Bitesize Biohack Why Self Love Is The Key To Success

10:31AM Feb 20, 2023

Speakers:

Angela Foster

Amanda O’Reilly

Keywords:

life

understand

love

worth

today

talk

biohacking

decide

bio

conditioned

people

episode

women

self compassion

worthy

starts

judgement

compassionate

sheer exhaustion

gabby bernstein

It really prompted me to understand God if I could manifest all of this unconsciously. Imagine what I could manifest into my life with with conscious awareness.

If you enjoy this podcast visit female bio hacker.com and be part of a special community of women looking to optimise their mind, body and spirit. If you're tired of sifting through countless websites and books to find the answers to your questions about nutrition, fitness, hormones, mindset, spirituality, and biohacking the search is over. I've done the research for you and every week we go live with in depth masterclasses q&a calls and monthly challenges to help you transform your life. And when you join the collective you'll have access to a wealth of information, including deep dive masterclasses and biohacking toolkits on all members favourites like metabolic flexibility, gut health, stress and resiliency and stepping into your most empowered self. Get Access and be coached by me and my team and level up your health, career and life all for less than $1 a day, go to female bio hacker.com or click the link below to get started. And I'll see you on the inside. Hi friends, Happy Valentine's Day today I am sending you so much love. And in this bite size bio hacks episode we're going to be talking about self love and why that is the key to success is really the key in foundation to anything that you want in life. It all begins with self love and self compassion. And I know that might be hard to hear right now. For me, I went through a period when I was really depressed and there was so much self loathing. But I think it's something that you need to learn over time. And really just think through your thoughts and be compassionate with yourself. And so today is about celebrating you on this Valentine's Day. And I'm going to be sharing a clip from my interview with Amanda O'Reilly. That is a fantastic episode, it was hugely popular. It's episode 179, where we talk about self love, self worth, and also manifestation, the law of attraction and law of vibration. So if you want to go back and listen to the full episode, it's episode 179. But now let me share this short clip. Lot of people don't really understand what worthiness is. And that's obviously a big goal of yours to help women and children and just anyone really appreciate and honour themselves. How would you describe knowing your inner worth and why that's so important.

So it's something that I struggled with understanding and I am going to be 50 this year. And it took me to the age of 44, to understand that self worth is actually how we feel about ourselves. It has nothing to do with what other people think about us. And I think that's a great misconception. It's about how we decide, we decide how worthy we are. I mean, we were given worth at birth, our Creator day, but worth gave us worth at birth. And so it's something that we own, it's not something that we have to earn. And when I understood that, it really changed the trajectory of my life because I was so addicted to the do of life hustling to validate my worth, if I do this, then I will be worthy of love. If I do that for this that you know, but we're human beings, we're not human doings, then I think that this is the thing that we women in particular, I think fall into that trap where we believe that we have to do and we attach our worst to our productivity. And I think that that was something that was really prevalent during the pandemic where we had nowhere to go. And a lot of people were starting to sort of question their worth and value because of the meaning that they attached to it or they attach it to productivity and having to do something as opposed to just knowing that you were born worthy. It's our birthright, it's not, it's not something we have to hustle for.

Now, I love that it's so true. And I will say to people actually, you know, when you when you look at someone else, and you're judging, right, that that sort of judgement you can place understand that you are judging yourself at the same time because we were we always reserve the harshest judgement for ourselves. And I think when you start to build that awareness in of how am I looking at love, I think I don't know if it was Gabby Bernstein that posted you know, today or she'll judge and nothing that occurs. And actually sometimes when you just live by that mantra, I try as much as I can you really start to understand where in your day you're calling these things in and, and that compassion that you actually don't have for yourself and it was a huge thing for me in overcoming clinical depression. And it was one of my therapists that pointed it out to me I think I was given a book to read by them actually the, the compassionate mind or something. And I was like what, like self compassion, it had never occurred to me because as you say, I'd been conditioned through childhood that you had to work hard, and I had to get certain grades and then move on. And then I went to law school and became a lawyer. And it was just like this gravy train of moving out, moving out, then eventually making partner. And when I then had my kids, I've made partnership and, and decided to depart from that. My best friend said to me, when I was thinking about leaving law, she was like, Well, how much is your self esteem? Wrapped up? And being a lawyer? And I was like, you know, it's not of course, it's not. It can't be in any way, completely denied it. But I do think, you know, there's a lot of reasons I think I experienced depression, I think that was contributing, and I beat myself up immeasurably. I was felt I was the worst Mother, you know, that I, you know, what was I doing wrong? And would my kids be better off without me and all these crazy things that were happening? And I think that we're not taught that at school, right? We're not taught to value ourselves and appreciate our inner worth. And, yeah, I just think so we have a lovely conversation around a thing how women can do that. I mean, what where do you think it starts? Because often until we draw attention to it, we've, we've sort of missed the voice in our head, that can be really nasty. You'd never say out loud, what goes on right to somebody else.

Yeah. And as we said, it's conditioned it needs starts at a really young age where, you know, children, everything is we take everything literally. So our parents are our greatest source of love. We have them on this pedestal. And so if they are short tempered, if they are not tending to themselves, if they we were talking about that earlier, my mother never exercise, sort of self care, she never went to the gym, she was always last on the list. So if her patients were short, and she would react just out of sheer exhaustion or frustration, I didn't look at her being the problem. I then internalised that I am the problem, that there's something wrong with me. And so when you start, you know, to hear that more often, if we want to look at sort of the developmental stages, you know, even going from a newborn to toddler and everything is cute. We pee in our pants, we have poop in our diapers, and it's like, oh, it's no problem. Oh, you spilled milk. Let me clean that up for you. But then when you're like, two, what are you doing coming in your pants are supposed to and then it's like that shame. It's like, Oh, my God, I am bad. Right. And I am as opposed to I did something bad. It's we internalise that I and bad I made money mad. And so I need to condition myself to be this way, in order to be worthy of love. And so as women especially right, we then it's a whole conditioning, and we learn what things will get us love and attention and affection. And we also learn what things will have love taken away and we don't want to get kicked out of the tribe. And you we're wired for connection. So what happens is, is that we then change ourselves and we chameleon in order to be accepted. And that shows, you know, all through school through high school, right? You're trying to fit in as opposed to, you know, just being uniquely who you were born to be. Half of us don't know, it took me halfway through my Well, no, like, in the last couple of years really me understanding that I had a choice. And I got to decide who I wanted to be in my story. I was like, How did I miss the match? Right? Because we're used to, I'm going to do this, and I'm going to make my parents proud. Or I'm going to do this and it's going to be acceptable. And so this is the way most of us have have lived to life. And then we get to midlife. This is where midlife crisis comes in. Where people then are understanding that actually I get to have a say in my own life. Right, we want to talk about energetic alignment, we want to talk about, you know what feels good when we start to really care more about how we feel, which again, you know, people can say, and I like to say I'm in the business of promoting selfishness, and it's, it's to care more about self, because if you're full, then everybody around you will benefit. If you're in lack, you're in dehydration.

What prompted the shift for you, you were saying there that it was around the age of 44 that you really realised that you had a choice in this often it's kind of a life event, isn't it? That just changes and really, if we could help more people prevent that from happening, right. It shouldn't have to be a life event. What what sparked this shift in you and were you always into sort of spirituality studying universal laws or was it around that time that you kind of started to look at it?

The sun, I grew up Catholic, I grew up and it was a fear like, God, you know, and it was like, oh my god, I'm gonna live in Purgatory and I'm so I feared all these things. So I wasn't really connected to the sort of myself, even I didn't even understand that I had to self fix. So what was taught was, was more fear based. So about five years ago, I had the biggest rupture of my life. In essence, I was in a long term relationship and my relationship blew up. And in the same week, my son who and raised as a single mom basically said, I'm not here to. So I lost everything that I thought gave me worth and value, I was no longer going to be somebody's wife. And for the time being, I was no longer somebody's mother. And everything that I thought gave me worth and value was taken away from me, and I had to figure out who I was outside of the roles that I would play and outside of the titles, and I, you know, really decided to surrender and marinate at rock bottom because I realised that I was the common denominator in all the situations that weren't working. And I really surrendered and I got a coach and really kind of went down the personal development rabbit hole at that time. And for me, she said to me, you have an unreadiness issue. And I was so offended I was an were I like an over giver. I'm a people pleaser, I'm not unworthy. And when I really understood what it was what I had no value of self I had completely abandoned myself for somebody else. It really prompted me to understand God if I could manifest all of this unconsciously. Imagine what I could manifest into my life with with conscious awareness.

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