Welcome to the sovereign heart podcast, where we get to talk about what it takes to live love and build relationships from the unlimited potential of your heart. My name is Michaela rose. I'm the polyamorous dating and relationship coach, artist, lover, communication, nerd, total water bender and heart centered weirdo, and I'm so honored to be alive at the same time as you how great is that the world is a changing place, and so are the ways we love and support one another, within and beyond the paradigms of monogamy, polyamory, nonviolent, communication, polarity, tantra, attachment, twin flames, dating, kink and more, there is one thread that weaves us all trust, a nutrient that is only created from a willingness to go first, the discernment to call a red flag red crystal clear communication and a little bit of faith in the unknown. I am so excited to be on this journey with you. Let's dive in.
Hello, beautiful one, and welcome to another episode of the sovereign heart podcast. My name is Michaela rose Soleil. I'm a dating and relationship coach, and I am a sovereign hearted being just like you, doing her best to be alive and have relationships in a good way in this life, and I'm here to help you do the same. So today, I have one message for you, and it is so simple, and I'm going to talk about it, and I'm going to tell you a bit about a story of my life and why this is so important, why it's so important to me, and how I learned how important it was, and why it's so important for you as well. Why it's so important, especially today. While times are changing, things are very uncertain. Lots in the world is happening. All of this impacts our relationships. It is not isolated, right? When national events, national, global, political things are very volatile, very uncertain, very unknown. This impacts us. This impacts us on an individual level, on a personal level, on a relationship level, on a community level, wow, wow. Does it impact us on all the layers and so today, we're here to just talk about that it is okay to feel safe, to feel unsafe. It is safe to feel unsafe. It is safe to feel uncertain. It is safe to not know. It is safe to be staring into the void of the world, the world stage that we look at and going, what the f is happening, what's going on. How do I integrate with this? How do I relate to this? How do I continue to have my relationships? How do I continue to talk to people? How do I continue to be in community? And all of that right now feels so uncertain for so many people, myself included. And so I want to speak to this wisdom that it is safe to feel unsafe. So much of when you get into the realm of learning to have healthy relationships and embodied intimacy and Eros and empowered sexuality, the first place that we always start, and the first place that anyone needs to start with, any of that is feeling safe, right? Feeling safety in your own body, feeling safety in your own sexuality, in your own experience, feeling safe as a relational being, feeling safe when you're with other people, when you are integrating and creating these relationships, dating with a partner, with multiple partners, whatever your life looks like. And so that's where we always focus first. And you'll see a lot in the realm of somatics and trauma informed coaches and counselors and you know, even business and stuff like that, very focused on creating safe spaces. So my curiosity is, how do we create safe spaces when everything is unsafe? How do we create safe spaces when everything is uncertain? How do we create safe space. Says when everything is unknown, and so that is why I begin with and the title of this episode is it is safe to feel unsafe, uncertain, unsure, like things are rocky. And I don't say this because I love for you to feel unsafe or because I don't want to call you into deeper layers of how to feel safety in your own body and to feel at home in your own sexuality and in your partnerships, in the relationships that you create. No I want all of that for you, and there's absolutely places that you can get that, and that you can find that and ways that you can cultivate that within yourself, what I'm talking about, and I can absolutely, you know, talk with you about that, and I probably have some other episodes where I do talk about that somewhere or another, but what I'm Talking about is the higher level kind of way that I think it's so important to be approaching this topic of safety, because if we are so focused on safety and creating safe spaces and making sure we're always safe and that our Relationships are always safe, we are missing out. We are missing out on all of the things that are there going this is not safe. This is uncertain, this is unknown. And so we get into these habits of safety equaling avoidance of the uncomfortable, avoidance of the uncertainty, avoidance of the unknown. And when we do that, we lose our resilience, for living, for being in life and handling challenges, we lose our tolerance for experiences or people that we deem unsafe for one reason or another, and so I want to I want to backtrack a little bit. I want to talk about why I'm talking about this and why now and why this is so important to learn and to understand that it is actually safe to be unsafe. And I want to start with the bigger picture, and I'll zoom it into my personal experience. But first off, we are living right now on a giant rock, like rocketing, rocketing through the sky, through the galaxy at a pace that you cannot perceive with your own eyes, around a giant flaming ball of fire that is also spiraling around a larger ball of fire that's spiraling around a larger ball of fire, and any of them at some point are going to combust, explode, and all of it won't be here. We will not be here. This will not be here. Do I know when that happens? No. Do you know when that happens? No, will it happen eventually? Yes, we know this. Stars explode. It happens. We go bye, bye, right? And so at the core of all of this, just being a human, alive on the earth is enough to be able to say you have to be okay with there not always being safety, because that big picture that offers no certainty, that offers no safety, there is no safety in that. And so we have to be okay. We have to feel and find that comfort and that safety, with being unsafe, with not knowing so bigger picture, and so then I want to zoom it in a little bit, and I want to talk about why this has been so crucial for me, and why I'm realizing now I need to start talking about it more. I need to be having these conversations with people. I from the time I was four years old. I remember being in my grandparents living room and they would have the news on it was like CNN or CBS or NBC or one of those networks, right? That's been around forever, and I didn't have a rhyme or a reason to it, but every time that I would hear it, even if it was in the background, I would either consciously, like plug my ears and actually go, la La, la, la, la, close my eyes, plug my ears and go la, la La, so I didn't have to listen to it, or if it was just. In the background, I kind of just conscious, like did my best to tune it out, or paid attention to somewhere else, or always tried to be in a different room so that I didn't really have to hear what they were talking about. This was when I was four years old. At four years old, instinctively, I knew there was something up with that. There was something weird about it. There was something off. It felt ick to me. It felt ick in my body, hearing these voices, and I was like, Uh, this is not this is not what I want. I don't want this gross. I'm going to go away. Same thing happened. I would go to church. My mom would take me to church. I would be in church, and I'd look around me, and I would go, I don't like this. This doesn't make me feel good. And I would pretend to sing the songs, and I made a game of counting how many times I yawned during the church service, just as a way to entertain myself. And, you know, not be doing something like coloring that like wasn't allowed, right and and I would get through it just by doing that. Lo and behold, years later, now I understand that yawning is actually a great way to process trauma. And so my little
wise being was, you know, unknowingly processing the trauma of being in that space that I didn't even know I was doing. I just thought it was a game. I would go to grade school, right? So, like, you know, growing up, like four to, like, 10 years old, right? I'm going to grade school. I would get headaches, I would get stomach aches, and I would get nausea. I would get this trifecta at least, at least two to three times a week, if not more, I would be in the nervous nurse's office. I would go there. She would hand me ibuprofen. They literally got me addicted to ibuprofen at seven years old, because that was the solution. But it was only when I went to school. It's only when I was at the school system, and then I would go to the hospital, right? Like, if I had to go to the hospital for something, whether it was for myself or a parent, you know, or family member, or whatever it was, I would go to the hospital, and I would immediately get sick, like sick to my stomach. I would smell sickness. I would smell death, and I would go, this isn't this is a hospital. This is supposed to be for healing. This isn't right. There's death and gross. There's some weird stuff going on here. And I avoided hospitals at all costs. Same thing happened when my mom sat me down with a therapist at like 10 years old, and she's sitting there with a notebook, and I had the feeling that she was getting ready to diagnose me and prescribe me and put me in a little box, and I could feel it. And you know what I did? I sat there and I told her the bare minimum, and when she asked me questions, I said, Uh huh, good. And that was my orientation. That was how I oriented towards the systems that I was introduced to, the systems that I then became a part of, right by, I don't know, just by nature of being a human alive in the 90s and early 2000s and that is what was right, like, that was just what was normal. And so that's what I was introduced to. These were the systems that I was introduced to. And so the common thread, and why I'm sharing this, is that in all of these systems, in every single one, I did not feel safe. I didn't know that's what I was feeling, because I just was having nausea or a bad feeling or going, la, la, la, la. I don't want to hear this, but what it was is that I did not feel safe within these systems. And come to find out as I got older that a lot of people felt safe in these systems. They're actually the systems that help them feel safe and connected and protected and all of the things, and that may even be true for you now today, I never had that. I never got that. Not once in my life have I been able to just plug into a system. Even when I was in college, it was terrible experience for me. I still did it because I thought I had to. Turns out, you don't, I never used my college degree for anything, but I didn't understand, right, that other people actually felt safe in these systems. And I when I started to learn that, I really started to feel like a little bit of an outsider, you know, a little bit of a outcast, you know, in my family, at school, at college, you know, in the career world, I could never really keep up with things or integrate into these same systems, in the way that I saw my family members doing, in the way that I saw my peers doing. And it was really challenging to feel so unsafe. Are in the systems that are supposed to create safety and security and certainty for me. And so as I got older, you know, teenage years, I numbed out from all of it, right? I used alcohol, weed, you know, other substances, LSD, right? Mushrooms, just to, just to, like, get out of it, right? Like, get away from the system and just be like, I can't do this, because all of this makes me feel so uncomfortable and so unsafe. And the one thing that always helped me feel safe was being in nature, being with looking at the clouds, looking at the grass, looking at the ants, being with the rivers, swimming, playing everything that had nothing to do with all of these systems that I'd been introduced to, that was where I found my safety, that was where I found my peace. And so as I got older and I started to understand that my little, wise young body at four years old was actually wiser than I ever expected, because I started to learn about the corruption in the school system, corruption in the medical system, corruption in, you know, the religious system. Oh my gosh, I've done deep dives on that corruption in, you know, politics. Politics has been the last the last realm, right? Because I never paid attention to that news, right? I went, la, la, la, la, la. And so as I've gotten older, I've also learned about the corruption in those realms as well, and become more informed on a mental level, of why my little young body felt so unsafe and so uncomfortable while plugging into these systems. And so why am I talking all of this? Why am I talking about all of this? I guess what I'm saying is that since I was that big, since as long as I can have memories, as long as I've had memories of being alive, I have always felt unsafe with the systems that we as humans typically plug into to find our sense of safety, of connection, of community. I have never felt face safe in those systems. And so now fast forward to today, as I'm sure many of you, if not all of you are feeling, noticing, experiencing, witnessing, either on a mental level by paying attention to the news, or on an intuitive level by just being an empathic human, or on some other level in between and or both. And you know both, and even if you don't pay attention to any of it, man, those ripples are strong these days, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's impacting you in one way or another and you're just not noticing. And if it's not then go you keep living life and don't listen to this podcast. You're good. But I want to speak to this because my experience of all of that growing up in the way that I did, always feeling that way, always feeling unsafe in these systems, and then learning right like mentally, how corrupt they were and why they were corrupt. And Whoa, man, I've been down that rabbit hole, and I will not be talking about that on this podcast, because there's plenty of other people that do in plenty of other sources and places. So please feel free to do your own research and find trusted sources, whatever that looks like for you. But, but what I've been realizing lately is that what is happening now is that the general public is becoming aware of how unsafe, corrupt and terrible that these systems actually are. We are starting to see the cracks in the foundation. We are starting to see all of the slimy, like terrible, greedy, very just horrible things that have been happening within these systems for hundreds of years. As long as any of us have been alive that are listening to this right now, anyway, for as long as any of us can remember, these systems have been that corrupt, and so my little, my little child body, felt that, and most people didn't, and I didn't understand why. But lately, as the cracks in the foundation are showing as everything is beginning to crumble and it's ugly. The rear places are being shown into the light and exposed. And I know we're in the midst of it right now. And so depending on when you listen to this, it could be just at the beginning stages, or it could be getting really crazy, really, really crazy, some crazy stuff going on. And so hearing you in that, holding you in that, seeing you in that, and why I'm sharing all this is because I've realized that the way I felt, and all the things I had to go to and find my own ways to integrate with the world that were outside of the systems that were that were available to me. I realize now that that was never a mistake. I was never wrong. I was never like weird or bad or, you know, and I can be weird, I claim my weird. I love being weird, right? But I was never off. I was actually given a gift, and I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know that it was a gift, but I'm just realizing now that it is
because as these systems are crumbling, and as I see my friends and the people I love all around me, communities, really, in deep places of concern for their safety of deep places of uncertainty, because these systems that they've relied on are getting revealed to be not what they thought that they were. And so you that might be you right now, that might be what you're experiencing too. And what I realized is that it was not a mistake, and in fact, it was a gift that I had the experience that I did, because I had to learn at a very long, young age to not rely on those systems for my sense of safety, for my sense of security, for my sense of integrating with what's known. I couldn't rely on any of that, and so I've had to work on my own finding my own ways to develop my own systems, my own ways of integrating with the world and with the system, the other systems, right, that exist, I can't, like, not not have a social security number, right? And it can't not have have a birth certificate, and, you know, go to the hospital for some things, right? But in the large part, I have had to find my own systems and find my own way through. And so I realize now that that was such a gift, because as everything is crumbling, I'm in this place of, wow, oh, good. Maybe I'll have more friends, because maybe other people will start to see what I've always known, and maybe we'll start to have more conversations about that. And that is not a requirement to be my friend, right? I don't discriminate against you know, what you know or what you believe or what you perceive in this reality, right? In your reality. And I am so, so, so so grateful, even just to be able to say this today to you, to be able to have this conversation and to continue having these kind of conversations, to let you know that it is safe to feel unsafe. It is safe to feel uncertain. It is safe to not know. It is safe to stare into the void of all that's going down and all that's happening and go, What the fuck comes next? And it is safe to not know the answer to that, because that hurling, hurtling ball flying around the sun, that's not certain either. Nothing about this life is certain. And so now more than ever, feeling that safety, feeling that level of care for your own sense of being okay when everything is not okay, when everything is so uncertain, is so so powerful and so so needed, because what happens when you stop relying on these systems as they become more and more and more unreliable, is that you start relying more and more and more on your own internal systems, such as intuition, being able to trust your gut, being able to listen. Listen to the critical voice in the back of your head. Not from a place of like, Oh, listen to the critical voice that tells you you're a bag of crap, right? No, I'm saying listening to the voice that's more refined, right? The voice that comes out that says, maybe that's bullshit. Mmm. Maybe we should question why we listen to this person or this organization or this network or I have a feeling it's that voice, that voice that wants you to question, that wants you to listen, that wants you to go and not trust everything that you hear and not cling on to getting your safety by holding on to the known. Because when we're clinging on and holding on to what we know and what we believe, and we're not questioning it, we're not allowing ourselves to go to that place of feeling a little uncertain, feeling a little unsafe, because we're not sure what's true, we're not sure what's real, then we never allow ourselves to truly break out and break free from those systems that are deeply corrupt, manipulative against our human nature, against our human capacity to love and to be love and to share love and to act and create systems from love. And so when we're so stuck and we're so focused on holding on to that certainty and what we believe will give us that certainty, we miss out on looking farther down the line, looking five years, 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, 500 years into the future, and going, what happens if I hold so tightly to these beliefs that I have? We lose our ability to do that. But when we lean in to that ability, we lean in to being able to see what happens if I don't question my beliefs, and what happens if I do then we get to move towards this place of really being able to see the whole thing, the sense of omniscience, the sense of being able to See the whole thing, like the eagle flying through the sky, able to see the whole view, while also, like the eagle, being able to pinpoint with with an eye so sharp, into something very specific, and dive down and check it out and see what's there. See what you have to learn about it. And this process, right of finding that far sightedness, being willing to be with the uncomfortability that comes with not knowing that is what is helping us? You doing that, me, doing that, all of us doing that right now is what is helping us actually liberate ourselves from these systems that are corrupt and not working and simply through the cracks, right through the cracks of all that's crumbling. Be planting the seeds and having those seeds grow through the cracks, just like you see grass grow through concrete, creating an entirely new ecosystem, an entirely new system, built not on greed, not on Power, not on dominance, not on corruption, but on love, that's it, because at the core of it all, and what it takes to actually feel this level of safety and okay and comfort with knowing these things and knowing how unsafe it truly is to be alive and to be human. That system that comes from that from finding safety, comes from love, it can't come from anything else, because at the core of all of it, and at the core of all these systems in this story that I shared about my own life, the system that I found to plug into and to connect with and to find those senses of safety and community and connection and peace are those that come from love. And I'm not saying that I've found the perfect relationships and communities and, you know, groups or something like that, or this perfect world or that, you know, I'm living in some crazy utopia where every system I plug into is from love, no, but I find, just like the seeds, find their. Way through the concrete. I find the ways that love can always poke through, because I've seen the cracks in in all of it for so long. I see the places where those little seedlings can grow. And so I know, I know that right now feels like such a challenging time for so many, maybe for you, but also I want to let you know that it is such an opportunity, such an opportunity to really double down on love, to really double down on unconditionally, loving yourself, loving the people that you know, that you connect with, that you love, that you want to be, continuing to connect with and love and being a part of their lives, continuing to return to what is the system that Love wants to create? How do I want to relate and plug into a sense of certainty and ease from love? What does love want to create within me?
What does love want to create in my relationships? What does love want to create my community? What does my love want to see happening across the globe, on this beautiful planet that we have the privilege of walking on for a finite period of time? Because love now more than ever, as things our as things are, as things are crumbling, as the cracks are opening up. That love and that light that's underneath is shining brighter than ever, and it is right there. I have been feeling it. It is right there, more potent and more palpable than I think it ever has been. Why? Because we as humans, more and more and more are seeing the cracks, waking up and saying, You know what? I choose love. I choose the system of love. I choose not to get caught up in this bullshit. I choose not to cling on so tightly to feeling safe and certain, and I'm gonna step into the vast unknown of feeling a little bit uncertain, and I'm gonna feel safe with that. I'm gonna feel that I'm gonna be okay, and you are gonna be okay. We all are gonna be okay because it's all already okay. It's all already perfect. So I hope that this episode has brought you a sense of more safety with feeling unsafe, more safety with feeling uncertain. And hope that you bring it into your life, into your relationships, into everything that you love and everything that you are creating. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening, and I send you a kiss and a big hug for the beautiful rest of your day. Have a beautiful one. I.
