Friend, Hi, How has life been landing for you these days, as always, I'm For Real when I ask that. I have been navigating some medical stuff, still waiting for answers, which has been this whole thing has really been complicating life for me and still, even through my frustration and you know, panic, I am still grateful for the privilege to have safe access to health care. And I've been reminded quite a bit the last few weeks about how summer can be so sweet and also extremely difficult. Because for me, as a parent and as a business owner, during the summer months, it's so hard. The struggle for me is real. I was talking about this with a friend who is also a parent and business owner, and for us, people are not talking about this enough. And so for me, I I just really moved through a lot of guilt and judgment and shame around constantly feeling inadequate in such important areas of my life, and also trying to, like, figure out how to continue to pour my own cup. It's all real big mind fuck, if you will. And so these are the things that have been present for me these last weeks, since the summer began, and despite all of that going on, I have reserved some energy to bring you super spicy Steff, because this episode, honestly, is all about a conversation that I'm really sick of having. And I say that with no shame, it probably and like no shade either, because it probably comes across as very judgy, and it's not in terms of like any particular person. I'm just sick of society doing what it does, and that's why I have to continue to have this damn conversation. And the shift that we need to talk about this week is that it is astonishing to me that I keep having a conversation around people knowing self care is important, but they're still half assing it.
And I laugh because it truly is so prevalent, and it's not our fault, and at the same time, we do have a responsibility here. So I have to ask you point blank, at what point are you gonna just cut this shit and actually do it? I and you know, honestly, like, I have to call myself on this all the time too, because I know for me, it is easy to let life get in the way. And I know that this probably sounds really harsh, considering all that's going on in the world, in our in our small parts of the world. But I need to remind you like I'm never coming from a place of judgment, and I do have to come with honest love, sometimes, all the time. And the reason I'm bringing this spicy, honest love today is because I know we've all endured so much up until this very moment of time, and we know there is more uncertainty and more challenges to come, for sure, personally, collectively and across the world. We know that. I also want to be clear that when it comes to half assing, self care, making excuses for why you're not doing what it is that you want to be doing for yourself. It's not at all. Bs, that's why I say I'm not judging you. Your reasons for, quote, unquote, falling short, right? Or however it is that you feel about your self care not being what you want it to be. It's not Bs, and it's not your fault, right? Your reasoning is valid, your feelings and experiences are valid, and they're all a product of the systems. And I keep having to have this conversation with liberation focus like social justice oriented people still living within the systems of oppressions are is so hard we know this. And in case I haven't said it recently, in case you haven't heard it recently, those very systems are alive and well in our relationship with self care and ultimately, how we practice it, long, dramatic pause right to let that settle in. And because I know you like to have facts. Here are some ways white supremacy culture is showing up in your self care. It's showing up in individualism, in feeling there is one right way, in either or thinking, in defensiveness, in feeling that you have to do more in quantity over quality, in a sense of urgency, in hustle and. Grinding to do it, aka, in the name of productivity and the to do list, and feeling like you need to be disciplined, like this is a code, like self care is a code of behavior that needs to be obeyed and punished if it's not done properly. Yeah, yeah. Caroline Sumlin talks a lot about white supremacy, culture and self care on Instagram. I'll link her handle in the show notes, and I need to remind you, none of this is your fault. It's what we've been taught right? All of these actions, individualism, feeling there's one right way, all of that, it's what we've been taught, and likely it's what has been modeled for you by all kinds of authority figures in your life, maybe one, maybe many. And so the way I see it is this, you know that self care is important. I don't need to sit here and try to convince you. You know that already, you already know, and I know that you are telling yourself you want to do a better job of taking care of yourself so that you can feel more resourced and more at ease and effectively do your work and serve all the people on the causes you believe in. I know that right, you are constantly talking to yourself about how you can take care of yourself better. Somehow, though, there is still some sort of disconnect between the wanting and the doing of the self care the way that you want to do it. And there are many reasons for that. It's true, energy, time, resources and support are stretched thin, are low or non existent. It is hard to show up for your work, your people and your causes and have anything left over for yourself. And while all of those things are true, I need to also say the time is now. The time is now for you to do something about your self care. So are you in? Because there has got to come a point where you decide that enough is enough. Life is beautiful and hard, and the systems suck, like suck and also like suck the life out of us, and while so many of us are working so hard to disrupt and dismantle all of the shit of the systems, I have to say we cannot wait on self care. We cannot keep putting our everything before ourselves, and we can't keep half assing our care or putting it off or making it part of our to do list. Now the real kicker in this conversation is this, what you need to do to make self care significant does not, and I repeat, does not require a lot of energy, time, resources or support, it really doesn't. I know that society has basically brainwashed us into believing it does, and the ridiculous standards and messaging and amount of responsibilities that we have on our plate doesn't help anything. Right? The standards that are there out in the world, the messaging around what we are supposed to do, be doing and achieving each day the amount of responsibilities that we have on our plate, it does not help anything, of course. But I know this to be true, that meaningful self care does not require much effort. The key is to make these practices simple yet potent, so that on your hardest and heaviest days, even if that's every day, you are still resourced to honor yourself while pouring from your overflow as you serve others, or at least not constantly be depleted as you give to others. Because maybe this sentence of you know, or this exclamation or this phrasing of pouring from your overflow that doesn't seem accessible because you don't feel your tank, your energy doesn't feel anywhere near full. I get that. So then what I want you to concentrate on or think about is not being constantly depleted, because that's not it either. So from here on out, anytime you say or hear the word self care, I want you to immediately think of the word support in your head. Really try that on for size. I know that you know that support is what self care does. But since the messaging from dominant culture Dies Hard, I find it's helpful for me to remind myself in the moments when I want to bypass myself or half ass it that self care means support this process, this thought process shift, it may take a. Lot of reminding a lot of messing up and a lot of unlearning your old habits around it, it will require time and some energy to relearn a new way, but you can do it, and you have the energy for it. I know that if you've been listening for a while, you will have heard me say what I'm about to say before this. It always bears repeating. And if you're new to the show, this may be your first time hearing me say this, or someone say this. Simplicity is key when it comes to your self care. I cannot say that enough. So if you haven't been giving your self care the effort you want, guess what? You don't actually have to give too much more effort in order to make your self care more impactful, because we're going simple all the way, and I feel compelled to tell you that simple is the rule forever. When it comes to self care, I have to remind my clients of this all the time. Self care needs to always be simple, and even when clients and I are working one on one for years, getting deep into their support, we continue to keep it simple, because complicated just doesn't work. So at this point of our conversation, I want you to consider, I encourage you to consider, what would simplicity look like in your self care, right? Because the reason we half assed shit is because we feel like we just don't have enough to give to this whatever it is that we want to do. It's not for a lack of wanting, not usually, but it's a lack of something we need to help us to do this thing. And so instead of saying, I gotta do self care and it's gotta look this way, it's gotta be this, it's gotta be that. What if you strip away all the rules, the expectations and the emotions around it, and what would simplicity in your self care look like? It might be hard to imagine, or it might be really freeing. Maybe you've got some answers right now. Maybe you don't, and you continue to consider this for days and days and days, you might have an idea of where to start with simple self care, and that's awesome. Go do it, or you can stay here and hear some of the suggestions I have to get you going and then go on your merry way. It's up to you.
So on my website, I have a guidance for free that's there for free. It's called the disruptors guide to self care. And in this video, I talk all about eight foundational self care practices and the simplest way to start or shift what you're doing. So I'm going to go through them here real fast, and I'm going to offer each in a couple of ways, because some of you might be starting this practice, and others might already be doing it, but need a shift. And there's one rule of engagement before I get started. Since there are multiple practices that I'll be talking about today, you may only choose one practice to focus on for a while, only one. In case you're unfamiliar, a lot of my work is informed by the science and wisdom of Ayurveda. And Ayurveda always, always, basically dictates that we change one thing, we make one adjustment for a while before we add anything else on. One thing, I know, I know you want to do all the things but one. So here goes the first four. I'm going to talk about our absolute necessities for keeping your body fueled and mobile, which and these are the ones that I always start with with clients, in the event that any of them are missing from the client's usual routine so they are eating or present minded eating, hydration, move your body and sleep schedule. Now friends, remember, we're keeping simple. Okay, so for eating, just eat, and I say it laughing, because, not in a condescending way, but because, like, this is such an emotional conversation for people, and I get it. Society is trash when it comes to this. There's so much from society that fuels disordered eating, eating disorders and really just complicated relationships with food. And so please, know that I am not discounting that any of that. I am acknowledging it and how hard it is. And so know that when I say please eat, that is not me saying it like it's easy to do. I know it's hard. I know you're busy. Your schedules are often not your own. You might get pulled into a project or even push yourself to finish something before you step away to eat, and you may be holding really complicated feelings around and past experiences around eating, and so I encourage you to you know, honor what you need to and how you're experiencing eating in your life. Life and when you're ready, please eat. A conversation around what you should or shouldn't be eating is not even relevant here, because the most important thing to do if you're not eating all your meals is to just eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, at least, right? Some people I know do different types of eating five small meals a day. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter to me, just eat Please, and maybe throw in some fruit here and there now, when it comes to present minded eating, you may have heard me say that that phrase just now. This is for those of you who are eating meals pretty regularly, but feeling like you still need a shift or a change. I encourage you to notice if you're typically eating meals, but you're doing so while doing something else. This is one of the first place I start with with clients when they want to reduce stress or overwhelm or burnout, is to figure out ways to have their meals away from the computer, the phone or the TV. Now, if you have a meal with others, great, as long as they fill your cup. So try to keep the conversations light and fun, rather than about work or like icky adulting stuff, if you can. It's not always possible, and so please remember, like any time we're talking about things like practices, flexibility is key. It's not always going to be perfect. We don't we're not striving for perfection. And it's not always going to be the way, quote, unquote, that you're like, oh, it needs to be this way. It doesn't have to be that way. It can be different. These are all things you might consider, right? But sometimes the reality is, you might have to have your your meal in front of the computer. One day, you might want to eat a meal in front of the TV like none of these are wrong or bad, but there's also something to be said to be very present with your meal. If that feels safe for you to do. You might even be present minded as you decide what you're going to eat and prepare it or pick it up, and even for a few moments after you're done. Now, when it comes to hydrating, it's my experience that people generally aren't drinking enough water. So do that, and maybe even some herbal or spice tea during the day. Caffeine is totally fine. Some people benefit from not having caffeine after 10am because it does take a while for caffeine to get through your system. And also, I encourage you, if you are safe to do so, enjoy a non water beverage when you know periodically, because it feels a soul, it really does. So if you're safe to do so, you don't have any condition where you know it's not conducive or supportive. Remember food, drinks, they offer us more than just fuel, right? They're soul filling. So allow yourself that too. When you move your body, get creative, have a variety in doing what you like. I know that exercise is in front for everybody, and that can be tied to so, so, so many past experiences, and I worked as a fitness professional for many, many years. I know that mainstream media can get real, soap boxy about you know their guidance on what forms of exercise are acceptable, good or worth your time and worth the calories. But friend, hear me when I say this, do what is fun for you, or at least tolerable and not painful. There are so many ways to move your body. You could start with walking if you want to, if you have a safe place to do. So sometimes that's the gateway for people to just get moving. And if you hate what you've been doing, you start to interrogate what you might like, because the reality is, moving your body is so important, you should enjoy it. There are tons of videos on YouTube, so you don't have to, you know, run and buy a gym membership like you could do things for free. Check it out. Consider that now, in terms of sleep schedule, this is really key. And I know people's so many people's sleep is shit these days. I get it. It's just so hard. And sleep is one of the biggest things that are affected when we are under so much duress. And so what you might consider and start wrapping your mind around is going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day, at or around the same time your body has the same needs as your pup, your plants, your favorite human baby. So scheduling this is key, because there are, you know, so many processes and procedures that need to happen when we sleep, and it's important to get good quality sleep as well. So if you have an irregular Sleep, sleep schedule now, but you have the ability to do something more regular, like your work or family schedule doesn't impact everything so so much. Then I encourage you to start with one, either going to bed or waking up at or around the same time for a while, get that down, and then add the other one in, because it can be it could feel really restrictive if you're doing both at the same time, and remember it's okay if it's around the same time. Like, as in, for instance, 10:30pm one night, 11. Another, 1045 another, like, that's fine. It doesn't have to be strict, strict, strict, strict. What you're trying to limit are like, the wide, sweeping changes all the time. And it also bears saying that it's totally fine if you have to stay up late, or want to stay up late once or twice a week, for whatever reason, it's not a big deal. We're not looking for perfection. So the next four practices are also really important, but not essential, essential to our survival. You know, like eating and drinking water, if that makes sense. And so, but they're really still important. They are connecting with nature, taking short pauses, connecting and spending time alone or time of your choosing. And so if and when you are safe to get outside. Let the sun shine on your face, enjoy the sights, enjoy the sounds. There's a lot of research that backs the benefit of getting outside in reducing stress and anxiety and feelings of overwhelm. It also increases our ability to feel connected, our ability to problem solve. It ups our creative energy, and so much more. So go do that for yourself, right? Quit. Quit, just discounting it. Quit. Another thing to quit is just pushing through the day. Take breaks. Take breaks to tend to your bio knees, to clear your mind and check in with yourself. It's a really good way to see how you're experiencing the day and consider what you might need. And I know this is hard in hustle and grind culture, but I have to say 30 seconds to two minutes goes a long way. You can even start doing this taking breaks by starting to block time in your schedule. I'm not even kidding. That's how I had to start. I had to start by blocking time out intentionally on my calendar in order to take a break. Now, when it comes to connecting, I'm talking about making meaningful connections of your choosing with boundaries and without guilt. Period. I can't say any more about this. It's self explanatory. And honestly, I feel so strongly about this, I'm just like, that's it. You don't owe anyone your time and presence. Be choosy. And when you can't be choosy, limit your time and energy there period. Finally, spend time by yourself doing things that bring you joy. We need to have a relationship with ourself. We need to have a relationship with ourself where we do things we enjoy. I can't say this enough.
Also, I suggest that if you are in a group that's doing things, let your wants be heard rather than letting others choose all the time. And also consider your relationship with rest. Reconsider your relationship with rest beyond sleeping, napping, laying down to watch TV. Consider seven types of rest, physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, spiritual, right? We often say we don't have time to rest, we don't have time to rest. We don't time to take a break. But surely, if you work at a computer, you can turn your face away from the computer for 30 seconds and look at something else, or close your eyes. Surely you can get up from your desk and shake things out or do quick stretches. Surely you can listen to your favorite song for a distraction, or speak to yourself kindly, or maybe Doodle for 30 seconds See what I'm saying. So it doesn't have to be involved. It can be, it can be, don't get me wrong. It can be, but doesn't have to be. So you can insert rest in so many different ways. When we reconsider this, then we're not always leaning on sleep, napping and, you know, watching TV to be our rest times. We can infuse rest throughout the day, and that's when it really becomes impactful. So might consider what might be supportive in each of those seven ways. All right, friend, remember that passing isn't it? You know your people, your work, your causes, and you deserve to be well cared for by you. So do it and start by choosing one practice to focus on one and give yourself oodles of time to work through the shift and get it to really feel comfortable for you, remember that the process might be imperfect and even messy that's to be expected. Keep going. Keep going. You need yourself to all those other things need you to and definitely check out the disruptors guide to self care. Remember that free download on my website, because it'll give you more info, and also it contains a PDF that will guide you in creating options for the practice you choose to focus on based on your available time and energy. And that's another conversation for another time. Also remember you don't have to DIY this. We can meet in a one on one, release the pressure call to work this out together and get you. You into the effort and reward you so deeply want and deserve. You can find the link to both of those in my show notes and on my website. Steff gallante.com my friend, until next time. Please, please, please be kind to yourself, just as you would to those who are most important to you, whether that's a human, an animal baby or a plant. I love to hear your thoughts and support, or should say, thoughts and about the support and guidance I provided in this episode. So please feel free to reach out and share and if you've been loving the show, please share it with your nearest and dearest. Leave a review or a rating, whatever feels good to you. I'm so glad we're here together in this time and space, and remember you are a badass, and you are deserving of your unconditional love, grace and compassion. So Cut the crap, friend, get out of your own way and give that to yourself. Be well you.
