TUYT 63

Amy Hoyt25min

Leina Hoyt, MFT, MA

00:01

Is that they walk away from the experience with the phrase notice without judgment, because we say that over and over and over again when we're doing EMDR.

Amy Hoyt

00:16

If you've enjoyed our episode, or the content that we provide on the universe is your therapist, check out our signature program, the whole health lab, in the whole health lab. We walk you through healing from trauma, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you're wondering if you have trauma, go to many trauma.com/quiz. Take our quiz, and you'll be able to determine if trauma is affecting your life. If it is, and you find that you want to go further, we would love to be your guide as you recover from trauma. Hi, welcome back to another episode of the university's your therapist, we are so excited to really start off kind of our holiday season episodes. And all of the challenges and all of the wonderful things that happened during the holiday season. So today's episode is how to deal with a problematic family member. It's something I think everyone in the universe experiences.

Leina Hoyt, MFT, MA

01:21

Yep, I was thinking about that, Amy, when we were talking about it, and how so many of us came from having relational trauma in our childhood, not all of us did, but so many of us did. And that if we think about how the dynamics of a family can contribute to trauma for children, and we recognize that those dynamics can be really difficult to navigate and break when we're on our own healing journey. I think that this episode is just a great one to help people and guide them through the idea of both and like I can, I can love my family members. And I can also have limited exposure when it's disturbing, or I can live my family members and appreciate them, and I can have boundaries with them. That sort of thing. That's hard to do. Yeah,

Amy Hoyt

02:18

I love that the both and, and, you know, full disclosure. Of course, we've had problematic family members. And Lena and I define that differently. And our relationship with people in our family is different. And so one person who may be very hard for me is not hard for her. And that's the both the beauty and the challenge of the family dynamics. So we come to this episode really humbly, with our own experiences, and our own ways that we have navigated through this. And as well as our expertise on the subject. So I'm excited to dive in.

Leina Hoyt, MFT, MA

03:05

Me too. And I think that's a great explanation. The other thing that can happen, and it's pretty universal, is that when we've had relationship, trauma in our childhood, or when there's been chaos in our childhood, because of mental illness, or addiction, or raging, then what tends to happen is that coalition's form in the family. And so then you have, as adults, you have, you go to lunch with your sister, and your sister wants to talk about the past from her lens. And it's not the way you see it. Or you have a very different perception of what happened with your parents, and your sister or brother doesn't. And so that's where the past, the unresolved trauma comes in and interferes with our current relationships. And our goal in our program is always to help people with what's happening currently, so that they can continue to move forward and heal and find peace and joy.

Amy Hoyt

04:10

Yeah, and I think the other issue that comes up is not simply different perspectives of the events. But also there are people who have chosen not to move forward and progress and change. And so they haven't addressed their problematic behavior. So you have someone in an active addiction, or you have someone who is actively raging. And so it's not simply the memories, and we can talk about memory and trauma in a minute because, you know, I just finished that book about memory and trauma and that's, oh, it's so interesting. But really, it's it's a whole range of problems. It can be different memories of what happened. It can be active problems. Yeah, I'm trying to think what other things constitute a problematic relationship? Would you say?

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