Welcome to when mothers lead a podcast created by mother for soulful grassroots collective of single mothers. I'm Heidi and I'm Lisa and we will discuss how you can be a part of this movement and what the world will look like when mothers lead
See, I feel the mother's grieving
yay welcome everyone to win mother's lead. And today we are talking to a very beloved guest, one of the collective members of Mother foal here in Columbus. And she is a single mom of two, also a powerful poet, among other beautiful things. And her name is Stevie Knighten. Morris, also known as dear Miss Stevie, on all platforms. So welcome, Stevie. Thank you for coming.
Thank you. for inviting me, I feel honored to be here truly, truly, truly. I have a great deal of respect and admiration.
Thank you. Same right back at you. So we just want to, to bring on some moms throughout our podcast journey, who we know are really, you know, making a difference in the community. So many so many moms are, and we've loved having you perform with us, and be with us in the collective. And so maybe we can just start out by you sharing about yourself a little bit more about yourself speaking? Sure.
This is a question. So in my day job, I interviewed people right now I'm in I've been in recruiting for a long time. But right now I interviewed pilots for a private aviation company. And I have to ask them to tell me about themselves all the time. And you would think that it would be such an easy question. And now I'm on the other side. I'm like, Oh, my gosh. So it all started back in 1984. Now, right, so I, I've been I've been writing since I was nine. And I've been performing since I was 16. I am a Columbus native. I went to East High School. So I like to say, you know, they Eastside raised me and made me. But I left, went to school at Fisk University, went to Philly lit pursuing graduate school and actually met my now ex husband. And we got pregnant with my first study. I was, well, I got a degree in English and mass communications. And I thought I was going to be like the next Oprah for some time. And then I determined I wanted to specifically make a different time. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna, you know, be a journalist or you know, I don't know. But I really wanted to make a difference. And I started looking more into nonprofit work. So yeah,
so we wanted to ask you, Stevi, because we're talking about mothers who lead and the leadership of mothers wanting to know how motherhood has shaped your leadership, and how your leadership has shaped your motherhood and also how that kind of ties into your art. Absolutely.
Um, so the word that comes to mind is courage. Really, in terms of because it takes courage, I think to lead I think oftentimes, women are not chosen, selected, brought up in this society to understand what leadership looks like and have the ability to shape that according to who they are, and their experience. I think that oftentimes particularly like in corporate or you know industry, we are required to adapt to the way things are and motherhood or you know, forces you to adapt your life to what your family needs single motherhood and above all else, you know, definitely makes you bigger Um, creative in terms in terms of how you pursue success, or the well being or the you know caretaking of your family. And so I bring motherhood with me, wherever I go, I bring motherhood to the office, I bring motherhood, you know, it's a my creative work, I talk about my children, I talk about the experiences of motherhood, but I often talk about it in my creative work. From a more like holistic experience of mothers, oftentimes, motherhood is so focused on the child as it should be, right? It's focused on our kids. They're the people that make us moss. And, you know, we're taking care of them. But there is a special club. And there's a there is an experience that comes with actually being in that role. That I think is especially inspiring. And so oftentimes, my poetry, my creativity will be focused on women and focused on the women who do not have the privilege or a did not have the privilege of being able to speak up and have a platform, and dare to say the thing, whatever that thing is, we're the women who don't have the privilege of bringing their motherhood, and they are trying to adapt their lives and their work around their kids and often have to make really unfair sacrifices. So when I feel like you have the privilege and the ability to to do so that will ultimately impact even a little bit, the way that you know, industry thinks about leadership and welcoming mothers and parents in general into the workforce. I think it's, it's like a duty, like I have to, I'm bringing my motherhood to work with me so that the other folks, the other younger folks, the other women, the other moms, seek me out. Honestly, I have a few people at work that seek me out, just to be able to talk to me about you know, what they're juggling. And I'm like, I understand, and I have moms that I reached out to like, listen, they're 13 and 14, I don't know how you got them to 20 and 21. I'm struggling. So I mean, no leader is really, really gets where they are without that community. So I mean, leading to me, to me really means you're in touch and supporting your community. It has to be from that place. For sure.
Yeah, so speaking of poetry, did you bring any to share with us?
I did, there was one I liked. Because it just this one, like I said, Is mom focused, meaning it's not focused like one, I guess I could say all kinds of things about my children, you know, I mean, like, just, they're funny, they're amazing. So I've written little things about them, kind of for them. But a lot of my writing in terms of motherhood is really about the experience of motherhood and other mothers who may not have, like I said, been able to say anything, they've just had to just do the work in silence. And so I actually had a poem called the silent generation. Because I thought about, I just think I just think we're not as different as much as we have all this technological, you know, advantages and we live in the quote unquote, Modern Age. I think our news proof says that we are not as far above the basic human condition for better or worse as we as we think we are. And the beauty of living in this time, though, is that we are able to connect with you with each other. And based on those greater I'm experiences that we do share as humans as women as moms. So this is my poem, and it's called the silent generation. And it's for every woman who did not or does not have the voice, to speak their truth. They all wanted to write all of them. That whisper wisdoms beyond my years, pouring their pains into me, moving me to tears. They've been visiting me my whole life, whispering their wonders in my ears. They had business plans and dreams, hopes and love Have and deep joy they kept quiet within because when was it safe to laugh out loud? Full teeth grin, head back tears rolling down ebony carved cheeks but in the presence of other sisters, the whispers to me. Where was it safe to write down sermons and speeches and prayers and swears and spells and recipes. But in between canisters and unlace covered dressers, the altars we made to ourselves when we weren't allowed to know ourselves and kept diaries to show ourselves if only ourselves that we were real. The Whispers visiting me in my dreams, meeting me in our special place at a table in the middle of the now and here after transcending time, like a good word does, like good words, do. The writings, the ideas, the brilliant, the pain, the rage is not all my own. It's me giving voice to the whispers shouting from the rooftops. They were writers, all of them. They were writers too. The Silent Generation.
Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was beautiful. Thank you. I think I remember hearing that poem. I think you shared it on your socials. That, did you? Did you share it? Every performance of it?
And I did? Yeah.
Yeah, because it made me think about, like, you know, I'm really, I really want to do a memoir, primarily for my children, and my, you know, my grandchildren, my descendants, because I just want to tell my story from my, like me tell my story, you know, and it really is because of that. I mean, exactly what you said in that poem, like, my grandmother's, you know, you hear so much about men in history, you know, this story, you know, but you don't like our mothers were so busy, our grandmothers were so busy, like just doing the things you know, and maybe they weren't even able literate, you know, potentially, depending. And I just feel like that is so important that we tell our stories, you know, yeah,
it is.
So thank you for
what's super important.
Thank you for giving voice to that and inspiring us. And all the moms and people listening. I also wanted to ask you about your, like your writing practice, because I'm also a writer, and a poet. And so, you know, it's like choosing between the things that we love to do, right, and the things that we have to do. Yeah, so I'm curious about your writing process, like your practice what that looks like, like how the hell do you find space time energy, like to even hang out with us? Like when? Where how?
Tell us? Like, oh, is I'm like, astonished, like, Oh, dang. I have to think about that. But honestly, I am neurodivergent or, you know, neuro spicy. And people who who are quote, unquote, gifted, and folks who have a touch of autism, and maybe a little ADHD, or any type of anxiety or anything that would impact your executive function. It makes doing many, many, many tasks incredibly difficult. Unless it's something that is like almost pouring out of you. And there have been many times where I've not been able to write or to do much of anything else but survive in my life, like just me and the kids ate fat as best I don't it was McDonald's, but we ate now we're all going to bed like you know it. Straight up. There's no beautiful like routine or anything that I wish I could give anybody. It comes back to that word courage. there because I think nobody talks about like when it comes to production, especially as a creative, it is messy. It is not this. I mean, for some maybe it is for some it might be this beautiful practice. And then someone's like, listen to this, like my fellow poets might be like, girl, you need to get a practice and you need to get it together and I'm open to that feedback. But as it stands, the goal for me is to just get it out. The goal is to let it pour out of me because If I don't I dream about it, they'll show up in my sleep. And if I don't wake up, they're gone. Usually when I wake up, so it's gonna come regardless because that is the gift. And so my goal then is to grow enough to be able to be more available to the gift. And that's just where I start. And there's times where I'm called upon to do things. And that's when my talent and experience shows up since I've been writing since I was nine, doing this. So practice, practice, practice. So somebody says, hey, Stevie, can you write a poem about tacos I got, you probably already have it because I love tacos. But the gift, what makes poet my the poems that are transcendent, the ones that I that actually have the impact that any artist would hope that their art has, are the ones where the gift was uninhibited. And so I say, any writer, any person with any kind of gift, find the place, find the, the, the tool to allow you to let the gifts come pouring out of you. Because then it doesn't feel like effort, it doesn't feel like the work that our brains, especially as a neuro spacey person avoids. So when I look at it, like work, when I start seeing it, that way, it becomes harder to do. When I just look at it, like, it's gonna come out, you know, like, I'm just letting it out, it becomes pathetic. And it becomes a gift not just for others, but also for myself. So maybe in a nutshell, I would just say, you know, be open to and stay in the flow of the gift.
Yes, yes. I'm taking notes over here.
I wanted to ask you. I want to ask you about your mom. And we were, yeah. How? Tell us some stories about your mom and how she shaped you into the person you are? Oh,
absolutely. I love this. Nobody gives me the opportunity to talk about my mama. So I've been blessed. I have. I can't talk about my mom without also really quick mentioning my stepmom, Leah, and my grandmother, lowest West, who really did have a hand in raising me. So I was mothered by several women, but and a lot because I grew up as a child of divorce. So I would go visit my dad in the summer. And I have only uncles and grandfather, my grandmother my paternal grandmother had passed before I could remember. So when I was out there, it was really like it was me and a bunch of guys. And Leah was my dad's longtime girlfriend before they were married. And so I would and they didn't live together or anything like when they were dating at first. And so I would oftentimes escape to her house to be with her and my sister Portia. And then my little brother that came along later. So I like they were my respite, you know. And then my grandmother, when I was home, you know, throughout the school year was there when my mom was working, and my mom worked a lot as a single mom, so but the beauty of my mom, just if I talk about her, we're very close still. And she was just absolutely my hero. Just absolutely she could do no wrong. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She told me. I really like you know, my mom, I think jokingly to amuse herself told me like she was a virgin. Like when I was a kid, like, you know, like, no, Mommy didn't do anything. And I believed her. Right? Of course, my mom didn't do anything. Yeah. Right, squeaky clean a saint. And so the ways that she she was one of those women, when I was growing up as her only daughter that she did not want me to worry about being a mom. She didn't want me to worry about getting married or any of that. And I was very much the little girl like, I'm gonna be a princess and Mary Poppins and have 10 children, you know, and my mom's like, No, my mom was a police officer in a former life. And yeah, before she had children, she's raised her nieces and nephews with along with my grandmother, so she was very independent. Anyway, very much she named me Stevie because she knew she wanted an s name but she said she had a vision that I will be like a doctor, and it will be a white coat ceremony, Robert discovered the character or something and there'd be this big conference and all these white white dudes and white coats and they would announce my name Dr. Stevie Griffin and people Griffin is my maiden name. And they wouldn't be expecting some man to walk out and she said that was Steph this beautiful black woman. And it was shocking everybody. Oh, wait, okay, and I made Oh, I hated my name for a long time. But it really does work for me now and I kind of see your vision. I'm like, Oh, I got my BA ma i don't know if I'm ever get it. NB BDS ping me. I don't know if that's in my future. But it definitely does still surprise you. When they meet me or they see me. But she very much that she had these plans for me. She wanted me to she never wanted my, my gender. My and she was always extremely open ahead was so blessed that I did not grow up in a household. That was we were we believed in God. But we were allowed to explore and we believed in the full expansion. We didn't believe that, you know, we were better than or that if you had a certain sexuality or gender, any of those things was wrong. I was fully brought up to be accepting and loving of everyone, which is a blessing. And but she never wanted me to believe that anything would stop me or keep me from accomplishing anything. And after I had children, I wrote her she would tell you this, I wrote her this letter. Because our relationship was strained at one point as close as we were It was strange. And I remember is because and this was the last straw. She had walked into my house. Everybody see, I was about house I had just I had two kids like under two right? Because they're close in age. I was pregnant at my first son's first birthday party. Crazy. So she walked in I just served him lunch now mind you, I had cleaned the house. But the one baby had wandered into his room and like flipped the shoes all over. Like he had a Loot Crate a shoe flip that over just stuff him. You know, I'm in the middle of transitioning from lunch to like, chill out time with the kids. And I'm home. She walks in there and looks at the house looks at me. And she's just like, yeah, when are you going back to work full time because you're not even good at this. Oh, I mean, never expected me to say that felt so bad. But she was just, she she had walked in the middle of something and thought I was struggling. And of course was just saying it without. So I wrote her this letter. And I talked about how she will always be my mother and I how much I admired her. And I also talked about how I will always be her child. And then I said, but I am no longer a child. And I need you to respect me and my home. And I need you to respect me as a mom. And as an adult woman, I need you to I need our relationship to change. And my mom being the classy, wonderful woman that she is who has definitely made me the mom that I am, completely accepted it and embraced it, and was grateful to Me for sharing that with her, and then chose to allow our relationship to grow and mature. And absolutely, she's the one that has taught me how to let my children lead in certain ways, and really adapt to them in order to parent them in a way that they need to be parented because every person is different is unique. So I'm only one person, but she has shown me how to adopt, you know, the, to adopt the kind of motherhood that Hayden needs my oldest and the kind of motherhood that already needs my youngest because they're very different. So without her, I don't think I would have had the knowledge to do that. And then obviously her decision to allow our relationship to blossom and it truly has we have a it's a different relationship, but it's so good. She's still still one of my favorite people in the world. I think I'm grateful because I wouldn't be here without her support, either. So it's a privilege to be her daughter truly, truly it is She's a wonderful, brilliant, wonderful woman who works at Target. And so a guy very targeted I mean any of these workers you go up to see me because I can be my mama and somebody's mama probably nice to retail workers, because they're good people. And she works her tail off and my goal before this all The world is over if I can make enough money to retire her and put her somewhere that's my goal for sure. Yeah, yeah.
So So you feel the love. And thanks to your mom. Such a beautiful woman. Thank you. Yeah, and mother and artist, beautiful woman. So to our to like, just kind of wrap up our podcast, we have a question that we ask everybody. And I'm just gonna set the scene for you because, you know, we talk about matriarchy. Now we talk about mothers leaving in this world. And we want to ask our guests when mothers need, what will the world look like? Like if you can take a second to envision when mothers leave some of the things we've said like, It's my mother's lead, like there'll be no more war when the mothers need, will all the children will be safe, you know, all the children will be fed care. Yes. So what's your vision for Charleston?
Where we'll be?
Absolutely. Absolutely. I you know, I said this, a while ago, when I was working. I was that was it where I was working at GCAC. I felt like it was an interview with them. And I talked about when when you bring like black women into a room, then you bring the community in with you. And I have found that to be the same thing for when you bring a mother into a room, you bring the community with you. And this is, for better or worse, in some cases, of course, depending on what your politics are. But I believe the vast majority of women, particularly women, in any kind of marginalized, you know community, in our greater society. Have a have a firsthand understanding of the necessity to be creative, and getting your needs and your children's needs met. And then beyond, beyond the differences that we have, I think motherhood and being a woman or a person that identifies as a woman, being in touch with that feminism, I really do truly believe it is there is a different energy, a different vibe, a different understanding of the world that does come with being a woman, especially being a mom. So when you consider all of that, I think it would be impossible for women to be in leadership. And then also have the poverty, homelessness, group greed, imbalance, injustice that we see it. I think it's instinctual, even when women are mothers, not necessarily by birth, but by heart, I think it's instinctual, to lend your your power, to the greater good. And recognize that you truly do receive personal reward when you make the best decisions for everyone, because you are included in that everyone. And I think motherhood in particular makes that very clear. You have to learn how to feed yourself so that you can feed your baby, you have to learn, you know how to show up when you don't feel like showing up because it benefits the needs of something and someone beyond yourself. So you can't take you can't help but to take them forward with you. I think that the world, I think there was definitely a time in the world and in many indigenous communities where women were in leadership, and that was the norm. And I think that we saw a lot of change the world over in a negative way. When certain politics, ideologies, religions, excetera, took foothold and convinced a few people that they were better, and they should be in charge and solely them. And I just don't believe that was the ultimate goal of why people are here, whether we believe, you know, believe in a greater deity or not. The goal would be to be able to love one another and see each other's humanity and who better to do that than someone who carries humanity literally within their body or their heart. So that's awesome. The body. Yes. Yes.
That's such a great answer. Thank
you. Yeah. So we'll be we'll be looking for you to step into leadership even more in your life. And one of our goals is to support moms in becoming bigger leaders. And so we'll have to see you again. With that. And thank you so much for coming on. Stevie. We love you so much. Good to see you soon. And by the time this podcast is released, by the time this podcast is released, hopefully, yours will also be out where can people find you?
Right now I have deer lists TV everywhere. So I'm one on Facebook, tick tock. My week off Wednesday videos are all over tic tac, you can still find my writing at Deer stevie.wordpress.com. My blog and everything is still up there, including my 100 days of writing project that I think is aging beautifully. So definitely take a read if you like and then I am currently writing and I'm hoping so I'm telling people to like hold me accountable to but I'm almost done with my book. It'll be called the gift of the graceful goodbye and I'm hoping to release that in the spring. So yeah, and The podcast is also called Dear Miss Amy. So if you look up there Miss Stevie all the Dear Miss Stevie things that shouldn't be available to you. The E AR M S S.
S T
Yeah, yeah. All right. Thank you so much, Stevie. Thank
you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you guys.
