S4 E2 - 10:6:21, 3.05 PM
7:41PM Oct 6, 2021
Lee Skallerup Bessette
Welcome back everyone. This is Episode Two season four of all the things ADHD podcast, I'm not even going to try to do Amy's all the things, especially with my voice sounding the way it does because it'll just come out like I am my son who's currently going through puberty. So TMI right there. Welcome back, this is the second part of our conversation around re entry back into our quote unquote, normal or quasi normal lives during the aftermath of the pandemic, we're not quite post COVID yet and talks more today about how we're coping and how we're handling how we're dealing what strategies we're taking and just generally also reconnecting after our summer hiatus so enjoy I'm as always ready writing on Twitter and Amy is as always did you want on Twitter our email addresses all the things firstname.lastname@example.org and hope you enjoy it we will be once again back next week but I will say that at the end of the episode as part of the recording So with no further ado, let's rejoin the conversation
How about like the return like to the office for you and for me like I find I'm allowed to be on campus two days a week so we're still in some COVID protocols here I think that are more stringent than what what you have so we have a vaccine mandate so I don't want to go and find my paperwork and upload it yeah Do
we have a vaccine mandate as well? We do
yeah, so we still have to wear like you know masks in yep in common areas. Like there's some doors that are like this is an entrance door and this is an exit door and I'm like why are you making me walk through more of the building anyhow that's neither here nor there so I'm trying to figure out which doors I'm allowed to go in Yeah, well that's it and how to teach with a mask on but I will tell you our listeners may remember how freaked out I was about having to teach online and asynchronous right because yes, I spoke at some length about how terrified I was that it was going to be nothing but emails and writing web pages that nobody read and sure enough I did struggle with that quite a lot. But what I realized when I got back into an in person classroom is not just that like oh, I'm not messing it up. But I'm really good at teaching in the classroom. Like you walked in there and I was like, Oh, I know how to do this. Like not to the minimum but it's like I love this I love being in this space with real life human beings whose I can only see their eyes and their heads right? But like I thought this is teaching yeah for me right? I'm like throwing like Li What do you think about this let's take two minutes right now and then we're gonna put on the board and I'm just dance around like let me show you this video through the system and I was like so energized and I thought Ah, like it's not that this is the condition I need to not be so incompetent that I get fired I'm actually really good at this like for me that was a bit of something to wrap my head around because I was like oh no if you take away my in person classroom, which is the only way I know how to teach, I'm going to suck and I don't think I sucked I think I really struggled and it was not ideal for me. Yeah, but like taking me out of the classroom is not just like oh, now I'm going to be in competence like you're missing something. Yeah, I'm actually really good in that space. And that felt it made me sad that made me sad in retrospect that I have spent over a year not able to teach my students like that Do you know what I mean? Like I think they lost out and I lost out and for me teaching really does happen in that interrelationship between people sharing time and space together so I was completely shocked but also My feet hurt I don't think I stood up that much in my whole life right like I to one and a half hour classes that take place on the same day then they're in the same room and there's many of the same students across both classes and they're both media classes so I'm also very confused about what I'm supposed to be teaching at any given time
but because you see the faces you're likely faces in the same
room Yeah, right.
Oh yeah. No, no yes me up Well, I'll tell you about that after as crazy
as but the the floor in there is concrete with like a thin layer of industrial carpet on it. And like I've been wearing, like my Air Jordans to teach like, I'm like already uncomfortable shoes. I'm running around, but like,
my be hurt. It's like, I got
6000 steps, just teaching today. Oh, yeah. That was weird. That was weird. Like, how about you? Well,
so I mean, I have an office job. Right? And so for me, it's a bit. It's a bit weird going back to campus because we're allowed to take our masks off when we are in an office by ourselves with the door closed. And so we spend almost all of our time inside our offices with the door closed.
So sociable. Yeah, right. It's great to be by myself.
You Yeah, and we do most of it because we've always had it, we've always had a challenge with shared meeting spaces anyways, we just don't have a lot of space for our for our unit. So either I'm in an office with two other people, we're sharing a space. So we're all sitting there and masks in our office, but then if somebody has a zoom meeting, there's got to be someplace else where people can have to go because we're loud. And even if I have my headphones in, I still have to participate and I'm loud. And I get that and if they have a zoom meeting, or they're trying to do something, and so now they've got to find someplace else to go while I have my meeting, or I have to find someplace else to go while they do while I have my meeting depending on it and then and then again, even if like two thirds of the people who are actually on campus on a given day or in our offices on a given day or present for a meeting, we'll still probably do it on zoom because the other third are on zoom. And we don't have to go into a conference room sitting there with our masks being uncomfortable and awkward anyway. So it's sort of like all right, like we come to work and it's kind of like okay, I'm here and and part of me understands the importance like we've gone back to teaching in person we are the center on campus that supports teaching and learning and so therefore even if even if our building isn't really technically on campus and most of the faculty don't come to us anymore they
email you anyways yeah, yeah, come to our zoom
then but still you know, I understand why and I don't know if I want to be full time remote but like there are days where they're sitting in the office going like right yeah, you know, so and if anything it was really funny because everybody was everybody else was complaining when when they first went back Oh nothing in my office is the same and I've got to get used to this new work arrangement but because we had just moved and I had just set up my office my office at work was actually better equipped than my office at home was because nothing had been touched right? Like the screen was in the exact right spot the laptop stand was the exact right like it was just like I put my laptop down sat down on the chair like oh let's go good. I don't have to adjust anything we're at home I was still like I don't know where the second screen should go Is this the right angle? I don't know what the light situation is like get around here. Is this too close? Am I too far? What's the right height in my desk? Like I was still flexing around it Yeah, versus when I went to work it was like oh dun dun okay yes good. So that was really weird everybody else was struggling and I was like no actually coming to the office is is fine when it comes to like my work itself but you know, but then the novelty wore off and I got more comfortable at home and was like oh gosh, like what am i because because there is something to be said especially with going to pick up the kids and all the activities and like coordinating schedules and all that there is something useful about being at home
yeah, I don't want to be for that. I don't want to be at home for that I don't want to be like now I Oh, it's good that I'm home because now I can drive somebody to a doctor's appointment because I don't want to do that in my workday. I want to have that that space that's like that's why else I also like working at home when nobody else is here because it's not like a I think the tubs not draining. Okay great. I'm at work right like I don't want to think about it because like I like we've discussed how you like to have like seven projects going simultaneously and if you don't have enough projects you get depressed and not as productive but me I like to be able to focus on a much smaller number of things so I find it very taxing to be able to do laundry in the middle of the day although I do it right like it's always gonna save me time so that I can relax in the evening so the reason I'm so tired in the evenings is because I'm working on seven things at the same time during the day when like if I go to the office I found it a nice change after the summer to be able to go to the office even like on a non teaching day like one of my days designated is that the office isn't on teaching day and I go there because there's nothing to do except work yeah right which I kind of appreciate the the clarity and space that that affords me even though like my office is like full of stuff when it gets full of books and all this other stuff but like but I can't be like I should you know change the sheets on the bed or like you know who's cutting down a tree on my street because somebody's always cutting down a tree like I don't like maybe
it's about to be leaf blower season. Oh, it's already
It's already leaf blower season. There was a service came next door today and it's like some 20 year olds got the leaf blower head like even as he's walking back towards the truck when he's done leaf blowing my neighbor's yard. He's just idly blowing individual bits of dirt on the rode because it's so much fun to operate a leaf blowers like whoa,
whoa. And you make it dance you just make Yeah,
you're doing just fidgeting, right fidgeting with an incredibly loud gas powered engine. But he got me started on this now like, I like it's good to, for me to go to the office to be like, Oh, well, like I'm not the one that's going to do whatever has to be done at home, I'm not going to be there when the Amazon guy comes and the dog loses his mind. And I have to go down, like, Just forget it. I know. I like not having to do that during the
day. I got I guess I've just gotten so used to it. And I'm just not used to working at work anymore, if that makes sense. Oh, no, absolutely, absolutely. You know, like, I sit there. And I'm sort of like at the end. And again, it's also just the the the natural cycle of the semester for Teaching and Learning Center is that really busy early in the semester. And then there's that low once everybody like it's gonna it's about to crank back up again for midterms and all that kind of stuff. And everybody's freaking out about a whole bunch of other different things. But it's sort of like this, and we're going to have to start, we're about to start planning for like December, January programming to get ready for spring. But like, there's there isn't that there isn't anything pressing? Right. And so I'm also sort of in that lull of like, the stress of the beginning of the semester is over. And so it was like I was up here for set, like, up here with the kids up here with my job. I'm here with everything. And now it's like, oh, okay, we're finally in a routine with at home. We're finally in a routine at work, right? And so now I'm like, without that pressure, right, that we that I that I thrive in a thrive, right that I thrive in. I'm sort of like, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. Like it's, there's no, there's no fires put out. I have a to do list. It's right here. It's all there. But all the dates are later later. Yeah. Got it right now. Oh,
yeah. All those dates are in the knot now.
Yeah, all the dates are in the knot. Now, like, I don't know, like,
well, maybe this is your recovery time. Yeah, maybe this is where you are a little bit less productive, because there's less to do and it's not urgent, which means when the next sort of urgent and crush comes, it's not like you've been like plugging away at 101%. Like, maybe you're plugging, gee, do 110% for a week and a half or whatever it requires, like, I think sometimes we hit our peaks of productivity. We're like, okay, that's my new normal, right? Yeah, I need I'm gonna work I was so productive then why can't I maintain that but like crunch time is crunch time crunch time is not every time right? And I think everybody's job has the kind of ebb and flow like it like an office job. Like there are busier periods, and less busy periods. Like for some people like year end is like a major thing. Or like if you have an HR it's like annual performance review times, like the Big Crunch or like hiring season is a Big Crunch or, or what have you, whatever it is, yeah, yeah. And so I think it's okay to be like, well, I guess this is where I do some things at a slightly slower pace that are boring, right? And maybe I have a hard time motivating myself, but I'm just gonna pick away at that stuff that I should be doing, but I can't do when it's crunch time and then when crunch time comes. I'm the superstar right? Yeah, some people are the superstar at the everyday non crunch time things like we don't want to be that person. Right?
And I think it's it's it was nice. Also it I'll say this, like yesterday was the first time that I have been bored at work in a long time. What a
nice railing though.
I know. Well, I mean, it was I was just sort of like, Oh, God, but then. But then I sort of I did I lean into it. Whereas like, when was the last time you were bored at work?
Yeah, when you're right, where should I do? Like, I
don't know. You know, that and I just sort of leaned into the the boredom of it. Because, you know, I'm like, boredom leads to productivity. And I'm like, I don't think they meant scrolling through Twitter, but okay, whatever. you're browsing for
10 years. I
don't work for 10 more. But, but it was, so it was this it was this weird feeling, especially this week, where I was, like, bored at work, and then came home and made a shirt, because I was just so like, I've been so bored that I was just like, desperately wanted stimulus, something. So I came home and was like in and you know, usually there's always stuff to do in the evenings. But I had a for whatever reason, yesterday ended up being a free evening. So I was just like, I'm just gonna sew shirt or finish sewing the shirt.
Because I think there's something to say for like, trusting your own inclinations, right? Like, I wound up doing this week. Like I think for radio interviews live and like something for the National for CBC on TV and I'm doing like, relations. Thanks. Yeah, it was like right after I was done teaching I walked into my office and like, close the curtains and shot this thing for them. But that was like unplanned. I didn't have time to research it. But I thought like, those days when I couldn't figure out what else to do, and I was like idly scrolling, socials and news and tech news and stuff, because I'm very interested in those things. And that's what I do when I get bored. Like, at some point, just because I'm curious about things, and I follow my curiosity, when I get bored. At some point, somebody is going to be like, Can you do a live television interview in 10 minutes about this thing? I'm like, Oh, yeah, I was reading about that. Yesterday, when I finished my grading and couldn't think of what to start next. Right. And so like, it may be
I needed a break from the cognitive load that is graded. Yeah,
exactly. It's like I'm gonna scroll through like Apple news, or whatever, I'm just gonna go to my favorite websites and reads are gonna look at my favorite Twitter people and like, click on the links that they've shared. And like, it turns out, that's worked for me, right? That comes out later. And I think, like many of us, neurodivergent people have a series of patterns of activity in our lives that play to our strengths, right, like, so we do the things that we have to do. And then when we're not doing those things, we do things that play to our strengths, we like cook things, or we make stuff or we learn things, or we exercise or whatever. And then maybe we can think of those things as contributing to our well being and our skills that come out in other ways. Eventually, like it's not always so literal, as like, I'm an obsessive news and internet reader. And I have to do a lot of media about news about the internet, like, sometimes it's like, you come home and you make shirts, because you have the time, but it means that you're enjoying that and you're sort of refilling your tank and then when it's crunch time you're not like dodging crunch time work, so you can make more dresses. You're not you're like you're ready and you're like oh my god, this is so exciting. You know, everybody order takeout, like mommy's gone for a week and a half now like, but maybe what you do in the in the fallow periods is what gets you there, right? I think we either underestimate that our bodies know what we should be doing sometimes when we're bored. Does that make sense?
Oh, yeah. Well, and even like this, just the idea as well of like burning out on things. And you know, like you said, I like being busy and having seven different things. So early on in this I'm glad we're not doing this anymore. But early on in this one season, my kids wanted to both swim with the older fastest group from Florida 530. And when their school ended, actually facilitate that was one of the other reasons Actually, I was going to get my daughter, right at three o'clock is because if they wanted to go to swim team at four, she'd basically what if she walked home, it would be too late to leave. Right? Right for the four o'clock practice. So it's like, if you want to go to four o'clock practice, we got to go, like I got to go get you so you have time to get changed, have a snack, all that kind of stuff. So that we can leave at 330 to make it on time for swim team. And I also coach let me but I don't coach that group. So basically, I coached the latest group. So I was at the pool from four o'clock to eight o'clock. That's too much. But and yes and no. Right? Because at first the coach was like, because you What were you saying what you were saying about going to the office near enough to deal with any of the other stuff? That to me is going to coach? Oh, yeah, not so much going like, like, again, I'm, you know, going to even even go into the office, even if I'm at the office, Cassie is still texting me to say, give me the bus route. I need this information, buy this stuff for me. Because she knows I'm still in front of a computer. She knows that, you know, all of these kinds of things. That what if I'm on pool deck, no one can bother me. I'm pulled I love a pool deck, right? And so the one of the coaches the head coach, he would say, Well, what are we gonna do about this? Because it's just like, it is unsustainable for you to be here for four hours. Or I said, I said, Yeah, but this is my happy place. Like this is the only place where everything else falls away. Because I can't do anything about it. And so I don't worry about it right now. And that like it's the beginning of the year, the kids still listen to me like that I have no but like, you know how you said you went back to the classroom and felt like I'm really good at this, like, coaching is the thing that I'm like, I'm really good at this, like I can do this. And I can do that teaching too. But I just don't have the opportunity because my job that's not the nature of it anymore. Yeah. Well, like being on deck is that sort of restorative kind of like, Alright, I'm running a practice. I'm teaching these kids how to swim, but also, you know, I am not checking my email. And I cannot like if you've got a problem, then you either got to solve it or wait till I get home because I'm on pool deck and like people I have to supervise small children in the water and make sure they don't drown. Yeah, right. Like, kids don't get a lot about my job. But like they understand that part of it, right? They're like oh, Okay, well, we will respect that. Maybe that's my own fault for not having good boundaries. But like,
yeah, maybe another episode is leading by teaching people how to treat you, Lee Yeah.
But like, but when I'm when I'm on deck, like it was just like, I would, I would white knuckle it through a day, right of dealing with all of the other nonsense, right to be able to get to the pool and just be like, Okay,
this is a little bit like what we were talking about in our episodes on on leisure and rest. Yeah, and one of the things we had said was leisure and rest, like you can count activities that allow you to be fully present in your tasking, not multitasking. So if you are trying to make sure that a pool full of small children doesn't drown, you are fully present, right? And what you're describing about being uninterruptible, in that space means that you are not you are able to find your focus. Like because God knows we have trouble finding our focus, we distract ourselves without anybody else. Yeah, exactly. Right. So so it's like, I think that's a really great activity. And also it plays to your strength in that. It's a competence you already have, you don't have to prep for and then what you do is respond to what happens in the moment, like improv, right? So for me, that's teaching as like, I don't find it stressful, because when I go in, I get to focus fully on teaching and be present in that space for the 80 minutes that I'm there, and I am simply responding to what's in front of me, which is ideal, like a lot of love. Yeah,
it's like, I love that thing. Yes, right
in front of Yep. Yep. If it's fully engaging, right? So for you that I think that counts in some ways as a type of leisure, because your brain gets to indulge in success, and single practice, right? without a lot of stress or, or preparation, like you're not reading swim coaching books, and you're not like stressing about what exercise Am I going to get them to do? Like what kinds of activities we're going to do, like you just know, you know what to do. And then you get to do it. And you can see visibly like, yeah, it happens when you like, that's a very, they're getting better. They're getting better. Yeah, and
I don't, and I don't have to grade anything in order to do it. It just happens. It just happens.
Yeah. And so like, that's a great activity, like if we can find that kind of flow, like in our work, too. Yeah, that feels good. But like, as we sort of make these like transitions back where it feels so much like we're responding to what everybody else needs, that we have very little control, still over a changing environment. Again, like for a while, it was like, I can't do anything that I want to do. But now it's like everybody wants to do everything simultaneously and actually drive to to different parts of the city to do that. And then I have to remember because sometimes the days change for this. And that's all very stressful. So when there are things we get to go, like walk into a space, and be like, I know how to do this, no one's going to interrupt me.
I'm just interested anyone in this space today. Yeah, I
haven't disappointed anyone in this space today. Like in that. I think more of us need to be able to identify like those moments in our lives. And we find that some people it is stuff like cooking some people it is exercise, some people it's part like for me, it's part of my job, like when I teach, that's great for me. And for you. It's one of the qualities which is coaching, swimming, and that's really good. And that's restorative to be able to do that sometimes it's worth driving across the city to exactly.
Yeah, and I mean, look, we're at a new pool this year, which is why the drive we used to be right around the corner. So not just like, even though we move we still would have been closer than this pupil, but our old pool, our old pool was a condo pool, that they put a bubble over. So they could rent it out to swim teams in the winter. But that's very smart.
But also miserable.
But maybe they would use that money to shore up their funds so they could do infrastructure repairs before their building falls down.
Oh, yeah, no, no, totally get it but from like, and that's fine. And there's a there's shockingly a shortage of pools to train in for the number of people who are interested in swim team out in our area. Yeah, it is as well because like Northern Virginia is crazy about swimming, like well, saying about swimming. I would imagine,
Lee that Northern Virginia is also one of those locations that in the era of integration filled in all of their public pools. This may be why you're short of pools
in the winter, in the summer, they're all still there. In the summer, they're all out but the but the indoor ones there was there's a there is a very lack of indoor pools, a very loud, very lack of indoor pools. But but so yeah, so we have this condo pool, and in the wintertime they would just turn on the heat. You know how like in classrooms when you just turn on the heat and it's 1000 degrees, but there's no that's what it was like in the pool, right? And the air quality was terrible. Oh sure. And so now we're training in this brand new world. three year old facility,
an aquatic center.
Oh no, it's not just an aquatic center. It is an athletic complex. There are three arenas. There are like five gymnasiums. There are indoor soccer fields there are indoor lacrosse fields there are
there I didn't even want to go in that building that's too much chaos for me right now.
Well I know the route to get to the pool like that is the like I just know the route to get to the pool. I don't worry about anything else.
Feels like the kind of place that that has a giant parking lot. And then a second giant parking lot and is like a panoply of smells and noises. And my mom
it is shockingly quiet.
yes. Because everything again, it's a very modern facility. Everything is behind glass. Very thick glass. Right? And so like if you go into the into the stands on deck, you can hear everything. If you are behind the closed door. It's all very very muffled. Right? It same thing so you like you have to walk above the gymnasiums. And while you can look down and see basketball or volleyball or whatever it is they happen to be doing down there. It is nonetheless very, very quiet. Huh? Where it's kind of muffled, like background noise as opposed to like the the assault on the senses. This is very surprising to me. But I approve. Oh, yeah. No, no. And again, it's it's, it's, you know, as much as I said, like, it is much it's much better climate control much better. Like, I have to yell a lot more because it is a massive sports of massive 50 metre pool as opposed to like, bouncing around the glass door like Yeah, yeah, exactly. But, but in terms of like, just, the facilities are cleaner and safer. And just just a more pleasant and even, like, during COVID. We kicked, we kicked due to COVID restrictions, parents were not allowed on deck during practice, which they were not, which had not been
the case previously. And I don't want them back I imagine
Well, no, but but in the bubble, they were right there. Literally right there almost in the beard and I didn't like it. But again, it was sort of not my call. And you know, there's certain other pressures, but they're not allowed to be on deck. But like we can split the difference and have them in the stands. They can still watch and feel like they're doing their due diligence as a parent and make sure they're getting their money's worth for like while they're paying for our for our stuff. Right? And they can still comment on it with their kids afterwards or whatever. But like, after the first few weeks, most of the parents were like yeah, I'm just gonna go work out in a nice quiet hallway. Right and go that's you know, and so it's been Yeah, so it's been so I like that so we'd like it's the best of both worlds. We're like, parents can still watch their kids but not be like, right on top right
and Yeah, well, I mean, I think just like it makes me think of like another thing that probably people are dealing with, which is like, everything's been happening in our houses, as we've discussed, but like, I think we have become unused to different environments to mean like, so to go to a restaurant I have found almost unbearably loud, right? Because I used to go to restaurants all the time and then I was like going like outdoor dining for a while we've done a couple of like indoor dining things you know like it's really loud in here or like you know go to the Bollinger like I think there's too many people here or like I'm going to do yoga at a studio and I'm like, it's it's really humid I don't know like there's so many people here like there it's not just that like you have to go to an environment that's different than the one you've spent the last like 18 months sitting about that you have to go to like seven different environments that are all like well in this place I need to bring a sweater right and this place doesn't have any foods I have to have a snack for that and like this place is just gonna be like really loud I think some of us many of us even neurotypical people like I've seen articles about this book people saying like I didn't realize how unpleasant like place was or like this thing I used to enjoy like either I've just out of the habit or maybe I never enjoyed it because I didn't like have enough space for it to understand like how much it hurt my ears to be here or like how much I don't like it when people sit too close to me and like tried to read over my shoulder and then initiate conversations with me like i think i think it's okay to be like struggling a little bit with that too to sort of set like I'm glad to be out and I'm glad to be doing these things in this but I wanted to do but like I had to put shoes on like to do it and like that feels weird but I feel like I need a different pair of shoes for the next thing I'm doing is like what am I supposed to bring like more than one pair of shoes with me when I like what leave the house. Now like I think that's a that's a little bit executive function, but it's also a little bit of sensory management as well and especially for people who have social issues right either like rejection sensitive dysphoria or a little bit they know that they have impulse Control and difficulties in conversation like the boilers like you and I are both blowers. I'm like so afraid at this point where I go places and people like hi how are you? And I have like it's just like 18 months of chitchat come out of my face simultaneously.
My my thing is right now is that I forgotten people can see me when we're in person, and all of me, all of you, all of me as opposed to like, just from here up. So you know, I'm a picker, right? And I've never really hit it. But I at least tried to be more conscious of it. But now if I'm in an in person meeting, I'm sort of like, forget that people can see all of me at this point. Or like, Oh my god, or it's like, you know, I can sit here and you can't tell what I'm doing but my foots itchy so I've taken my slipper off and I'm scratching my foot but you can't tell what that is. You'll see that when I
took her socks off and she's like, your toenail Polish
that's bad but like totally like have to remind conscious about people now see me again
Yeah, yeah, the part of your body that's below your collarbones is now visible to people yeah, I have a funny story about that and it wasn't even live it was so my piano lessons now I go to the to the studio every second week and then on the alternate week it's virtual. So the way I have it set up as I have a computer like you and I are talking to each other right now it was zoom and then I have a second My phone is set up to look down over the piano at my hands right so I can see my hands Yeah, so I'm looking through the screen like I'm looking at you right now and talking to my teacher but I'm doing my stems with my hands below the camera level of the first camera. Oh not the second camera right so like you can see I'm doing all of my stems in my lap because the other camera that's what it's showing and I didn't realize I got through a whole piano lesson where it's like doing all of my weird below camera angle stems while like cool as a cucumber is super professional in camera one but like camera two was like she's clapping her hands like this going on like juggling her feet and flapping her hands and doing weird patterns with their fingers I was like oh shit I had no idea I was like broadcasting that so hopefully he was being polite and just looking at my screen so like I can't even handle the two camera zoom but it's definitely something like oh, I have to be careful about my whole body.
Yeah, as opposed to just like to the collarbone Yeah, even controlling my face is like is is hard sometimes and has been for me like I still remember I debated in high school and one of the comments that I got back after after debate was that you can really read everything on my face like all of my reactions just like I've no poker face whatsoever. Yeah, um, which you know is is also another reason like that the flip side of that for me is my way of dealing with that is sort of doing something off on the side while listening because that way I keep a neutral face the entire time as opposed to like if I'm really listening and then it's not I mean again on a podcast you can't tell and it's with you and me and so I want to have like the expressions but like when you're in a meeting and you're talking about something and you're just like this Yeah, I mean it's all over your face and it is all over my face when it's like this is bullshit and this yeah I'm so annoyed at this right now.
Sometimes in a meeting you have the option of having your camera off but when your camera is on and you have the self view you can at least monitor your own facial expression yeah right and and so that's like a kind of feedback loop there if you are someone who tends to telegraph your emotional state of disdain by doing something or whatever you whatever it is like if you're trying to like control that like zoom is maybe a good environment for you like that's part of why zoom is overwhelming because we keep looking at ourselves through our cameras right like but you can learn how to manage your face there in a way that you don't have that feedback when you're back in person and you may inadvertently fall back into like the things I can't live
off Yeah, although the mask the masks help with the expression that's true that masks help with the expression but not so much with
them. Yeah, that's right I do tell my students sometimes like you can't see but I'm personally my lips dramatically at you right now. I'm trying to purse my lips with my eyes and they're like yeah, okay good for you. Yeah, I like trying to teach like very big with my face yeah often like I keep realizing you guys can't see my face like my statement lipstick under here is fantastic. You'll just never know unless you go to my virtual office hours you can see my face But
yeah, I did that I have like all these lipsticks I'm like never wearing them to work again because I just have a mask on it just ruins the mask.
Well I know and I have like foundation all over all my masks and and I'm like so disappointed in myself. esteem it all up. It's gross. Anyhow I have to put my mask on soon and go to my real life in person piano lesson
I have to I have to go pick up my daughter
oh my god of course you do
go pick up my daughter but um then I mean and but the moral of the story is my kids both decided that maybe 530 was a better time to go practice and so now everything is much more but I but now I've set up the expectation in the routine that she gets picked up so I'm stuck I'm just I'm coming he stays until she's 16 and then
she no Lee no coming soon an episode on parenting with boundaries featuring Lee and Amy Cassie Evelyn Leo
yeah right yeah though she's she's she's very good at setting up boundaries
well that's great. But she's not the parent
we know I know. I know.
I talked to her because it's not my kid yeah
I didn't get it there's just there's a lot there was a lot behind that all of that I mean part of it wasn't getting just trying to make swim team practice work and she wanted to swim and I wanted to shoot my friend swim it for and so I want to swim it for and I'm like no like you
don't have to justify your decisions to me although I will tease you about them no I that's my love language.
I know Oh I know and I appreciate it I I I need to laugh about it because like it is just like it like those first two weeks were the most I if you want to go back on Twitter till about like August 23 or something like that I live tweeted this whole ordeal Yeah. And I mean I just had to make a descend into comedy right from the bat because it was like my only coping mechanism once in a while because sure I know we're trying to end this but so here's the other thing that I'm also dealing with on this level is that every one I measured said this beginning so the kids have started all their activities done by school I've gone back to work the husband's travel schedule is picked back up again. Oh and so after a year and a half of not going anywhere right now we're going
Which is that extra little wrinkle of it when he's gone for two weeks at a time. Right? And so that was want to talk about routines. He was gone for the start of school and so we all got established in our routines and then he comes home and is like what's going on? And we're you know how you're talking about like the You stay out of their way in the mornings. All of a sudden he was home after we spent two weeks establishing routines. And it was like why are you doing things this way? And it's like because this is the way we're doing them all right. So like you weren't here
we're doing moved on.
We've moved on know exactly we've moved on program as it lives here now because it's easier in the mornings. Like
I don't have time to explain it to you. Yeah, we have so that we don't have to explain anything.
Yeah, exactly. We developed this while you were gone. It's two weeks and you're not changing it.
Exactly. I get that I get that. And speaking of Twitter we have been receiving very nice messages so yes from people people seem to be discovering the podcast and we're very glad every time anyone tags us and lets us know that they've found the podcast or we're also very glad whenever we're tagged like three replies in when someone says well ready writing indigent won't actually have a podcast about this so thank you to our unofficial PR people who are promoting us to others it's nice to get those things in my mentions I'm assuming you feel the same way we've received some do lovely emails from people Oh,
I'm gonna tell you the absolute nightmare I didn't say this to you so we do receive email lovely emails from people but I got an email the other day from someone that said your email address has been added to a PR list.
Oh no. No, thank you. Yeah, on that list.
I was like well how do I get off of this? Now I'm getting all of these press releases for legs and what are just like please stop
this is why we I'm so grateful I know that you've taken charge of the email because I'm going out the window
every time I get what I'm like Amy would hate this.
I absolutely would. I would be enraged that someone is wasting my time by putting me on a list I don't want to be on and then wasting my time by making me trying to find a way to unsubscribe and now I'm in a rage and then I have to go for a walk and I am not controlling my reaction
no I just like I just I'm going to start actually marking them as spam pretty soon but I don't want to start doing that for fear that like actual emails from listeners accidentally get marked as spam. So I don't even read them I just click delete delete delete, but I've just like and but but it's also unintentional comedy of like scanning like the subject line and being liked. What do you think I would be interested in this like this is Have you even listened to our podcast? No. But like, know that we have reached a level where PR people who don't know any better have discovered us?
Yeah, hooray. That's good news. The sort of pay to play I've discovered us I've been getting fan mail I have appeared and like it was in a movie and it's not really worth mentioning but like I it's on TV now it's available to people through streaming services and so I'm getting random like weird fan emails from what appear to be human beings but human beings who like and maybe do not have 100% of their social faculties in this craziest things I just saved them all because they're not threatening or they're just like weird really weird so I'm like what I have a whole folder for those now that's I have enough email.
Right now I'll handle the other email weirdness and wonderfulness and wonderfulness please email not saying don't email us
emailing us non PR people
yeah non PR people we
love it makes it worth checking email.
Yeah it does it does I get all excited I'm like oh we have email and I'm like oh yeah, like at least least like Spotify or because of course I had to get everything in the in the feeds of all of the podcasting distribution you have to sign up for them so I get you know, try Pandora Spotify for free all that good and I'm like okay whatever that's fine necessary evil but like but like have this anyway
I should you leave we got to take take me from all that that's fine. And now we can both go and I won't check my email and you probably will.
Yeah, I gotta go the tabs open I gotta go check It's been a while well Take care everyone We will be back next week. This is probably gonna end up being two episodes again. And so next week, we will be back recording and in two weeks you will hear well actually one week because I'll cut this in half. But anyways, now something else next week. There will be something else next week. I don't know what it's gonna be yet but who knows. it'll it'll be good. Thanks, everyone for listening. Have a great time. Bye. Bye.