2021-11-23-Discomfort (2 of 5) Reactions to Discomfort

3:50PM Nov 23, 2021

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

discomfort

hindrances

uncomfortable

give

unhelpful

restlessness

dynamics

interpersonally

happening

alcohol

comfortable

strategy

sloth

torpor

stop

soothed

numbing

irritated

discover

today

So, to continue this topic of discomfort, it's a maybe a simple ordinary experience to feel discomfort. And there's so much to learn from it. And there's so much room for many of us to discover how to be freer, with our discomfort, how not to be pushed around by it, or react to it, how to be present for discomfort, so that we see clearly what's happening, rather than being distracted by the discomfort. So one of the things to study when we study discomfort, and this is the task of these beginning of this week, is to really stop and take a good look at how you're uncomfortable when you're uncomfortable. What's happening, then, is to look for and see if you can understand the unknown, helpful ways in which you react to discomfort. When you're somehow things are not comfortable for you, whether it's socially or physically or personally, any anything at all, that what kind of unhelpful ways do you then respond to that, react to that? What does what comes out of that discomfort, what kind of behavior that is not really in your best interest. So there's a list in Buddhism, that famous list called the five hindrances. And they can be understood as five unhelpful ways of trying to cope or deal with discomfort of any kind at all. So sometimes when there's discomfort, we go to desires, we want something different, we want to be soothed, we want to be to escape, we want to be distracted, we want things to be different than than how they are. And we get pulled into this world of wanting and desire. And it can be quite strong. And and sometimes in meditation, you can spend a long period of times fantasizing about something that's comfortable, something that's you know, an alternative to discomfort or feeling. interpersonally it could be that we look to have conversations or have activities with others, that that somehow bypass the discomfort and give us pleasure. Sometimes people drink alcohol for this person to this reason interpersonally that a relationship is uncomfortable. And maybe there's tension between a couple. And the alcohol kind of just settles it away and, and breaks through the barriers of that tension between them. And that and rather than staying in the discomfort and seeing the interpersonal discomfort as a, as a doorway to a deeper connection to each other to resolve something. People go towards alcohol to kind of just change the whole dynamics. So there's all kinds of ways that things people do watch television, watches something. Another strategy is hostility is to blame, to be angry, blame oneself, blame others be angry, push things away, throw things away, stomp away, run away out of hostility out of anger. This is I don't want this this is uncomfortable for me. And sometimes there's can be a spiral of, of hostility that builds up to anger or irritation, that we're uncomfortable were irritated that we're uncomfortable. We indignant that we feel uncomfortable. And so then we feel more uncomfortable and there's pressure and building up inside and that makes us maybe more irritated or more aversive. And so it goes until something maybe

really unhealthy happens. Another strategy with discomfort is a kind of giving up kind of collapsing around it, and maybe around the self pity or around hopelessness or lack of personal efficacy agency. And just there's so there's a kind of giving up that's characterized in Buddhist languages sloth and torpor, I kind of shutting down, I kind of numbing out. The fourth strategy is restlessness and anxiety, restlessness and regrets, anxiety and regrets. It's not so clear exactly what the classic words mean. But there's a whole complex of things where that are energizing or a sloth and torpor is numbing or, you know, makes us tired. There's become energized. So sometimes it's fear, people aren't comfortable, and they're afraid we're just going, what's going to happen. Sometimes people just get restless. And they're like a trap deer or rat that's kind of race walking around the cage and just kind of endlessly kind of looping and looping. And just trying to take the energy of restlessness and, and give it some kind of expression with you know, in you know, some kind of behavior you that you're chewing or to our fingernails or tapping your fingers or reaching for a cigarette, because it just means something to do something, do they energy can go into something, anything, all kinds of things. And the fifth is doubt, perplexity in decisiveness. We're kind of stuck kind of in a hard place between knowing what to do and not to do we're not quite sure not sure what to put here. Should we not be here? And, and who's at fault what's happening here? And so there's kind of a swirl of confusion of delusion that goes on and when we're uncomfortable, and am I allowed to take care of myself, am I allowed to be comfortable and, and I can't really blame someone else, or I'm supposed to be kind of, you know, you know, I'm supposed to be comfortable, but I'm not comfortable in what am I supposed to do here and I'm somehow wrong, and I'm doing I'm failing in something. So. So that's kind of a little description of these five hindrances. And perhaps somewhere in those you can see yourself occasionally. And, and that task of in mindfulness practice, the kind of instructions in mindfulness is to be a connoisseur of these hindrances become a kind of sewer of how you react, unhealth fully unhelpfully with discomfort. So when you when you are uncomfortable, so, one thing is, like yesterday, just stop and pay attention to it, to really get to know it, become familiar with it. And as you get more familiar with it, now, see, discover what your common reactive patterns are. And seeing the common patterns is very helpful, because they're likely to reappear a lot. And you can become very, you know, your PhD and the hindrances can be on the particular ones that are your specialty. And, and they did serious is to really get to know it well, so that you can't be fooled by it. So you can see it coming in the distance, so that you learn how to not give into it, but learn how to work with the hindrances. And it might be the discomfort your feelings a lot easier. If you tease apart or separate out the hindrances that are operating from the discomfort itself, the hindrances add power to the discomfort or add a kind of you know, kind of like they hinder our ability to see clearly. And so without the hindrances, or with a hindrance of seen for what they are and put aside, then maybe we can stay in feel and be with the discomfort in a more direct way, which we'll see the rest of these days is how useful that is. What can open up so for today, become a work at work at maybe not in one day, but set your aim at at

when you get uncomfortable today. look around and see what is your unhelpful reactivity to that. And then take tuck it, give yourself time, don't let go of it right away. Don't be upset with yourself or having this reaction, but rather kind of stop and take a good look. So the bumper sticker for today can be I stopped for the hindrances I stopped to look and study and how does it feel in the body? How does it feel emotionally? Why do I believe in them? Or why do I get caught in them? What's the dynamics there? And what's the stickiness? And what are the beliefs that come with all these so so and if you really want to do could do this kind of with some help if you have any kind of friend or stranger or someone that you can tell them that you're doing this exercise and and can you kind of share with them you with your little with them a little bit through the day, what you're discovering, that might give a little more substance to the both the study and understanding that comes from it. So May your discomfort and your reactions to them be the arena of mindfulness for this day. Thank you