So I never had an experience quite so dramatic. met someone quite as amazing as Ramchandra sounds like. But I did. I did have things turned around for me in bound 1990 In connection with getting a DUI getting getting stopped for driving while drinking. And I have to say that for a while drinking was my solution to the limitations that we all feel in our lives the sense of the horrible sense of self consciousness and inadequacy and struggling to know if we measure up. I remember acutely how cute it was for me when I took up Zen practice. I really felt like I wasn't working hard enough. Roshi Kapleau would say Just do your best. And I think well, it's never my best could always be more. I really felt in a bind. I remember walking down from my had been doing Zen up in the mountains in New Hampshire. It's up in a cabin about nine miles from the road that I'd hitchhiked into. And I was walking back I was going to hitchhike back to Rochester. And I just kept thinking I just have to I just have to do what I can seem pretty clear for a little while but it didn't really change anything. And eventually I found reasons not to continue to come to the center not to go to 16 think I'd sat occasionally I never really officially gave up but I drifted away. And I found that drinking really alleviated a lot of the self discomfort that I felt it was. It was like it was Like a magic combination, you know, you do some Zen and then you drink and lean against the wall and snap bottlecaps around the room and life is good. God dammit. But of course, that falls apart, doesn't it? I don't know too many people who can drink six drink their troubles away successfully for a year after year after year. And eventually, I was, you know, it wasn't working as well as it had in the beginning. Let's put it this way. And I actually quit on my own for a while thinking, well, I'll just, I'll just apply my willpower and quit drinking, and maybe that'll fix things. And I did stop drinking. But eventually, I said, let's just go back and take it up again. This time, it'll be better. And of course, eventually, I had this DUI. And in the process of going through the whole legal ramifications, I was told by my lawyer, you know, you should get an evaluation because your, your judge is going to want to see that. So I thought, Okay, I'll go do that. And I did. My wife came in with me. They seem to think that I was an alcoholic. And I said, Okay, whatever. I've already decided that I'm never going to drink more than one or two drinks a night. So I think that kind of takes care of it. And my wife, bless her soul said, you know, he can do that. He's got very strong willpower. I think she was giving me more credit than I deserve. But anyway, they said, Well, maybe so but we still think you should have treatment. And I said, well, thanks for your opinion. And I went my way. And it just happened that day or two later, I had a physical with my doctor who was really a great guy, guy named Tim quill. And he I told him about what was going on. And he said, Well, you know, you'll learn things about alcoholism, if you do that. And I thought, well, yeah, I like to learn things. And so I decided, alright, I'm going to do it. And I went back and told them and they were somewhat surprised to see me again. And then they gave me the whole routine. It required three nights a week, I had to go to three AAA meetings a week. And it just, my heart just sank. But I said, Well, alright, whatever, whatever you say, I'm going to do it. And we'll, we'll try it out. And by within a day or two of taking up, so called recovery, I knew I'd found something, you know, I don't know why. It was just all of a sudden, a burden lifted. One of the things that always bothered me about the center was that people seem so Xeni, you know, people would imitate Roshi Kapleau were a Baray like Roshi Kapleau tried to walk down the street like Roshi Kapleau. Put on that front. And I, you know, I didn't want to do that. And of course, you get an A and people are just people, you know, you have in common with them that you've kind of scraped the bottom, you failed. And there's a fellowship that develops out of that. And out of the mouths of people that you think, you know, what does this guy have to tell me? comes wisdom you didn't expect? It's exciting. It was a drive around Rochester going this whole city is full of church basements, full of people that I want to see.