Thanks, Edwin. So welcome back everyone, to our ongoing quest to build a culture of empathy. And we invite you to reflect, reflect silently, on your intention on your motivation for attending this training. So we're recording this call for educational and promotional purposes. If you don't want to be recorded, please put an X after your name. If you're okay with being recorded, please put an arm. I think that only applies to D at the moment if you could do about D. So we invite you to each take 30 seconds to check in and to share any questions or comments from the last session together? Or your learnings from your empathy Buddy call or your learnings from facilitating an empathy circle this week? And our call on people? And I invite Karen to speak first. Thank you, Kevin.
Hello. Yeah, I enjoyed last week. And something I've been pondering since an empathy circle with friends, I enjoyed the empathy buddy circle this week with Jana. So that was wonderful. And so I guess I'm wondering if there's, there's a place where all of the information about empathy circles lives, like a book or a series of videos, and maybe that's it, it's on the website. To kind of get an overview of things, I think I've noticed that I, you know, people are sharing their experience of being empathy circles, and being facilitator and so forth. And some of that stuff might be just personal, what people are processing and getting from it, and so forth. And some of it might be kind of rules and guidelines as we're going along and advancing. So I'm just kind of wondering, and noticing how I distinguish between that as I'm learning.
Question. Thank you, Karen. And perhaps, when we finished the check in, and the people dealing with the questions might want to address that I noticed that Edwin has posted a link in the chat, which is where lots and lots of information goes. But thank you for that question. Karen. De, could I invite you to check in?
Yes, good afternoon, everyone. I dettling with logging into zoom and getting my default set, and it doesn't seem to be working yet. So I'm working on that still. My buddy circle didn't my buddy call didn't happen. And my circle didn't happen. But I've got plans for next week for my circle. So Steady as she goes over here. Thank you.
So what are you trying to rename? Did you say? Do you want me to do it? Sorry, what were you having trouble with on the computer?
No, no, I can rename it. I'll do that right now. I'm putting our by that I can do the other things to default was a background and icon when my my video goes off, then there's like a nice icon of some like stones. And I logged on to zoom but it's not showing up so. Okay, forgive me while I play without you guys check in. Thank you.
Thanks very much. Sally. Could I invite you to check in
I am here and ready to go. I've been doing this for almost Great. Can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah. Almost from the beginning of this effort forward, like right at the beginning of COVID. And yeah, so I love it and can't wait for that Are you not getting my video?
At the moment? Sally? No, this no video, but we can
Oh, well, I'll work on that. It's just pointed wrong. Right the towards the ceiling. Okay. Thanks, everyone.
Thank you. Alex, could I invite you check in? Sure.
Oh, hi, everyone. I didn't have a buddy call this week. So I couldn't make that happen. But I've been thinking a lot about the empathy circle, I have a kind of intense question at the forefront of my mind, which is that the video that Edwin sent around not too long ago about the high level challenge, and the protesters interrupting the empathy circle.
I
am one of those protesters, I mean, not in the video. But that is my life. That is my social, personal and political identity. And I think seeing that video made me wonder how much room I really do have for people's views that are racist, that are sexist, that are homophobic. And I'm starting to worry that I actually don't want to be involved with those views. And I might not have enough space for them to be facilitating empathy circles, when that is the dialog. So that's a huge dilemma that's at the forefront of my mind. And I'd welcome the perspectives of far more experienced practitioners.
Thank you. Thank you for that brilliant question. Would it be okay, if we parcel it with the other questions and just finished the check ins? But you know, we won't go away without having address? Alex? And George, would you like to check in for George and Jennifer, who who weren't here? It's any questions you have or comments for the last session, any learnings from your empathy Buddy call this week or any learnings from facilitating an empathy circle? So George, are you able to check in with us?
Last George, Jennifer, could I invite you please. Lovely to see. Thank you.
Checking in. I think I have a bit of frustration coming into this group today. At my circumstances, and usually things don't get under my skin. So it's an opportunity to look at that. But the Yeah, just getting the challenge of getting on this on this on this platform. At this time. It occurs to me that I really do need to start a good 1015 minutes thoroughly. Because when I get in a space of like, frantic that it it up, my brain completely shuts down. And so then I get more frustrated at, you know, the structure of things and links everywhere and I just, you know, haven't bothered to give feedback on it just because like they haven't, but yeah, it's it's good. I'm here. I'm happy to be here. I had an amazing Buddy call my buddy. You guys may have heard of him. Larry law horn over there. It is a pretty good buddy. So we had sorry for my putting a turd in the space but it's look, it's all on me. I I'm just dealing with the impact of being late to this and my father texting me and I see a love on the screen. I didn't How do you do that? That's cool. Oh. He knows all the techie things. So anyway, we had a great call. It was really magical. It's very cool. And I'll stop here.
Thank you for sharing. Jennifer. Thanks George. Could we invite you to check in
Yes, I'm here right now I had a little bit of headache but it's fine I guess that was fine. Particle was Katie was nice. Interesting process. Yes. Unfortunately, I didn't have the possibility to some empathy.
So that's it.
Thank you, George. Thank you. DJ, could I invite you to check in? Yeah,
I'm DJ. I'm calling from Florida. I had a great buddy call with Sally. She and I have like the exact same kind of tempo. I always think, oh, you know, when, when I'm with somebody, you know, what kind of tempo do they have? You know, does it match mine? You know, do I need to slow down speed up or whatever was just perfect with Sally. She and I were both being very efficient. And my phone kept backing up and all these crazy things. But we had this amazing Buddy Call. And so that was beautiful. I was in an empathy circle with Jana and Larry their ethics. About wasn't gratitude. What was it Jana? Wasn't gratitude?
What was it?
Delight, rejoicing,
rejoicing, rejoicing? Yeah, which is, you know, great, because I rarely think of it. So it was wonderful. And I met with Edwin and is designing about the incredible Santa Barbara, adventure that's in front of all of us empathy, circle people. I think that it's very open for everybody to come in. And, you know, just doesn't matter if you don't have experience with empathy circles, just come and contribute your ideas, because it's such a phenomenal thing to have in front of us right now. That's it. Thanks.
Thanks, DJ. I love that the word delight, it's hardly, it's almost impossible to say it without smiling. Kara, could I invite you to check in?
Hi, hi, everyone
coming in from Washington State. And I had a wonderful Buddy call with the wonderful Miss Ruth had a delightful time.
I have to leave
right at noon. 30 today cuz I have a micro reflection right after this. So apologies for bouncing out right at the end. And I'm in a very happy place today. Because I got measured and I grew two inches. For the first time in my life at 40 years old. I'm over five foot two. I'm five, four.
So I'm just kind of like thank you very excited about this today.
I'm just I'm just glad there's more of you car. Oh, it's great. Could I invite Jonathan, please to check in?
Thank you. I really appreciated some criticisms that I got last week. And so I thought a lot about the three issues that were brought up. And I plan to address them. And my apologies to D. We tried to connect on our buddy calls. And both of us had conflicts. Lastly, I learned well, I I discovered a new word this week or a new associations. It's called collaboration. And I think that's just a wonderful word which describes what empathy can allow us to do with other people. And that is collaborate.
Thank you so much, Jonathan. And, Brenda, could I invite you to check in these?
Greetings to everyone from Dallas, Texas. Hi. I am happy to be here this morning. Looking forward to participating in any way that I can. And I've gone through the process. And I just loved listening circles.
Thank you for being here. Thank you. Bill, could I invite you to check in
Sure. Had a great buddy call with you when and good luck on your your presentation. And yeah, I've been working on an empathy game. And also been working with Jonathan empathy in schools and really enjoying the struggle. Thanks. Oh, and Edwin. TJ and I need co hosts
Thank you, Bill. And could I invite you to check in?
Thanks, Wendy. Yes. I missed having a buddy call this week, I was actually quite looking forward to it. But it didn't work out with my partner. Hopefully we can have one another time. I've enjoyed to empty circles this week. Both fairly small, but really good because they feel like they're being supportive, exploratory places. So it's good to be able to be participating in that and helping get that to be somewhere for people to come to.
Thank you. Thanks, Kathy. Could I invite you to champion?
Yes, yes. Hello, everybody. I'm the third Texan on the call behind Glenda and BJ. I think that's quite significant. And I had a buddy call with George, it was just very heart opening. And it just, it's what it's done for me
is
when we're connecting with somebody, for the first time to be truly deeply connecting is a great way to meet somebody and have a first conversation with someone. So I really appreciate that. This process offers that. So thank you, George, for our call. It was very heart fulfilling for
me. Thank you.
Glad to be here missed the first two sessions. I'm in Fort Worth, Texas. And this. I think we're having a heatwave today, we're probably up to 41 degrees. Yes, the freezing weather I was in Memphis for a family issue. The weather in Memphis was the same here. And as soon as it got above freezing, I got back on the road and drove back. So there is climate change is real. That's all I got to say. So I'm so glad to be here. And Miss participating. And
I was good. I
was very glad to have you back. Thank you, Larry.
I had a wonderful Buddy Call with my daughter, Jennifer. And ironically, this morning, I had interesting computer. Technical problems starting for my nine o'clock call this morning on the East Coast. At about 830 I turned on the computer. And it took until about nine o'clock for it to boot up. And it worked all the way through the first session for an hour and a half. Then when I logged into zoom on the Zoom, this Zoom meeting it. As soon as I turn on the camera, it froze again. So we'll get to rebooted again for another half hour and be on the phone for a little while. And I'm so glad to finally be back on the PC and almost in the immortal words of of while I was just kept those immortal words. Glad to be
back. Thanks, Larry. So many things to test our patience. Thank you, Edwin, would you like to check in?
Yep. And I'm working at the background here and trying to create the room. So a little bit distracted. The Empathy center that we're developing a physical place in Santa Barbara is moving along. We held a visioning circle on Monday and starting a visioning circle on Fridays. Now, we just had one yesterday. And we're going to be inviting everyone in this cohort to join us in a Friday visioning circle about how do we build a physical empathy Center at this location, so I will be sending more info about it. So pretty excited about about that. And yeah, that's it.
Thank you. And just checking in myself, had a great buddy call with Bill to wonderful empathy services this week, the European one. It's on a Wednesday. It's great. And then the one that Edwin mentioned. Yeah, just so powerful to try and envisage a physical place for a culture event. Is that everybody who's checked in anybody I've missed. Oh, John, sorry, darling, over to you.
I'm happy to check in last. I really love that and it's okay. And Kevin and I had a really nice call and we spent an hour on a very calm talking about decluttering, which is a topic that we both love by Marie Kondo fan and Ally and I did a beautiful article on and ethics and empathy, conversations that matter, on rich delight and rejoicing and people are showing up new people are showing up and old people are showing up. And it's really fun. So we love doing that.
With Joyce and Janet, and Ruth has given her a poetry. She will be joining us shortly. So I'd like to thank everybody, and I'll pass it on to Bill and and answer the feedback questions.
Great, okay. So the first feedback question is recommendations for topics. And generally, without going through an exhaustive list, current events is very good things that are, you know, current for people and present for people, plus, excuse me, enduring themes like democracy or diversity, or, you know, racism, whatever you want to talk, we've had one with cops and things like that. So I would say, you know, find your group and find a topic that might engage them. And in anything you'd like to add? Yes,
I think it's exciting being able to play around with topics according to your target group of people or a group of people that you hold circles with, and finding like an open an open question. But you, I found that there are so a myriad of different topics to use, but always worth remembering that we have a default that and you can have a circle that is just about what anybody has on their mind at the moment. What, what's up most for them. And I remind us to include that. So if you're facilitating always give people the option to have that for their time.
Great, thanks, man. The next question is about diversity, especially even the last few times. There have been our group has been less diverse than it has been before. And that's something of concern for us. I will say that. For some reason, LinkedIn tends to be more diverse than Facebook. I don't know why. And so we certainly when we were promoting on LinkedIn that helped, I will say that, you know, you know, Linda and Brenda are back in Vasa, Sandwell, OSU, Gary Nish, Cython, Linda, Duane, Brenda, Tiffany, and others from India, and also not to mention the Eastern Europe like George. And so we do reach out, I know that Edwin has gone and set up the empathy tents. I know everyone's going to an African American church near us. So it's something that we tried to do. And we will continue our efforts there and anything else?
I think how you promote it is is important, and for all of us, to encourage people, you know, to come to go to them. And that's the way to have diverse diversity. And I suspect when we've had people with more diverse people within the group, and they are inviting and actively proactively getting people that they know to come along, this is what makes a difference to otherwise, I think we need to keep thinking about it and have it in your mind. So thank you for raising the issue. Yeah. Trainers, diversity of trainers in this particular cohort as we have in recently. So maybe it's something to do with that.
Yeah, and I will say that whatever. One of our basic core values and premises is the common commonality of all humanity. And what I've noticed, just from my anecdotal evidence, I don't tend to speak for the whole world, but that people who come feel heard, and people come away from that whatever their background, that's been my experience. So now, the question was about what is an interruption or disruption. And so we don't try to we try to, you know, give people freedom of their speech as much as possible, within the confines of following the rules of the process. And so, as a facilitator or as a participant, you certainly have your own limits and It's quite understandable if some, you know, something happens, and you don't feel comfortable with that saying, you know, this is beyond my limit here, you know, we don't blame other people, we just, you know, are trying to be honest about how we're feeling. And so, you know, if a disruption is really severe, the empathy circle no longer is an empathy circle, if people aren't listening to each other, and don't feel heard. And so that, you know, that's it within that we try to give a lot of freedom. And then hopefully to keep people in the process and work through those interruptions, or disruptions. Yeah.
Yeah, I think,
like, reminding ourselves of the simple, simple things that can happen, and ensuring that when you introduce the method, in in the circle as facilitator, you do cover those, grab those basic granting things, which are, enable inclusivity, and allow us to treat each other with respect and equality. And by establishing those simple methods, like describing the role of the silent listener, and the silent listener, is there to participate not to be having cups of tea or turning off, if it's not their turn, that encourage them by letting them know that we do expect everybody to give their full attention to the process, even if they aren't the active listener, that they need to be attending, listening fully to the speaker. But noticing the differences and reflecting perhaps on how it feels to be different being an active listen to a silent listener, but they are engaged and, as I would say, in present time that their potential is here in the moment. Yeah, that's what I'd add to that.
And, yeah,
I'm sure. And then add it also in kind of expanding on that a little bit with dealing with people who have diametrically serious, different philosophy, philosophical and political views from you. When you create your own empathy circle, you can create your own group. And so and again, you have what your own limits, it's important to note that empathy does not mean agreeing. I certainly have been in groups with people who are very much opposed in person, and you just start listening to them. And what happens is that a lot of the ideological labeling tends to fall away, and there's just another person listening to you. And this force, there's a process. However, if someone is, you know, totally outrageous, and beyond your particular capacity, you can say, Hey, I've had enough. There's no forcing in the empathy circle. And anything more about that, that was,
yeah, and I think if they are very different opinions, when you are reflecting you, you can kind of emphasize that what I hear you saying, and it's not that I'm saying it as a reflector, but I'm hearing, this is what you're thinking, or you're exploring. And that clearly says, This is what you're saying. And it isn't necessarily that I agree with that doesn't come into it. And it enables people to be heard, and that enables people to shift potentially, in their thinking, but just accept diverse views and hear one another. Thanks.
And then finally, how about the question was, how do you integrate these skills into your life. And the metaphor we use is that this is like exercise. You don't run once and say, Okay, I'm done with the rest of my life. And so as you practice this, is there's a natural evolution. And that's what we're trying to start with people, a process not to judge or something like that. But start where you are, start listening to other people. And I think you'll be very happy with the results that occur. I will say for myself, that I am more quickly to reflect, I slow down as far as responding or being triggered. And I just find that this is a process, a process, and it kind of integrates seamlessly, and, you know, and I feel that it's benefited me in my relationships and my social interactions out in the world. And so I keep on you know, I'm gonna keep on practicing. And
yeah, I think that when, when, by gradually introducing it, and it's easiest to start by listening and listening more and occasionally reflecting I'm and then to move to including speaking in such a way that that person can reflect back or listen to you, that you can lead in assisting other people to be good listeners, and begin to sometimes reflect. And I've noticed with my family, that when things get a little bit tricky in a conversation, then that is when sometimes I noticed that there is a slowing down. And sometimes they will reflect back to me, just like spontaneously because I've been doing it more. And it tends to just gradually integrate more. And I love the way Bill said, it's like, we need to exercise these muscles. And the more we use them, the better we get at it. And we lead by modeling and by example, to create this change that we're hoping to make in the world. Okay.
And if there's nothing more to say, we don't have too much time. If there's another burning question, we can try to address it quickly. But if there's not and I don't see any hands or anything,
sorry, Bill, that was Alex had
a question. We should we just should move on. Just sorry. Sorry, because we're at the already the half hour mark. So we're kind of going to be losing time for the breakout rooms if we don't move forward.
Got it. Okay, so then I'll pass on to Kara, who will do her workout room description. I can
copy and have that transferred. Well, good job me. Okay, so we're about to go into our breakout rooms, we're going to yet again practice facilitating a short empathy circle. Context yet again, is that we are pretending that nobody knows what an empathy circle is. So we're gonna go through the whole process. Today's new layer is that we're going to have the opportunity for challenges. If you're feeling ready for it, you can have some facilitation challenges handled during your current you can choose to do none, or low or medium. And then we'll then then you'll just start launching into your description of how to and facilitating the empathy circle. So introduce the practice, take about three minutes circled the topic, which I am posting to the chat and just a moment, we're going to set three minute times today. The again the facilitators the first listener, and then take time at the end of each round for a little debrief. And then we'll repeat with each person and I will post that information in there and pass this on to
me I'm doing the breakout rooms and so yet the the groups that people attend these are sort of changed a little bit so he's having to juggle the rooms so the first room will be here in this weight room it will be trainer is Larry with Cara, you facilitating the doing the room facilitation will have Alex and Karen as participants. The next room is with Bayless, the trainer and DJ. During the room facilitation you'll have Brenda George and Ruth being the participants and divide the time by three. The next room is with Kathy if you act be the trainer role in this. And then Jana is the breakout room facilitator and Dee and Wendy you get if you could be the participants when do you'll be just doing the participant role this time? I'll just use a mount of people we have. And then the next room is an with Linda doing the the room facility. Lynn and being the trainer with Linda being the room facilitator and Jennifer, Jonathan and Sally just doing the participant role. Yeah, so that's it. So I think we're all set to go into the rooms and then you can the trainer and the trainee can sort of juggle the the times in each room. So here we go into the rooms we have about an hour and a half in these rooms. And I'll try to give I remember a 10 minute heads up before we come back to the full room. Full group again. So here we go.
A Ruth should be moving into the room. And Aaron, you're in this room. So I think this is it. Except Ruth hopefully is able to move. Sometimes it takes a moment or two and I'll be in this room with y'all
Oh, there's Ruth.
Okay, she's having trouble connecting. So this is also the weight room so people kind of drop out. They'd be coming back through this room and then I have to move them into the other rooms. Patient circle will move her to room one that was ruthless a stabbing trouble with our connection. Okay. You're up jet Kara.
Yes. Hello. Good to see everyone today. Ruth, can
you hear us all? Ruth
is not in this group. She's it she's actually in another group. She was just having trouble making the transition. So she's actually in another room.
We got Karen, we got Larry and we got here we go.
So we have two participants, you can divide the time by half basically,
for Alex and Karen. More time. Today's challenge day. So these we start right off on doing these and launch you right into day two, you're facilitating your first circle. Now we're giving you another opportunity to level up right away. So you don't have to if you're like, I just want to I just want to make sure I get this timing thing down. That's cool. Like nobody's mad about it. But if you want you can have us throw a little challenge at you. And that can look, we listed some of them. Did you
guys watch the video? Yeah. Perfect. So you saw what some
of those might look like? So you can either do none? A low level or a medium level? We're not leveling up to a hard level yet today. So just a medium or a low? And do do it's one of does one of you have a preference on going first?
I would say I have a preference on not going.
Sorry, jumping.
That's okay, I'm fine with that.
The two of you will go longer. Which mean 45 minutes, right, I have that. Just under it's gonna be more like 40 minutes. And we'll stop at 35. So you should be able to do three to four minute rounds. And still have time to break out at the end after everybody's had a chance to
chat. Does that sound good? Everybody? All right.
What was the time you suggested for each participant please? So four minutes, but no, but for each facilitator, so we'll do
35 minutes but should leave us five minutes for a breakout? Because we're coming in just a few minutes shy of
our 35. Thank you.
But before we start, am I supposed to tell you what challenge level I'd like before we start? Yes. Okay. Yes.
Very good.
I'll try and medium why why not? Why not?
Challenge is only coming from Kara. So you're the only person doing any challenge. So just.
Okay. All right.
Coming out your phone,
okay. Okay, welcome everybody to empathy circles. Some of you may know a little bit more about it than others. So we're just going to start is if no one has ever been in an empathy circle before. And you'll have a chance to ask a question before we actually start the first circle. But there are a couple of roles. The speaker, the active listener, or reflector, and the silent listener. So everybody in the room is always in one of those roles. And together we hold the space for the empathy circle. So when it's your turn, to speak, and after we go through the introduction, I'll ask for a volunteer for the first speaker. You talk about the subject, or anything that's alive for you. And you talk for I think, are we going three minutes or four minutes? I'm confused now. Three minutes apiece. Okay, so for three minutes apiece, you talk but you also give some pauses every couple of sentences or so forth, or when you're done with a thought so that the active listener can reflect back what they're hearing you say. So give them a little bit of chance to get what you're saying in chunks. And the object of the whole of the empathy circle is for the speaker to feel heard. So when you're hearing the active listener reflect back, really notice that and let you know, let them know if you feel heard. Or if there's something that didn't quite catch, or something that didn't quite feel right about what you meant, or said, then you can give them that feedback at that time. So that also gives us all permission to just be at whatever level we're at. And not to worry about doing anything wrong, we can correct each other as we're going along and self correct. And then again, the silent listeners, those who are not the speaker, or the listener, are just going to listen in the group and practice listening, maybe get some tips from what the speakers and the listeners are doing, and so forth. The other thing I wanted to mention is that when we have a volunteer speaker, then they choose their listener. And then when they've done their three minutes segment, then the person who is listening becomes the speaker, and then they choose their listener. So we go in cycles like that until our, our whole segment time is up. I think that covers it. Does anybody have any questions before we start? Okay, who would like to be our first speaker?
Larry is volunteering. Okay, and I and I, and this is kind of a sidebar with the more experienced than usually is the, the facilitator is the first listener, right? Or it is very choose this listener, okay.
All right. That way you get to, you get to demonstrate both positions, immediately, you're going to show what listening looks like and then immediately you get to follow up with. Okay, I'm going to show you how to pause in between speak.
Okay. So thank you, Karen. I'm really happy to be here. I went through lots of technical challenges this morning. And it just feels like the plane is just landing. And I'm starting to get comfortable.
Okay, so there are you've gone through some challenges this morning. And it feels like the plane is landing and you're just starting to feel comfortable now.
Yes, I have a vision of exiting the plane and walking down the corridor, and I'm home.
Okay, you're visualizing exiting the plane and walking down the corridor in your home?
Safe.
Safe, and that feels like a relief and a joy for you.
I love these empathy circles.
Larry loves these empathy circles. Yeah.
I could never have imagined that simply reflecting back what someone said would have a profound impact.
So before you started participating in empathy circles, it sounds like you couldn't have imagined how just listening and reflecting back what someone has said could have such a an impact.
And when I think back decades ago, to occupational therapy, psychology classes, I'll stop there.
When you think back to me here, forget educational, some kind of therapy classes. I did occupational therapy, occupational therapy classes,
in our psychology classes. Of course, we studied Carl Rogers.
Okay, so in the psychology classes, you, of course, studied Carl Rogers.
And in those classes, we use video recorders to record pairs of students practicing Carl Rogers reflective listening. Okay, so
in that class, you used video recorders to record and listen and reflect what the students were sharing.
Right? We all paired up, and we videotaped one another, practicing active listening.
So you paired up and videotaped each other practicing active listening. i Oh, it's right. I didn't say in the introduction. But when it's about time, I will put up a time sign. And I have to own that I, I was looking at my clock and I looked at the wrong numbers. So I'm not 100% sure that we're at three minutes we might have gone a little bit over. They'll do better on the next round. When we say time, then you can finish up the thought that you had and you And the listener will reflect back if there's anything. So were you complete toast or more? Well, I
just wanted to say that we all as students really enjoyed the Carl Rogers act of listening. And we were just happy and giggling and smiling and having fun. But I don't think we caught the significance of it in a therapeutic relationship.
Okay, so in the class, when you were practicing this, you enjoyed it, and you had fun, but you don't think you actually caught the significance of it the impact that it can make?
like I can do the timer on screen. It's that would help three minutes,
if I'm gonna take you up on that offer.
All right, happy to do that. Thank you.
Oh, one other thing that I forgot to mention in the setup is, since we're all practicing, some people are more natural at having pauses than others. So if, if the speaker is speaking, and they're not giving a lot of pauses, I'll put this sign up for pauses, just so we're not really interrupting you and giving you that notice. Okay. Okay, so now I will be the speaker so that people can see an example of being the speaker, I will choose my listener. Alex, would you like to be the listener?
Listening, Karen? Okay.
Oh, and I'm noticing I didn't tell people what the subject was or the optional subject. But it's, it's about what are your thoughts or concerns about being in an empathy circle facilitator? And then anything else that comes to mind? All right, so my thoughts and concerns about if being a facilitator. So I've already demonstrated making a few mistakes, and, and just rolling with it. So I've had that thought, but there's always still a little bit of pressure to try and do things well and have things go smoothly, and so forth. But I think, for me, so much of the empathy circles is about being human together. So I'm not terribly concerned about making a mistake, because it just demonstrates that I'm human.
So Karen, you're talking about some of the things that come to mind and challenges that maybe you've considered when thinking about facilitating an empathy circle. And through the practice, you know that making mistakes can be part of the process. And although that might be a concern, in some ways, it's also a good demonstration of the humaneness and the way that some of these processes just naturally are a little bit messy, or not always perfectly smooth all the time.
Yes, thank you. Yeah. And sometimes I don't know about this, because I'm relatively new at it. But in other things that I've been a part of making mistakes and owning them. And going forward, actually puts other people in the room at ease that, that they don't have to be perfect. And so I also I suppose that gives me a little bit more of a permission to just roll with things as best as I can as well.
In some ways, the process of acknowledging the perhaps the imperfectness, or the way that mistakes can just happen is, is leading by example, because others then also feel a sense of permission to not every did not get everything right all the time.
Yes, yes.
And sometimes it can cause people to be at ease. And it's also a different way of learning, you know, because sometimes somebody might notice, oh, she forgot this, or she forgot that. And so then how do we do that? amongst ourselves in the room? So it's also giving an example of how to self correct. And get good at that.
Yeah, what you're doing here in the empathy circle is almost like a microcosm of what you would want to do out there in the world that you allow yourself to make mistakes and have people experience those mistakes. You demonstrate accountability for them. And that can put people at ease and give people a way of doing that for themselves.
Yes, yes.
I feel hurt and I feel complete. So we can we don't have to go right up to the time. But it looks like we actually did go up to the time. All right. So Alex, now that you've been the listener, now you can be the speaker and choose your listener. Sure.
Kara. Are you part of the empathy circle? Yes, you are. Okay. Kara, will you be my listener please?
So,
you know, one thing that happens to me when I I sit down at this time on these particular sessions at 1pm, on Saturday afternoons is that all of this internal dialogue literally starts coming out of me. And just even in the check in, and in the first few minutes, I feel like I've written like a page of all of this internal stuff about my life and my values and my processes related to empathy. So I hear
that you are noticing that in these coming into these spaces, that everything that you've been holding on and thinking about, and chewing up inside, your brain just comes out so easily,
like a novel, there. Yeah. And it's more that like, perhaps this particular experience
gives me some content
to think about, that I'd maybe don't think about in other areas of my life. And so I have to think about my relationship to empathy when I come to these empathy circles. And there's a lot that I have to say about that. So
this space allows you to look at your thoughts through empathy. And that just changes a little bit how they are and brings up even more thoughts.
Yeah, and I'm a social worker. So being empathetic, is often considered a de facto part of the profession. And yet, I don't know that I fully interrogated my relationship to empathy enough,
there was a social worker, there is a expectation of empathy. But you're not sure that while you've had it, that you really dive into it.
Yeah, and I'm starting to feel concerned that perhaps my relationship to empathy is not as broad or as inclusive, as what I might hope it is. And that raises some concerns and anxieties and questions and me.
So I hear that in diving deep, you're starting to see some of the spots where maybe your empathy isn't as strong as you thought it is. And it kind of like little red flags popping up.
Yes. And, you know, to like, really label it in a, you know, maybe in a somewhat non empathetic way for myself, I would maybe say, like, I have kind of selective empathy, and don't feel skilled enough, at this point, to extend my empathy to places where I where I know what's missing.
So I hear that
you're recognizing that you have some selective empathy, and that you may not be ready to open yourself to be empathetic with some folks.
Yeah, and I don't know if it's that I'm not ready or if I don't have the tools or the skills yet.
So you're not sure if it's that you're at what I hear is that you're not sure if it's that you don't you're not ready or you just don't yet have the tools
Thank you Cara for we had
Oh, I will speak to Edwin Will you be my listener listening.
So I love this whole
empathy circle facilitator training process because it does bring so much in what we do and how and how we do what we do, why we do what we do.
You really appreciate that this training was it just brings up so many different issues of how we do what we do and why we do what we do. And you're really appreciating that.
Some of the things that I do in my opening when I when I started to address some of the things that just came up is I have one rule in all of my zooms and it's that I will never expect you to be perfect so you don't get to expect me to be perfect.
And sort of an attitude you haven't you make it you explicitly say that you don't expect others to be perfect us you're not perfect or you don't have that expectation. Oh, because
I'm not perfect. Yeah, no, that would be 100% accurate.
Yeah, just uh, you're not perfect. That's 100% that's accurate. Yeah. So that really hit it. Hit the mark.
Yeah. And, and the more I get comfortable with not being perfect, the less I'm irritated when other people don't live up to my expectations.
So the less you're sort of trying to be perfect yourself, the less you're kind of judgmental of others who aren't living up to your expectations. Yeah. And I think
that that does allow them some freedom, you know, if I'm giving them grace, they can feel that kind of hold the space for them.
So the attitude gives grace to people and they can feel that, that you're holding space for them.
But I, I don't do it for them. I do it because I need to give myself grace. Because otherwise I could lose my mind.
Yeah, you're not doing it for them to give them grace. You're really doing it for yourself. Because if you don't give yourself grace, you're gonna lose your mind.
Yeah, I do this with my toddler a lot. I probably most of my empathy learning comes from now being a parent and having to parent myself so that I can parent somebody else.
So your your real learning is really taking care of yourself for parenting yourself, because you have a child you have to parent and so it's really you're seeing that it's really about you.
What will get? You fight with a toddler? Like, what? What do you think is going to come from a fight with a toddler, and yet, I find myself doing it. Arguing?
Yes, it really is find yourself like fighting or arguing with the toddler. Like, what's this about?
With toys the other day? He was like, Well, this was my turn. It was like, well, actually fun fact, my parents let me know this. And so I'm gonna let you know. But you don't actually own anything till you're 18. So that's mommy's boy. And mommy is sharing it with you.
Yeah, so you had a little argument with your toddler thoughts. It said, This is my toy. You're arguing? Say no, actually, until you're 18. It's all mine. About loss. And about what? Like he cares about loss? Yeah, like, well, he doesn't, what does he care about losing?
So I, I had to learn to let go of what I needed him to know. And just get down to what he needed to know.
Yes, he just needed to really let go of what you needed to know. And just really be focused on what he needed to know. So I kind of have that sense of awareness of where he was what he needed to know.
Get down and empathize
with him on why he wanted his toy and why it was important for him to have his toy.
Yes, he really tried to get down at his level of why this was important to him why he wanted this toys. You're really trying to understand where where he was coming from.
Here, I may I may say something. Yeah. Thank you. I'm enjoying the conversation. And you're sharing. But we're a little bit over time now. So we want to keep the time equal among people is totally heard.
Thank you.
Okay. Great, then I'll speak to Larry. Ready? Yeah, I think I was sort of wanting to address what Alex was saying that she saw the video of the, you know, really intense, you know, high level, it's like, even higher than trying to mediate within almost a virtual riot. So I wanted to kind of address that.
So here's what I'm hearing you say you'd like to address what Alex brought up earlier about the low, medium and high. And the high level example, in the email is a video of a very calm dialogue sarcastically stated, between political factions and champs going on and you wanted to address the issue that went on in that high level challenge. Live bigger than life? Shout, yes.
So we kind of do in the training, it's like, you can have no challenges, you can do a one, you can do it, you know, too. So we don't try to throw you into the deep end right off the bat. It's like, you know, progress at your own pace of what you feel comfortable with. And so, you know, it's it's a continuum in terms of what you can the level of challenge that you can handle and start by taking small, small steps.
So in the training, you want facilitators to pretty much go at their own pace, what they're comfortable with, so that they're not just completely shocked out of the process. But take it little by little get used to the low challenge the medium, and then at some point, you'll someday face the high challenge.
Yeah, and I would say in terms of this with the mindset of addressing like, we're We're looking at the political far right and the left, bring them together. And the way I look at it is when we're doing an empathy circle, we're teaching everyone how to do empathy. So we're actually teaching people if you say, I don't like you, you're you know, I don't like your what you value, but you're bringing them into an empathy circle, you're actually teaching them empathy skills. So that's kind of how I kind of look at it.
So the learning process of learning empathy skills, starts slow and goes medium, and then it could go too high. But you're teaching the idea that, you know, you might think you're learning empathy skills in your sector or your group. But do you really have empathy skills that can include someone outside of your neighborhood? Something like that? Yeah, it's
more knowledge, meaning more that if there was a political right, you know, I think Alex was concerned about, I don't really want to talk to them, right? So it's it, the way I think about is I am teaching them how to do empathy. I'm teaching them empathy skills, because they're coming into the empathy circles, they're actually taking part versus like judging saying, you're, you know, fall is shit, and I don't like you, and all this kind of stuff. So you're, I think it's a positive way of changing the world, the means are the end. So if we want a culture of empathy, we got to use empathy for those means.
So we're not kidding around the means are the end. Empathy is empathy. And it could include your political left or right, being willing to listen to each side and practice and demonstrate the real empathy skills.
I feel hurt. Thanks. Thanks.
I think that brings us right around the 35 minute mark for the end of this round. And so we will wait until
15 After the hour, and we'll do a five minute reply, which was should give us another 40 minutes for Alex to go. Do my math right. heat mapping in public?
I started a 35 minute timer, and it says we have about 11 minutes remaining in this facilitators section.
Okay. All right, because I think I was going by when we were supposed to start it. Okay. So, Larry, who would you like to be your listener?
Alex, please. Listening. Start Timer.
There it goes. I love these empathy circles.
Sorry, you really love empathy circles.
It's amazing that Edwin and the team have developed not only a way of developing empathy, but a training to provide the experience.
I'll stop there.
You appreciate and respect Edwin and the team for not only developing the concept of the empathy circle, but a training to go along with that.
Yes, and the training is the opportunity to, to practice the skills that we value.
In this space of learning, it's a space to practice and put into the process many of the skills that are important to us.
Yes. As we become aware of our human values, like transparency, and empathy and honesty, we get to apply those values. Looking at ourselves, are we really living those values while we're practicing empathy circles.
So it's kind of like, as we externally offer these skills to others. It's a necessary part of that process to reckon with how much we offer those skills to ourselves.
Yes, I love in our session one, we write down those values, and we all get to look at our collective values. And nobody writes down a new car, a new watch, a new diamond, whatever. Everyone writes down these beautiful human values.
When we have a chance to collaborate on the values that are important to us, you always respect and are in awe of the way that the values that are shared are deeply human.
values.
Yes. And these values we can live. And that's more valuable than diamonds.
And what stands out to you is that the values that are articulated are ones that can be practiced and processed and lived through rather than any kind of external material value.
Right? And empathy is not exactly in a book, or in a videotape. It's in each one of us.
And the place where empathy has a home is inside us as humans.
Thank you, Alex. I feel familiar.
Yeah,
Kara, will you be my listener?
Oh, I can't hear you.
Oh, yeah, now I can hear you. Um, I suppose I do. Acknowledge in some ways how self indulgent it feels to take these three minutes to talk all about oneself.
So I hear that you're acknowledging it feels urgent to talk about yourself for three whole minutes?
Yes, um, and I suppose like, I can feel that that's okay. Like, I'm not up to the process yet where I'm able to talk about this in a concept, but it's not through my own internal experience in this moment.
Here that you notice that that's okay. But you can you can experience that in this space from where you are?
Yes, because there's a part of me that would love to engage with what everyone else is saying. But there's also a part of me, which is like, I have to say more about my process and where I'm up to, and what is happening for me in this moment.
And so part of you recognizes where everybody's in a different place, and you look forward to doing that. But also right now, you need to talk about what you're going through. Yes, thank
you. And one thing that I, why I'm motivated to keep coming back here is because I really want to space to practice these skills. And it does feel like a safe and good place to practice. And some parts of it still feel outside of my comfort zone, which is something that came up when I saw the video that Edwin sent around.
So I hear that you keep coming back, because you see how impactful practicing this skill is for you. But it is outside of your familiar zone. And some of those things come up like when you watch the video.
Yeah, and, you know, to I guess what came up for me when watching the video was not? Oh, that would be so hard to be the facilitator in that moment. And like, I'm not ready for that challenge. Like that's not what it was that was activated for me.
So when watching the video, what I hear is that it wasn't that, that you were thinking about how hard it would be to be the facilitator in
that situation? No, I was thinking about, well, how much I identified with the protesters and how difficult it would be for me to take on any other role in society. That was not the protester role.
So you I know that you saw yourself as one of the protesters and how hard it would be for you to not be in that position.
Yeah, and that's kind of the challenge for me is like, while I deeply value and respect and acknowledge how important the role of the facilitator is, I feel confused for myself, if that would be possible for me.
So I hear that we're the question you're really wondering is, in those high level situations, would you be the would you be the facilitator? Is that even an option? Or would you be that protester?
Yes. Thank you. Okay. I
just want to say we're down to like four minutes of the 35 minute time. If you were planning to use those last few minutes for the feedback.
Oh, so I still had so if the set the round is 40 minutes, 35 minutes for the
uptake? We're still good. And I know we only have we have about five minutes for the feedback then it'll be 15 minute 45 for the next
session, or we can stop now and do with that.
Oh, yeah, I think what's confusing is we didn't start at the half, half hour. So that creates, yeah,
but I think if we at 20 minutes after if we start the next 35 minute timer, that should put us at 55 minutes, right Did I didn't hurt there? And then that still gives us five minutes for reflection.
Okay, yeah. My all together timer says we have 51 minutes altogether
remaining. Well, then I'm still off. Okay, so let's pause now and your reflections does anybody wants to start? Yeah, I think I'm
supposed to start as the facilitator, but yeah, so so that was good. A. I didn't get do as much preparation before. The whole call started today where last time I was a little bit more nervous about being a facilitator. So now it's like, okay, like, I can just do that. I was more curious about what the challenges were about. And I watched part of the video, but not all of it in the preparation. So so I can see the difference and how I introduced when I was a little bit more prepared than when I wasn't, I appreciated the challenge. And when I noticed it was a challenge, and it's like, Okay, let me just put the time up again, it's like, okay, this is definitely the challenge. But it kind of felt like, you know, people playing jump rope, and when do you jump in kind of thing? Alright, so. So it's just interesting to be in that and say, Okay, if you're going to stop now, okay, now, when do I jump in and so forth? So I think that's it. So I appreciated hearing everybody as usual. And it went okay. Yeah. I appreciate the experience.
Share their their thoughts, or I will go who would like to? I'll go ahead, I will do it. So I just carry on, I thought you did an amazing job. I would love to give you great praise. I noticed that you didn't do the circle topic. And I noticed that you didn't do you didn't talk time. But then you reclaimed the space immediately, like when you noticed something was going sideways, so beautifully. And you really treated this as an opportunity to treat it like real life.
Which you nailed.
Nailed it.
It was really hard to do the challenge. I was surprised on my end, this was my first time having to be the challenger. And it's distracting. Like it's hard to do. I am so well trained by these circles that I was like trying to get going. But you rose to the challenge you did you did the soft start. And then we because we did the medium level, right. So you were like, but also, and you did it beautifully. So you rose to the challenge. And PS I loved you using the room. So Larry's timer plus your little timer time.
That was brilliant. Let's get back i i can jump in. Um,
I had
no idea that the challenge was happening. So I was really grateful that wasn't coming first. And then when when you jumped in, I was like, Oh, right. Yes, I I don't know, I guess I was like, overly focused on listening. So Karen, I'm grateful to be able to follow your lead. What I liked about your introduction to the circle caring, which is something that I feel like I need to work on a little bit. It's like, it didn't feel overly scripted. And sometimes I've been distracted about like, I have to have like the perfect two minute and 45 seconds blurb and I have to say it in this order. And I have to like deliver it in this particular way. So it's kind of nice to know that there are like I liked kind of it was just natural. And as things were coming to mind you were adding them to your previous words and explanation. And I thought it was a well facilitated circle and I wouldn't know that you were in training. It sounds like you've actually done
a lot of this. Thank you.
Just like to say, Karen, I was just blown away by how well you did this is really beautiful. And you like Kara was saying you rolled with the punches, so to speak. He just got back up and got on the horse and said, Let's go forward. That was beautiful. Thank you, Karen.
Yeah, I'll jump in. So it felt very calm, confident, clear. And I felt relaxed. So as a participant like okay, I mean, good hands. So I felt pretty comfortable. Seems like you're enjoying yourself, which is nice. Sort of the mindset that you talked about not having to be perfect, like, Oh, it feels relaxed because of that. One thing I do find helpful is, you know, posting the question in the chat. That's just, you know, you might, that way people have a reference to it. I just put it I just posted about it. Not everyone repost that, so I just posted in the chat I didn't there doesn't have the and whatever is the live for you in that version. The challenge was kind of like, it can be challenging to give challenges like there's people are like, Oh, I don't really want to disturb your So, you know, so positives, you know, and I know other people say, Oh, I just can't give challenges, but you know, a medium is a little bit more than just go, you know, not the time, so maybe a little interruption would have been good like, or there's in the training video, there's like three kinds of common interrupt, you know, challenges. So it's good to give, I would say a medium is, you know, two or three of those a little bit tougher. On the challenges that I was thinking of, maybe I should interrupt, but then I didn't want to break this structure. So anyway, yeah. So I thought just, and then the circle itself, you know, great topic, and everything seemed very flow really well.
That's it. Thank you. Oh.
You're muted. Kara.
is ready to swap? Alex, you ready?
Do this? Ready? Okay. Well,
thank you, Edwin, and Cara, Larry,
what's level? Oh, um, hit me with a medium.
Feel free to challenge away. All right. Thank you, Edwin, and Cara, and Laurie. And, Karen, it's wonderful to have you with this empathy circle today. And I know that people in the circle have got different levels of experience. So I'm going to start with an introduction as if none of us have done it. But I know that many of you might be familiar with this process from before. And one thing to kind of hold us as we go through this experience of the empathy circle, is that in this process, we're not really trying to teach empathy. We're trying to give you an experience of what empathy sounds like, and feels like. And the name is in the title. It's an empathy circle. So we'll be moving through a circular process. And the roles will be changing as we move through the different parts of it. So it's helpful to know that there are different roles that we're all going to assume over the course of the next 45 minutes, there is the speaker, there is the active listener, there is the silent listener, and there's the facilitator. So I'll be playing the facilitator role, which means that I'll be able to respond to any challenges or questions that come up. And I'll be able to get us started by being the first speaker, the speaker will be speaking to the topic, which I'm going to pop in the chat right now. And that is what are the thoughts and concerns about being an empathy circle facilitator, so you're welcome to speak to that topic. But you can also speak to anything that's alive for you, as well. So don't feel limited by the specific words that are in that chat. And one thing to bear in mind as you're the speaker, is that really what you want to do is bring frequent pauses into your speaking. So you might offer one or two ideas, and then that will give an pause. And that will allow the active listener time to repeat back what they've heard you say. So if it gets to the point where your speaking is going a little bit longer than what might be able to able for the listener to repeat back, I will just give you a pause message like this. And that will help you just to remember to pause and slow down. So don't don't be too alarmed if you see that sign coming up. And then what's going to happen is that the roles will switch. So the listener will then become the speaker, and they will select the next person to be listening to them. There's no right or wrong order. Over the course of the time multiple people have the chance to speak and to listen multiple times. So there's no right or wrong in terms of who to select Next,
then talking
if you're not done talking, yes, thank you, Cara. That's a good question. When you're when the time is up, we'll be working today in three minute time slots. When the time is up. It's an invitation to wrap up what you're saying. It doesn't mean that you need to stop exactly on zero minutes, but it's an invitation to kind of draw up to a conclusion so that we can move to the next round. Just to finish off what we're saying. Yeah, we'll be going for three minutes. Probably an important point. to remember is that sometimes people feel like they want to jump in with a question, or they want to respond to something that the Speaker has said. But it's important to remember that the process here is just about active listening. And just about repeating back what you've heard. So if that comes up, I'll be here to support with that. But just to bear in mind that what we're doing today is showing empathy through active listening. Now, I might have missed something. Are there any questions that you guys have got about where to from here? Well, we can get started then. So I'll be the first speaker, just to give people an experience of what that looks like. Larry, will you be my listener?
Yes, Alex,
thank you. Okay. So my thoughts and concerns about being an empathy circle facilitator
that
practicing
empathy is the ability to sit with people's thoughts and ideas without judgment. So Alex,
I'm hearing you say that your thoughts about being an empathy circle facilitator includes being able to sit and listen to someone else's thoughts and opinions and be with that?
Yeah, yeah.
And that judgment is actually quite a natural and reasonable response to have in some circumstances.
And you're adding
that judgment is what seems like a natural kind of inter woven component in our thoughts and opinions.
Yeah. And so when we ask people to listen without judgment, that can be hard to kind of override what be what might be like a natural human instinct, or like a basic thing. But that happens without us even thinking about too much. Yeah,
the human body or human? Sounds like you're saying, the habitual way of thinking includes that judgment. So it's challenging to override that already present? In a way when I say use the word natural, already, their judgment and the thinking.
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's right. It's kind of it's habitual. And it often happens, whether or not we want it to. And it can be a really big ask to do something that's different to what we've always done, or what society has trained us to do, or what our experiences of people and family and relationships have kind of conditioned us to
do. So humans are already habitually habituated to the way that they're thinking, and to to ask them not to judge as a really big ask. Yeah.
And
that I suppose that empathy circle is providing a training ground to do something differently to what we've been conditioned to do.
So I'm hearing your experience in the empathy circle is that it is offering kind of a training ground or platform in which humans can can watch how they're thinking and practice looking at how they're thinking, Yeah, I'm ad libbing a little bit there. Yeah.
But um, that's, that's feeling like a good reflection of of what I'm feeling. So thank you, Larry. I feel fully heard.
Thank you, Alex.
So Carol, you've been my listener.
Oh, Kara, you're on mute. So you're invited to be the listener here for listening. Okay.
I love these empathy circles.
I hear that Larry really loves empathy circles.
I think it's phenomenal that someone has realized the value of reflecting back what someone says.
Do you know who realized it? Can I
just jump in here? I just want to bring you back to the process of the empathy circle, which is rather than responding with a question, your goal here is just to reflect back what you're Hilari say.
Great, great, great. So I heard that you're excited that people that somebody realized the importance of empathy
yes, that someone noticed what appeared to be insignificant is really sad. significant.
So I hear that somebody noticed that what was insignificant is, in fact actually significant.
And then thought, hey,
what if we practice that? Live with people's? I heard, hey, what if we like, practice that live with people? Yeah.
And then notice that, Wow, such a simple thing has a huge impact.
And then I heard Oh, the purple. Yeah, this
thing they call empathy. It's like really a, an overlooked, kind of like an overlooked diamond.
With empathy, to diamond it so many factors. Yeah, it's kind
of been like a diamond in the rough as we began practicing it, and uncovering the facets of it. But you're, it's
been like a diamond in the rough as it's been processed, and the fact that they're starting to come out.
And then to go from that awareness of the value of empathy, to putting together a training, with roles to play.
And then here to go from that to actually creating a process a program, a training that allows it to play out, and that you can practice it.
And that the roles you play, are in a sense equal because everyone gets an opportunity to play each one of the roles.
The roles allows each person to find balance to be equal, because everybody gets to play every part.
So we get to discover our equality, no hierarchy of domination, here that's
that equality rather than the hierarchy.
So empathy is the antidote for domination thinking.
I hear that empathy is the antidote for domination thinking.
Thank you here. I feel fully heard.
I will speak to Karen.
I am listening.
I tend to agree with everything Larry just said.
So Kara, tends to agree with everything Larry just said, I love it.
I love the way that that it's not just empathy.
That's like a diamond. It's like, like we're discovering ourselves as a diamond.
Okay, so she loves the empathy. And it's not so much for her that empathy is the diamond, but we're discovering the diamond facets within herself. Yeah,
really, empathy really does allow you to navigate what
navigate our
meat suit in a universe full of meat suits.
Okay, so empathy allows you to navigate a meat suit in a universe of meat suits.
For me, empathy allows more often than hormones do.
But empathy allows you to be full of hormones super need to be full of hormone soup, and we can still have a conversation. Okay,
so you're acknowledging that we're full of hormones, too. And empathy allows for that for us to be full of hormones and still have a conversation. Yeah. And
I come from some farm conservative farm folks. And I started a conversation with some of the family a few years ago, which had taken time but progressed to an open conversation.
Okay, so you come from a family of farm folks. And you started conversation over time that took a while to progress, but it's, it has progressed now.
So July,
we went down to the family farm and we met with plenty of tequila and whiskey, had a conversation about how we're different,
but also the same. Okay,
so everybody met at the farm with Sanjay kealan iski and had a conversation about everybody's different but also how everybody's the same.
And several folks came in in the Cloud Station
thinking, well, we're really different, like miles apart, and by the end with a lot of empathetic reflection. The decision was we're about three fourths of a quarter of a centimeter apart in rail. Okay,
so some of the people came to the farm to have this conversation and thought that their miles apart, they're very different from the people who are present. But after the empathy. I'm not going to quote your exact number, but very, very small a part more alike than different.
Yeah. And I, and it was through
talking it out that made that made that happen. Yeah, so
it was talking it out that caused that shift and made it happen.
I feel fully heard. Thank you. Okay,
why don't I pick get Edwin as my listener? Sure. Okay, I think I'm just kind of settling down and breathing, after just kind of listening, and sometimes it's easier for me to listen than others. So that's part of the challenging, being part of an empathy circle at all, just really challenging myself to listen to at a different level and, and the different perspectives that can come forth and the different even professions and terminology and so forth, just kind of getting that down and being able to reflect back
to you needing the sort of settle down to be able to reflect back Listen, better.
Yeah, yeah. Or I'm just noticing within myself that it, it takes, I guess, maybe about a half hour or so for me to just calm down and be at ease, even though I might look like I'm terribly at ease. I'm still just getting comfortable in the room with everybody and listening to everyone and feeling like I'm paying sufficient attention.
It might look like you're at ease. But really, in reality, it takes about half an hour to sort of relax and really kind of settle in and be able to listen to people.
Yeah, so that that really brings up a concern as a facilitator, because I feel like as a facilitator, you, you know, it's like, you know, you kind of like take in a scene, and you're this super listener as soon as you walk into the facilitator role. And so I'm just watching and noticing, is that an reasonable expectation for myself? And, and I think I've saw that, you know, again, I don't have to be perfect. I'm not in a role. I'm a human being among human beings.
Yeah, so it takes you a while to kind of get settled to relax, and then there's in the circle, but it taking on the added role in the facilitator, you know, you have to beyond right off the bat, and so you're have some concerns about that, but then sort of also, feeling okay with it that you feel like you did, okay. Yeah,
yeah. And yes, so you could say that empathy or practicing empathy, circle processes, just kind of causing me to review being one of many humans? In one way of speaking of, you know, kind of like Kara said, A meatsuit, among other meat suits. So just being human with each other. Yeah.
Doing the empathy serverless makes you sort of evaluate yourself and seeing yourself as a meat suit, among other meat suit suits. And so did that have self evaluation?
Yes, yes. I feel fully heard. Thank you, Edwin. Okay.
I'll speak to Alex. Listening. Yeah, I want to do in terms of the circle that is within the facilitator, the first thing is you want to be the listener, the first listener, not this, the first speaker. And I want to go in a little bit about why.
So you're picking up on some parts of this process and acknowledging that the best way to be the facilitator is to first of all be the first listener, rather than the first speaker
you have is as the first listener, you can model how to reflect back because everybody can speak right? So anybody can kind of speak. And then as the first listener, you're sort of really modeling that empathic listening to others. So every, you sort of set the tone for how the listening works. So you're kind of doing a little bit of an education through example of how you listen. So that's why as the facilitator you want to be the first listener.
Yes. So the reason why it's important for the facilitator to be the first listener is so that they can lead by example, and give people a tangible way that they can proceed throughout the rest of the circle. Yeah, if
everybody if everybody is totally new to it, you know, then it's like they're still not really sure how to do it all Oh, you know, and then you're sort of modeling that, and they say, Oh, this is how it works. So that's, that's sort of their learning by example,
yes, um, the importance of offering people a way to do that is, especially if people are new to the empathy circles, or are unfamiliar with what active listening might actually sound like, you give them a real example of what that should be.
And then as the second speaker, what I do is, if it's like totally new people, I sort of look, I still have a sense of who can listen, who's going to have the most struggle in listening. So I will actually pick them so that I can help them to do the listening, you know, so I'm sort of like finding the person that maybe the, you know, Will, I know will have the most struggle, so somebody else is not having to struggle with them, but that I can sort of model, you know, I can speak slow, I can speak in little chunks, so I can kind of help them in their listening process.
So part of the facilitators role is kind of getting a read on who is in the group, and what kind of levels you might be working with. And once you've done that, you can then use that knowledge to support that person more closely right from the beginning, by selecting them as the listener and adapting your speaking to suit the level that they're at.
Exactly, yeah, so I'll speak in like a small chunk. And in a way, that's not complicated, you know, just just so that they can reflect back. So once they've reflected back once, twice, three times, then they get into the flow, so I can sort of help help them with that. And I might add that once, once you've done the circle two or three times you will have done it, you almost don't even need a facilitator, right, because everybody knows how to do it, and you just kind of sit back, but it's really challenging is that first people who are just really getting started the first couple times.
So basically, you want to do it in that order, so that you can empower the person perhaps with less listening skills, to build a sense of confidence, so that that can carry them through the rest of the listening circle. And the way that you do that is by speaking slowly speaking in very small chunks, as the person is gaining confidence in the concept, they then carry that level of confidence. And ultimately, when it's done really, right, there's no real need for a facilitator because people are so familiar with the concept that they can carry themselves throughout the circle.
I feel fully heard. Thank you.
That's me as the speaker.
Ah,
Aaron, will you be my listener?
Did you say Karen? Or Cara?
Okay. All right, yes, I'm listening. Um,
I am going to talk about myself again.
Okay, we're gonna hear about Alex again.
And I'm gonna talk about this idea that, to show empathy, you don't need to agree with someone, it's something that gets spoken about a lot in these empathy circles. And I've heard it repeated many times.
Okay, you're gonna explore the idea that to show empathy, you don't have to agree with somebody. And that's come up a lot. And once you're going to explore it some more here. Yeah.
Yeah. And I guess, my personal relationship to that statement is, intellectually, I fully grasp it. And I can say it back. And I can say it in different words, and I have a sense of what the intention of that statement is.
Okay, so intellectually, you've got it down. You can explain it in different ways. You know, the intention of it.
Yeah.
The major problem is that I don't feel it. And I don't know that I believe it. And I don't really think I know how to adopt it.
Okay, so what I'm hearing you saying is you feel it's a major problem that you don't really feel it or believe it.
And, and it's a real concern for you, but you're still exploring it.
Yeah. Because like, although intellectually, I can talk about the concept. I think internally I feel confused about it. Or like, what that actually means and how are you empathetic with someone, and at the same time disagreeing and trying to show that empathy but fundamentally don't agree that to me, I'm like, can you actually do both of those things at once? I don't know. I mean, don't
you do that as a social worker?
Thanks for that question, Karen, we can probably come back to that in the debrief. But just to stick with the process, we'll go with Karen, who's the listener at the moment. Thank you.
So again, you haven't internalized, you're in a conflict intellectually, you get it, you understand it, you can explain it, but internally, again, it it, you know, you're in conflict, you don't really believe it. You think, if you disagree with somebody? Is there really true empathy if you're not disagreeing with them?
Yeah. So it's kind of like, kind of feel like, confused, if that's really possible. Can you really be empathetic if you fundamentally disagree with someone?
Okay, so you're honing it into confusing, confusion? And can you be empathetic with someone that you fundamentally disagree with? Yes.
Thank you, Karen, if you're fully had
All right, we have time for another session. I think everybody has listened to me. And I'll pick Larry net. Yeah, I think we've already gone around away. Okay. All right. Now I'm starting to feel a little bit more joyful about the exploration, I'm appreciating that we're all in this together. And, you know, even though we're facilitating or training to be facilitators, there's still questions about this process to be explored.
So I'm hearing I'm hearing you say that there's, you're settling into the joy of this process of facilitating and practicing empathy, and there are still some questions.
Yeah. And just that it's maybe not even just okay to have questions, or ponderings, or conflicts about the process and using it and so forth. But that it might actually be a natural part of taking this on is being a part of the culture of empathy.
And not only is it okay to have questions, it could be a natural part of the whole process.
Got, I've just suddenly just feeling really touched about imagining widespread concern about how well and how deeply Am I getting, being an empathetic person on the planet?
And you're just having this kind of inspiring kind of thought of how well am I really being perceived? I think you're saying, as empathetic on the planet.
Yeah, not so much me personally, but just imagining, you know, 1000s of people going through this training and going through this exploration of what is being a part of an empathy circle, and, and exploring the meaning and the value of empathy in life.
So this experience is not just a personal it's thinking of, you know, humanity, 1000s of people actively participating in empathy circles, with the intention of experiencing being an empathic human being 1000s of people doing this around the planet, and just imagining that happening. And the widespread regard or, or valuing of empathy, something like that?
Yes. And the, the searching and the questions that arise in the process, and maybe they all have to do with empathy, and how we relate to people that are like are the same, but just that I just imagine everybody coming up with different questions about how they're living their life.
And in these empathy circles, everyone exploring all these questions and letting all the questions come up in the empathic space.
Yes, I feel that Thank you.
Thank you, Karen.
Have we come to the end of our time?
We've got about six minutes in this block. So maybe it's good time to break into the feedback?
Yeah, sure. Okay. Well,
we will close our empathy circle there and do feedback. And I suspect as the facilitator maybe I should go first. Yes. Okay. I think that was a good process. For me. I valued the challenge. I thought it was really hard for Cara I felt like you had to like adopt an alter ego. personality and I was like his current acting or she could try and be authentic. But I valued the challenges. And
I, it's kind of
hard because I know that you're an empathetic kind person who knows the process. So it's almost like easy to not judge you because when you do it, I'm like, you're doing it for my learning. And I wonder if I might struggle with someone who has no concept or or bind to the empathy circle process. But I guess that's probably considered a high level challenge and something that you know, we can practice every time. I also really value having someone else keep the time like I found last session I was I've timer, show the message, listen, and so it's really great to have someone else showing the time. I, yes, Edwin's feedback is so useful. And I had no idea that I got it round the wrong way. So I think I like really need to make a note of myself for that. And I just like practical tips around how to make the process smooth and pitched at different levels. So yeah,
thank you very much,
everyone. Okay, I'll kick us
off on the on the roundabout. I think you did a wonderful job. I it was really hard to do the challenges. I stepped up the three of them this time. So I interrupted right away. And you were like, cool. Thank you very much. And then I started with the questions, you're like, cook, thank you very much. And then I interrupted you. And you're like, well, thank you very much. And I would challenge your self doubt that that would be harder with somebody who you don't know that they don't know. Because you weren't 100% Put on your social worker voice, you know, your your public relations voice, and when you did it. So I think you've got more skills there than you think that you think you do. So I would reflect that at you. And I started really early so that the last one was sort of like you'd kind of relaxed into the process. And you handled it. So I think that you held the space beautifully.
And I really, for both of you. The fact that you bring
so much of yourself to the circle, you brought that honesty, you brought that humanity, you really created a space where it was just so comfortable. And I part of the reason it was hard to challenge both of you is because I was so enjoying your circle,
did a great job. Okay,
I could go next. Yeah, I thought you did a great job. And I particularly really appreciated how you handled the interruptions. It just felt really professional and natural. So I kind of mirror what Kara said that you might actually do just fine. And but that's another actual reminder that we're suspending judgment, we're just dealing with what's present. And when we're facilitators, we're just dealing with an interruption. It doesn't matter where it's coming from, it's an interruption. And and we just handle it with kindness and professionalism, like you demonstrated. And that's, that's a good reminder for me, too. And, yeah, so I enjoyed the additional conversations and great job. Yeah. And I realized I, you know, put down I didn't describe the facilitator role when it was my turn, but that that was really good. So I made a note that I, I do that in the future. Thank you.
Say, Alex, awesome, really awesome way you handled the challenges was phenomenal. The way you did the presentation was phenomenal. And I just want to kind of clarify that the PDF that we look at for how to do this statement number one, you're the speaker, pick your listener. So we get into that habit. And yet, in the training part, we do have this, you know, it's kind of like, hey, let's demonstrate listening first. What if the facilitator will be willing to model being the listener, the first listener? So yeah, there's that flip flop between the PDF and the real world kind of thing. And then, Edwin's challenge to you was, I thought, an awesome challenge. And it was just amazing to watch you dancing with the challenge. You know, and not pulling out a sword, you know, but dancing with the challenge, and not getting into an amygdala hijack, but dancing with the challenge. Demonstrating empathy.
Very kind. Thank you, Larry. Okay, I'll
give some feedback. I felt you'd made the presentation your own. It didn't feel like canned or anything. So it just seemed like you just really felt grounded. I really that you sort of hit it off some of the challenges like just when it's your turn, you know, you'll speak it's like, so some of the things that were coming under pally come at you, you had already headed him off, which was pretty clever. So that, you know, it's harder to do it when somebody's already said that this is now what we do. Yeah, that was it. Otherwise, everything slowed really well, and just, you kind of made it your own. And I kind of added the other thing about the being the first listener there. So yeah, that's it.
Do you think, um,
I mean, I hit it off the challenges only because I feel that would probably be my style, because then if there are challenges, it's kind of let's come back to the norms that we've already set up right from the very beginning. But I don't also don't want to deviate too much from the way that the introduction should be done. So I thought I
thought it worked. The one thing is, you don't want to go too long into the intro. So it's a big long intro. For example, instead of giving the feedback at the end, you know about the being the first listener, I actually brought that into the circle itself. So that's another thing I try to do is try to use the circle as much as possible for even sort of educational or informative things. So that we do the process as much as possible. Some facilitators, you know, they just give a long introduction, they make it it's really about them sort of giving advice, and so forth are instructions. But which people is good people to know that. But to be able to use the process, as much as possible for those kinds of things is helpful, is helpful for staying in the process. Since you have a little bit of time, you can open it to any sort of general discussion. So I will add to empathy is not agreeing. So the thing is, is when you reflect back, someone, it's like, you're not agreeing with them, you're just letting them know that you heard and understood them. And then when it's your turn to speak, you can say I totally disagree with you, you're totally wrong, I, I think what you're doing is really crazy, you know, you're you're, you're totally free to say what you want. And the point is, is that they will then have to listen to you instead of you know, respond. So it's a way for, for the issues to get surface everyone to feel that they're heard. And then to negotiate those and you'll find you just keep negotiate discussing and you finally start finding some common ground and some mutual you know, points that you actually your deeper values that you actually agree with. So, yeah,
I know what some may issue because there's something in the same back of people's opinions that I disagree with that feels personally challenging, but I know that that's amazing.
Yeah, it's just practice. Once you Well, I find I just practice it, I'm gonna have I get somebody says something, I just feel like I get tense about it, right? It's like, I don't want to let that in. But you let it in. And then you you know, if it's mutual, if if it's just one way, that's like the real drag, right, it's like, I'm just doing all the listening. But if you if you can bring it into a mutual, then you know that it's going to be a real relationship and a dialogue. So yeah.
Oh, go ahead, Karen.
Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up, because that's when I was listening to Alex, during that segment, I thought she was saying she was having trouble with giving empathy and, and I'm still kind of, you know, looking at this process versus other processes. And what I heard early on was that the purpose of this circle is not necessarily empathy, although that's something that arises from it, but it's for the speaker to feel heard, which is another probably definition of empathy. But and then we've had different conversations about how much of it is active listening versus you know, giving you know, empathetic reflection back so I thought, you know, just going back to active listening and reflecting back with your heard say, without any other kind of extrapolation might be the way to get through something like that. Yeah.
Yeah, I just wanted to get feedback for Alex and for all of us that this conditioned, I would say, we use the word indoctrinated way of thinking that we're to be judgmental, is almost expected of us in the world in society. People want to know your judgments and they expect you to interact with them in a judgmental way kind of a competitive really is not very conducive to peace way of being. And I think we've seen what's unfolded in our world from that way of thinking for 1000s of years. And I don't think humans have really practiced widespread, like Karen was saying, imagining 1000s of people practicing empathy, circles, experience in Emmet, experiencing, you know, a real movement of people living that way. It's I don't think has ever really been done. So yeah, I agree, Alex, it's like it's woven into the fabric of thinking, judging. But then to look at that and see what's happening from that. I'll stop there.
I'm going to kind of echo
what everybody just said. But I'm a practical person. So I like tools. And I struggled really hard with this myself early on. I've been doing this for a couple of decades. So you know, I've gotten some practice. But one of my favorite tools is I heard you, I just start everything, whether I agree or disagree, I heard you say, because then I'm immediately not, I'm not taking I'm just, I heard what you said, was there. And that has, I'm a, I'm a grocery store talker, you know, like that, I, I find that I tend to disagree with people's ideas, not the person themselves. And so I chat with people in the grocery store. And if they start to say stuff, I'm like, I heard you say,
and then I can walk away. Yeah, that's my practical tool for you. I
am kind of relieved to know that the solution to this is practice and like, oh, well, that's something that I can do, I can start doing that right away. So I'm like, Yeah, this is a dilemma for me. And there's a solution to this dilemma, which gets resolved through practice. So that's good.
I'll kind of add to that, that, there, there's a quality of needing to be heard in life, you know, it's almost like I see it as an empathy battery. So if we haven't been heard, you know, a lot, then we want to kind of, you know, kind of get heard fight back sort of. And by doing the empathy circle, I find that your empathy battery sort of gets filled the space, you kind of have more space. And I hear reports, people say, Oh, after doing the empathy circle, I was able to, in my family, listen more to the family members, and not automatically respond, I had more capacity to listen. And by my listening, that reduced the tension in our relationship, and it was sort of a positive step. So it's, it's kind of charging that battery. The second thing I wanted to address is Karen, you're saying that you know, the first half hour you feel maybe anxious and so forth in the circle, I think that's typical in the circle. And that's why we try to go at least three rounds in the circle, you know, go usually for two I gotta close all the rooms we try to go for two hours so that there's three rounds because it's usually by the third round people start really settling into it and you can really feel that shift of lower anxiety and higher you know, oxytocin and connections so it's pretty typical Yeah, and so we that's why we try to do those three rounds two and so on I thank everyone for taking being part of this circle is a real pleasure and we're gonna have reason to be popping back any second now. Thanks for facilitating the room Kara. And
this like big amounts it
says a lot but I love empathy circles.
I start to worry if Larry starts to talk and he doesn't start with I love empathy circles and they got oh, something's wrong
right, we're back.
People are coming back. There'll be a few seconds
Okay, let's see everybody's back. I think Sally, you are up for the debrief.
Okay, everyone. Well, where are your learnings from today, being in the empathy circle as facilitator or the different roles that you are in? And I'm gonna start on the the people who have been here the shortest time d Are you still there?
err Hey, Sally, I'm here with the creek.
Wow. Nice.
Oh, you want me to debrief? Yeah.
Okay, well, it went great. I'm continue to be amazed at all the little nuances that that, you know, can add to the success of the empathy circle.
And I'm just very grateful to be able to be with such a good dedicated group of advocates. I'm here and collectionneurs, Ville, Pennsylvania, there's not a lot going on here. So to be able to reach out and have this group of like minded individuals, I'm very, very grateful for.
Thank you. Okay, so I'm just gonna repeat the question, what were your learnings and insight from the experience? And time 30 to 30 seconds to one minute. And we're gonna call on Ruth's Robins from London.
Hello. Yeah, I really enjoyed that. Again. It just went really quickly. The whole 75. Yeah, just so amazing how engaging empathy circles are. I wrote down my takeaways, but I'll try and say it within 30 seconds or something. Oh, I've lost them.
was actually, I can
remember it, it's one of them was how important it is at the beginning to explain the role of the reflective listener. Yeah, cuz if you get that right, then it's less likely to go wrong later. Okay, so
actually call on Karen Johnson, from Illinois. What were your learnings and insights from the experience today? 30 seconds.
Thanks, Sally. First that, that Larry can't say often enough how much he loves empathy circle. And, and I am tending toward agreeing with that, whether I say it every time or not. But yeah, the introduction, still working on that. And so I'm appreciating seeing different people's versions of their introduction of the empathy circles and getting that down. And just embracing the learning process and, and hearing what other people are examining. And that we go on, even though we're still examining aspects of being in the circle, so I'm just appreciating being in the process. Okay,
I'm gonna actually now call on George, what were your learnings and insights from the experience?
So firstly, it's Well, as I mentioned at the heads headache, and now it's much lessened. So I guess, empathy, listening process and mutual understanding process was beneficial, even on the physical level, you know, like, it's the first beneficiary on my case. Yeah. And I also realize how much it's important to facilitate in some way like,
so.
The quality of facilitating it's important.
All right. Well, then I'm going to follow on to Alex. And, Alex, what were your learnings and insights from the experience?
Thank you, Sally. I'm so many I've taken pages of notes. And I just feel like I want to spend the rest of the day like filtering through them. Without wanting to make too many assumptions. I feel like maybe I'm younger than some people here. And it's, like, so valuable to me to be learning from people who've thought so much about this and practice this so much. I I just I, I feel like I'm in the presence of so many wise people that are generously giving the skill. And it just, I suppose the takeaway for me today is what I've said before, like, it's not this process is not therapy. But it can be therapeutic. And I just feel like I'm walking away having learned so much about myself. And I said that last week, and I'm like, there's so much more than one. So I'm really grateful and moved by my experience today.
Awesome. So i gonna call on Brandon beaching Are you? And I'm just gonna ask the question again, what were your learnings and insights from the experience?
BJ
sorry about that. I'm on my cell. I apologize. Technology and seniors? No, but I just like to say I have never been able to come to the listening circuit without learning something new or finding out about a book. So thank you. Thank you. My name. I'm sorry, I apologize was it? It wasn't DJ was a DJ. That wasn't our circle.
It was Ruth, Ruth.
Yeah, thank you, Ruth, for that information about climate change, and Joanne Macy's book regarding emotions. So I'm really going to look into that. So my point is, I always learn something new and gain some insight into the process. But I love empty listening circles. And I am just here to keep it going. And again, I love it. I think it should be global. And I'm grateful for this opportunity to see you off.
Thank you. So I'm gonna move to Wendy.
Need to
hear this, but what were your learnings and insights from the experience?
Thank you. I think clarity of roles was a learning, you know, when there are three trainees in a group. And as a trainee, being a participant and a trainee, as a trainer and a trainee as a trainee, you know, just getting clarity on that in in the group. And seeing the fluidity of that and the learning from it. Yeah, just great to be with people who are willing to offer each other challenges in a kind way and seeing how different people respond to those challenges. Lots and lots of learnings. And I'm grateful to the people in the group. Thank you.
I am going to go from Wendy, to Kathy. He want to share what your learnings are on this. And insights from the experience.
Yes.
Thank you, Sally.
So I was confused last time about what I was doing. I didn't know I was going to be doing the intro practicing that, then I was confused this time about exactly what the trainer does. So great mistakes to make, because now I'm gonna learn a lot. And the circle was very, you know, is very one of ease. And I love that we modeled for D making mistakes and being transparent about it and curious about it. And Dee did a great job and she was the one that was the, the newer person in the circle. And so it's great to be able to contribute to her and and watch her flourish.
So thank you. Yeah,
thank you. Okay, so, Jana, you're next on Dalits. What were what are the learnings and experiences from this? Predict from tradition?
You had a wonderful empathy circle today. And it's fun Giving the challenges and it was lovely to see how when do you do dealt with them? And Kathy was very kind. And we have had a lovely group. It is also very heartwarming to see how empathy circles are being brought into people's daily lives and how it is helping us transform our relationships. Thank you.
Oh, thank you. Cara, i. So what are the learnings and experiences that you've had
from today?
This was a great day I come out of the same this is this was a great day, I learned about giving challenges. And that's really flipping hard. And I am so much more appreciative of everybody that had to give me challenges. And I was going through that.
Wow, I'm also so impressed with how everybody
handled them. And I, we really dive deep. And I got to kind of reflect back to when I started down the empathy space. And which just like allows you a moment to be like, Look at how much you've gone, and how much more there is to know.
Okay, DJ, can I ask you? What are the learning, learnings and experiences from today? Well, we
had a really great circle, Bill's leadership was spot on. He did this amazing distraction. Where he was like, flipping his background, like for like, I don't know how long Ruth but it was a while. And it was like you almost got like, entertained by it. It was really what a great distraction, you know, because it actually has some beauty to it. And you know, all of this. So I love that. And I love to how we kind of just loved each other in our own unique way. And that's the beauty to me of it all. I think the pace that tiempo is something that becomes really paramount, you know, like until that tempo start syncing with everyone, you know, we don't really have that empathy thing going on. But we did get it and it was really awesome. Everyone's Awesome. Thank you.
Okay. Thank you. Wow. So Jonathan, what are the learnings? Answers from today's training?
Well, two things for me. One, I have a much deeper appreciation of why. And Edwin has for I believe, four or five, subsequent 20 training sessions, our cohort sessions in order to become a trainer. There's a lot of balls to juggle, and just a lot going on. And I keep forgetting a couple of things. And I know that practice and practice and practice is going to improve things. I just had wonderful trainers today. Linda and Anne were terrific. And and just threw me the hardest disruption possible and it's going to and I just loved it. I smiled all the way through it. Anyway, I had a wonderful time today and I'm gonna learn
Okay, I'm gonna call myself is rally and I was in a wonderful group. And all I can say is by the time they got to me, thank God, there were no challenges in the time, possibilities. Thank you board. And thank you especially to Linda and Jennifer. And when Jonathan Johnson's doing a great job Oh, it's me again. Okay, now does it trainers I'm gonna call on Linda, please. And what are the learnings and experiences from this training
the fact that we are all human And none of us are perfect. We make mistakes was reinforced today and that's okay. When you're in a circle, empathy circle, that's okay. It was a fun group it was it was relaxing. And I'm just glad I'm here. So thank you.
Okay. And Larry, how was your group? What are the learnings and experiences from today?
Awesome, Cara, Alex, Karen. Edwin, awesome, amazing circle. Karen guided us in a way through envisioning a world with 1000s of people around the world experiencing the challenges of coming into empathic living 1000s of people practicing empathy circles, envision that. envision that. Thank you.
And, and, and from London, I believe we're Learning Annex Yes. From?
Well, I think primarily, I want to say how, what a privilege it is and how grateful I am to be in a group of people, five of us in our breakout room, who are all on different stages on our journey with our practice in empathy circles, and how we can come together and figure it out and support each other and share what we have to share. And it is just beautiful. And that's how life needs to be. It's just great. And specific insight was how difficult it is to grasp the idea of the understanding of what happens when we have a circle. And the circling that happens in an empathy circle. When we've broken it up into chunks of different facilitators having a tiny, tiny circle, we don't get the circling happening for people to get that flow, which happens when you have a whole empathy circle. And the clarity that comes of how the roles flow from being the listener, the active listener onto then being the speaker, and then on to being a silent listener. And that comes when, when you have a good flowing circle, which you will all get.
Right. And yeah, it takes a lot of time. A real lot of time, but I'm gonna actually Oh, Bill, please. And then what we what are your learnings and experiences from pretty? Sure.
Thank you, Sally. Well, I really had a good time. I thought that TJ did a wonderful job facilitating. I really enjoyed George and Ruth. I'm always in dated by all the bad news. And when I see people in the empathy circle, it always puts that to a lie. Because people are just so great.
Don't forget Brenda.
Okay. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, no. Absolutely. Brenda. Yeah, sorry, I did leave Brenda down. And so, and learning, and so actually, so, and they also messed up. And I didn't hear someone correctly. And that is part of what the, for me the empathy circle and facilitation is about is that it's not about technical perfection, but it's about allowing the process to occur. And thinking about my own mistake, I'll put this in for Brenda, because she likes books. There's Zen minds beginning mind by Shunryu Suzuki Roshi, which I'm sure I'm butchering his name. But it's a very short book, and it's so it's a classic. And that's why, for me, it's like a physical exercise that I'm always learning. I'm always going to mess up. And it's not about judgment, but moving
on. Thanks. That's it.
Thank you. Well, and I just have to say about Bill Is when he talks you kind of have to, you know, it's kind of like looking at a science book, and you have to extract every thing to get it, but it's always profound. And, Edwin, please,
yeah, I enjoy seeing all the learnings that happens about the nature of empathy, you know, deepening that understanding, came up in our group to about not having to be perfect and kind of relaxing about that. We had some topics about Wi Fi, the first listener that kind of explored that it came up about in the empathy circle, you do usually try to go for at least three rounds, because the round one two, people still feel a little bit anxious and insensitive. The third round, that the flow sort of happens, I think, and was sort of addressing that. And then the anxiety goes down, when people know that they're going to be heard, it's kind of where the, the sort of the magic or the empathic connection happens. In our group is, is, is room facilitator. Sometimes it's hard to give challenges, you know, you don't want to, you know, disrupt it because the connection feels really good. I personally enjoy giving challenges, it's sort of expresses my alter ego, you know, I can just be as well. So, reminder be, you know, check into your alter ego of being out empathic. And so that's just some comments there. Thanks.
Okay. I guess at this point, we move to closing comments, and my role is complete. I'm just doing the closing comments. Shall
Sally did everybody get to speak? Oh, yeah. It was anybody left out of speaking.
That's impossible.
Jennifer has her hand up if Sally's on a cell phone so she can't see everyone. Good. Jennifer.
Jennifer, love. I feel bad. But I did, I did get to Brenda. So. Yes. Can you please. My apologies? No.
So I just I don't know if anybody shares this. At the end of these, but I just love, love, love, empathy circles.
Know, we had a great, we had a great circle. And I think the biggest takeaway for me was something that Linda said was, and I've heard it before, though, you may actually be heard for the first time in this group, like it's, you know, to set that as an expectation for the listeners. It was a very quickly, you know, it just kind of sets the stage. She may actually be heard you're going to be heard today for the first time, possibly ever. Yeah, I thought that was a really, you know, it wakes you up? You know, and it also wakes you up to the notion that yeah, you know, I don't listen, nobody hears me, you know, all of that brings it up. So like, wow, this could be different. But yeah, it was a great, great session.
Okay, and I just want to thank you. Why Jana?
Yeah, I spoke during the closing. So are we done?
Oh, it's kind of like we went to timing.
Last May text you.
Thank you, Sally. Thank you. Very
good job, Sally. Thank you. My
minutes here. Disappeared. Yeah.
This way.
Are there any trainer final comments?
I'd like to say that I love empathy circles.
Thank you. I appreciate all the repetition. I think it's really beneficial. And honestly, let's review what we did in this session. To summarize, we practiced introducing the empathy circle process with instructions and how to participate in an empathy circle. Everyone who wanted to practice facilitating an empathy circle, including the opportunity to ask for challenges and we debrief the experience with the empathy empathy circle. And what is coming up next week. In Session Four, we will be practice facilitating an empathy circle, this time without having to do the how to. So you will have an opportunity to ask for challenges none low or medium. And for assignment, Edward will send an email with a reminder to fill out the session feedback survey. The link is in the chat the link can someone put it in the chat. Thank you, Edwin, hold empathy buddy Carl, you will be paired up with a new empathy buddy and tried to facilitate an empathy circle with family, friends, and so on. And please post one feeling that you have now as a result of being here today.
So let's let's see,
to be able to post a feeling that can we read them? Can someone read the feelings because I my screen has disappeared grateful
love humble, good relief, content, enjoying joy? Peaceful,
satisfied,
joyful. George I don't know what that says. I'm so sorry. Gratitude content and a happy church say yours out loud for me. It's short.
It was. It wasn't Russian. It was love.
Love. Yeah. So I also love empathy circles. Thank you so much. So yeah, so let's have the jazz hand. Goodbye. And see everybody next week.
