Welcome to Black Feminist Rants where we center conversations on reproductive justice and activism. I'm your host LaKia Williams and let's begin. Welcome back to another episode of Black Feminist Rants. I'm so excited to be back and I'm even more excited for the guest speaker today. Not only is she like super amazing, she's also my friend. So I feel like I have bragging rights because I have super cool friends. But her name is Larada Lee Wallace, and she's an abortion storyteller as well as so many other things. And I'm super excited for her to share her story. There is so much to learn specifically from her experiences having multiple abortions across multiple states. Also, this episode has a sponsor the Feminist Women's Health Center based in Atlanta, Georgia, which I am a big fan of. Anyone who knows me knows I want to be an abortion provider. And I would love to work at an organization like Feminist that really centers RJ in a clinical practice. But you will learn more about them later in the episode as well as learn more about Larada. So let's get right into it. First, thank you so much for joining me on Black Feminist Rants. To start us off, can you introduce yourself to the audience with your name, your pronouns, any work that you do if you want to highlight that or something that just encompasses who you are as a person?
Oh, okay, not the introduction. My name is Larada Lee, I use she/they pronouns, and I worked with Advocates for Youth as an Abortion Out Loud youth activist and a member of the Creators Council. I'm also on the board of our abortion fund here in the state of California called Access Reproductive Justice. And I'm also an organizer for a reproductive rights organization here in California, as well as an abortion doula. So I help support people in their experiences as they get abortions.
Okay, so just a little bit of everything.
Just a little bit.
Every facet of repro Larada's got something. Okay.
A little bit of this. A little bit of that.
Nah, I love it. Well, one thing you didn't mention, well, I'll get to that later actually. You didn't, you didn't mention that you're a storyteller? Well, we're gonna we're gonna circle back to that in a second. But before we get to that, I definitely want to hear about your RJ story. So the Reproductive Justice movement, you know, has a statement, "we all have a story to tell" to really remind us to center our lived experiences within the fight for RJ. So can you start us off by sharing your reproductive justice story?
Absolutely. It's interesting, because I remember at the time, when I had even found out what Reproductive Justice was, I was actually interning for an organization back home, because I'm from Columbus, Ohio, and interning with an organization back home. And I had switched my internships because I was interning with the reproductive rights org. And at the time, I didn't really have the words for it, because I was like, 17, and like really coming into like organizing nonprofit spaces. And I was like, I just didn't want the culture. It just felt weird. And I just was remember telling my mentor at the time, like, I didn't like the vibe, essentially, like the vibe was off. And she was like, you should look into Reproductive Justice. I feel like that is something that really aligns with like your values and how you're organizing and like, even like what you want to do in like, the grander scheme of things, and that may be able to give you words for it. And I did, and I was like, Oh, wow. So that was when I found out about Reproductive Justice. I was like, read up on it, and like, realized that it was created by black women and femmes because of being shut out of like the mainstream reproductive rights movement. And I was like, Okay, now, this makes sense. Now, how I felt made a lot of sense, when I was doing that internship, and also, what I'm passionate about it really, I have words for it. So that's when I started, like, really realizing that that was what RJ was, and just everything that I organized around, I really tried to do it through an RJ scope. And I really became more passionate and involved with doing RJ work after I had my first abortion in Ohio and had experienced a couple barriers. The first one being like, where's this money gonna come from, right? Like, at the time, I was a full time college student on my own, not too far away from like, after I had gotten emancipated from the foster care system in Ohio, and didn't know how I was gonna pay for it. I was also a Medicaid recipient and Medicaid doesn't cover abortion unless, like your life is in danger in certain states. So I knew that I was gonna have to come up with the moolah. And I had reached out to my friend who was on the board of our abortion fund, and I know had like volunteered and had a very active role with our abortion fund back home, and she was able to get me squared away. So and I was only able to pledge $100 to my abortion. But after that, the barriers did not stop. I had like scheduled my appointment at Planned Parenthood and the clinic was closed so I had to call them in the parking lot like when's the nearest appointment? They're like, the month and a half out. I'm like, I can't wait that long. So I had also had another appointment scheduled at an independent clinic, but that was like a week and a half out and I also didn't want to wait that long either. Because it was long and you know, I was just getting adjusted to my online school schedule, because we're like, in the middle of like COVID, beginning to like rage, like at the height of the pandemic. So I ended up having my appointment on a Friday. And you know, we had that 24 hour waiting period in Ohio. So I had to come back on the following Monday and waiting an additional four hours just to get the first half of my abortion medication, and then completed it at home. But just thinking about, like, all of those barriers, and like how I was, like, really thrown off the course of getting the abortion that I knew I wanted, when it was just literally a mere hypothetical in my head. When I'm like, Am I pregnant? Well, if I am getting this abortion type thing, I knew that a lot of the barriers that I was facing, were intentional, and contributed to a larger conversation that we could have about abortion access, like bans and restrictions, like a 24 hour waiting period. So I'm like, Okay, this is not okay. And I know that this is ultimately something that's affecting people like me, black people, brown people, poor people, right. So I started doing organizing work when I got introduced to Advocates for Youth and their Abortion Out Loud program. And then I really started telling my abortion story on our larger platform. And that's really like, the second part of my RJ story. I will say, I feel like the first half was me learning about RJ and trying to do any of the Oregon like any of the organizing work that I was doing, and like integrating that work and finding like those intersections, but also like my own personal experience, and like navigating getting an abortion as well.
Definitely. Thank you for sharing your story has even though we've only gotten to like half of it so far, but even at this point, it's like so many different facets and just like intersections of like the different sides of reproductive justice, because of course, reproductive justice isn't just one thing. It's not just abortion access, for the different things that impact people's, you know, access to reproductive health care, and abortion care and all those things. So you talked about Medicare, and you know, being in the foster care system. And just I love when you said the barriers that you were experiencing were intentional. So I feel like that really highlights one, just this country at large, but really the space that we're in right now, and how everything that they're doing is intentional to restrict people and not for all these all these lies that they're telling us. So you kind of started to hint at being an abortion storyteller. But just as a refresher, can you tell us a little bit about what abortion storytelling is and why it's important.
So abortion storytelling is essentially like the telling of your abortion story. But it doesn't just have to be like your own individual abortion story, you can also be or at least the way that I see it, like folks who have also helped people in their own abortions, telling abortion stories, and I'm not saying like, go tell other people's abortion stories. But you know, every, like lots of people have their own abortion story. Whether it be you know, getting your own abortion, getting your own abortion, or you know, helping your best friend, go to the clinic and walk past protesters or having to, you know, help your best friend come up with the cash for the abortion or drive your friend out of state to get it right, or, you know, just being there and like holding your friend's hand while they're making that decision or your loved one's hand while they're making that decision. You know, having that experience and then telling that story is an abortion story. And I think that it's important, especially now, one, it helps destigmatize the conversations that we have around abortion, a lot of the conversations that we've had around abortion historically have been white, cisgender, heterosexual, heterosexual, white woman, middle class, right, like middle age centered, right. And we know that they're not the only people getting abortions. And we also know that like, not everyone who's getting an abortion is sad, and just like the hardest decision that they ever had to make people like myself, I was actually very elated when I had my first abortion. I like did cartwheels outside of the clinic because I was really happy and empowered that I was able to make that decision for myself, especially from someone who's been historically disempowered, like being in the foster care system, for example, and not really being able to make certain decisions for myself, that were essentially going to impact my future. And it's important that we highlight the different narratives and diversify the narratives in abortion because it again contributes to destigmatizing it, right. Like, it's the only narrative that we have around abortion, and there's so there's so many angles with this, like, it's the only narrative that we have about abortion is that like, white women are getting them then you know, how, you know, some people are like, that's some white shit. Like, that's some like shit, right? And like, now we're like this experiences of, you know, black and brown and indigenous folks are not centered in that, right? Because the only representation that we've had and people sharing their abortion stories or people being uplifted, and their abortion stories are cis-hetero white women, right. Another thing with abortion storytelling is that not everyone's abortion is the same. Some people said their abortions like, you know, I was in college and I just didn't see that working for me, it wasn't going to help me accomplish my goals. In fact, it would have thrown me off the course, so I got my abortion. Some people were like, you know, like, it wasn't planned. And I'm really sad that I had to make this decision, but I didn't have the means. Some people were like, Yo, like, I had an ectopic pregnancy, that was essentially going to kill me. And it wouldn't have worked out anyway, ao I had to get this abortion to save my life, right? Um, there's lots of different reasons why people get their abortions. And when we only center the one narrative and like the one reason why then it contributes to this, further contributes to the stigma that abortion is not something that is necessary, this is not something that's essential. And that is not an option that, well, it's an option that is treaded by a select few, and not one in four people in their lifetime, right?
Yes. Can you talk a little bit about you said you were elated. When you had your first abortion, you were happy and empowered and doing cartwheels? What was that like? Can you give us just a little bit more about that?
it was definitely a doozy because I was pregnant about two and a half weeks longer than I want it to be after I had found out because of the barriers. But, um, for me, I just one, I didn't like being pregnant. I'm just gonna call it I hated being pregnant. I was like throwing up all the time, I couldn't focus on my studies, and I was trying to have a hot girl summer, I just, it wasn't gonna work out. But also, you know, I had never really been able to make a decision that grand, right, like in the grand scheme of things, it's not like, the biggest decision that I've ever had to make in my life. Well, it also is the biggest decision that I've made in my life, right? Like, I wasn't at a crossroads when I made the decision, but I know that the decision whether I made it or didn't make, would have changed the trajectory of my life forever. And I was just happy that for the first time, something that was really going to impact my future,nd something specifically like, related to like my bodily autonomy, like I was able to make that decision. And it wasn't even just because I had, you know, found out I was pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, right, like, that's pro choice. But because I was able to have the access to, you know, getting connected with the abortion fund, because I have friends who were willing to sit in the parking lot for three hours while I was just waiting to be seen and also waiting to get my medication. Because I have friends that were willing to you know, be there with me when I was like sick and only had cravings for like grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup, right? Like I was also supported through my community and my network and my friends and my chosen family at the time when I was making that decision. And which is why it was like so easy for me because I also had the support and whatever decision that I would have made. And I know that some people don't have, you know, some things like as simple as like having the funds, right? It comes to a point where it's not so simple, because abortions can get expensive, especially the farther along you are, right. So that was why it was so easy for me. And I know that I'm very fortunate because a lot of people's experiences aren't like that.
That's true. But I also want to honor that you say it's easy, but I know it wasn't that easy. Like there's people who they have all the money in the world, they don't have to think of it, they can just get on a fly, go on a little vacation and just get the care they need. They don't have to worry about anything. And like that's not the experience for you. And while there's people that are going to have maybe a more difficult experience, also I want to honor that, you know, you also have, you know, trials and tribulations as well. But I think it's great. And that's something that, you know, people with marginalized identities do like we can empathize and we can like look beyond ourselves. And that's something that a lot of privileged people don't do, which baffles me, because people with less privilege do it all the time. And I'm seeing you do it as well. So I think that's something I definitely see centered in the movement. But yeah, I just wanted to honor that look quickly.
Thank you, friend.
Of course, you just said so much. I was trying to take some notes. I liked that you did mention though, like so much about your friends and how they supported you through the whole process and your community and your network. Because I know a lot of people are like, you know, I've never had an abortion. I don't know how to really support the movement. I think, you know, those relational connections can like have some of the most impact, like yes, you should be donating to abortion funds, you should get out and volunteer but like how are you supporting the people you're in community with? So I hope people who are listening are like, okay, I can make such a big impact on someone if I'm just there and I'm supporting them. And also educating yourself not forcing them to educate you on the process just being there and showing up having the knowledge you can really support them and not make them do all this extra labor to educate you on how they should be supported.
Because sometimes when people would... I agreed because sometimes like when my friends were asking me what I need them I don't know what I need right now. I just don't want to be pregnant. Like literally when I was asked what I needed. I'm like I don't have the money to afford it already know, so I just need the money and I'll be fine. And then I realized that I had like other needs along along the way like I'm hungry. I actually don't have the energy to cook. I'm actually like pretty irritated with this whole process and it can be isolating because I knew that I wanted to get this abortion when I pissed on the stick and it came back positive but I'm having to wait um which is like complicating and making the process like extending the process, and just having people sit with me and also tell me like I'm respecting what you need right now, but I'm still gonna drop you off food, just in case you do get hungry at some point in the day, right? Like you said, like, sometimes it's just like educating yourself on like what people need and not waiting for people to tell you what they need. Because a lot of the times people don't know what they need, and also have a hard time communicating what their needs are, as well, especially as like black woman and femmes like, my biggest thing was like, this was my decision that I made, and I don't want anyone to have to help pay for my decision, right? Like I tried to take make, like, take a lot of onus and like ownership over the decision that I made, even though like, it was going to happen at some point in time. And like, you know, I had this option. And luckily, abortion was an option for me, right? You know, people were like, well, you don't have to carry it alone. Like, we're here for you for for things like this. So, yes, definitely having a support network is like the biggest thing, and even some people like, you know, just donating to abortion funds is helpful, but like donating your time to people in their experience that could look like driving people to the clinic, filling up people's gas tanks, babysitting their kids, while they're getting the procedure, right. Like it could be any or all of those things. It doesn't just have to be money, because like, yes, money is what is going to drive the whole process. But you know, the the practical support and making sure that you know, those little things, they really do matter in the in the long run.
That's a great point. Yeah, practical support is really important. And you brought up you know, just being educated in general. So people should definitely go out and do some self-managed abortion training, but yeah that's definitely a great way to get connected to the movement and just like support people. What is a common misconception that people have when they hear your abortion story, or when I think about access to abortion care?
I think that, like we brought up earlier, like when people hear my abortion story, they think that like barriers don't exist. And I feel like it's interesting, because like, the heart of my story is the barriers that took place is off that is that I didn't have any shame when I made the decision. But the barriers made this such the, you know, getting the abortion harder than it needed to be. And like, that's just that on that, right? Like, I don't have to be ashamed of this decision. But when I'm like, forced to sit in this clinic and get like, like, medically inaccurate information, and being told things like, Oh, well, you're six weeks along, which means that you're you'll be 75%, you have a 75% chance of carrying a pregnancy to term, then like it begs the question like, Well, how am I supposed to feel about this decision that I'm making, right? Or if I'm like, getting an ultrasound, and they turn the sound up, and I'm like, forced to listen to it, or asked if I want to have a picture of the ultrasound, right, like things like that were what complicated the process. And just because like I felt elated by my experience, and had the support, and luckily, knew folks and working in the RJ space, when I was able to get that support, like the financial support from the abortion fund, doesn't mean that it was like void of barriers, right. And I think that also like, one of the things that people like a common misconception, like even when I like share my story on like, TikTok or something it's always Why don't you wear a condom? Or why would you want birth control? Why didn't you take a plan B? And it's like, I have a really horrible experience with birth control, and like being forced to be on birth control, when I in a horrible relationship actually with birth control when I was like, forced to be on birth control when I was in the foster care system, which is another conversation that we could have around RJ, right? Like we could talk all day about things like that. But also, I did take a Plan B, and it failed. And I didn't find out until later that it had a weight requirement. And I was like, well over like what 125. So obviously, I got pregnant, so it didn't work. But also like, I don't owe you that in mind. I don't owe you any reasons, or any reasons or telling you that I was careful and I did everything that I could even if I was just out here raw doggin' it and just living my best life and still got pregnant and got an abortion. That's still the decision that I wanted to make for myself and it's none of your business. I think that people think that like, I think that we could tie this back to Roe. Oh Roe is going to be gone, so people can't get people and get access to abortion is going to be gone. It's already been gone. Like even just for in my story, for example, like I was in the state of Ohio, one of the most restrictive states when it comes to abortion, right. Like the last 10 years. Up until that point, there have been numerous restrictions placed on abortion. So Roe kind of rendered itself useless. And in places like Texas or Ohio or Oklahoma or Idaho, when abortion is already severely restricted. Like we're already sometimes in certain places living in a post-Roe world. I feel like those are some of the misconceptions conceptions that people have that like oh, like abortion is legal. Like you can still get it. Yeah, but like barriers exist. If I wasn't able to get my appointment at the independent clinic and like get my abortion in a timely fashion. I would have had to travel you either out of the city and I don't have a car, I don't drive, I would have had to travel hour and a half, almost two hours outside of the city to go get my abortion or travel out of state. So how was that accessible? How was that essentially, like my choice when I have, when I've already made the decision that this is what I want to do, and I can't access it.
I love that you're problematizing choice, um, even with the ultrasound experiences that you have, and how lawmakers try to make it seem like, oh, we do all these things, because women don't know what they want. Or maybe if they hear the heartbeat, you know, they'll see like, oh, quote, unquote, there's just life growing inside of me. No, like, trust women and trust people who become pregnant to know what's best for them. Like, where's this? I mean, it's, you know, it's based on a patriarchy. But I love that you're really kind of like centering that, like this is not about honoring people in the decisions. It's about kind of forcing their hand to do something that they that they don't want to do. Yeah, we could talk about so many things being forced on birth control while being in the foster care system, the plan B and like, you know fatphobia, but also like how you said, You don't owe anyone anything, especially around your abortion story and just becoming pregnant, like you don't owe, like, Oh, this is a good reason for needing an abortion or this is, you know, it was out of your control or whatever, whatever your story is, it's literally health care. We don't blame people for needing other types of health care. So why are we blaming people for needing abortion care?
Yeah honestly, that's why I'm like, so I feel like over the, like choice rhetoric. And I'm really hoping that at this point in time, we divest away from the choice rhetoric, because how many let's be honest, how many choices are people gonna have when abortion is banned in half the states in the country? Like, yeah, I want to get an abortion, but I can't like that's not a choice. That sounds like forced pregnancy. That sounds like people having to travel and travel across state lines to go get their abortions. That doesn't sound like a choice to me. And when we frame it as a choice, I really feel like sometimes that contributes to the stigma around it, right? Like, oh, I'm pro choice. Okay. Well, sometimes abortion, getting an abortion is not a choice that people want to make. But it's a decision that people have to make. And regardless of the reasons, whether it's a choice that people want to make or not make, or it's something that people need or don't need, it's still essential.
Yeah, and for me, I like that pro-abortion, on the other hand centers abortion and kind of gets away from this misconception that abortion is a dirty word, like just say the word just say pro-abortion. Be unabashed, AND SAY IT. Pro-choice, that can be so many different things. It's too ambiguous for me, like if you're gonna be pro abortion, stand on it.
Period, because now we're like people are like, I'm pro choice. I'm not pro abortion, and it's like this. And that's why we are that's a part of the reason why we're in the moment that we are in now. And I'm not taking ownership because I feel like I've done my part as a black feminist like a reproductive justice practitioner and making sure that people have what they need and also spreading their reproductive justice agenda. But like, you're pro choice, but not pro abortion. Why are we leveling? You know, who's not leveling the antis, they are on the same page about everything, they're coordinated, they're not having any disagreements with anything, but in our movement, we have pro-choice people who are saying that they're not pro-choice, but they're pro abortion. Like, you know, like that's,
They're saying they're not pro-abortion, but they're pro-choice.
Yeah, like, I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-choice, but I'm not pro-abortion like, okay, now look at you, you just didn't you just stigmatized abortion, framed abortion as something as an option when this is already something that the antis are leveling and trying to use against the same that no abortion is needed. No abortion essential, essential, right? Like, come on. Why and it don't matter what you are anyway because abortion is about to be illegal in over half of states in the country.
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So in Ohio, we have the 24 hour waiting period, which actually was almost 72 hours for me, because I have my consultation appointment on a Friday. But also, I want to note that like, in this first appointment that I had, like I had an ultrasound, everything was good to go, I wasn't anemic, and I was doing the medication abortion options, so I could have gotten my pills the same day. And I couldn't, because that 24 hour mandatory 24 hour waiting period, that is for no other like it's not medically necessary, it's for no other reason than to deter people and discourage people from making that decision. So I came back on Monday had to wait another three hours in the clinic at the height of COVID with no support person, because it's COVID. And we couldn't have a visitor's just to get the first half of my medication and then complete my procedure at home. So that was like the first abortion. And then like, I went back, about a month later, and the abortion was complete. The second abortion was still pretty difficult. And I was expecting it to be a bit different. Because you know, at this point, I had been in California long enough, I was also, I'm also on the board of our abortion center, like, I know a little bit more about the process. And also, I just thought that you know, this is California like this the pro-abortion state like I was gonna, it was gonna get her done. But I had scheduled my first appointment at Planned Parenthood. I go into Planned Parenthood, like two days later, they're like, Oh, we don't take your insurance. So I'm like, okay, so then they're like call Kaiser. And I had already had like, really adverse experiences with Kaiser that had made me not because for me, like abortion is sacred. And if I'm going to be making this decision, I don't want to go to a place that I've been traumatized, treated like shit, like mistreated, haven't gotten, like medically, haven't gotten like the medical care that I needed or deserve at the time with why would I get my abortion here at both places to like call Kaiser. So I call Kaiser like, well, we need a phone appointment before we can schedule your appointment. I'm like, I just told you that I've missed my first period, my pregnancy test is positive. What do I need to get on my phone for so that I can have an appointment? So I'm like, No, I went to an independent clinic. And the first time that I was able to get into the clinic, this was already about a week and a half after all the other stuff had transpired. They're like, Oh, we can't see the fetus. So I'm like, Okay, well, what does that mean? And then they gave me an ectopic pregnancy warning. And they said, Well, we're hoping that you're just early. And, you know, you just come back in a week and after, you know, the fetus is more developed, we can, you know, get your your medication, and you'd be good to go. But if it's not, you're gonna have to get this abortion anyway, because it's an ectopic pregnancy. And those are fatal. So I have to wait another week. And it was like the worst, like, the most excruciating week in my life. And I'm just like, hoping and praying that I don't, I'm not carrying an ectopic pregnancy. Because I'm like, I this is a lot. And this is like something that essentially could kill me. Right. So in addition to the already wanting the abortion, I might need it. Again, abortion is essential. But I go back, and then the next week, like everything was good to go, it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, I was just too early. So I was able to get it. But they ran my insurance and my insurance didn't go through. And as my insurance didn't go through, the doctor is literally talking to me, and telling me like what to do with the medication. Yada, yada, yada. Um, another one of the providers comes in the clinic, bust open the door, and it's like, Did you give her the medication yet? She was like, no, she was like, good don't because her insurance didn't go through. So we need to figure this out.
And that was like one of the most not only, like, humiliating but like, I was so livid, because, wow, like, this couldn't have waited? Like, I'm also like talking to the doctor right now, I'm like being told that it's not an ectopic pregnancy. So I'm like still trying to process like, what the possibilities of that could have been and like my relief, and you just like come in, like, don't provide her care because she's broke, or like, she doesn't have insurance. So luckily, I was able to make a call and get the abortion paid for straight away. But that was just really like, one of the worst things I've ever experienced. This is actually the first time that I'm telling this part of the story, because I actually didn't find out like three months till like three months later. So I was actually supposed to go back to the clinic the next month to make sure that my uterus is clear, and that the pregnancy was complete, but I didn't because why would I want to go back to this clinic after I just got treated like this, right. And also my period had came back to normal and when I took a pregnancy test came back negative. So I was assuming that, you know, at this point, I don't have to go back to the clinic. Like I'm not pregnant anymore, right? But I'm having like this persistent pain still, and like my uterus and then I remember that I had went to a work retreat in Santa Cruz for like a week. And I felt like, I had walked up the steps with my luggage and I felt like I had pulled something. And I'm like, yo, I wonder if this is due to my abortion. Maybe it wasn't complete, right? Because I know that like when you do the medication procedure, sometimes that is a possibility that happened. I'm like, No, it's been three months, I've had three periods. And I've also like my pregnancy test came back negative, so I'm not pregnant anymore. But I go, and I tell that I go to the ER, like, as soon as I get home from the retreat a week later, and I talk to the doctor, and I tell her what happened. I'm like, I had an abortion two months ago. And she was like, Okay, that sounds like your abortion was completed that I just want to check. So I had to get a pelvic ultrasound. And sure enough, there were still retaining products from the pregnancy in my endometrium, which means that the abortion wasn't complete, and I had to get an emergency DNC, which means that I had to get another like the other half of my abortion because my abortion wasn't complete, and it hadn't been complete for three months, which means that was actually pretty dangerous. And I was actually able, I was really glad that I was able to get get the care that I needed the time. But that was also another process for me that I was like, Oh, my God, like reproductive health care still sucks, even in California, because I was in the, in the emergency room, because I had to get the procedure to remove it. And I was waiting for over seven hours to get it. And like in, in addition to like, all the medications that you can think of like fentanyl, morphine, ibuprofen, like just so that I couldn't feel the pain, I was still in like a lot of pain, because the speculum was metal. But also, there was only one OBGYN in the emergency room that night. And she was coming back and forth between finishing my abortion, or not my abortion, but like, getting the rest of the retained products in my uterus. And like, you know, getting the rest of the products from the pregnancy that I had had three months prior, removing them, she was coming back and forth between that and delivering the baby upstairs. So that was my second abortion experience. This is actually my first time telling this experience. So Black Feminist Rants is special. Um, yeah, it was a hot mess. But that really affirmed for me, like, maybe things would have been different if I hadn't had, you know, been treated so bad at the clinic, when I went and maybe I like would have went and got like the ultrasound, and been fine, but I just assumed that I was fine because I had like, three periods, my pregnancy test came back negative so.
Your story is a testament to how adverse experiences with healthcare provider discourages patients from following up on care and can be, it can be life threatening, like it could put you at so much risk, just because of how they conduct themselves as healthcare practitioners.
It's the worst. It'ss literally the worst. Like, like, I honestly, like as someone who's like, already, like very pro-abortion, like, for any reason, like, by the time this comes out, I'll be on my third abortion, right, because I'm pregnant right now. But like, that makes me not like those that instance made me not like that instance that happened in that clinic when the doctor like came back and was like, Don't give her the medication, her insurance didn't go through, like, even as like the most pro-abortion, like most affirmed person, I was still like, damn, like, that was unnecessary. And like, the treatment is so bad for like black and brown people of color with no money, like poor people like with that was unnecessary. That just makes me wonder that, like, if that's how I feel, kind of like other people have felt in their experiences. And like, you know, luckily, again, I was able to get my care in time. But, you know, waiting seven hours, because there's only one OBGYN and the emergency room and was gone back and forth between me and delivering a baby. Also in COVID. I'm like, Oh, my God, I hope that like, that felt bad for the person that was like, in labor, like your OBGYN has to come back and forth. While you're in labor. It was a lot. It's a lot to navigate.
It's also like, you went through all that, and you're someone who's like, well connected. Like you said, you're on a board of an abortion fund, you're connected to Advocates for Youth, you're an abortion storyteller. Like, you have connections with so many organizations, and you have this terrible experience. And just imagine people who don't even know anything about abortion, where abortion is taboo in their household, they don't know who to go to.
Exactly. And in conversations that I had been having with folks in the aftermath of my experience, like my friends and stuff, everyone had had a similar experience. Maybe not with like abortion specifically, but I also had another friend who had a specific experience very similar to mine with the abortion but even just with like getting an endometriosis diagnosis, or anything like reproductive, I like almost every person with a uterus that I know has had a similar or same experience. And we're all obviously like people of color and and just, you know, even in places that may seem or being themselves like the most progressive like that happened in the state of California. And I'm also like, really good at advocating for myself. I just, you know, like what's happening to people who aren't who don't know the ins and outs and stuff and don't know who to talk to, or what next steps to take, right? Like, you know, luckily, I was able to remember because I had an abortion prior. And I've also helped assist people through their own experience with medication, abortion, that maybe my pregnancy, my abortion wasn't complete, and I should go to the ER, some people, you know, for any someone else that could have been a fatal situation.
Definitely, yeah. I also love something you said earlier too. Abortion is sacred. When you didn't want to go back to Kaiser, someplaceyou've been traumatized.
Which is the same person I had to go back to and wait seven hours because the doctor was back and forth between delivering a baby and finishing my procedure. Which is why I didn't want to go there in the first place, because I knew that that was what I was going to have to deal with.
You had to wait three months to get your abortion completely finished.
Is that out?
And this is in California. And I know, like with everything that's going on, like people in the south, like you said, Ohio, like it's really out in the trenches, right. But like California is not all that people make it up to be, you know. And imagine that we have, you know, when roe falls and everything, and we have people that are coming to California out of necessity, the infrastructure is already not the best. And then we're supporting even more people, what is that going to look like?
Right. Because people here can't even get supported. Like, there's been so many people that I've talked to hear that like, yeah, I have like a to pay a really high copay when I got my abortion here even though like insurance companies are required to, to provide abortion care. But luckily, I think that a bill is actually just passed to not allow that to happen, allow that to happen anymore. But yeah, like, we don't have the infrastructure or the amount of providers quite honestly to take to handle like the people that we have here like this 2, no I'm sorry, 3,000% increase? It's going to be bad. Like, I'm thinking about wait times, I'm thinking about like, the cost of abortion going up like this is going to be too much.
Exactly. I had to wait two months just for a biopsy.
And the thing is, you need a referral for everything. And you need these referrals, like you're asking for referrals for stuff that could potentially be like, really dangerous, like, in the aftermath of me having that procedure in the in the emergency room, I ended up getting an infection and having to get treated for a pelvic inflammatory disease, and was like hoping because that's something that's like, pretty, it can be pretty dangerous. And I'm like, wow, I just want, I want an abortion, like not a hysterectomy. Like I don't just try to like, now I'm like hoping that I'm not infertile. Obviously, I'm not because I'm pregnant again. But, you know, just little stuff like that. And just even now, like this experience that I'm having now, where I'm like, getting ready to have like another abortion. I'm like, hope nothing goes wrong this time. And this is in the midst of California, like, deeming itself a reproductive freedom state too, which is like, Okay, we'll see.
So I know, you said you have some, like, you know, just a little bit of worries about the third pregnancy. But do you feel a little bit more? Or how do you feel? Do you feel more empowered? Do you feel nervous and scared, because you're in California where you've had this terrible experience?
I feel supported because I have a really good network of people. And I feel like at every abortion story, like, or every abortion experience that I've had, I have had a really good network of people like it, like I've been able to get through my abortions, not because I'm like confident and just know that like abortion at any time for any reason. And like, whatever, right? Like, I've been able to get through my abortions, because of the people that I've had around me that have supported me. Because second time, I had like a really good friend sit with me. And I also had a doula sit with me through the experience, and also, like, drop me off stuff and like, give me things for my morning sickness, and like make me herbs and rub my back. Right. And this is like not, it's really like, sometimes I feel like not bad for telling my story. But like, I also have to live with the underlying this is not the experience that I will say even most people have with their abortions, but because I like work in community with people who are like doing that, and like also trying to make themselves more visible in this movement. Because the reproductive rights girlies aren't getting anything done or really helping anybody. And I'm sorry, I have to say it, we can keep this part on here too. You know, like, I've, because I'm in community with those folks. And I'm doing the same work. Like when I need that done, like it's able to, you know, happen because we all know each other and we're like doing some work and again, trying to make ourselves more visible so that people who are going through like similar experiences don't have to go through it alone. Like a lot of people have to. I'm definitely ready to get her done. I've definitely, one of the things that like has stuck with me was the medication abortion experience last time, it wasn't complete last time. So I'm like the first few times I will be getting it in clinic. And I'm hoping that nothing goes wrong because I've also been dealing with like pelvic pain and like really heavy periods and trying to figure out if I have endometriosis or not, which has been a struggle to even like see an OBGYN here because the wait times are ridiculous. And like, I think I had to wait like, I made an appointment and the wait times like two and a half months, even though I've had like this really bad pelvic pain, and like reoccurring yeast infections and whatnot for almost six months now, or no way over six months now. So I'm just hoping that all those go, all goes well. And, you know, second time I was just like, it's gonna go well, I've done this before. And then the second time was the second time. And now I'm like, we'll see. But yeah, I'm feeling affirmed. It was really weird. I'm like the timing, couldn't even like couldn't be more wild, because not me finding out after that leaked draft comes out. Like this is just such a weird time in general already with COVID. But yeah, and again, another instance in where I like took emergency contraceptive. And it failed. So this just really speaks to how, you know, having abortion as an option is essential. Because even sometimes birth control fails. Sometimes condoms break, sometimes condoms aren't what people do or want to use. Sometimes, you know, people like me, have either had like really adverse experiences with birth control, or can't take birth control, because it's not good for them, or sometimes the birth control fails, right. And sometimes you like absolutely need it. Because you may be carrying a pregnancy that will kill you, if you carry to term, right. So definitely reaffirming for me, and every experience that I've had, from the possible ectopic pregnancy to the two out of three of the pregnancies that I've had, you know, being the result of like emergency contraceptive failure. Abortion is essential. Period.
Period. In the beginning, I asked you why is abortion storytelling important? And of course, you gave us a great answer. But I feel like through this discussion, we really see why it's so important like we've learned so much from you in this what, in 30 minutes so far, like the reproductive injustice in the foster care system. Just provider lack of just issues, you know, access to abortion care in different states and issues within California accessing abortion care, what to do when your abortion is incomplete. Like I've just learned so much. And like people only know this through storytelling, like as a society, we have gotten to a place where we've devalued stories and just listening to elders and people who have more experience. And I feel like abortion storytelling having a big like resurgence recently, or just people listening more to abortion storytellers, is really giving getting us back to those roots. And I feel like it's allowing people to have just so much more education, because now someone can listen to you and be like, okay, when I go through my abortion, I'm going to have more knowledge and I'm going to know what to do or I'm going to know who to reach out to. Maybe they didn't know what an abortion fund was. They didn't know what an abortion doula was. But now they have like that knowledge that they can lean on because they've heard from someone like you.
Thank you. And thank you for giving me the platform to share.
Oh, of course. No, we're not even done. We got to talk about repro because you said um, you know, you are, you know, self assured you're pro-abortion, but it's not even getting through all these pregnancies isn't because you're so pro abortion, but it's because the community you have around you. And I feel like that really highlights how, how we say people who are supporting or who are political allies, like it's not enough to just say, Oh, I'm pro-abortion, or to post a story infographic about pro choice or to show up at the marches. But how are you supporting people in the community? How are you educating yourself better, so you can support them, or you can, you know, just the performative we got to cut out, we got to cut that out.
We got to cut it out. And when you're called out about it, you can't get mad about it. You can't be upset about it.
Because that's ego, that's egocentric. And that's one thing you can't do when you're in community. You can't be a quote unquote, activist, but you're egocentric. No it's not about you. It's about collective, period. Okay, but, but but let's get, let's get into the repro real quick. I hope y'all enjoyed the episode. I hate to cut it short. I know I don't typically do that. But the episode was getting long when we were kind of transitioning topics. And I really wanted this episode to really center abortion storytelling and Larada's specific abortion story, because, as you just heard, she had just given us so much knowledge and just so many like gems to take away and to really incorporate into the work that we do and how we show up for people in community. So I really want to center that and highlight that. But we will definitely have a part two, where we talk more about repro and just being young people in the rebirth spaces. And also shout out to our sponsor, the Feminist Women's Health Center based in Atlanta, Georgia. If you were hearing Larada's story about Kaiser and you're just like, Oh no, I don't want to go through that. I'm gonna go ahead and send you to Feminist Women's Health Center and get you some really good competent care that's rooted in the Reproductive Justice movement. So thank you again to Feminist Women's Health Center not only for sponsoring but also for being a great organization that I absolutely love and that I admire and that I hope to one day when I'm an abortion provider, work at an organization like that, but yeah, I'll leave in the description box ways you can support Feminist Women's Health Center, the different organizations that Larada is a part of, and just ways that you can get involved in the movement and support your local abortion fund. And If you want to hear more of the tea side of the conversation, be sure to join as a BFR member. The link will be in the description. And also give us a follow on Instagram and on TikTok at Black Feminist Rants and sign up for the newsletter. But thank you so much for listening and I'll talk to y'all later.
