it was stage two. And then that time it was actually centimetre. So she told me to actually have my surgery ASAP. And I scheduled it two weeks later, I didn't want to - even want to postpone and I didn't want a second opinion because she was actually one of the best in the segment. So, two months later I had my surgery, and during the surgery they actually do another biopsy on your lymph nodes to check whether there is any further spread to your cancer. And sadly, there was spread to my lymph nodes. I had to remove 23 of my lymph nodes with six was actually with cancer. And within that short period from my IOC mammogram from three centimetre, it grew to 4.5 centimetre. And it was really aggressive. And because I was also diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, which is one of the most aggressive cancer for breast cancer. So, after the surgery, I was actually feeling good. It wasn't that bad - surgery is actually not that bad. So I actually asked my doctor so what do I do next. So I will have to start my chemotherapy as soon as possible because it was so aggressive. So I started my first chemo. Sadly there was complication with my surgery recovering, there was actually infection. So, what happened was the infection took me more than a month to recover

PC Gan

06:31

But usually it would -

Kim Foong

06:33

Recover, you know, your wound would recover and everything will go well. But I think my immune system was down. I had a acne on my surgery wound. So it went inside and the bacteria was in there. So that was really a very tough one for me because I couldn't even move to my third chemo after that, I had a one month break. I was admitted almost the whole month off and on, in and out with antibiotics drips, and it didn't work. And I have to go through antibiotics jab and that was so painful. And at that moment, I was feeling so down I actually told my breast surgeon and my oncologist, if this goes on anymore I don't think I can fight further because it's only my second chemo and total I have to go through 16. How am I supposed to go through that? But thankfully with faith with family and friends supporting, it recovered. So I continue with all my chemo until my 16th chemo, of course in between there was up and down too. My red blood cell, white blood cell started to go down. And there was also dealings in between. But thankfully, everything went well, I finished my 16th chemo, I move on to my 20 radiotherapy. And radiotherapy, it was smooth. It was so much easier than chemo. So I finished my - I completed my treatment last month. So, yesterday was my one month anniversary out of treatment. And I was so happy because my blood test results came out was so good compared to the seven, eight months of all the blood test results, you know, when you see your blood test result there was - it's supposed to be hardly without any asterisks there right. So when I was going through treatment, there was so many asterisks that it scares me. So yesterday when I saw my results, I was so thankful and so happy.

PC Gan

08:36

Praise God.

PC Gan

08:37

So, since you've mentioned family right and I suppose that eight months of battle is just so difficult because one, it's during pandemic. Two, I don't think you can get much support, even if you want to and then you're internally battling with yourself so maybe if you can share with us, you know, how was it like and especially if you know that you've got to care for your mom, and then yourself, you know, you're - you're having your own battles so how did you, you know, juggle with that?

Kim Foong

09:11

Yes, you're right. Actually, during that period it was so difficult because it was the MCO and restriction of movement, and also with my immune system down I couldn't have much visitors. And then, I was also worried about my mother and I don't even know how to break the news to her. So I actually hid it from her for so many months. Until my brother passed away in October that I actually have to tell her the truth of everything. So to me it was so important that time, of course you have your family support. And I have a great partner who gave me the support emotionally and to take care of me and my friends, and also to have the good caretaker that you could actually rely on. So to me, at that point, my mom was actually at a care home, so at least the first thing is to care for myself first because if I'm not okay, I can't even care for my mom emotionally or mentally or physically, you see. So to me is to care for myself. I was actually staying on my own off and on. So at that point right, I actually knew that if I couldn't take care of myself, I would actually engage in caretaker - professional caretaker like Homage because you have care system, you see. So to me, that was a really an option on my side, if anythings happened. And then, in case my mom needs further care that was another option that I will actually send the caretaker to her to see what her needs like. So that was the option available and it actually make me feel more secure that I could, you know, at ease and go through my treatment.

PC Gan

10:50

So then, I actually have got two questions. One is that, because I think we are all brought up in a way that we don't want to send our parents to nursing home so I think that's the first one. How do you feel as a child to - to go through that? So that's the first and then the second one is just more of how do I as a friend, you know, give you the support, you know, without me maybe breaking down right now?

Kim Foong

11:20

Yes, correct. So for your first question it's actually never easy to send your parents or anyone, your family, to a home care. But everyone's got to understand the homecare system now is different from ages ago. It's actually amazing facility, amazing caregiver that are qualified nurses, and even doctor visitations and things like that. So, the mentality got to change that you're trying to get the best to the family members that we love. Imagine that during my cancer treatment period, my mom was with me. I think I will be battling whether to take care of myself or take care of her. Or maybe we both will get into depression and probably look at each other that we will actually both give up, because I'm not at the best mental state of mind and the best physical state, and she's not too. And like what you say even as a friend or family she will look at me like, feeling helpless like what she's gonna do with me, looking at me like this every day. Because there are days that I couldn't even get up from bed. I don't even know what to tell people,

PC Gan

12:27

I think, and I think early on when you were saying, even on your second chemo you, it was just so painful and you wanted to give up. Imagine a parent having to hear that from you.

Kim Foong

12:37

Correct. Yes.

PC Gan

12:37

Yeah so I think nobody would want to see the child to go before her.

Kim Foong

12:43

So on your second question, why did I kept it quiet and continue to, you know, upload my social media like I'm just living like normal, is actually first I do not want to worry my family and friends around me - people around me. Secondly, I could still cope. And thirdly, I did not want - because firstly to me is always to trust your doctors, okay. They have the best intentions for you. I did not want too much opinions, I just want to concentrate on what they actually advise me. So, thankfully I have amazing friends and family who knows the boundaries of how to approach me. When they can't actually see me, they will actually just ask me how am I doing? - things like that but not over push it, you see. And then when they could visit me, they just give me a quick visit, and then they will just act like normal, just smile. You know things like that and not give me pity-ness. I think as a cancer patient, it's very important that we do not want pityness. Okay. And then, just like you, you are amazing, you send me a book to read. So, that was so good because at that point during treatment right, I couldn't do much. It's not that because I'm lazy or things like that. But what my doctor said this is your break time, you watch as much TV as you want, do some reading when you can, just do some light exercise when you can, but do not overpush yourself. You are not at the normal healthy stage, you need to rest. So what I would advise friends and family, you know, with your cancer family or friends is that do not pity - give pity-ness, care and pity is very important, do not give too much opinion that is not studied. I think we need to respect the decision of the patient and need to believe in the doctors that we chose that doctors are giving the best option to us. Because I know that, you know, family and friends sometimes they care too much, they will tell you about alternative treatments, and also this and not and whatnot. It actually confused the patients a lot, because we already in the state of mind that we have so much fear. We don't even know whether we can battle this whether we can survive. And all the options right, it actually even scares us even more. So, for me, I was very thankful that I really know what I want. I just want to listen to my doctors. Yes.

PC Gan

15:26

Okay. So, we just want to let you know that this is also a live session if you do have any questions at all anything you want to ask Kim Foong, please feel free to just put it in the comments. And then yeah we will try to address them.

Kim Foong

15:40

Correct.

PC Gan

15:41

Okay. So then, maybe, let's just get back to also during your battle, was it months long?

Kim Foong

15:49

Correct.

PC Gan

15:51

Then when you finally told your parent, how did she accept the news?

Speaker 1

16:00

So, so what happened was, I actually got myself bald pretty early, like, before my second chemo. Because the hair was falling so much I already got myself bald. So when I actually see her, I was in my headscarf. So I was trying to test it and see what was her reaction. So, after many times of seeing her, she did not ask me.

PC Gan

16:28

But did you think that she suspects something?

Kim Foong

16:30

Yes. I think my mom is a very smart lady, she always knew something was not right. But I think as a mother, she doesn't know how to ask me what's wrong with me. Or she probably doesn't want to face the reality that something bad happened to me. So in the end I actually sat her down, I actually asked her did you know that something is not right with me. She just look at me quietly. So I break the news to her that I told her that I am diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, but I am okay. I told her, look at me I don't look like someone who says that - I'm in my headscarf, I'm bald but look at me, I am okay. So she had tears in her eyes. It wasn't easy because she's - she's at her age at 70's. Okay, I am the only daughter left, only child left. So, it wasn't an easy time for me and for her too cause my brother passed away in October when I was battling it and I was in hospital so much. So I don't even know what I should be handling first - myself um, sorry things like that. So yeah, it wasn't easy time but I was very thankful my mom was always a very strong person. Even when she received news about my brother passing away, she was strong enough to - to not really break down and went crazy but I think for my end, I was going through a lot of ups and downs, because after my brother passed away, I was having this fear. He was so young and whether you like it or not, it plays with our mind, you see. And even in that period I was admitted for anxiety attack - I couldn't breathe So doctor actually told me that I need to relax but I told doctor you know, it kind of like, I can't control my brain. So, luckily, as I said with support - the support system that you have. I talk it out - that's why I always believe in talking it out. So when I let it out, at least I kind of let it go. So I was very blessed that my mom took it quite well. So what I would actually advise, it's actually never easy to break it to your family. Do it slowly. Do it slowly - don't, don't - try to test and see what's their reaction, you know. Try to be like what you see right, handle it on your own first because we are adults. Try to handle ourselves first, take care of our surroundings and everything first. Before breaking it to them and handling them.

PC Gan

19:25

I - I kind of lost my train of thought. Because I was so - I, I guess. Yeah, it's difficult, but I think moms or parents, they - they generally try to keep it cool, you know, because I think they will always put up a front as well. I think also, whether our parents they like to be in nursing homes or not but if knowing that my child is also having their own battles. I would not also be a burden to them so I think there's just a lot of dignity, you know, in seniors as they grow older. And I think even for yourself. When you say that you know I don't want any pity because it's not what I want, I have my own battle I can go through it so I think it's just a lot of dignity, a lot of courage that you have. That's why I'm always so inspired. I'm also trying to keep myself cool here.

Kim Foong

20:39

So, coming back to the caring for my mother, right. So I explain to my mother with my condition that, not that I do not want to bring her home. But at this stage, I have to take care of myself, and I will give you the best home care and everything. That's why people got to open up their mind, home care is very different from many years ago. They have the best state of facilities, just like a hotel with nurses and caregivers and doctors visitations and even if parents are at home. It's not like before that you actually hired maid to care of your parents you have special or professional carers that can take care of your parents whether it's stay-in, hourly - things like that to cater to your needs. So I guess with all this help, it actually ease at least myself a lot of people out there have the options to take care of their parents.

PC Gan

21:40

Let's see if we have got any questions from the audience.

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