2022-08-02 Finding our Way (2 of 5) With Gladness and Sadness

3:48PM Aug 2, 2022

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

gladness

sadness

refuge

sad

deeper

waves

healthy

feel

glad

states

trust

experience

live

stability

judgments

relationship

crash

foundation

polarity

pendulum swings

So good morning and continuing now with this week series theme of the appropriate and inappropriate, different states, polarities that exist in often in relationship to each other, the healthy expressions and unhealthy expressions of these things. And today the, the topic is a gladness, and sadness. And there's beautiful, inspiring forms of gladness. And their gladness, which are not so beneficial for us to experience their profound the human and maybe very important experiences of sadness to experience. And there are unhealthy ways of being sad. And there's ways that are debilitating. And so to be able to kind of begins teasing apart and seeing that these can take a different shape form. Often people often enough, I believe, people when they feel sad, will just because it's uncomfortable, often, that they'll just take it as a bad thing and wrong thing shouldn't be there. Or when they're glad, this is great, you're on top of the world. And this is fantastic. But in fact, just because it's gladness or sadness doesn't mean that it's just one is just good. And one is just bad. One is healthy, and one is not healthy. They both have their healthy versions, and both of them have their unwise version versions. And so to be able to see those is helpful. And the unwise ones, the ones that are not so healthy to have, tend to kind of live together. And in as a pendulum swings, they tend to rebound and react to each other and live in relationship to each other. So for example, a person might feel there's a lot of hope, and be really glad and be delighted and by the hope that the possibility of something and then the and then whatever they're hoping for doesn't work out. And so the pendulum swings, and then they feel really sad, sorrow and grieving. And, and to say it that abstractly doesn't maybe get it across. But, you know, to say that, you know, you you really had a lot of hope in the, the lottery numbers you chose. And so certainly this is the number that instead, you're so glad that you finally had a strong good feeling these are the numbers are gonna. And then they're not the numbers that win the lottery and, and so then you feel really despairing, even discouraging, especially because you put a lot of money into into that. And so here are these live in relationship to each other. In might be hope, or another person hope in a relationship. If only that can happen, then if they, you know, yes, that's going to happen, I hope we're it didn't, it looks like it's gonna happen with that person. And then it doesn't, and then we crash because we being energized and pumped up in the energy of hope. And when doesn't work out, then we crash. So these kinds of legs exist together. Some of these that exist together have a lot to do with self self identity issues and say, definitions of ourselves, our judgments about ourselves. And so if we get praised, or we do something that we think others will approve of, then or then perhaps we feel kind of glad and happy and kind of energized. But it turns out that what we did wasn't approved of or appreciated by other people. In fact, they were discouraged or upset with us. And then we've crashed. And there might be a natural kind of feeling of sadness and sadness, that is not so tied to our ego. But there might be a lot of it is tied to the ego. And the ego is a fragile thing that can be involved in these swings back and forth.

And so to begin, not just looking at the particular forms of gladness and sadness that we might have, but to see how these live in relationship to each other, and, and maybe to begin a feeling of deciding that you don't want to live dependent on things that are fragile things that swing back and forth from one end to the other. You want to find another way of living. And so there's gladness and sadness that comes from another way of living. We We feel glad that we have stability, that we're not so pushed around by the opinions of others or fear of rejection of others, or that we were kind of centered and stable here, content, content just to be present, and not needing a lot. And that gladness, knowing that we're kind of free from a lot of the social drama and games, that maybe we were caught up in earlier, can feel like a gladness that doesn't, it's not necessarily so much a part of a pendulum or polarity of two different states, it can just be cloud itself, maybe it's a gladness that comes from relief that I used to be so attached to things and wanting things and spinning out. And now I'm not in this new state is a really good and there's a gladness to satisfaction in it. And then there can be a sadness, that is just part of the deep part of human life that is just there, because there's been loss there because of change that is so, you know, that touches us in some deep way. There might be sadness that we disappointed ourselves sadness that, yes, I was in touch with some deeper way of being in integrity and honesty and, and inner goodness, and I got distracted or I got afraid. And so that I did something that I never would have imagined I ever would have done, I heard her friend I lied, I did something. And, and, and now we're sad, and disappointed, we hurt someone. And that sadness is just there because there's been pain, pain, maybe we cause pain. And that's not necessarily a problem. In fact, it might be a sign of our healthiness, that we feel certain kinds of sadness, that a life without sadness, maybe it's not a life, that there's a time in place to feel sad. I remember a story I read many years ago about someone who has struggled with a lot of sadness. And teacher told this person at some point, well, a be a sad buddho. And after many, long period of time trying to sort on figure out and escape and fix this sadness, this little guy teaching big pa sad Buddha allowed the person just to relax and say, Okay, this is also Buddha's can be sad, so okay, I don't have to fight it or judge myself for it, there's time in place for it. And so just because we're sad, doesn't mean that something is wrong, it actually can mean that something is right. Sometimes sadness is a fallow time, that something something's being prepared inside of us for a new way of being for a new direction that we're going to go. So little bit, sadness and gladness belongs to the world evaluation, of figuring out the value of something, the importance of something. So it is a kind of a higher intellectual kind of states than some of the more deeper spiritual states that we can experience. But we have to be very careful what we're evaluating what we think is important. And, and then, foundation, for healthy forms of foundation for all forms of sadness and gladness are might experience for Buddhists and is what can be called refuge. That we have a refuge we have an orientation, we have a understanding, we have a way of seeing, we have a practice that we trust. We have a, a presence and attentiveness

that we trust that we that protects us that informs us that guides us that points us away, that shows us there's a way through everything. No matter what is going on. Refuge means there is a way that you might not know what the way is. But if you practice mindfulness, practice meditation, just keep practicing living ethically, the dharma, your heart will find a way. And so this idea of refuge, the ocean of refuge, the ocean of stability that's underneath the surface waves that come and go and sometimes there's a high wave, sometimes a low wave, and these are all just a surface manifestation. There are important parts of the ocean and and some people will spend wonderful time and difficult times, playing and struggling With those waves, but there is a deeper place of refuge, the foundation for it all. And if you remember that you have a refuge if you remember you have, could trust this your practice or trust yourself in a deep way that you don't have to know the way to know that you'll find your way. Then you won't have to be so troubled by the waves. You can allow the waves to be there you can study them, see them carefully, learn from them, learn which ones are healthy and which are not which are dysfunctional and which are functional. You really important human skill. And you can learn to ride the waves. You can learn not to identify with a wave so much and, and learn to trust that there's something deeper here than the waves. There's the refuge. And there's certain stability of certain home a certain a companion that always follows you along that is there to protect you support you guide you. Even when you don't know what's supposed to happen, you have a refuge. And, and that refuge can give a lot more clarity and ease around how we navigate and experience the comings and goings of things like sadness and gladness. So So you might want to look today as you go through your day, at small and large versions of sadness and gladness that come up for you. You know, you might not use the word glad gladness very much certain kind of mild joy, delight, a sense of pleasant aliveness. And then sadness can be a whole range of things from depression, to sorrow to sadness. So just kind of see how these work for you. And can you in without judging yourself and making it worse without the ego coming in? And with the swings? Can you see it? You think that the way that you're this sadness and gladness? Is this really healthy, or it doesn't have a good foundation? Or is it foundation kind of fragile and weak, and maybe even a little bit diluted, diluted, like with a lottery ticket for a sample, and spend some time looking that at this, but remembering that to do it from this foundation of trust, where you appreciate it's valuable to learn your spot yourself, and be happy that you're learning about yourself, trust this learning process? More than the judgments? Oh, I'm wrong, I shouldn't be this way. If you see how you are, then you're on the path. So study your sadness and gladness and see if they live in relationship with each other like a pendulum. Or see if there's a kind of a deeper or healthier forms of sadness and gladness, which are not a problem are actually healthy to experience are appropriate. And, and are not triggering one the other, but that it's part of the richness of life, the fullness of life, and the depths of life. And then can you allow for that? Maybe that's gladness that sadness needs its time with you. And you might appreciate very much that's the case can be the case for gladness, and the family of glad glad things. But you might not appreciate that for sadness. There's a time for it. Go for a walk, sit and have tea, allow for it.

And then underneath at all, the refuge. If the word refuge doesn't mean something for you. Maybe what is it that you trust? What is the deeper trust, wellspring of wellsprings that you can trust that allows you to not be so caught in the waves? So thank you. And we'll continue this tomorrow.