Well, good. Yeah. Thanks, Josh. Josh and I go way, way back. We have lots of stories ourselves. Had some fun adventures. Yeah, I came here 28 years ago, as incoherent space cadet, you might say, I was very I should keep this here because I'm gonna need it. I was very, very lost and God got a hold on my life and he radically transformed it, you know, and I won't get too much into my testimony. But suffice it to say that I was just a lost young man who had no hope. And God brought me together with you people, and really, really changed my life. You brought me into your homes, I sat at your couches, slept on your couches, a dinners with you went to your camps and you sewed into my life. And over the years just God began to birth, His holiness, His work his kingdom in my life. I I'm married Danica Sinclair, who is the organic Dunphey now, but she is the oldest Sinclair child, Pastor Rick Sinclair, if you don't know if you're new here is the senior pastor of kind of the related churches here. And we have seven children. And again, thank you, William, thank you for just stepping in. You have like an awesome attitude. Jameson, you're like the best servant, you're amazing. And yeah, we've had an awesome opportunity to raise some kids who are hungering after the Lord. It's been really special. And yeah, I'm an elder here. I've been an elder here for a few years. And this is my first time sharing. This is my first time maybe sharing at CFC. I think I shared a testimony once but I got kind of tricked into it. I wasn't like really didn't really want to do it. But Ben was like, Hey, how do Danica that'd be fine. You guys can tag team yada, yada. And well, Danica ended up getting sick this week. So here I am. So that's fine. I'm not mad. Today, we're going to talk about marriage in the home. And I'm going to I'm going to share kind of two brief two things I'm going to talk about, you know, a brief theological framework that empowers mine and Danica because marriage, how we look at marriage in light of living in these last days. And then we're going to look at some just brief practices that helped Danica and I stay focused and effective in these last days. You know, when I was after I got saved and cleaned up a little bit, and semi stable, was able to contribute in some ways to the to the work of the Lord here in the house, hold the job and things like that. I started to think about marriage, and you know, what I'm gonna do with my life. And you know, my, my view of marriage was, you know, kind of found in what's that show? What's that movie that mom loves? You've Got Mail, right? Like all the Hallmark movies, and you've got mail, they all like just, they're like this great love story. And they end with a kiss. And where the guy gets the girl and they embrace and, and and then the story just stops as if like, that's it. It's just all beautiful and easy. And I started to process you know, what, what is it I want to do with my life. And so I was chatting about this with Pastor Mike and Mike Tomford who pastors, the Governeur church, now he used to pastor or used to be associate pastor here in the old building, I think was the pastor here that I remember. Yeah, well, time goes by. And he was saying, you know, it's interesting. You can have, you can make an argument that in First Corinthians seven, there's actually an argument that it's better to be single than it is to get married. That's just like, Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I've read those passages before. But boy, you know, I don't know, I'm not really not really certainly not feeling that. And looking around me, all I see is like, just blessing. And so. But that kind of something stirred me about that. And it felt controversial as well. And I don't mind a controversy. So I started to look at, I started to look into what the word had to say about marriage and singleness, particularly in light of the New Testament. And so I want to read a little bit from from Corinthians. Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord. This first Corinthians seven, by the way, 25 to 31. Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord but a given opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think that that is good in view of this present distress, that it is good for man to remain as he is, are you bound to a wife do not seek to be released? Are you released from a wife? Do you not seek a wife, but if you marry you have not sinned? And if a Virgin Mary's she has not sin, yet such will have trouble in this life and I am trying to spare you.
And then I love this he changes like And he kind of is preaching to the whole audience. But this I say, brethren, that the time has been shortened, so that from now on, those who have wives should be as though they had none. And those who weep, as though they did not we, and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, and those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it, for the form of this world is passing away. And so, you know, this idea that the time has been shortened, that somehow, you know, this, the the age that had that we've, that, that historical Israel had lived through had like long for the day to see Christ come and, and be raised and the Holy Spirit be poured, poured out upon his people, when it's finally here. And there is this sense that there's old forms of this world is passing away. And we now living in the last days have this amazing opportunity. Because Jesus is dwelling in us through the Holy Spirit, we have this amazing opportunity to apprehend the kingdom and live for eternity right now. And it affects all of our lives in every single way. It affects your business, it affects how you buy things, how you use things, and it even affects your marriage. And it affected at that time and affected my singleness. So I actually, how should I say this? I actually decided that I was I called my I'm not sure I call myself a celibate. But I said that I preferred singleness. And I left open the opportunity to get married, obviously, and, and at first Corinthians talks about that, as well. But living in those last couple years of my single life was quite profound in my ability to pursue the Lord with an undistracted devotion. I just like was able to set my mind fully on God and apprehend him in those in those days, and I'm not talking about doing more, because I don't think that a single person has like, has a capacity to do more like, as a matter of fact, I feel like we're so busy, it's like impossible be more busy sometimes. But there was something about my singleness in which I could go to the Lord and a longing that I had for partner and desire and all those things. And somehow without that, I was able to go to him in a very, very profound way. But I ended up getting married. And, and when we did, or went when I went to Pastor Rick, and God is got his blessing to take Danica, which was, which is a whole nother interesting story. Dan, and I spent a lot of time kind of talking about this, because we were we were both kind of committed to our to our singleness at the time. And so we wanted to make sure well, how can we structure our marriage in such a way we saw from the scriptures, that that there has that it has the potential to distract us from the mission of God that it has, or from the from the devotion to the Lord, and we didn't want us to get in the way of us in him, right. And so. So we began to just kind of discuss that. And this was like, kind of like, this wasn't easy, because we had like, come from a foundation of Well, it's true. Marriage is awesome. It's really good. I'm like pro marriage, I'm sure I will give my daughters in marriage. And my sons who says we'll see, you know. But if you're good. And you know, you we're all familiar with Jeremiah 20 956, build houses and settle down, plant gardens and eat what they produce, marry, and have sons and daughters find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters increase in number there and do not decrease. But when I thought about that, and kind of this, like Old Covenant concept of marriage, and then I thought about Paul, here's Paul, and even Jesus in Matthew 19. exhorting, if anybody is able to renounce marriage for the kingdom of heaven sake, he ought to do it. I just saw this like, kind of like, it was somewhat confusing, or this dichotomy of that something, something different transpired when Jesus came, right, and so on. And so what we find in the New Covenant under the new covenant is that the emphasis on marriage is diminishing. You know, me and my boys were like, huge Patriots fans, and we had the opportunity to, to see Tom Brady. If you don't know Tom Brady is I don't know what to say.
But He's the goat of football and we had an opportunity to this year we never saw him play before. But we had an opportunity to see him in tent in Gillette Stadium as a Tampa Bay Buccaneer he came back he got traded, I assume, you know, this. Doesn't everybody like live this? And it was super exciting. We drove there. We got there early. It was supposed to rain all night. It actually did rain all night. But we got there early we went to like Gander Mountain or something like that, like, outfitted us in like cold weather gear and rain gear. And Beatrice was with us as well. And it was just like really special. It was exciting. The sorry Erica is a patriot so and there was if you ever been to like a football game, it's like really kind of something unique. It's it's, it's, it's quite a production, it's actually mind blowing. The amount of money they spent on those stadiums. And how in the, in the sense of excellence that they bring to it is, it's, it draws you in. And when we got there, like rap music's playing, I don't even like it probably wasn't even good rap music. I'm like, Yeah, boys, like, Isn't this amazing? And they're like, Yeah, I'm like, should you be dancing to that? I don't know. But it was awesome. And then like, Tom Brady came out, and we're and he's not even on our team anymore. And we're just so pumped, he's like, let's go. And it was just super exciting, the rain is pouring down upon us, and we're getting drenched. And we just don't even care. And then at the end of the game, few minutes left or something like that, and the Patriots kicked a field goal. And it hit the upright, and the game was over. Now there was still like, the game wasn't fully over, there was like a minute or two left, right, but the game was over. And so it was time to get out of there. Our entire I grabbed my kids, we had like pre planned like the route because of traffic, you know, if we like go through these walls, and whatever. And, but and we didn't talk we just helped we're like made a chain. And we just like, ran as fast as we could to get into our cars, and get out of there before before the masses. And we weren't the only ones that did that everybody, everybody kind of had decided that the game was over, we lost, right. And so I think in the same way, you know, there is something about who's not something about it's actually like, a true reality, that when Jesus came, and he rose from the dead, and He and He poured out His Spirit upon us that something changed in the game. And it forces us to adjust and make changes to how we live. It's not like the days of old, you know, I think of the Old Covenant. And I'm not like, awesome at my Covenant Theology, and I don't fully understand the covenants. But I think of it like in the days of old men were to establish earthly kingdoms, and build Tabernacles and go out and subdue land, like physical land, and take take ground and get married and build homes and give wives and, and it was this very, like physical earthly kingdom. And that was like Central and core. That's what mattered. And now, after Jesus came, Jesus and Paul aren't even like that concerned about that. They're, if you're able to renounce marriage, for the kingdom of heaven sake now, I don't know too many people who can so I'm not I'm not. I'm not coaching you on that. But the idea that like you would live your life in such a way that you just that it was poured out, and you were just running your race for him and him alone. It was just this because no longer do we have these physical temples without how's the presence of God, but he pours it out on his people, us the living temples, and we have this just amazing we live in these last days where we have this amazing power to be able to communicate with the living God and everything we do and everything we touch, including our very marriages, to not just reflect that, but be directed in such a way that it minimizes any distraction so that we could apprehend apprehend him, and I know it's gonna get so dry
it's awesome. Like, we are so amazingly blessed to live in the last days, like all of history, had like looked forward and longed for this opportunity. We get to know him intimately. And personally, we don't need to go to a man to hear what God said, or to read a law. It's actually literally written on our hearts, we have great, tremendous access to his throne. And he is interested in absolutely and radically changing our lives. Hebrews 813 says, when he said, a new covenant, this one that we're in, I put that part in there, this one we're in, he has made the first obsolete, but whatever is becoming obsolete, all these things in the world, and growing old, is ready to disappear. And you know, marriage is one of those things. Like, I was talking to Danica a few weeks ago, it's like, we're not going to be married in heaven. Like, what's that gonna be? Like? That's like something I don't really have a box for. But it's the fact like, this union that we have in this thing that like, this union that we have, it's temporary, and it's fading away. It is not forever. And so it's so it is God's desire to let us figure out, well, then how can we focus on things that are forever? You know, I, I don't really study history, I should get my boys up here. But do I do know that D Day is when they stormed Normandy. And historians say that that was the day that they won the war? It was it was June 6 1944. But the war actually ended on D Day, a year later, right? About a year later than 11 months. I mean, I don't know, tell me, I'm wrong. But But that day, June 6 1944, D Day, permanently and forever change the entire trajectory of those who are engaged in the war. They just had to go in and fulfill the last bit and take what they had already accomplished. And so though, that's the framework, that kind of Danica and I think about all the time, we're always talking about it, we're always aware of it. And it affects every part of our life. And so when we recognize that marriage is becoming obsolete, then how do we use our marriage while not making full use of it? So now I'm gonna move into some of my practices. But first, I want to say this, I want to just get some, we need to get some basics, right? You know, it's not of Ephesians. But husbands, you gotta love your wives, right? Like this is really, really important. And but but it's got to be stated upfront. Husbands, you have to love your wives, you have to, you have to cover them, care for them. Hedge them in, speak to them, we'll get to that in a minute. But and, and, and be tender and listen to them. Right? Like you can't have a successful marriage, but you definitely can't have a successful Christian New Testament marriage. If husbands are not loving your wives and wives, you need to honor and respect your husbands. And I know, I know, because I know what a sloth I am. That sometimes husbands can be difficult to respect and honor. I know how much I've failed Danica and I know that many many of us have sometimes walked in in deep disappointment. But I am confident that God is able to cause us to love and to respect one another and to build that which he cares about. You know, you might feel that she is too difficult to love. You might feel that he is too difficult to respect but I would suggest that you have a small view of God and His power and it's his heart to see your marriage whole He loves us and He and we can't move forward in the Lord for married married folk. We cannot move forward without getting beyond this you know
you ever see those kids when you go to the mall is at the mall like little kids like like like personal size and and they've got a they've got like a rope on the kid so the kid can like kind of go a certain place and that's a tether and and depending on how much you trust the kid like you know if it was in it or Percival I might have like really short road, but if it was like Jay, I might like he can go, you know, for most places and, you know, or if you have a dog tethered to a tethered to a rope might be a short rope because because the dog you don't trust but you know, then they now make those like they're kind of virtual tethers where you can like put them around the yard now. And so the dog just has like the freedom to like, just kind of go everywhere and the degree to which we rightly relate to one another, to which husbands loving their wives covering them, caring for them, fighting for them, and wives saying, I'm going to honor you and respect you. And I'm going to serve you and speak into you and uphold you to the degree that we do that is the degree to which a husband and wife the tether lengthens and the degree to which then we can let walk in a New Testament healthy marriage where we can go and do and be the church, right. So this is just like, so fundamental and so basic. And I just want to say if if, if that's you, and you're struggling, there are lots of brothers and sisters here who love you and who have vision for for God's ability to do a miracle in your life. And I do and Danica does, she's not here she should be. But and so reach out to us. We care about you guys. And and, and it's amazing. It's amazing how when you get in the presence of the Lord, Your life can just be forever changed in an instant, like, just one moment at his feet. And it can radically and forever just transform your entire life. I mean, that isn't that our testimony. Like it's amazing how powerful he is. Okay, key practices of our marriage that helps us dannegan I to kind of embrace last days living. Okay. So the first one is that a New Testament marriage leads with vision. How, how late do I get to go to 1145 to 12? Don't you said okay, I think we're okay. There's no buzzer yeah, there's no football game. I know, he retired. They'll never be another football game. So a New Testament marriage leads a vision, you know, as the head of my home. And by the way, here's a cool little story. When I got married Pastor Rick is just He's awesome. He's awesome in like, every way. And he's a dynamic leader. He's a very thoughtful leader. He's a very patient and kind leader. He's a very biblical leader. And like, I took his daughter, and, and she had, like, lived her whole life under under his ministry and his care, and came on into my house. And, and I mean, like, I kind of got my act together a little bit. But back then I definitely didn't. I mean, she she's done a lot, a lot in my soul. to minister to me, but But Pastor Rick took me to the hometown. And he said, he said, Give me when we're just before we got married and gave me a couple pointers. And one of the things he said is, you are the head of your home.
Tomorrow, I think we're getting married the next day, when when when, when the two of you become one, you will become the head. You don't have to ever worry about it, sweat it, compare yourself to me, maybe you'll see things in me that you like want to put on yourself or something like that, like that are good, they're challenging, but you don't have to be insecure. God by his design has made you the head. And so that's like a super freeing and powerful statement. Because I could actually like not be an insecure leader in my home. But as as, as the head of my home, I'm continually ruminating about Kingdom vision. I'm thinking about these last days about the mission that we're on. And I'm just like, I'm brushing my teeth. I'm thinking about it. I'm listening to the boys talk. And I'm like, how does that fit? I'm watching what they're watching and listening to that. And I'm like, over here listening to Danica talk on her chats and the tone of her voice and and what are the things she's saying and what are the things she wants to spend our money on? And, you know, who are the influences in my children's life? And I'm just like continually nurturing and shepherding. And I'm being a prophet in my home and I'm calling us to that place, that future place of the new heavens and the new earth. And so I speak it i I get vision for my children for my wife, and myself. I'm thinking about eternity and ethics and culture. And I'm thinking about little things like, don't grab the largest brownie, Jameson. And how do we talk to our siblings? And, and, and, and why is changing diapers a kingdom thing? You know, I used to get those calls all the time where Danica would, you know, I don't mean to call you out twice, but were they was one time Jameson he was like two, and he like slapped danach in the face or something like that. And Danica just like lost it. And I think that something broke and it was just the house is a mess, and I'm at work and she's just frazzled. And sometimes your wife needs help. And but But oftentimes, or at least your wife needs help. But oftentimes, what is really needed is somebody who is casting a bigger picture and fitting their life that can seem small, and the enemy wants to rally, fitting their lives into something big and eternal. Right. And so that's what husbands can bring to a home. We do it. Late at night, when we're just chatting. We do it on our meals together, find that find at least a meal together to eat we do dinner time. We do it in devotions, we sometimes doing all all hands on deck meeting, but we're continually stirring one another toward love and good deeds. The second key practice of our marriage that helps us
how do I serve as the second key practice that helps us live in the last days is? Well, I say this, the marriage bed is central to a New Testament home. And we need to be having healthy frequent intimacy. I said relations, but like Danica was like you should say intimacy. But I think healthy, frequent intimacy is critical and life giving like it's actually in First Corinthians seven, I just didn't read from that part about the importance of coming together so that we're not tempted. And and it's critical for us, it's critical to help nurture the tether. But it's also critical for us to stay on the straight and narrow. If you actually look a couple of verses in earlier in Corinthians, he talks about like, for time, if you can go and pray but come back together lest you be tempted. It's a critical tool that God has given married people to overcome. I don't know if I say overcome, too. It's just critical to a marriage critical to a healthy marriage. Now, and I'm convinced that the Ministry of of the marriage bed, I've actually think that it's been critical to me as growing as a man which, which just seems like, could be don't like don't quote this in the paper or something like that. Right. But actually think that there's something about the marriage bed, that is nurturing, and we should not deprive one another. But I think it's important to define a couple of things. So healthy. Okay. You're both on the same page. You know, when we, when we were considering Well, what does it mean about the bedroom being undefiled? Janet, and I, you know, we said, you know, we'd looked at it like, well, we're doing this like dance together, and in life, and, you know, and into the marriage bed, and it's gotta be something that we bring the Lord in, that he that his light shines in that room, and that there is no place for darkness. So we're on the, we're on the same page. We've invited the Lord into our midst, and we're giving freely and willingly and joyfully to one another. And if that's not you, talk to your spouse about it. Like this is critical. We'll just counseling sometime and you'll find out that, that there is like that this is an area that's just been totally forsaken. And, and, and totally not just neglected, but not cared for not properly weeded and stuff like that. And so talk to your spouse about it. If it's not healthy, and if and if that's not good enough, bring in a trusted person into the conversation. And then free frequency. You know, I didn't know exactly how cuz it's a personal thing, but Corinthians states stop depriving one another. And I asked chat with Danica like, Well, how would I describe frequency and she said, quote, The Bible is amazing. If you truly honor one another frequent is just the right amount. It's amazing. She's amazing. All right, number three, if the Lord wills, a New Testament marriage embraces the fruit of the marriage, bread bed, children are a blessing from the Lord. For Danica, and I, this was a struggle, because, again, we had seen singleness is such a powerful opportunity that we thought, well, maybe kids will get in the way. But we quickly learned that, well, we just did some basic Bible searches. And we learned that the Lord opens and closes the womb. We embrace, we embrace the marriage bed, as good and healthy thing. It is undefiled. And so whatever comes of it, we will embrace and call good on that, like, I have seven children, but I actually never won. I mean, you guys know what I mean. But I never wanted one of them. Right? Like, we never tried to have kids, that was never the goal.
You know what I'm saying, right? But I got them right there. And so get that. And to me, that was freeing because it's like, well, maybe we won't have kids, I don't know, like, maybe we're gonna go be missionaries somewhere or whatever. And so we just decided we were going to have this free expression of our loved one to another, and we're not going to let, we're not going to put any hindrances in the way and just accept what the Lord gives us. And that's worked very well for us. I'm not putting that on anybody. And I reserve the right to change my mind. But so far, I couldn't imagine not having any of them. And, and so I encourage people to start with that vision and approach. It's, it's it's been a massive, massive blessing to our home. And it's been a blessing to the church, right? It's amazing what God can do. Through the fruit of your room. Next, a New Testament home builds a culture of repentance. You know, it wasn't too long as being a dad, that I realized, man, I failed my children. And that was really, really hard for me. You know, I've talked to some of you about this before. But you know, when you're living your life in front of other people, we are sinners, and we will, will wrong one another quite deeply sometimes. And you know, and the Bible says, if we have no sin, we deceive ourselves. So the idea that I have sinned in front of these people that I so desperately want them to know Jesus, and knowing that they could in some way the devil could use that, to cause them to walk away from him. was deeply grievous to me. But we as a family have built a culture of repentance, we have laid our sin on the cross. And in that we find freedom. And there's another quote from my father in law, repentance is a gift. You know, it's been amazingly, it brings so much fruit in life, that we don't have to, like, pretend to be somebody we're not we just try to, we try to we're not trying to sin. But we are able to live our lives freely in front of one another. When we fall, we repent. And we but that's a culture that we build into our home and it's something that we prioritize. It's it's a big steak. That's why I'm mentioning it. It's a big big steak. Like we don't let things go. Oh, sometimes I do a little bit like I try to, you know, no, I don't. And we don't let things go and we and we foster it in one another. We foster it in our children and it has to be genuine, right? Like if you're like repenting over the same thing over and over and over again, it's just probably not repentance. And, and that idea of repentance and forgiveness is a home it. It's a sweet scent. It fills the home with love. And lastly, lastly, we're here. A New Testament home is missional. And this is like the point right? So we love one another we're respecting one another. We're building one another we're getting outside of ourselves. We're providing for one another's needs and we're whole people but we are as quickly as we did that we are focusing externally because the time has been shortened and so therefore we need to run our race and call the world and call one another higher and we use our homes to accomplish that you know, it's a place for foreigners you know, when I was I mentioned coming into some of your homes when I was
a lost young man or newly saved I was a mess. And you know, I spent so many I must have I wonder how many meals I've eaten at the Sinclair's Pastor Rick's table, but they just, they had an open door policy and I would just go and sit at their table and ask lots of questions. But I would, I would, I would go and lay on their couch and lounge. Actually, Josh was with me a lot. A lot of times, those are those were really special days. But the one thing I would do was just kind of watch them and it like, restructured my brain for like what a family look like, because I come from so much brokenness and, and and small mindedness that I was able to see this family who was running after him and so their home became like, deeply missional to me, and it transformed my life. You know, it's missional in that it's, it's a place for celebration. Many of you know and many of you do this, you know where we appreciate one another we celebrate one another of birthdays and and Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving and and we don't even need a reason sometimes we'll pray for a meal and we'll say who's thankful for something right and where and where our home is just this place of celebration and finally it's it's a city our home is in our marriage is a city set on a hill you know I've we're actually looking for for our new house are considering like expanding onto our houses and chatting with Danica about it and there's a house that we're kind of semi interested in it's in the middle of nowhere-well Madrid is in the middle of nowhere-but I mean like middle of nowhere nowhere. And I texted her and I was like, you know, The only bummer is that like we wouldn't be visible and and the Christian life ought to be on display for everybody. Your neighbors are watching you. They're watching the the choices you make and choices you don't make and how you live your life and the comings and goings in the 17 cars that are out front of your house during some sort of mother's gathering or whatever people are your neighbors are watching and it's a it's a it's a missional place and and you know when I got married, actually was before I got married Pastor Rick, I was I was talking about marriage and what type of woman would I be interested in? And what type of woman should I be interested in? is probably a better way to say it. And he goes, You know, one of the greatest things about Darlene is she's always kicking me out of the house. That's that tether, she's always telling me to go get out there, do more. You can do this, you will be fine. You know, and, and so, you know, the New Testament marriage and a New Testament home is missional. Finally, these are the last days were men of old eagerly long to see where Jesus poured out His Spirit in us as living temples, and whereby faith we leave what is becoming obsolete, and we press on to eternal things. How blessed are people are we in marriage, we are shepherds in our home, prophesying to one another keeping one another on track. We are caring for the physical needs of our spouse healthy and frequent and sharing we remain focused on that which truly matters eternity in life in him. We strive for perfection in the home but we fail and sometimes we fail miserably, miserably. But we're determined to build a culture of repentance. We build our home at the feet of Jesus. And last because we are loved cared for satisfied and whole were missional were outward focused, and always looking to go into run and to do more. Amen. Well, I love you guys. That's all I have to share. Is the timing. Okay, Did I do okay on timing? And it's just a joy to be with you all and I do pray that the Lord would would give Do a revelation for Him in His coming Kingdom. And that, if anything that I've said as as stirred you or you want prayer, let us know we'd love to pray for you. And if you want to get together about something, we're we're always available. Danica is always available our house is always open. And let's strive in these last days to see Jesus come. It's amazingly powerful. day and age we live in. Amen.
