ep37 - Pronoun Politics - West Park Park Bench Podcast
9:49AM Jun 20, +0000
Speakers:
Caron Lyon
Keywords:
pronouns
people
correcting
feel
queer
podcasts
ally
outing
podcast
gender
banter
realised
non binary
femininity
listening
female
world
shelter
environment
swim
Greetings. This is a very damp West Park Podcast number 37. Interesting to wonder what the acoustics are going to be because I'm sat inside the rain shelter, 1930s very dodgy, quite seedy, brick built, deco esque shelter with wrought iron park benches. Looking out from the top of the park so I've never sat here and, and podcasted before.
Before I continue today's podcast before I bottle out is pronouns, pronoun politics. From the off, if you are listening to this first of all, I am no expert in any of these topics. This is a personal reflection like all of my podcasts are. And I just feel that I need to say that here because who knows no one listens to my podcasts but the Chat GPT one had quite a few clicks and this one as well with its topic might get some clicks.
So full disclosure. I am non binary, female presenting my pronouns have been they/them she/them/they. I have recently discovered Any/All. Any/All is basically the set of pronouns to announce to people that you don't, you're not offended, I'm not bothered what you call me when I'm not there.
And I think that was the thing that did that for me. I attended a LGBT gender awareness workshop run by Tigger Blaze. Fantastic performer who has gone through a journey while he has been in Equity and forms the foundation of what gender identity done properly looks like and owning it and being it and just being you. And I think that's I've always tried to be the best Me that I can be. So yeah, and the thing that really hit me that that started for me to not be quite so awkward about my pronouns was I didn't quite understand why I had to tell people because it kind of exposes your gender in a way that you might not really want. So being as I have identified being in a lot of all of these communities and relationships and having to navigate who everybody is and respectfully assessing myself on these metrics so that I can participate and ally and be part of a community that these things matter to. And I think that's the key it matters. And what Tigger has said is your pronoun that you tell people when you are present is the thing you want to be referred to when you're not there. So, if you aren't in the room, what do you want people to call you? And it's got nothing to do with how you present or what your gender is or what your sexuality is. It's about how you forward conversations and you enable your presence to persist when you're not there. And I really liked that. It really spoke to me. And when I you know, when I thought about it, the thing that makes me uncomfortable about pronoun announcement is that... I'm kind of on that line between... I don't, I feel like an LGBT ally because the generation that I'm from my tastes and my presentation and my opinions in my head and how I present to the world has been determined by my life story, and for me to be true to my life story there's certain connotations, especially to the context of queer that I always never feel queer enough to be valid and I don't like having places where I don't feel valid and their communities that I know that I should be and can be an even if I wasn't other, I would be me and that group would accept me as me. And there are certain nuances and etiquette to establish and I think that's only right.
So the reason why I wanted to do this podcast is that I also if anyone is listening, the notion of correcting pronouns, and this I do have a big problem with and it's why it's been going round in my head and this is exactly what these podcasts for. Now, why do I not like people correcting a pronoun when the person who has the pronoun preference is not in the room? That person might have shared their pronoun with you because they were in a safe space to do so. And to correct a pronoun outside of a context where you are talking about them to correct that person from a conversation you don't know if the person you've corrected is unaware of their preference and inadvertedly you could be outing somebody. Now if you're just using conversation and you know that person and you know their preferred public pronouns, you should use them when you speak to them. But I and if the person who hears you goes, Oh, I, yes, I misgendered let the person who misgendered correct themselves, or step away and maybe question the person they see next time. But I do have a problem with people correcting pronouns when the person isn't there. Does that make sense? And it came, it started go round in my head, because there's recently been a Netflix show where the it was a an actor, playing a queer character. And they were vilified on social media for being a straight actor playing a queer role. And it was because of that announcement and that social media attention that they got, they felt that they had to come out and out themselves in a way that they wouldn't have outed themselves publicly if the social media for all hadn't happened, and I think this is something that that I think about, probably more than I should because I'm always worried about what other people think or how I'm seen by people and whether they'll remember me. I mean, this is one of the things for me, I always assume that I'm, I'm on I'm on rememberable. And so every time I go back to a place I'm always quite surprised when people remember who I am. I'm even more surprised when I encounter people and they say that they've spoken about me. And if they spoke about me and they use she well because I'm female presenting and I don't have any gender dysphoria. I think this is the thing. I don't have gender dysphoria. Some people who would like to state pronouns are in a transitional phase. There is this sense that there there is a dysphoria and to put them in a position to question their pronouns, either when they're there, they haven't offered them or when they're not there. And then someone goes and asks them, I think there's a lot of consideration we have to take as allies of how we protect that ally ship when we're not in their presence, because when we are in their presence, they spend most of their time amongst allies and amongst friends, and amongst like minded psychology. And if you operate outside of that psychology, you could be in a position where you are outing a friend without realising because they haven't yet felt comfortable to make that step. And I think that's, that's just something that I really wanted to put in a podcast because in the in the event that it does get listened to so the ChatGPT one is the one that's at the top of the list. It's the one that's been listened to most. So when there's things that are kind of resonant to the world. it probably gets picked up by, it probably gets picked up by the algorithm.
One thing I will do in this podcast I will put the link to the LGBT queer casting resources that are on the Equity website. If you're interested in having a look at what the entertainment industry union is, is advocating right now.
So, it's a rainy it's rainy I'm dry, I have been for swim. I'm going to walk back I've got wet feet because the shoes that I have are deck shoes and I kind of did get them with the intention of being able to wear them in the sea. When I decide to go swimming in Mull, if I do or if I want to paddle and it's a bit pebbly, which often happens in Treshnish and I often really wish that I had something that was a little bit more sturdy to just go and paddle because it can be quite sharp shalley. So yeah, this is truly a stunt bench. I tried to get some photos I'll try and put it in the thumbnail to give you a sense of where this podcast podcasts taking place.
So before signing off, just if you've reached this point if you've got your headphones on and you're listening into this, wherever you are, just take a pause and take a breath because the world is so chaotic. So frenetic. In a way that you can often get carried away with. I feel very privileged at the moment that I'm I might be cash poor, but I am time rich. And I'm I'm really valuing the time that I have between paychecks
so I hope that kinds of little mind splurge of mine, about pronoun politics has resonated maybe you've been in a situation where you're a bit baffled by it because if you're not if you're not in an environment where pronouns are prevalent, there's some tongue twisters in here with pronouns I'm sure. It's sometimes hard to know but I think one of the things that I that started for me to have this conversation about what my pronouns are and spending time thinking about what they are, was on Zoom calls when people put their pronouns being able to try them out. And I think this is the other thing about calling out someone's pronouns or correcting someone you don't ... unless they've actually told you and they are very sure of their identity. Maybe be tactful, but please don't do it when there's other people around take them to one side and just say, you do know that x is they them or they them or he her, he that and this is a thing with dyslexia I kind of get them all letters muddled up, so He/Him, She?Her They/Them, Zi/Zer Any/All... for me I have an extended peculiarity to pronouns, because I was chastised as a child for calling somebody she and I would get a very sharp, Whose she cats mother? and so I don't like the pronoun she for anybody. Women, non gendered, female presenting, I find she quite triggering, I guess if we're in this kind of environment. So you know for me for awhile it was you often have She/Them, but I didn't want She so I wanted Her/They but that just didn't seem right. And then it was only me that was doing those and then I just felt weird about having to think about the other way round. And then I was being triggered by the fact that I don't like She in the first place. So when I discovered Any/All it was music to my ears Any/All. It also means I don't have to think about gender because as someone who identifies as non binary for me personally, I just don't care. It's something that I'm really delighted that I've come to a realisation in myself that that weirdness that I felt about my femininity, but looking at women that are so grounded in their femininity or their femininity makes them female, and I always looked at them and went but that's not me. I've embraced my femininity because it matches my biology. And if there's any dysphoria that I have with my body, it's about weight and fitness. It's not about being... having female bits. And likewise, my comfort zone was always within a male environment. Because I knew I wasn't them and that comfort for me was reassuring. But since the Me Too movement has emerged, there's a lot of banter that people see as inappropriate that I find quite engaging. And quite funny and friendly and I in joy, a bit of joshing and bantering and I realised that that isn't something that I must encourage so I've had to step back from that. And really embrace my non binary identity. Because me hanging out with groups of men for that kind of banter.
Oh, hello darlin. There is a guarantee that I will get doggy visitation as I'm recording. So, as usual, it's a time when I pause because the chances are I've been rambling. I will pick up a thread. If I am rambling and there is no thread but actually this is to bring this to a close. The rain has stopped. The calm across the park is now here. And I am going to say thank you and farewell