064_When_Things_Are_Hard

Vinny Welsby49min

Speaker 1

00:00

You're listening to the face fatti podcast episode 64 When things are hard, I'm your host Victoria Welsby. Let's do it

Speaker 1

00:21

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth party who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast let's begin

Speaker 1

01:17

Hello, hello, fatty and welcome to this episode. I'm so pleased you're here. Thank you for tuning in. I really appreciate it. I'm overly I'm looking over snow capped hills at the moment. It's very beautiful. To look a bit of snow. Well, snow when it's not disruptive. I do like a bit of praise now. Hey, I shared something on my Instagram stories today. And I thought, oh, maybe you want to hear about this. And it's my my things in life that I've made. Like, little things I really like that are silly things that have made my life better. So it's not things like oh, do go my dog because you know that's like a big thing but these like stupid little things. So I'm curious what makes things in your life better even if they're like little tiny thing. My first one is I bought a pair of fake crocs. I know. I know. I've committed a fashion crime. Please do not throw me in fashion jail. But I have wanted a pair of fake crocs I don't want to pay however much they are for the real crocs like $200 or something. Oh, I know. 3999 or something is too much for like a piece of plastic. Right but so I got a pair from Lidl, which is a supermarket in Ireland for four euros on sale on sale on sale. And I slip them on when I want to quickly go outside, like with the dogs, or, or if there's like water on the floor or something. And it is improved my life so much. I think this will be me now for the rest of my life. I will be a fake Croc owner for the rest of my life. Because I used to always have slippers. And I would go outside in the slippers and they'd get wet. They'd be like a you know, a plastic soled slipper, but then they could get wet. And why I'd never thought about this before I'd always be like, oh mister does get wet. Anyway, my next one is my u e roll. So I don't know what you East sounds stands for but it's a it's a Bluetooth speaker which is waterproof and it has like a jazzy colors on the speaker part. And I take it into the shower for a little sing along a bit of Hamilton or Beyonce or some other stuff. And I listened to my true crime podcasts in the evening with my UE roll my bluetooth speaker. And at the moment I'm listening to I think he's a wonder isn't wondering about dictators. Like a true crime. And finally, something else that has improved my life like 1,000,000,000% is a you know, so I have an iPhone, you know, you get those tiny little charger so they give you this like three millimeters long. Like it's silly. And for years, I would be on my phone in bed, you know, on the edge of the bed, having to like have my phone in a certain position to get to the plug. And instead, about eight months ago, I bought myself a few like two meter long cables. Oh my God, my life has improved like 1,000,000,000% Having a phone cable that is not you know, the length of you know, a tiny thing is has improved my life so much so little things just happier for happy for the liberal things and I find it is you know a lot of those little things that make me happy not necessarily like buying shit but you know, taking away the tiny little things that would make life a little bit annoying, like having a soggy slipper or having to go to the edge of your bed to look at your phone. Yeah. But let's talk about things. Let's talk about when things are hard. You know, what's inspired this episode has been I have been targeted by this troll on the internet who has I've not looked at his other channels, but just over YouTube and Instagram 1.3 million subscribers. And so this troll with 1.3 million subscribers has targeted me. Fun times. Fun times absolute. Having the best time with that. Not knots. That's sarcasm, sarcasm. Yeah. And, you know, I like noticing my feelings. And so I've been noticing my feelings about this. And I wanted to have a chinwag with you tell you spill the spin all the secrets, all the gossip, what's been going on? And, you know, talk to you about this, because, you know, we're all have bad times.

Speaker 1

06:46

And it's so interesting how a lot of times that times, we then reflect it back onto our bodies. And it's like, oh, is this about your body? Or is this about feeling sad? And, you know, we always, not always, but a lot of times we're like, Well, if I lose weight, then maybe I'll be happy. But really, it's like, oh, well, if this bad thing hadn't happened, or if you weren't very much shit, then, you know, you would feel happy. So I noticed, too, I have different things on my website that people can sign up for, right. And I noticed that I was getting like, in a week 2000 3000 4000 new subscribers to my email list. And I was like, Whoa, that's strange. I wonder where they're coming from. Because I always want to know, where where's traffic coming from? And I have a look at the subscribers and the names of them. If, like, there's a lot of them that are male names, but a lot of them that are fake names, fake email addresses, and abusive thing things. Right. So like, it'd be like the name of this new subscriber is, fuck you. And the email addresses. I want to kill you fatty. Fuck you. gmail.com And so I was like, oh, doesn't sound like my usual subscriber. Not quite my usual subscriber. And there was some like there's some really disturbing things, things like there was one email address which was I've killed before and I'll do it again@gmail.com And a low loads of racist things. Racist with the N word and all that type of stuff. Just goes to show the types of people who are following this, this this one troll, I am not going to tell you that the name of the troll or link to the video that he made about me, because honestly, you don't, it's not gonna it's not going to help you. It's not gonna make your day better. I have I've not watched the video because I I had to go searching for it cuz I was like, okay, all these people will sign up for this one thing. And there must be a troll on the attack. And this happens from time to time maybe two or three times a year a troll will will do something, put something on Reddit or whatever and then loads of people will come to the website but this was like extreme so I was thinking okay, was going to die down was going to die down. So this is like a couple of weeks ago, it's going to die down. But it didn't it just kept come in and come in and come in and thing is like depending on how many email subscribers you have, you have to pay you have to pay for them. Right and so when someone subscribes to your email list, you get like, I don't know, let's say between zero and 500 subscribers you pay didn't know 20 bucks a month, but then from 1000 to 5000, it's 200 a month, and then from 5000 to 10,000, it's 500 a month or whatever. And so getting 1000s of email subscribers, which were fake, or trolls was costing me money, that's like the basis level costing me money, but also harming my business harming my mental health. doing other things like a behind the scenes stuff on my business, it was affecting behind the scenes stuff. And you know, every time I'd log into my email system, which was which is has other things, too, I'd be this this wall of subscribers of like, Fuck you, and all this type of stuff. So that wasn't fan now. So after a couple of weeks of this, I was like, wanting to like work out how I can protect myself from this. And so I shared in a, in a, in my in a business group that I mean, you know, that coaching that I do, I shared what was happening, and I was like, Do you have any advice? What should I do to protect my business and the responses were, are great, really great. Really, really great. And people were like, Oh, you can do this, you can do that you can try and sue them. And you can do this on YouTube and bla bla bla. And I took everyone's advice and did the things to protect my business and, and whatnot and reached out to different people. And actually, summer intern. She's someone else who's in this world. My friends, I have a friend, my friend. She lives in Vancouver,

Speaker 1

11:50

she messaged me, I was like, oh my god, I see because she's in the same business group. I go, I don't see what's happened. Are you okay? And I was like, Oh, I've had a cry. Like, got to my head and I had a cry that afternoon. And she's like, Oh, I'm going to share in this group and get people to report it. And she let me know, other people that this person has targeted other coaches and whatnot. And I reached out to those people. And it was, it was really nice to, to talk to people about it to say this thing is happening to me. And what should I do? And then have people reach out to me and summer as well shared on her stories. And she said, Oh, Victoria is having this saying go report this video. And and then people came to me on Instagram was like, hey, just sending you some love. Your work is important. All that type of stuff. I was like, Thanks. And thanks so much. So that was really cool. And I was like, I didn't want to share on my Instagram. I don't know why just I just didn't want to, for whatever reason, something that something that my mum said to me. So I said to my mom, I told my mum what was happening. And my mom, because she's a mum, and she wants me to be happy. She was like, Maybe you should stop doing this work. Like, either stop being online, or stop helping fat people. And the reason that she said that is because she can see you know what, she can see the impact that this has this cup type of stuff can have on my my mental health and she wants to protect me, right? And something that that came up for me was that I was thinking, well, if I had a quote unquote, normal job, would I have days where I have a bad day in a, you know, an average type of job. Of course, of course, like any job, there's going to be days where it's gonna be hard. Now this is, you know, extreme like, chances are, if you whatever other job that's not you being visible online, you're probably not going to have someone with 1.3 million followers coming, sending their followers to harass you. But you know, it's still I don't know, if the impact on someone's mental health from that versus, you know, their boss saying something mean, is probably equivalent, right? And I've become tolerant to this type of stuff, which is not good, but still, it has to be a kind of a big thing for it to have an impact on my mental health. So and as well, I was thinking I was thinking, we don't let the bullies were no way. It's like if your child went to school, being themselves and they came home they said I got bullied for being myself. You wouldn't say to you Child, stop being yourself change so that the bullies don't bully, you know, we change society. So the bullies don't think that what however you're expressing yourself is, is wrong. So but you know, when my mum saying oh, maybe you shouldn't do that there is something, there's something that I've been thinking about not not doing this work because I feel like this is my life's calling. But this job is detrimental to my mental health, which is in turn detrimental to my physical health. And I need to keep building more and more barriers to protect myself, and thinking more and more about every word that I say or every word that I write, because I know that a troll is reading those words listening to what I'm saying. So that they can have content to put on their channel and be like, Oh, look at her, she's so stupid, she said this thing. And so having to be on guard like that, that is that is detrimental towards my, my mental and physical health. And that's not okay, that shouldn't be the price that I or anyone else who's doing a job like this has to pay to do this work. But unfortunately, we live in a fat phobic society. And that's why I have a char where I can do this stuff, because we do live in a society that doesn't like fat people. So

Speaker 1

16:33

So for example, the types of things that I'm having to do. And I would be any way as my business grows, is, is having my, my assistant, read my emails and screen them for me. And my mice isn't responding as needed. So that, you know, I only get a few of the emails. I'm moving away from doing certain things on social media, and automating things as much as I can. I may get someone to help me with my Instagram DMS. Because that can be a minefield, because it's very easy to send a DM, right. And the trolls are sneaky. Motherfuckers. So the trolls, this is what they do is that they will send you a message and the message will start, hey, oh my God, I'm such a fan. Your work is so important. I just love it when you did this and this. And so then they get your reading because you're like, oh, it's not from a troll. And then they'll be like, I just wish he wasn't such a fat bastard. And then they'll start going into abuse. But like abuse, which is not overtly, you know, they're not like, Fuck you, you need to die. It's more like subtle. So it's like gaslighting, you're questioning yourself. Like, are they trying to be a dick? You know, you know, if someone came up to me was like, Oh, you have such a beautiful face. And you'd be like, Why? What's wrong with my body? You know, like that type of thing. But you know, more extreme. And so they're tricky is that they try to get you to read, because they know if they start a sentence like fuck you is straight, delete and block. So, yeah, also, already on my YouTube channel, everything is like lockdown. So you can't like videos, you can't comment on my videos, because that's where a lot of the trolls hang out. Anyway, so this came to a head on Friday, last week, and today is Wednesday. And I noticed over the weekend, I had the voice of this troll, this guy who made the video I had his voice in my head. Like he was watching me. So if I ate something, it's I could hear in my head, the types of things that he might be saying in that moment. Whatever I was doing, I could imagine the types of things that he was saying. Or even if I was doing things that I knew that he would theoretically approve of him saying, Oh, you're only doing this for show or you're only you're not doing it well enough. I'm on my own by the way, there's there's no one there to do a show but it was in my head of imagining him what he would be saying. You know what, when I looked in the mirror what he would be saying, this is powerful stuff. This is powerful stuff. Living in a in a world and getting those messages it is not okay to be fat is powerful. And this is this is how it affected me, me someone who is doing this work all the time. So I'm always thinking about it. How is it affecting you, or someone who is not doing the work all the time, who's whose job, it's not to do this, who's you know, you just, you're not a fan activist. If someone said something like this guy said, and I didn't even listen to his video, I just, I kind of knew what the content of the video because of the, the emails that the email addresses that people were putting in, you know, in my system. So, luckily, because I've done the work around my body, I'm able to rebound a lot quicker. And be like, Oh, wow, that trolls voice is in my head, as I eat my dinner. Wow, that must have really affected me. Hmm, isn't that interesting? Versus in the past when I when I hated myself say if, you know, someone had said something, it might have sent me into a big spiral or, or might have made me think, yeah, I should lose way and yeah, XYZ, whatever they could have said. And that's, that's totally expected. If someone is cruel to you, it's okay, and is expected for you to have a response to that. And if the response is spiraling or feeling really, really shit for a while, that's all pretty normal, right?

Speaker 1

21:29

But I feel so thankful that now because I have done the work around my body and continue to do it, it's not an endpoint, that, instead of internalizing these things, I can just notice them and be like, Wow, that's really sad that this is having, that I'm experiencing this, it's really inappropriate that that happened, it's not okay. And this is having a negative impact on me. And taking the steps I need to take to look after myself. And fit, I feel so thankful for those around me who support me, you know, the people sending me messages, my friends and family and strangers and the other victims of this this one guy, I connected with two other professionals, who had been trolled by this one guy, one of them, the troll was saying this person needs to be struck off because their therapist, all sorts of terrible experience from it. And the big difference for me is connecting with the connecting with people, when I get stuck, versus isolating, because I don't want to bother people. That's a big thing with me is a lot of times, especially in the past, now I'm working on it a lot more is I'm like, Well, this is trivial. I don't want to I don't want to say I don't want to say I don't want to just I don't want to just text my sister and be like, oh, a troll with a million subscribers is is come after me, you know? But why would I not? You know, why would I not reach out to someone who loves me and cares about me and say, Hey, and that's what I did on Friday, I just I texted my sister was like, hey, this troll is doing this. And she was like, Oh my God. And then she said something, something that had happened in her work that week that she hadn't mentioned to me. And I was like, Oh my God, and we had a great conversation at the end of it. We were kind of laughing, like, at the, you know, the sadness of it all. And so me practicing to practicing reaching out to other people and sharing what is going on with me and my, you know, if I'm in pain and saying, you know, I'm sad about this, and this is difficult for me, really makes me feel like I'm not alone and that what I'm doing is good. And that these trolls are harmful and inappropriate. Because if you're isolated, if I didn't speak to anyone about it, I could have been like, well, you know, maybe they have a point maybe, maybe they're reasonable maybe I shouldn't be doing this stuff maybe I am unintelligent and bad and all this stuff that I don't even know what they were saying. Because I didn't listen to the video. So I was making it up in my head and guessing so each time I reached out to someone that burden lifted, and I knew that I wasn't alone. And I know a lot of you feel alone because everyone around you is in dire allow and everyone around you thinks that it's better to be fit And that can be really difficult and isolating. And it makes the journey just that more tiresome and harder to achieve to get to, you know, a place where you do feel better because doing it alone, it's so much easier when you've got friends around you. And it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be friends that are there physically, it can be friends that you've made online, it can be someone like me that you reach out to. And once you once your email has been screened by my, my VA, then you know that there are other people, so you know, me, you know me. But, you know, for example, you could join my Facebook group, where there's hundreds of people who are in the same position. And just by doing that you are lifting that burden of being alone. Because you're not alone. Really.

Speaker 1

26:00

Something else that I noticed is over the weekend. Alongside that voice is I noticed that my breathing was getting difficult. I don't know if you remember, but like a few months ago, I my breathing was really bad. And I couldn't catch my breath. And no matter how much I took my inhaler, I couldn't breathe properly. And so I called the doctor, the doctor said, You need to get a COVID test. So I went and got a COVID test dangling laying in the back of my nose uncomfortable, but whatever didn't have COVID spoke to the doctor. They're like, Oh, it's stress. And I was like, that makes sense. Yeah, I think it is stress. And so it's like this new way that stress is manifesting in my body where it's, it's, it's making it difficult for me to breathe, which at the beginning, I was like for fuck sake. I live breathing. Like I've already got asthma and I want to like just not be able to breathe your hub stressed out. But actually, because now now it's identified. It's so clear to me, like if I if I'm struggling to breathe, and then I take my inhaler, and it doesn't help. I know. Okay, my body's telling me that I my brain is stressed out. And so I was experiencing that over the weekend. And so then I leaned into that, okay, you're stressed out Victoria. And I breathed. And that's pretty cool with this breathing thing is it really helps me be able to breathe versus me being like taking like, like breaths like that, where I'm like, I'm really struggling, I can just slow down and know that it's my mind that is controlling my throat and making it tighter. Yeah, so I let myself do the things that help my mental health. For example, I had an afternoon nap. On Sunday or Saturday, one of the days, I had an afternoon nap both days, I went on long walks with the dogs, which is good for my mental health. And I did a foot mask. On Saturday night, all my feet feet feel amazing while watching Strictly Come Dancing. That was really good. And something that was cool is that I didn't need to examine whether i i was wrong, or whether I should lose weight, etc. Because that work is done. I know that my body is okay. And so I know that if I'm ever projecting these feelings onto my body, it's not about my body. It's about my brain. And the thoughts that I'm experiencing coming from some triggering events. And it makes it a lot clearer where you can be like, okay, so triggering a triggering event happens. Okay, so troll came weekend, a voice in my head is telling me should you eat that you're bad, you're unattractive. My body is responding by making it hard for me to breathe. And by Monday, being able to be like, Okay. I see something difficult happened in my life. I see it's manifested in my body in these ways. And in my brain in these ways. It's not about my body is not a bow. If I lost weight, then all of a sudden, there wouldn't be trolls and these things wouldn't happen. But I can look after myself in all the ways that I have practiced looking after myself. So all this to say that I have deep deep compassion for you, listener if you're experiencing a tough time If you're living with the trolls and can't escape escape, if you work with the trolls, and can't escape, if you're not resolute in the knowledge that your body is okay?

Speaker 1

30:17

That makes things even harder. So I was fortunate in the fact that I could take steps to protect myself, I didn't have to go to dinner with this guy, have a conversation with this guy, I could block him, try and avoid all of these, you know, the things that are happening, log off, go for a walk, and not be surrounded by those people. But a lot of people are living in situations that they, for whatever reason, it's not appropriate or you can't get out of it. Boundaries. It's not You're not at a stage where you can do that you have a job, you have to have the job. And you know, it's your boss, that's, that's the troll or whatever, you know, there's lots of different circumstances where you don't have control. And that's really fucking sucks. You know, I had an amount of control to protect myself. Now. Even if you don't have control of getting those trolls out of your life, you can still take steps to look after yourself in the in the ways that are helpful for you. So the things that I find helpful when things are bad, I'm going to list them out for you. Maybe you find them health helpful, or maybe not, you know, maybe you've already got things. So it, maybe you're really happy and like I don't even know why I'm listening to this episode Vittoria. Things like right for me. The thing is, right. Everything is temporary. No matter where you're at, in your body loving journey body acceptance journey. The way that I like to think about it is before when you hate your body is really like up and down. Big up and down zigzag. Like if you were to look at a line on a graph, zigzag, big Hi, maybe you bought a new dress or something or you got a new partner. And then big low. You didn't look as good in the dresses, you thought you your partner said something mean, big Hi, big load big Hi, Bigelow. And it's it's it's tumultuous. Whereas when you are sure that you're worthy, and you're not better if you become smaller, it's more of a smooth, slightly undulating line, right. And then sometimes there'll be a bigger, tick up and bigger tick down, but it's just more stable. So yeah, so even if you are at a place where you are more confident, confident and accepting your body and all that type of stuff, there will still be undulations. Now, they're not going to be as dramatic. And the reason why they're not as dramatic is because you can catch them and you make things about, not about yourself and not about your body. Okay, so things I find helpful, helpful when shit hits the fan. First thing is to embrace the suck, embrace the suck. Something, sometimes things suck. And there's nothing we can do about it. Like in our society, where it's always kind of like, we want to change and evolve and get better. And that's, that's good, that's fine. And I want to evolve and become better. But sometimes that's not possible. And I think it's been a big lesson during being locked down with the virus and whatnot. There's nothing that we could do really, like we had control over little things in our lives, but we didn't necessarily have control of being able to leave our house, being able to go and see our friends or go to work and all that type of stuff. And so in those moments, you just kind of have to embrace the suck and be like, it just sucks. Full stop. You know, it just sucks. Today is a shit day. And you know, sometimes it's nice to be out today. It's a shit day maybe better tomorrow. This year is a shit year. Maybe next year we better. That's fine too. But sometimes just being you know it shit. My life is shit right now. And also knowing that it's temporary. The good is temporary and the bad is temporary. What can you do to move towards comfort? So what can you do to comfort yourself? In what small ways can you get comfort? So it could be connecting with others. It could be disconnecting from technology. It could be connecting to technologies to connect with others. It could be ordering a takeaway takeout instead of cooking so that you don't have to do that. could be having a dance party in your bedroom. Right? It could be hiding under the covers and watching YouTube videos. Whatever product provides you comfort, whatever provides you the soft place to help you deal with something difficult

Speaker 1

35:21

is wonderful. Next thing I do is I get my heart rate down. So you know about the breathing thing. Me struggling to breathe. So what I know about that is that I need to get my heart rate down and I need to tell my brain, it's okay, that I'm not in a scary situation which situation at this very moment. And it this is used. So many different Different people use different breathing techniques in the profession. I was reading about what was it like during World War Two or whatever, they had these fighter pilots and they had to fly for long periods of time, and then they had to get out of their airplane, and then they would have two hours to sleep. And so they had to get their brain turned off really quickly so that they could sleep. And they would use breathing techniques to get their heart rate down to get their brain knowing that they're safe, and that they are safe to sleep. So that then they can go and sleep and then continue on their journey. And it's there's so many different ways of doing it. Breathing in for five seconds, holding it for four, exhaling for seven seconds. Breathing in for 10 holding it for five breathing out for five for 10, whatever it is, it's all the same as long as you're taking a breath in, holding it and slowly exhaling. And slowly breathing in holding it and slowly exhaling. Even now, like whenever I do this stuff, and I hear myself talking afterwards, I'm like, just the way that you're talking is more relaxed. So it's kind of like you're tricking your brain, you're tricking your brain saying you're right. And even even if you could only do this, you know, for a few breaths, then it's really helpful. I either like to watch something happy. Normally dog rescue videos, although sometimes they're not happy. Or watch something that I know is not happy, that will make me cry. So it's kind of like I can I can, I'm embracing this. I'm just like, everything is shit, I'm gonna watch this, this movie that's just terrible and so sad and disappointing. And, you know, just embrace the shit and the suck. And it makes me feel better. Removing the trigger as much as possible. So I don't think say if I had been like, you know what, I'm going to watch the video of that troll, I'm going to engage in his content, I'm going to keep checking his page every day, something like that, then that would continue to trigger me and traumatize me and cause upset to me. So I knew that I couldn't watch the video because it wouldn't be good for my mental health. And I didn't I just avoided the whole thing because no good would come from it. I got rid of that trigger. So how can you remove the trigger? How can you avoid it? How can you get respite from it? How can you get temporary relief? And I know for a lot of people that it's not possible if you're living with someone, but maybe it could be just going to another room for a little bit. And finally, give yourself grace. Don't expect to be okay. Like so many times in my life. I've looked back and I'm like, Why the fuck did I expect to be able to go to work, go to university do this do that when I had just experienced this massive trauma, like I expected myself to have no reaction and just carry on with life, like normal, which is weird, bizarre, because we're human beings and this is you know, capitalism, colonialism, it's that kind of we are machines and we will work and nothing's gonna affect us. And that's not true. We're human beings and we need to you know, feel these feelings and sit in them and then overcome them and you know, Just be a human. So on Monday, in the afternoon, I just felt really tired. And I was like, Okay, I

Speaker 1

40:11

know, you know, I know what's going on is I've had really taxing last few days, of course, I'm going to be tired. And so I had an afternoon nap. Now I did have feelings of guilt. Even though I'm my own bloody boss, no one's gonna come and be like, Oh, well, you had a nap today, you're a bad person. I'm like, super, like I get this is like, one of my things that I'm proud about is that I'm just, I just get shit done. I just get shipped, and I just do whatever needs to be done. And I get things done. And I think, you know, this is not a good thing, but I work too hard. And I work like till five 530 When I could choose not to, but I do because, you know, capitalism is telling me that I'm bad if I don't. Right. So I gave myself grace and said, How have a big fucking nap Victoria, go in? Nap the shit out of your brain? Off you go. Amazing. And it was good. I've nap. And I feel better. Right. And it's like, expecting my expecting my output this week to not be as high as my normal output. But you know what, I've noticed that I've been I've been more inspired. And I think it is because I've given myself grace. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to make up for the fact that I had an afternoon nap. And I feel currently know, we need to nap more work less. It makes me think if there was a work downtown, there's a work less party in Vancouver. And one time, it was when I was new to Vancouver, they had this. So it's like a work less like political party. But then they had they threw a party party. And it was in, I went to Japanese school at the time. And it was in my Japanese school like this big building. And it was amazing. I need to look that up, I need to look it up and do it again. It was amazing. It was like, the ground floor was just you know, like a normal, big party, like in a club. But there were things like people being tied up, you know, for sexual purposes. And then you went on to the next floor, and the next floor had people who were like, making out and stuff and it was a bit more sexual. And then then the top floor, people were having sex. And I was like, I even know what I was coming to. And I was like, This is fucking amazing what the heck. So if this is what work less means is people just having fun and having sex and you know, all that type of jazz and I'm down for it. I need to go to another one of those pies. Yeah, so I think that's like a once a year thing. Anyway, I'm going to do that in my spare time is Google sex clubs and things like that? Yeah, we need to work less be kinder to ourselves. And, you know, fuck those donkeys who try to make us feel bad about ourselves. And then other times I try and think about, like, what is happening? Like, why? Why have they done this? And I think, Okay, this guy, he probably makes it because he has millions of subscribers. And he does like streaming streaming on another service, I think Twitch, so he probably has even more subscribers there. So he has millions of subscribers. He's looking for content. So you know, I could have put a picture of a piece of poo on my account. And if that had any type of interest for him, he would have done a video like, I'm not special in regards to that. him picking me it was something that provoked an idea for him. And so he made content about me. And he probably has a disordered relationship with food. A disordered relationship with his body definitely has a ton of fatphobia phobic beliefs and, and problematic beliefs. And his account is all about oh, do literally what he says if I can do it, you can too, about losing weight. Well, no. No. And I wonder how long he because he his his account is he used to be fat and now he's not. So he's like, I know what fat people think about. So I just think how he's either Okay, two things are going to happen. He's going to have to continue to hit continue his potentially disordered relationship with his body and with food to maintain this Weight Loss, or he is in the 95 97% of people where he's going to become fat

Speaker 1

45:08

again. Either way, that's a difficult life for him. Because if he's got millions of subscribers, he can't get fat again, because there's going to be massive consequences to his business and things like that. So he's got a pretty shitty kind of thing going on there. Like, I would not want to be him, I would not want to be in his situation. And I feel compassion for him while also thinking he's a massive knob. And he is targeting people with marginalized identities. It's pretty much everyone. Everyone is a women that he targets. And it's not okay. It's not okay that he does this. But also, I kind of think about why, you know, I just want to know why. Why is this person such a dick? And he could just be, you know, a sociopath or something? I don't know. He could just be without conscience. Probably not. He's probably he's probably trying to do good in the world but hurting other people. He's probably he probably thinks he's doing good by trying to take me down or other people down because we are the bad people. I don't know. But either way he's kind of in a in a tough spot. And so yeah, he doesn't he doesn't really matter. But you know, me trying to think about is someone just pure evil? And I don't think so. You know, I don't think so. And people who are in your life being harmful to you? Are they pure evil? Probably not. You know, there's probably lots of things you love about them and that's why it makes it so difficult. Maybe you don't love them at all. Maybe I'm just a massive ballad. I don't know but that's why it makes sense this stuff is so sticky and complicated and difficult and all that type of stuff. So okay, well bad days if you're having a bad day I had before for about our after chatting with me. If you're watching on the YouTube, you would have noticed that as I've been talking, the sun has set that's pretty cool. The sun is setting at four o'clock now. And it's 430 Come back some so thanks for hanging out with me. Stay face fatty. And I will see you later crocodile. Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body. Then go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first Mattie Academy my signature program opens

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