2021-11-22-Gil-Discomfort (1 of 5) Studying Discomfort

4:10PM Nov 22, 2021

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

discomfort

uncomfortable

breathe

posture

situation

reacting

feel

body

meditation

learn

pulled

reactivity

balance

boat

hijack

feeling

relaxing

wizard

calm

collapse

So good morning, good day. And so the topic for today is disc this week is discomfort. And with a hope that you can be uncomfortable in better ways. It isn't necessarily, always good. To alleviate discomfort. Discomfort is part of human life. And sometimes discomfort is what keeps us from being living our life fully keeps us from being connected to others, or keeps us from being honest or keeps us from being free. So if we react every time we're uncomfortable, by pulling away from that, we might be shortchanging our life dramatically. Also, the things that make us uncomfortable that are there are times not always, of course, but there are times where that's a window into some deeper understanding of ourselves. To understand what is it that's been triggered? That we feel uncomfortable? Is it necessary to be uncomfortable? Is it discomfort that, that we're reacting to? Is it the discomfort of the situation, or is the discomfort of our reaction to the situation. But regardless of what the discomfort is, the today I just want to emphasize their willingness to be uncomfortable, not so that you suffer more, but rather, so that you are not being pushed around by the discomfort, so that you're not reacting, running away, grabbing something to distract you. Reaching for some alcohol or something because you're so uncomfortable. But, but start learning how to be skillfully uncomfortable. So one of the things that really helps is, is this thing to understand that it's valuable to be uncomfortable that, but when you're uncomfortable, don't go make yourself uncomfortable, isn't that valuable. But if you're uncomfortable learning to realize it's valuable to train yourself to hang out with the discomfort, hang out and be kind of nonreactive to be present in a way that you're, you're balanced. And so the analogy I gave before is, you can be uncomfortable in a rowboat. And the robot that's in the waves and swaying back and forth. And, but if you can. And if you have to stand in the robot, for whatever reason, you find a place in the midpoint at the lowest center of gravity in the boat. And you put your legs kind of wide and firm. And you stay in touch with the site slightest movements of the boat. So you can adjust your weight and, and shift and changes. You don't just stand Stockstill, but you get fluid like that, like fluid, kind of almost like you're swaying with the waves. When the boat lifts up on the, on the right side, maybe you lean in that direction, and then the right knee and then then when it goes the other direction, you do the opposite and, and so you're attuned. And like maybe it's uncomfortable. But if you react to the discomfort or you're afraid and the discomfort or you know, then you're not going to have the fluidity, you're not going to have the balance will. So you have to be willing to feel where you're at and be with what you're at to find your bearings in it. And so how can we do that in daily life, there's a few things. One of the things that is breathing. There's something very, can for some people very effective about staying in touch with a rhythm of their breathing, to the degree to which your attention is grounded in the breathing, that attention is not going to the reactivity to the discomfort and, and so in the breathing also tends to be relaxing, tends to be grounding or stabilizing. And so to find yourself in an uncomfortable situation and breathe. And you know, that's a common psychological

technique is if you're anxious in some situation to breathe deeply, if you're angry, breathe, deeply breathe. All kinds of things, you know, you breathe in order to kind of come back into balance, breathe, so you're not pulled into the world of the reactivity, the fears, the anxieties, the angers, where I feel in relationship to what's uncomfortable. It doesn't mean that we have to, for now, it's not doesn't mean that you have to live forever with the discomfort, but you want to have you want to learn this skill of not being pulled into the reactivity. And breathing is one of the places to learn that skill. Eventually, as we learn to be balanced and present for discomfort without the reaction, then it's a time that we can learn what's wise to do with it. If the discomfort is, is unnecessary, or unfortunate, maybe there's things you can do to change it. If the discomfort is a is limiting you from doing something which is wonderful, then perhaps there balance with the discomfort that you find non reactivity that allows you to go forward into this wonderful thing that you're going to do. So to use the breathing, to be with discomfort, to use your mindfulness of your body, the body is such a fantastic place to rest to be established in and to use mindfulness of the body to to stay present in the body. In the uncomfortable situation, if it's a social situation, for example, have some have a fair amount of your attention rooted in your body, find a comfort in your body, breathe with your body. Find a kind of safety, if you can, with your body, so that you're not automatically being pulled and reacting to what's being said and what's being done. And then sometimes in terms of feeling in your body, is to feel more precisely where the discomfort is felt physically. Because sometimes recognizing the actual place of discomfort, gives it a kind of

simplicity, that's not there, if we don't really recognize and feel where the discomfort is. It's kind of thinking a little bit like the Wizard of Oz. That when they finally make it to the Emerald City, and they find the wizard is his great big voice and the wall or something. And, and then they pull the curtain and behind the curtain. There's this little guy who's the wizard, and suddenly, he's not this big, domineering, imaginary presence. So, sometimes discomfort if we're vaguely feeling uncomfortable or more in our reactivity of the discomfort, it can loom and see much bigger than HTB. But to drop into the body and find where particularly Am I uncomfortable, I my uncomfortable, my belly and my shoulders in my chest, is it swirling in my mind. And sometimes by locating that, and then breathing with that, on the inhale, feeling it on the exhale, maybe softening and relaxing. Makes it kind of like, protects us from the imagination protects us from the general idea that oh, this is bigger than it actually is. Oh, it's just tightness in my belly. I can be with this. My shoulders are collecting my chest is collapsing. Oh, that's what it is. And so, learn to breathe with discomfort, learn to recognize it in your body. And then an interesting thing to do with discomfort in some situations, is to notice your posture. And notice if your posture is collapsed or your posture is pulling away or reacting or how's your posture in relationship to the discomfort and can you take a posture of strength, the posture of confidence, a posture that feels both confident and calm. If you only take a posture, it's calm, you might settle back and be I'm a couch potato, and there's a kind of collapse that might happen. But to have a confident posture, and the cost, your posture that itself expresses confidence, and maybe, maybe calm. Maybe if your fingers tapping your fingers a lot, they're playing with your fingers, maybe stop doing that. You don't have to feel confident, you don't have to feel calm. But assume a posture that expresses that, and then breathe with the discomfort, then feel it in your body, then then to kind of just be with the experience in a fuller way. So one of the purposes of advantages or possibilities in meditation, is to let that this be a, as a laboratory, for discomfort, that the situation is so simple when you meditate, hopefully, that you don't have to solve any social problems, you don't have to, you know, do a lot of things. It's just as simple, you know, you're feeling uncomfortable. And then, in the meditation, learn to breathe with it. Learn to connect to your breathing and find balance. In the meditation, find a way to feel grounded in your body. And then locate where the discomfort is in the body. In the meditation, you can rely on a posture, which is confident and calm, and then don't physically give into the reactivity to discomfort. And so in meditation, then you're beginning to discover yourself about how you are with the world of discomfort, what are the tricks of the mind? What are the reactions of the mind? What are the beliefs that come into play, and you're not giving into it, but you're studying it, you get to know it. And in this way, you become a student of discomfort, not to be discomfort, more, don't comfortable, but rather to learn all the unnecessary reactions, responses, fears, beliefs that come into play, that sometimes hijack your attention, hijack your wisdom, and hijack your ability to be with the situation in a wise way. So sometimes in the out in the world, it's hard to,

you know, to really assess all this and really know what needs to happen and some situations are uncomfortable, and we don't have that the time and place to check in with our discomfort, it's really the time to get out of there. But, and so we don't have a chance there to study it. But find situations in your life where it's appropriate, it's okay to hang out and hang out with your discomfort, not to suffer more. But to become wiser. To understand more what's going on, be curious. Breathe with it, feel it in the body feel location, assume a posture that allows you to have a greater capacity to just stand there and feel the discomfort. So it's maybe an unfortunate instruction for this day. But I do instruct you do encourage you to look for opportunities in the next 24 hours when you are uncomfortable and become a student of your discomfort in this way that I'm talking about. And this will set a foundation for what we're talking about this week as we go along. So this is not just so you can do it for today. But so that you can build on build on that as we go forward. So becoming today become a student of this comfort. Thank you