[121] An Evening of Mindfulness, Compassion, and Insight – with Joe Parent
12:05AM Jul 25, 2023
Speakers:
Alyssa
Joe Parent
Audience Member
Keywords:
posture
open
feel
meditation
seeker
buddhist tradition
mind
breath
front
practice
world
breathe
relax
torso
heart
supposed
sitting
wine
karma
interesting
Well, nice to see everyone. It's mid summer. I'm here in Southern California and it is it got over 95 in the shade today. So it's starting to starting to cook. Not compared to Phoenix. I think they're they're setting their records but so we're, we're getting toasty. For today I was tossing around a number of different ideas. But one of the things that I thought of was What were you doing in the waiting room while you were waiting? And I was doing a meditation this morning actually leading a meditation for a group called compassion for Ukraine, where we do a scent very similar to the practices that that I've been doing here. If you haven't been on this one before. I see a lot of familiar faces, but we do a sequence of practices. From settling and grounding to close in mindfulness, to more environmental awareness, to working with compassion, to put others before ourselves to open our hearts to others. So after my presentation, there were I said any comments or discussion and there was this nice long gap and I called it the see what happens meditation. So we can if you look at your mind while you're waiting, you know it's interesting to us to notice what's going on our judgments coming on questioning, Is this thing working. That's one of the first ones is this thing working. It says five it says this time of day and I'm in a waiting room but might I be might you know in the in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition is the word Bardo, which literally means in between, and it's supposedly the waiting room after you die before you're reborn. And so how long am I going to be in this Bardo of not knowing? Is this is this an never ending waiting room. So that comes up, right? Is this thing working? And then then we think well, you know, why? Why are we starting what's wrong? So we always immediately go to what's wrong and then and then sometimes judgments come up, like, you know, this is this. You might say this is getting a little inconsiderate. You know we were supposed to I was here on time. Why are they here and you know and notice the kinds of things that come up in our minds and how we create an environment of I'm over here, they're over there. And do we assume the worst or do we make allowances? I was driving the other day and this car just zoom in and out of traffic. And and of course the first thought is what a what a jerk speeding like that. I said don't wait okay. Taking his mother to the emergency room. And, of course, if you're a golfer, you can say oh, you're late for his tee time. But, but something's going on that do we make allowances or do we assume the worst? So it's interesting to look at where our minds go. And I was talking with someone we were we were talking about the trickiness of our emotional reactivity. Because very often it comes with it a righteousness and an assumption that we're we're being objective, when in fact, maybe not so much they were putting our personal preferences on how the world is supposed to run in there is one of my favorite cartoons. I don't want to go through the tech stuff of trying to share it so it's an old Calvin and Hobbes if you've ever heard of that, you know, and, and Calvin is the kid this kid who asks his dad, he said, Dad's What, what's a control freak? And, and his father says, Well, that's what people call those of us who take responsibility and really see that what's supposed to happen happens. And Calvin said, Am I Am I in the presence of their king should I kneel. So we have this this idea of how things are supposed to run, and then it's our idea and we forget that it's and we overlay it on the world and say that is that's how things are supposed to run. So there's this trickiness of our emotional reactivity that hides that masquerades as what's something that's particularly valid? So it's interesting to have a sense of humor about that and look into it. I remember one psychologist saying, it really bugs me. When you do that thing that I don't like that. I do.
So just Just what came up in the rotation of things to talk about of how those little trickiness that our egocentric mind plays you know, sometimes in Buddhist tradition in the translation, because, believe it or not the Buddha, nor Jesus nor Mohammed nor Confucius, none of them spoke English. So whenever people quote, you know, they say, Well, this is what is what Jesus said. I don't really think so. Because I don't think he's spoken English. And nor nor did the Buddha. So we have these translations, and it's interesting, what we do with the translations. So I'm starting to not try to solidify ego as a thing that the word ego has, actually, um, I'm not sure but I don't think there was a lot of usage of that before Freud, that particular word. And even even he didn't write in English, it was in German. So instead, it's more egocentric, ego, clinging, clinging to this notion of self that gets of who we are, that gets projected out. And, and another aspect of that, for us to look at for our self investigation. Of what we project out onto the world has to do with our secret identity Did you know we have a secret identity? We all have a secret identity. Now, that secret identity has to do with how we like things. To stay the same. And are the masquerading identity is how we'd like things to change. So we say You know what, I want to be less like this. And more like that. I want to one of the examples I go is I want to find the perfect person to be in a relationship with I want to do I want to have a really good relationship with someone. And so we have an developers an identity, the seeker the one who wants to find that person, Miss or Mister Right. Actually dated somebody named Miss Wright. And I said, I don't think so. Later on. It seemed that her middle name was always but but but again, that's exactly how she felt about me. What a coincidence. What a coincidence. So we look to find that person and get into the mode of seeker and and I I've met people like those that there was this one guy, he would always he'd get into a relationship and I'd say you broke up already said, Yeah, you know, it just, it was something she wasn't quite the person that I was looking for. And it turns out, that if we start identifying ourselves as the seeker when we find what we're seeking, two things happen. One, we lose our job. See, because our job is to be the seeker is to find that that thing that we're looking for. That perfect person that perfect something, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect car, the perfect life, what, whatever it is, if our job is to find that and then we get what we're looking for, to one, we've lost our job, which is very threatening, you know, we because we identify ourselves with our occupation so much, you know, when you go to a party, you don't say, when you meet someone, mostly people say so what do you do? If somebody says so what are you really like, you might go oh, excuse me. That's weird. Now, what do you do? Yeah, oh, well, I do that you know, this is my job. Okay. So if you get to my age, I say what did you do? But we so our job is important to us. And and our identity of I'm the one who's trying to find Mr or miss right? When you find them, you know how to look for and try to try to develop a relationship, but you don't know how to be in a relationship. You don't know how to be satisfied with how things are. And so you find something wrong with things are you find something wrong with the person Oh, that couldn't have been the one and then what a relief because we try to be congruent with our identity. And, and we don't move outside of that hidden limit that we don't even realize sometimes. So that's why I wanted to talk about looking into that and looking into what do we really want and are we setting ourselves up? No samsara the word samsara in the Buddhist tradition is confused existence. And the word actually is translated as a whirlpool and what it means is we're chasing our own tail. Because that's all we want to do is keep going around in that circle, rather than actually getting someplace because the circle is familiar and we'd rather have something that's familiar and not ultimately satisfying, then the possibility of what could be ultimately satisfying. So something to think about. Contemplate now we're going to do some meditation. And in the Buddhist tradition, there's there are three levels of developing insight. One is listening, which would include reading, but hearing and connecting with what's being taught. The second is contemplating chewing on it, reflecting on things so we actually, we do think about it, but then the third is meditating and that's basically opening our minds to let it sink in without thinking about it. Sometimes it's even translated as integrating. So there'll be time to contemplate it. Right now. I'm going to lead us through some meditation. And then when we do the compassion practice, which is a practice of exchanging self for other meaning, reversing our usual habit of taking in we usually want to take in what we want and get rid of what we don't want. In this case, we're going to take in and experience what we usually don't want and purify that and send out what we do want to share with others. So when we're doing that, that's when this kind of contemplation can happen and say, what do I really want? And what is it that I'm afraid of? And take that in because other people are afraid of the same things and send out courage and confidence to handle whatever comes across. And finally, when there's a gap and you're waiting for something, rather than all those thoughts, you can engage in see what happens meditation. Well, I'm just going to wait and see what happens. So, on that note, let's begin.
And when we're, when we do the first part of this practice, we have our eyes closed to kind of get settled and centered. But when you open your eyes, and you might want to turn to the side to start with, but you'll want to turn away from your device so that you're not looking straight into the screen for a long period of time and, and set up so that you have some space in front of you because we're going to explore spaciousness. Okay, so let's get started. And take your good posture, and I want to work on a particular aspect of that posture. Most of us have done this practice before but you know, whatever seat you're in really let your six sit bones sink down into the cushion that you're on. Feet, either flat on the floor, directly below your knees or loosely crossed in front of you so that your knees are a little below your hips, that will be best. And let your arms hang straight down so that your upper arms are just hanging straight down and then leave leaving your elbows where they are. Just swivel your hands. Calm down on each thigh respectively. If you're used to a different meditation posture with your hands 111 Hand within the other resting at your waist or in your lap that's okay.
We want to have a firm but not rigid back. And to be really upright, you want to feel like from the back of the top of your head down to your tailbone feel like it's a straight line in a straight line. So your head isn't tilted back or tilted forward. When you do that your chin kind of comes in naturally. It isn't a straight line. There's curvature your neck and your spine but if it feels like a straight line that's ideal. And without your chin going up, what I'd like you to do is explore this particular move and that is your breastbone, just a few finger width from the bottom. That that V and your ribcage at the bottom of your breastbone, your sternum. That point right there is at the level of your heart center. Just feel like that. Move that slightly forward and slightly up on a diagonal just a half inch forward and up. You feel your chest open your shoulders naturally go back without you pulling them back your shoulder blades come together a little bit. Breathing comes more easily breathe in through your nose and you have an uplifted quality without your chin floating up
that your jaw be relaxed but not hanging open to your lips. You're just slightly carded or lightly touching your tongue can either rest naturally or rest just lightly touching your upper palate just behind your teeth
you haven't already you can let your eyes gently close
just explore your posture
and start to feel your breath coming in and out with your body breathe itself
you need a little bit of tension to hold your firm back in your open chest. So your posture upright but other than that, you want to let everything relax is if your spine is a tempo and everything else is resting your body's just the canvas hanging from the tent pole. Just scan your body from head from top down. We're going to just let any unnecessary tension any tension you don't need to hold your posture just melt as your awareness touches like sunlight on snowflakes in the morning. Let it melt through your forehead, your eyes, face muscles, especially your jaw without your mouth hanging open just let it melt
neck and shoulders. You don't have to pull your shoulders back when you're when you raise your chest just a tiny bit your shoulders come back to a very natural place. We get used to our shoulders kind of curled forward and our front, front oriented computer world just not our hang. Arms torso, ribcage and feel your torso feel front to back that there's depth it feels as the breath goes in you expand not just side to side but front to back as well.
Ideally you want to feel as if the breath is coming in through your nostrils going down the back of your throat and filling your torso going down the back and filling from the bottom up.
Without losing your posture but your deep belly, your pelvic region just relax but be
there's no positive quality of relaxing relaxing is just absence of tension. You can't intentionally relax but you can just let be.
sighs forums and hands knees calves ankles and feet
as the breath goes in and out just be aware of your whole body
feel that expansion
for us going in and out
really let your body sink down as you raise your chest a little bit that actually pushes your sit bones into the seat connected with the earth fully grounded just let the breath come and go. The body breathes itself it's kind of like on a quiet day. The surf just gently running up the shore of the beach and back down into the ocean. Just running up the beach a little way back down the ocean. Think of your breath that way. Waves of breathing gentle waves of breathing every now and then there's a bigger one and then back to the smaller ones.
Let your mind be open like the sky but that provides the space across which clouds the sun birds, planes rainbows all that happens the sky doesn't have a preference for one thing or another appearing.
With your mind being a see what happens space like the sky
there's the gong phase. Let your eyes open about halfway maintain your posture awareness of your posture. No look at the space that your body is sitting in. Under your half open eyelids you can only see a couple of feet in front of you. A little bit to the side. Soften your gaze so you're not looking at something. But just seeing the space that you're sitting in.
Awareness of the space awareness of your posture the rest your attention on the feeling of filling and emptying as the breath comes in and goes out the expansion and contraction of your torso. If you can let your awareness drop deep into your torso, so your focus your attention is on your deep belly. A couple of inches below your navel just in front of your spine
let your mind rest there
just let your breathing be.
aware of the breath showing and emptying out there's a gentle movement of the water up the shore and back down
and If your mind wanders into a daydream which it likely will it's okay that's what the mind does. As soon as you realize it just makes a little acknowledgement Ah, you can use the word thinking or thought what that means is I was just in a daydream. Now I'm already back. Return to my posture. Awareness of the space I'm sitting in feeling of the breath filling and emptying my body. Do that for a couple of minutes.
To Go. Take a refreshing moment reinvigorate your posture. Turn back, open heart
just open your eyes naturally. Letting your face muscles relax. Your eyes will rest in a particular direction. Not looking down not looking straight out but a little below horizontal. Again, soften your gaze open up to the space in front of you to the sides above and below
shift your attention from the internal feeling of filling and emptying. To the breath going out into space. Really what you're doing is the breath goes out naturally and naturally diffuses and mixes with the air in the room. It's more of a metaphor for what your mind does. And that is as the breath goes out, let your mind open to the space mix with the space in the room diffuse into the space that you're sitting in the whole space around you in front of you. Just rest in that spaciousness as the body breathes in by itself. Out open rest. How open. We are on a student spaciousness. Again if your mind wanders into daydreams when you realize it, just got to smile. I was someplace else. I'm back. reinvigorate your posture. Wait for the next out breath and go out. Open rest and spaciousness.
Open and let be open and be do that for a couple of minutes.
To go shades raise your gaze just above the horizon
imagine that your awareness extends out beyond the space you're sitting in. Out to the sky or to the sky in all directions. awareness as big as the sky
within that vast openness are all the beings that share this planet. All the living beings and we all have something in common that we all want contentment well being
we all want to be free from suffering and struggle
now for this contemplation you can leave your eyes open or closed them whatever you're more comfortable with.
Raise your heart, your open heart and we all possess an open heart of caring and kindness. I know open heart of compassion our connection our heart connection with all living beings
that open heart of compassion is a quality like an air purifier or an air conditioner and as you breathe in imagine that you're breathing in from yourself and all beings. All the negative emotions feelings, fears, struggles prejudices, jealous jealousies, anger, all these negative qualities that cause so much suffering in the world. Like air pollution like smoke filled room, imagine that as you breathe in your jaw all these from all directions into your heart center. which purifies them instantly. And as you breathe out from your heart center radiates clean, cool fresh air of kindness and caring
understanding and acceptance. Peace, health and content
be the air conditioner that cools the heat of the negative emotions of passions and anger and
hatred
sounds a cool refreshing air of kindness love and understanding
Is the dog food slow your gaze open your eyes. Come back to just being here. Your body in the space that you're sitting in your posture grasp going in and out like waves.
That concludes our practice and and to kind of tie a bow on it. It's good to express our intention that we're not just doing this for ourselves as you could feel in that last session. We're interconnected. We're interdependent with all beings. We all share the same motivations. So we'd like to conclude by dedicating the benefit of our practice not just to ourselves but to others. And so you can repeat after me or putting your own words made the practice we have just done benefit others even more so than to ourselves. We are included but we want to think of others first. And then we can have an aspiration to take this into the rest of our lives. And that's simply saying in all that I do in body speech and thoughts may I cultivate mindfulness and kindness
so thank you. And Alisa if you would just open everybody up to unmute if they would like. Please share whatever comments or questions you have about the practice or whatever is on your mind.
Eileen
How would your saying goodbye I really appreciate these meditations very much and appreciate everyone that attends thank you so much, Joe.
Oh, thank you. Good bye, Eileen. Good night Eileen. Isn't there a song like that? Or is it Irene? I can't remember. How did you feel about the posture of opening, raising your chest, your breastbone just a little bit? We got a thumb up from thumbs up from Tim. This is a couple it does. Something interesting, doesn't it? And in the shambolic tradition that's talked about using opening your heart to raise your head and shoulders and you end up sitting in a very dignified posture, liquor king or queen on the throne and it's also said in the Buddhist tradition, taking the proper posture and the practices have accomplished because all the energy centers line up, then it flows much more easily. Tim put in the chat. I know that I've been identified as a seeker for many years, ready to become a finder, how do I switch that identity? I want to find the truth. You will this truth will set you free. I think somebody has said that before. And I'm glad you mentioned that because it's interesting I was listening to a talk by ponlop Rinpoche who was talking about resting the mind. And one of the challenges is when you hear the word rest the mind. What we go to is where where am I supposed to lie down and rest? And in what posture do am I supposed to rest on my side? Am I supposed to rest of my back metaphorically of how do I rest the mind as if it's an active thing to do? And he said, it's actually better to just say, let go. Now, I've been thinking about that. And I think even letting go has too much of an active quality to it. You know, when do I how do I let go, you know, let go from my head. You know how it's a it's an it's a little bit active. So I want to go with let be just let it be and see what happens. And in fact, that's that's really the instruction working with our mind, not to manipulate it, but just to let B and C into the nature of whatever is arising. Whatever appears to be arising. Whatever appears to be dwelling whatever appears to be ceasing. I figured Laura would hear the Beatles I got it just let it be right. Let be we don't have an if there's no it there's no it be so just let it be and see what happens.
And so So Tim, you know the seeker basically the secret is always looking out there to find something turn it around.
Hope that's helpful
when you turn it around, might find it's already there. Isn't there you just might find you got what you need. Now we've got the Rolling Stones what is going on? You just might find you got what you need. In fact, you just might find that you don't really need anything. Go we're gonna take it even further. You just might find that you got no needs. How's that?
Karen you missed the announcement at the beginning
I was I was doing see what happens meditation and I decided to go pee before it started. So I would
I was just saying I'm not going to do my morning program until start again in September. But I'll still be doing these evening ones. And I've been doing this compassion for Ukraine meditation I guess it's nine o'clock Mountain Time. So eight Pacific 11. Eastern, each each morning. So we were talking about that a little bit and the posture of raising up you were there for that right? Yes. So you didn't miss. You didn't miss anything important.
I got there in the word starting in September, so I got most.
Thank you. Yes, I'll see you in September
that's that's what's happening. Good. Well, oh, we're well past the hour. Is there a link for the compassion for Ukraine meditation, Larry. Let me put that in. Hang on a second. I have a right here
okay, here it comes
so I can stick around for a couple more minutes. If you have comments or questions
I Lucinda, where? Where in the world are you?
I'm near Sacramento. So we're just getting a little relief after our massive heatwave a few days ago, so it's nice. It's getting nice.
Thanks. You said it down here. Sorry. Okay, I'm glad. See that's our tongue as our compression brothers I'm happy that we have it or not you
so nice buddy. Well,
if I just say when shopping Halifax Nova Scotia had three months worth of Maine in 24 hours. It's washed out roads and bridges and it's horrible blood up there. It made the national eight ABC News. Oh,
and oh my gosh, and that and that's on top of forest fires that almost got into Halifax into the city,
right? So, in June it was it was on fire now it's flooded. It's crazy.
Sounds biblical. Was was, you know, washed out.
I was gonna say where I am. I'm in the tropics in Mexico and we received a warnings from civil protection. The temperatures were going between 47 and 55 degrees Celsius. And we were receiving morning with a whole list of things that we should be careful about including not leading mineral water in our cars because it could explode for me things like that. Wow, quite apocalyptic.
Scary. 55 Celsius. That's 130 Yeah, I was gonna say about 330
Yeah, yeah.
It's yeah, well. Karma. Karma is Karma is a bitch.
Jaren
Well, I know it's just the Colorado has just been in the very corner of that he don't. And so it hasn't been totally outrageous here. And so I'm thinking you made me laugh because maybe Colorado has a little better karma then. I mean, you laugh when you talk about karma. How do you you know, there's so many things involved. How do you you know, so
grateful. One One can't No. That's right, you know? So, it is interesting. Sometimes that's just like, Oh, it's just karma. And that's just to write it off. It was more that was more of a, you know, but it is it's the karma of how we treat the planet.
Yes. Yeah.
I agree. Yeah,
yeah. So that's, that's the challenging situation.
Yes, is that is happening all over the northern hemisphere. Like, you know, my background, my whole family is Polish, and Poland as the north of you know, the continental United States. It just had the hottest temperature ever recorded there. I was like, I don't know. 120 130 degrees, but it's happening in China. The worst place by far away is the Middle East. Especially, you know, the Persian Gulf. I mean it's everywhere.
Yeah. Well, you know, the interesting thing. I enjoy some I enjoy wine. And it turns out England is going to be the next France because really, England is going to be ideal climate for growing grapes and making wine. That British.
Read in the medical news yesterday and this has been going around. They've they've now come to the front conclusion that there is no amount of alcohol whatsoever that's good for you. None zero. They used to say you can have one or two glasses of wine and according to the Mediterranean diet.
Thanks so much. Every party has a pooper. Right? It's too late. See gray hair. You're gonna drink the wine. But thank you for that information. That's good. None that's good for you.
Hi. They used to concentrate. They're like the Mediterranean diet said, If you drink one or two glass of wine a day is good for your heart. It turns out it is. But the problem is it's even worse for your brain. So the overall effect is okay, they will have a heart attack and they have dementia. Me That's overstating the case I grant you that.
Now you have to tell us a joke since you brought us all down from who
you want me to tell you a doctor joke? No. Let's say Rodney Dangerfield joke. A pig joke a doctor?
Doctor joke.
Okay, so, a guy that goes to see his doctor because he's having processes right way. They were all these tests and yeah, now they finally has almost no arteries left to the doctor. There's nothing we can do to save your way. We it has to be cut off. So guys agrees they take him to the operating room. You know, they do the surgery. But he's recovering. The surgeon comes out and says Mr. Jones, he says I have some good news and some bad news for you about the surgery. And he says well, what and he says we made a mistake we cut off the wrong Wade what's the good news? Author in the surgery we we found out how to cure what's wrong with the right leg?
Oh, I didn't hear that.
So the bad news is we made a mistake. We cut off your left leg your good leg by mistake. That's the bad news. It says but the good news is during the surgery we found out how to care what's wrong with your right leg? Oh
yeah I got another one if you want
to do efficient that's that's fine. Well, gang I'm not gonna do jokes. Today. Today is my songs day. That was very interesting. How all those lines came up. See what happens. You never know what's going to happen. So any other comments or questions about the practice?
Thank you. Very good.
Oh, you're welcome, Karen. Always nice to see you. Karen and I have known each other a long long time. Very sweet. Good. All right. Thank you Alyssa. Yeah, what's your pooches name?
This one Sadie, the other little one. He jumped up in my lap a second. ago. that's gram.
ad. Okay, well, stay cool. And if you're someplace else, stay dry. So think of others. Bye.