So for the topic of this week, grief, grief is something that should be respected. And there are many messages that we get from society, sometimes from others, that we should get over grief quickly that we should heal, heal grief, that we should somehow not have it termed, be free of it. And I think that doesn't really respect the grief. Part of respecting grief is to not assume you know, what's supposed to happen with it, to give it its due to give it it's time to make make, be present for it. And the greater the grief, the more it speaks to something that's really central and important in our hearts, in the depths of our being, and the more important it becomes to respect it. And if your grief is much bigger than someone else's grief, that's, you know, he's going through the same thing. Don't then dismiss your own grief, maybe Hold it carefully. So that it is, you know, maybe it doesn't need to be shared with people who are experiencing it differently. But to respect our own what's happening. And one way to respect grief, is to assume that grief is as much as as to do with more things than meets the eye that we are consciously aware of, about the loss we've had, and the feelings, stories, the meaning the impact that their grief has had the loss has had, probably is more as more roots and elements. And, and in our subconscious, in the parts of our minds and hearts we don't see regularly and and we're caring for the unseen within us as well. The way that grief may be has an unknown ways, touches ancient griefs, we've had a reignites them or associated with them and in some way or other. So when we're dealing with this larger field, larger ecology of ourselves beyond what we constantly think about to know, one of the great modes of, of engaging with it and being with it, is to do rituals. Many religions have rituals rituals are some people don't like rituals, because they seem like it's empty. Gestures and steps and words that are just kind of given kind of superficially, and not really has any sincerity toward authenticity to it. But in fact, rituals can be they're kind of a language, they're a way of expressing something and speaking something that expresses, in some some ways, the language of the Deep Mind and language of the deep, the deep heart and, and to say something, I know them or ritualistically, sometimes it makes a bigger impact. And, you know, for example, if I meet someone and with a friend, and they do something nice and wonderful, perhaps, and I just kind of like waved my hand and say, Well, that was nice, as you know, acknowledging it to kind of moving on and passing it on, as you know, it is not a big thing. But if I make a little ritual, if I may use that language for it, and tell my friend, wow, that was really nice to stop. And really, wow, that was really good. That was really, I appreciated that and really offered my presence in my attention to say it, rather than kind of, as an aside, it speaks and it has an end to something deeper, more fuller than just missing something as an aside. So ritual is a way of saying something more fully engaging, something more fully feeling and more fully, participating more fully and something going on. And rituals, the more powerful the ritual has been. The more powerful the grief is, the more sometimes helpful it is or useful it is to engage in a ritual. There are many kinds of rituals to be done and some grief rituals or funerals and memorial. All surfaces.
But to sometimes the equivalent of a ritual or some of the steps of a ritual can be done writing, some people like to journal, and I'm going to offer you some possible steps for ritual grief ritual, it could also be possible steps to journaling, about grief. But in ritual, it's often nice to find a space a place a time, that that is appropriate for you, that's nice for you, if some rituals are done alone, and so you can best then alone, and so you want to find a space, create a space a time. And, and if you're grieving something, a loss of something, maybe bring an object that represents that, if it's a person may be a picture, if it's something else, maybe could be a stone that represents it, or a flower or something. And the, the, and then engage sitting with being with the object of that represents the grief, and go through maybe different days, these different steps. One is to write down or speak out loud, or reflect on the impact on you, and the loss that you've had. And the impact is different than the story. The impact is the the impact of the event. So you might want to review and talk a little bit about the event of the loss, not the story of what the the loss means in your life, and the all the aspects of it. But what's the what's the event, and then what was the impact of that particular event, you'll get a chance to in this ritual to later talk about the impact, the bigger impact that has on you. But when you first heard about it, the first thing happened, what was that like for you. And to write about it, to speak out loud about it, to reflect a little bit about it, think about it. The second thing to do in this ritual, and maybe this if you have a stone that represents this, maybe you have five stones, and one for each step, these five steps. And sometimes holding a stone in talking to the stone allows for something deeper to happen. I sometimes will talk out loud to myself, when I have something really difficult I'm trying to process. And I find that talking out loud touches or evoke something very different for me than just thinking about it and reviewing it in my mind. So having a rock a stone and talking to the stone might seem like a strange to do, especially if you're alone or with someone. And but it's an mean means of giving some focus to what's being what's being done in the ritual. And so the next thing is to say a little bit about the story. What is the bigger story of the loss? How does it fit into the story of your life? What is? And what are the different stories? What is your story? What a story? Does that have to do with different aspects of your life? Your relational life, your personal life? Your your how does it relate to your childhood? How does it relate to your finances? How does relapse relate to your sense of meaning and purpose? What's a story about the loss in relationship to your identity? So to tell the story, telling the stories, in different ways in creative ways, and, and other to interesting ways of talking about the story of the bigger story of how this fits into your life is to talk about what's the story? What's the gift that you received from the thing that was lost? What are the positive aspects of it, reviewing the gifts, like a person who has died? What are the gifts from that? What are the what are the wonderful things that you remember? And, and then also this part of the story is what's been lost. And there's many things that are lost not just if a person died is not just losing the person, but losing many of the things to associate with that person. So the story of the losses just really kind of a acknowledge it in a fuller, more complete way.
The next thing to do is to maybe form a different zone that represents the feelings, the emotions connected to the grief. And to begin unpacking all the different collection of emotions. It's surprising that there's some with grief, sometimes there are emotions that come along that others don't accept as appropriate. Sometimes it's the strong grieving and crying that other people have trouble with. Sometimes grief comes along with anger. And sometimes it's, that seems seem inappropriate to be angry. But angry, anger, all the emotions should be allowed. And that's why your ritual that safe and contained and has space for you to bring forth whatever's happening. So you don't feel held in check by the social messages of how grief is supposed to be sadness, grief, there might be laughter and joy and delight and gratitude, many, many things that, that and make room for and kind of assumed there are many emotions, many feelings connected to a big loss. And so having that stone or having a journal you're writing, to really try to be bring forth what else? What else is here? What else is here? Then you next step of a ritual might be to express to a different stone, or the same stone of gratitude. What's the gratitude you have? For whatever it is you're lost? And what gratitude remains after the loss? What gratitude do would you like there to be? Maybe after the grief has somewhat faded? Or if you ever imagined that grief can ever end? What would be the gratitude that you want to keep? And stay with? Remember? And what aspiration? What do you what is your wish? What's your aspiration of how to live your life? After this grief, the bigger the grief, the more valuable, I think is to consider how will this this person's life this this event, this thing that you had, that's now lost? How will you live differently? How do you want to be changed in a beneficial way to be changed beneficially by loss is a way of giving the loss a different meaning. Sometimes terrible things happen to us. People go through war and horrible things happen, they lose their home and their, their country and all kinds of things. And for that to only to be something that is negative, I think does a disservice to the depth in which the grief is coming from and touching. And some of the things to do is how do you want to be changed for the better from this, don't ask us the first time you do a ritual, the beginning of the grief, this might be months down the line. Whereas How do you want to be changed. And then finally, when you're ready, and then maybe this is a different stone that represents the grief. And that is to liberate the holding, to release the way that you're holding on to the grief, the person, the event, the thing, the attachment you have to it is not the same thing as giving up letting go of the person or the thing. But at some point, you want to let go of the whole thing you have when you're ready. And, and so that's where you take a stone that you've had in the ritual, and you might bury it someplace, or I've thrown stones that have had been part of this kind of ritual into the ocean or into a lake. And so you're representing the ritual or presenting of letting go of it being done with it, leaving it behind or putting in someplace where like, I like the idea that the ocean knows how to be with the grief knows how to be with a holding. So I'm offering it to something that that can hold it respectfully and be with it. So my suggestion is just you need to engage in a conscious process of full acknowledgement full presence, full expression of what the grief is about, know what's going on for you. And it's a ritual sometimes that can be done very well alone. Sometimes with a trusted friend. Sometimes with a spiritual teacher if you have someone to do it with
and you And hopefully you'll experience that. This is that deep way of, of respecting the value and importance of grief in our life. So thank you for this, though we have one more day tomorrow. And and we'll see what I talk about tomorrow. It's, you know, it's a huge, huge topic. I can't cover everything. So I'm kind of a little bit talking about kind of what's on my heart and what's on my mind and hopefully that's appropriate for you
