Nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.
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So welcome to the good community. We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropist, world changers and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.
So let's get started. Hey, Becky, happy Friday,
happy Friday, Jonathan, Paul, Julie, all the do gutters out there. I'm so glad y'all are here. I don't
know if you've used my middle name on the podcast after 200 Plus episodes.
And I just use the word y'all. So there's your Oklahoma
was. So if you're just you know, entering this series, we're in the middle of taking the first few Fridays of the year to really unpack some of the big things that we think really matter. And these are trends, but they we don't want them to be trends. We want them to be conversation starters. And something that you can really just rally around as a team, whether you're on a nonprofit team, or maybe you're a founder that wants to start something, we hope these are going to be kind of some Northstar conversations of what really does it look like to show up right now in this very moment, to be incredibly impactful, but also take care of yourself. Because we know it's a difficult time to do that, you know, and it's, it's shown itself in a lot of ways. And so we want to be kind of your thought partner today and kind of just give you that high five, or Becky might give you a hug,
I probably would I think the thing that I love so much about this topic, today, we're going to be diving into fundraising mindsets, is that out of all of the trends that we're seeing this one is specifically for you, it's for you as a human being. And we're trying to get you in a space, where you're kind of going into your head and thinking about ways that you can develop yourself. But for those who are in that beginning stage, like I was in a couple years ago, mindsets are really just embracing that idea that knowledge can be acquired, and that intelligence can be developed. And if you can just kind of check your ego at the door and do a little bit of self work. We think it can make you the most transformational professional, and we hope that it translates in every part of your life.
Yeah, and I mean, we get to share this table of the podcast with some of the best thought leaders around these ideas of mindsets and how they can help you really position your mind, which sounds obvious, but also just like your thoughts and the way that you show up all around fundraising in a much healthier way. And, you know, as we thought about who we want to talk to, it was just so clear that Mallory Erickson, you know, has been in this space, she has been a leader to talk about really the convergence of psychology, with fundraising, and with all the different elements and layers of that. And so we're excited today to really unpack this because development starts within you, you know, and is that something that you really believe? Is it really? Are you looking at the barriers that maybe you yourself are facing mentally, that could be holding you back or or blocking you with fear? And especially in light of your entire team? You know, everyone has a mindset is it set up in a way that is really helping us all be successful together. And so I hope that this conversation is really going to lead us into some of that today.
We have our favorite person on Mallory Erickson is on the podcast today and she is such an expert in mindsets. We've had her on in season two, actually, you kicked off season two Mallory, which was so exciting, it feels like 100 years ago. But the thing we love so much about Mallory is and I feel like we have learned so much from her about what mindsets can do to empower us. But they're also what not digging into mindsets can do to cripple us. And so today, we are going to dive into it because as much as we know kind of the surface level stuff and we're reading all the time about mindsets. Malory knows about the psychology, she's got a degree in it. She knows the neuroscience. She understands behaviors and power dynamics that go into it. And guys, this is something that everybody needs to lean into at some point, because these mindsets are vast. It's about courage. It's about bravery and risk. And we're gonna be diving into empathy and energy today, and Mallory is the foremost expert on this. In addition, Mallory is also the foremost expert on corporate partnerships and her power partners model. We're going to drop the link into the show notes. It's the most revolutionary program we've seen to help activate your courage and get that new 2.0 of what we've been talking about of what is happening with corporate partnerships right now. So mouth Welcome Back to Our Podcast. So good to have you back.
Oh my gosh, I'm so thrilled to be here. Thank you so much for having me.
We're talking a little bit about this convergence. See of it. empathy. And we really like this concept of how do you pour into the mindsets of energy and empathy? And you have such a vast knowledge on this what? How would you respond to the community? Who's looking for that? And where to start?
Well, I love what you said before, around, sort of framing up the mindset piece, because I think one of the things that we don't realize is, we think that mindset work is sort of optional, like I either do mindset work, or I don't, the reality is, is that we all have certain mindsets. And so the work is either around having a mindset that's beneficial to our work, or having a mindset that's really harmful to our work. So whether or not you're sort of thinking that you're actively doing mindset work, it's not like the alternative of that is like a neutral place, right? The alternative of that is actually then having involuntary, subconscious, harmful mindsets that actually hold you back from being able to achieve your goals. And so when we talk about energy and empathy, in particular, for me, those are two components that are so intimately affected by our mindset, right? So empathy, being having the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes, right. And I think oftentimes, in the nonprofit sector, we sort of quickly say, Oh, well, we are like some of the most empathetic people, right? We're doing this really, like important heart centered work. And I'm not saying that's not true. But that isn't empathy. Empathy is our ability to see the world through someone else's eyes. And what makes empathy really hard is when we're stuck in things like scarcity mindset, when we have tunnel vision, when we're overwhelmed and stressed, we can't when we're in that place energetically, this is like where it sort of all comes together, when we're in that place, when we feel that like dread, or like drowning sensations that nonprofit leaders know so well. How can we then put ourselves in someone else's shoes, right? We can't the energy I call I talk about the difference between anabolic and catabolic energy a lot. catabolic energy is this really depleting, defeating energy. It's like we wake up in the morning, we're like, oh, I don't want to start another day. That is catabolic energy, and it wears us down. And I'll have leaders come to me all the time and say, you know, I, I'm not working more than 40 hours a week, but I'm so tired. And I feel like the pandemic has actually really taught us this. And I'm like, It's not about the amount of hours you're working that leads to burnout and, and all those things. It's how much time you're spending in catabolic energy, this tunnel vision, this judgment, all those things. Anabolic energy, on the other hand, is really fueling energy. It's like some people describe it as like flow state, right? When we're like in that state of flow, there's a prison of opportunity there, right, there's, and that's where we can activate empathy, because we have the energy to be able to be empathetic. And when we can be empathetic as fundraisers and nonprofit leaders, our ability to lead our teams to build really sustainable, mutually beneficial partnerships, all of those things is just drastically improved. So I think the you asked me, Where do people start, and I think the very first place that people start is just with awareness around the relationship between those pieces, and the need to sort of bring that level of consciousness to how we're showing up and how we're thinking about these components.
Yeah, and I think a barrier because everything you've said, is, is brilliant, of course. But I think a barrier to just the average nonprofit professional that may be listening, is that it's easy to just turn off these conversations, if you've not cultivated that sense of awareness that we all need this, especially need this to show up in the way that we're having to show up and how, you know, we really do need to work on our mindsets in a deep way just so we don't get completely burnt out and the stories we deal with and the empathy that we need to cultivate regularly. And so I do think there's a barrier just to a recognition that this is for everybody. This is not woowoo. This is not just that this is for everybody. And for fundraisers, I think even more specifically, I mean, you're putting yourself on the line in front of people, you're baring your soul program officers, people that are just on the front lines and dealing with, you know, challenging situations, I just can't think of a role in the office that doesn't need to channel this. And so could you kind of speak to that, you know, how does this you work with hundreds of organizations, and Becky alluded to power partners and happy birthday because it just turned one partner. So it's like traveling around Thailand because hundreds of nonprofits have transformed their fundraising through this and you do a lot of mindset work in it. And I know you are so close with the people in in your program too. So you get to see people come alive as they cultivate this, would you kind of talk about what this can unlock for a fundraiser and in any role that somebody is plugging into this?
Yeah, I think the piece you said before is also really important. which is just that we we all have have a mindset. So you can't really opt out of the mindset conversation, you have a mindset, it's just whether or not you want to bring a level of consciousness to is your mindset serving you or not. Right? So it's not about who will we have mindset is, are the thoughts and beliefs that lead to how we feel to then how we show up. So if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed in your fundraising, your thoughts and beliefs, that's your mindset, right? That's your mindset. And so to opt out of the conversation around mindset means that what you're doing is you're letting your condition tendencies, you're letting societal limiting beliefs, you're letting all these other things determine how you feel. And if you want to change how you feel you have to look at what are those thoughts and beliefs, you have to start to question then you have to start to open the possibility that actually something else might be true, because we've been told and our body just in an effort to sort of protect us from potential rejection, right. So let's think about this for a second. Fundraising inherently involves rejection, right? Like, if you think about it that way, I don't think about it that way anymore. But it, it is a very natural way to think about it, right? We're constantly feeling rejected by things. And so if that's how, if that's what we think about, and our bodies, biologically, are intended to protect us from potential pain, and their way of protecting us from potential pain, is to deliver stories and narrative that help us avoid risk. Think about the impact that's going to have on a fundraiser. So we are sometimes we're aware of these stories, sometimes we're not things like that person might be mad at me for sending that email again, or the thing we hear all the time for trainings, my favorite thing to hear is why don't want to keep asking mindset work year after year. And every time I wait for it. I know it's coming early in the board training. I'm like, Come on, bring it. And the first thing I said is how many of you have had a birthday party multiple years in a row? Thank you, everyone. I said of the room. And I'm like, Do you ever feel bad that you've invited people last year to your birthday party? And ever said like, why should invite them multiple years of row in a row? Or when somebody invites you to their birthday party? Do you say why gave them a gift last year and I went last year? No, we don't have that set of thoughts and that set of beliefs about birthday parties. But we do about fundraising really rooted in risk aversion, fear aversion, stigmas around money, limiting beliefs that our culture has sort of look, women were told for generations and generations that talking about money was inappropriate, that is baked into us somatically. So if we want to not feel like we're crossing a line, if we want to feel embodied and embolden and what we do got to analyze those beliefs, and we have to, we have to look at that, you know, really, really intentionally. I had someone I did a call yesterday where I was talking about corporate partnerships, in particular. And one of the guys on the call said to me, you know, isn't, is it inappropriate to ask a restaurant right now, to sponsor an event of ours, because restaurants are really struggling because of COVID. And the first thing I said to the guy was, I said, Well, inherently in the question that you just asked, is the belief that there's no value to the restaurant? Because if it was, if it's inappropriate, that means you feel like you're asking for something that's providing no value to the other entity, and is only for your benefit. Does that have to be true? Is there a way to build a partnership that is actually really beneficial to that restaurant? I believe there is. So these mindsets, these beliefs, these thoughts they in they are the basis of everything that we do. So in my opinion, it's like don't give me one more strategy don't produce one more documents sponsorship campaign, any of that without looking at your mindset, because it is it is changing your behavior, every single increment of your fundraising process.
Okay, full stop right there. I mean, there's a reason that Mallory at the right after I met her this is an interesting story. Right after I met Mallory for one hour on a zoom call, I'm pretty sure I emailed her and said, Will you be my best friend? Can I just text you? And we talk all the time, because to have someone like this in your world that goes so deep, and it's so empathy based, and it's logical, and it's helping you see the blinders that you're putting on yourself that you don't even know that you're seeing?
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This is what really shaped my mindset. And I want to go into this and I have a question follow up is the day that somebody came in to me and I can assure you, every single fundraiser that's listening has had this question posed to them by a friend or a family member. What do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a development officer. I'm a fundraiser, oh my gosh, I could never do that. I could never ask anybody for money. And the day I realized that I turned to people and said, It is my honor. It is my joy to be in this position. Because I'm not thinking of the 42 rejections I've gotten. I'm thinking about the family, who had a horrible experience in our hospital, but we were at or had a horrible experience leading to our hospital. And we were able to deliver something transformational to them that meant so much to them, that they could come back and make a gift, and how that extended the storyline of their family and their philanthropy and their values and the things they care about and how they're able to pay that forward. I would never want my fear to take that that moment and that opportunity away from someone. So my question to you Mallory is how does someone start to do the internal work? When we start, I mean, I want every single person listening to get into anabolic state, you know, I want them to be in flow. I want them to wake up. And we have hard things that happen in nonprofit. It's rough out there right now. But there's so much good that is infused in how do we recenter ourselves and get our minds back on track to reminding us why we chose this purpose driven work.
Yeah, I mean, we have all heard those that question, right, I could never be a fundraiser. And so what's really important to recognize in that is that those beliefs are infiltrating the way that we believe the thought patterns that we have in the beliefs that we have, right? So that's why I say it's so important that we have this awareness because there are those societal stigmas out there. We're not responsible for them. But we get to decide if we want though, if we really believe those. And if we want to have those guide, the way that we show up as a fundraiser, right, that's where our choice comes in. Which sort of brings me I think they're very two very quick things that can shift you help you shift out of catabolic energy, no matter what type of thought or belief is, is wearing you down. One of them is curiosity.
Where can you get one of your favorite or?
I know it is. And I'm a broken record, because here's the thing, catabolic energy is black and white, right or wrong. It's wrong to write that donor, right? It's wrong to ask every single year the same people, it's wrong to ask our monthly givers to give it end of year. It's very black and white. You know, when something in your brain is black and white? It is fear based? It is not I have people tell me all the time, my intuition said not to write that donor. Nope. If it is black and white, it is fear. If it is black and white, it is fear. If it is curious, you're in the gray. And that is where you want to be because that's where all possibility is, is. So would it be better when a client says to me, would it be better to email this person on Tuesday or Thursday? I know they're in a higher state of anabolic energy when a client tells me Oh, I couldn't do that because of XY and Z. We are based. So first of all, having awareness that is really helpful. And there's some other, there's some other pieces there around telling the difference between intuition and fear. But that is sort of the clearest one. So curiosity lets you leave black and white thinking, it means that it's no longer binary, something else is possible, a different narrative is possible. Maybe that person won't hate you. Maybe your friends will keep inviting you to parties, even though you talk about your nonprofit, right? Like the end. So even just that slight entry into grey, actually diffuses catabolic energy immediately. So that's one of the like, very first things like I would put put a post above your computer that says, Get curious. And anytime you are having that rumbling in your stomach, or you are not taking action around something, look at your to do list, what's that thing on your to do list that has been sitting there for a month, two months that you are not doing that? It's really like a five minute task or a 10 minute task? Can you get curious? What's the story there? What are the thoughts and beliefs behind why you might not be taking action? And how can you actually get curious around what else might be true? What else might be possible, right? This is where there are a lot of strategies here around if your friend was in that same situation, how would you advise them right, Becky, you and I do this all the time for each other. When we get stuck in our own catabolic thinking, like I think I texted you the other day and said, I think my friend Becky would say.
And we just helped pull ourselves out of this, like deep tunnel vision where we can't see what else like we are so much kinder to our friends and family than we are to ourselves, right? We're so much more anabolic with the people we love. So, okay, you're finding yourself in this really hard catabolic state, what would you say to a friend who is in that same situation, right, sort of pulling yourself out of being inundated. Another strategy here in sort of this same realm of curiosity and moving out of black and white, sometimes I'll have clients write down, the whole story they've made up in their head about the donor hasn't written them back in 72 hours, they hate them. They're never giving them again, they made the biggest mistake in the last meeting. I'm sorry, we all have these stories. So first of all, just knowing first of all, just like acknowledging and validating for everyone listening to this, that is totally normal. That is totally normal. If you have those stories, if you have those fears. If you are experiencing catabolic energy from fundraising, you are just like every other fundraiser, I spent most of my career believing that was not true. Believing that good fundraiser, there was no way that good fundraisers felt like this. And so I think one just really knowing because that's another thing acknowledgement validating the way that you feel. That's another way to defuse catabolic energy. Just really let yourself like, be there. Yeah, that is really hard. It is really hard, and that's okay. And it's really scary. And that's okay. Right. We're not saying that it's not okay for you to be experiencing those things. But in addition to curiosity, choice is the other critical piece to get out of catabolic energy. When we feel trapped. We are deep in catabolic energy, right? We feel paralyzed. We don't feel like we have a lot of options available to us. So when we feel like okay, I'm in a super catabolic state right now. Yeah, I'm remembering what Mallory said on that podcast. Here. We are lots of catabolic energy. At that moment, you have a choice? Do you want to change your thoughts or beliefs? Do you want to change how you show up? Do you want to change the results around X, Y, or Z? It is your choice. And actually either choice is told any choice is totally fine. And they aren't binary choices? How would you like to change the way that you feel right now? How would you like to change how you show up in relationship to this donor or this staff member. But giving yourself and finding ways to sort of hack into choice is really critical. I will tell you a really funny story. And then I'll stop here around this. I had a really, really hard day in my business, like every tech system broke, I was in tears. I'm a young mom, like just really at my total breaking point. And I have a friend who works for a huge company has been trying to recruit me as a coach over there for a long time. And I called him and I said, I need you to do an exercise with me because I was at the point where I said to my husband, like, I don't think I can do this anymore. Like I think I need to close the business. I can't I can't have days like this anymore. And I was feeling really trapped. And I sensed that feeling of trapped and I was like I need to remember that this is a choice. So I call my friend at the big company. I said I need you to do me a favor. I need you to offer me that job. And he was like what I was like you know that job you're always trying to recruit me for it's like I need to offer it to me like on this phone call, like right now just like go through the motions, please. And he's a coach too. So he kind of got what I was doing. And he did it. He offered me the job. And I was like, No, thank you. But that choice, reminding myself that I am not trapped in my business, I'm not trapped. Here I am choosing this work, I'm choosing what how I show it wake up every day. It just like, it broke the catabolic energy open, and I got to like re enter my work and my business and my day, remembering that, like, there are a lot of choices that I have. And I think right now with the pandemic, and with COVID, like just in general, we feel so trapped, and so choiceless in so many ways. So wherever we can find opportunities to remind ourselves, we do have choices, especially in what we believe and think that's where we have the most choice. And so reminding ourselves of that taking control of that can be so powerful.
You remember us sitting around, we're saying, Okay, we really feel like this year, people need to focus on mindsets like this just keeps coming up. This is why Mallory's the top of that list.
I can't believe I'm not paying for this therapy session.
I know, like what you're saying. And, you know, one of the things that I just feel like keeps coming back to me on this trends discussion this year, is that I just really hope that these can land in community, you know, because we desperately all need that. And our nonprofits need that our missions need that. And so I hope like this conversation is something that you everybody can feel like they get taken back to somebody that they trust, or to their team and process through this. Because how healthy of a culture, I'm just writing this down thinking, what would it look like to literally sit down with your development team and talk about these blocks? You know, where are we not getting curious? Where are we not taking action and talk about it? And it doesn't have to be, you know, so I don't know, inappropriate to have that discussion of what are our fears? Like, why don't we actually name name them? And what would that do if we if we did that in community together? And I'm sure you see this all the time, because you're coaching people to do this. I mean, there's power in that, right? It is
mind blowing, and with boards, the reason my board training, not to like give away all my secrets, but like, you know, the reason why my board training, I think is so tremendous for organizations is because I have board members talking about deep emotional fears around fundraising. And that is not something that I had ever seen happen on boards before. It was the same conversation over and over. It was like, well, we just need a better deck. We just need a better drafted ghosted, ghostwritten email, we just need a better, we just need this to be more succinct. We just need a little bit more clarity here. We just were iterating on all the things, we're iterating on all the things, but we're not actually talking about the root cause around why your board members are not taking action, which is that they feel uncomfortable fundraising, and even then being able to talk about that together. And on staff teams too. Yeah, I would have in every development meeting, you should be asking your team and yourself. What assumptions are we making here that are holding us back from taking the action? We want to take? What interpretations around our funder behavior? Are we making that might not be helping us see the whole picture here? Right? What are some of the linear limiting beliefs we're holding about our donors and what they're capable of? And where are we feeling really scared? And how can we support each other to like, be fearless for those seconds, you know, for political fundraising, they do something called call times where someone literally sits next to the politician while they're doing all their cold calls. So think about that for a second. That's how much support people need in order to take action around something scary, they need that person sitting right next. We don't do anything like that, to support our fundraisers.
I love that you mentioned that now, because I also think that that could lead straight into coaching, and you are certified coach. And if you are lacking some of the bravery or you feel rudderless, I think a coach can really help you get there, and they'll help you get to the root of those issues. Can you imagine, John, if you if we had ever sat down at like a board retreat and ask those questions, how the entire shift of the way that not only our board things, but the way we interact with them the way that we see their mission, I would even think it would impact your understanding of where their fears lie as you go to ask for future gifts as you storytel I mean, it's so pervasive in everything that you do. I am eating every bit of this up and I hate that word to the last question now, but I really want to know, what is your one good thing that you would offer to people in it In this framework, what is one good thing they could do today,
I think the first thing that you should do, and I know there were so many sort of tips and tricks, and everyone's coming to this call from a different place, right, and sort of maybe a different level of catabolic or anabolic energy. So I would say the number one thing is to acknowledge and validate how you feel, to listen to yourself, acknowledge and validate those feelings, if you just did that, you would start to see an opening that you hadn't seen before, around how you get to show up, and how you get to build relationships. And if the other pieces feel inaccessible to you right now, that's okay, acknowledge, validate. That's where I started, I felt exactly how you feel for a long, long time. And so I think if you can just give yourself that grace and that permission, that it's okay to feel scared and overwhelmed, and nervous, that's going to be the beginning of a really healthy mindset journey for you,
that was so beautiful. And honestly, I just see it, almost like a door that we've been afraid to open. And it's like if you can just open it a crack, and be brave enough to just do a little of the heart work in this, because mindsets are really just embracing that knowledge can be acquired, and intelligence can be developed. And if you're humble enough to come into this space, you know, and put your ego check your ego at the door a little bit. And really think about it, I have to say I just did this like three hours ago with my therapist when I was trying to get into true self mode, you have to find what the root of that is. And I just think thank you for saying that. We just need to care for ourselves as a place to start. Because you're I think you're exactly right. Yeah, how
can we have empathy for other people, if we don't even give ourselves a moment of sort of acknowledgement and space, right. That's why there's this really deep connection between energy and empathy. So, yeah,
we just think the world of you, and thank you for your friendship. And if you're listening in, I know you've just connected with Valerie. So go listen to her podcast, she dives into this kind of stuff, these kinds of deep conversations with the unexpected guests in a lot of ways that are challenging the industry to think differently. It's called what the fundraising go check that out. Check out power partners, check out Mallory online. What a gift. Thank you, Mallory.
Oh my gosh, thank you guys so much. I'm so honored to be here and love you guys to pieces. And I'm thankful that you're doing this series to bring all these thought leaders together and that you're leading the charge with these themes. So thank you.
It takes a village. Thanks for being in ours. And thanks for listening, guys. Appreciate you.
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