2-23-05-22-GIl-Appreciation (1 of 5) Valuing Others

2:52PM May 22, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

compassion

people

appreciation

abilities

invaluable

human being

grateful

benefit

misfortune

ways

week

deeper

important

valuable

sexuality

stop

maladaptive behavior

spend

compassionate

care

Okay, it worked. Great. So

hello, everyone, and I'm quite happy to be here with you all. And what I'd like to do this week is to continue this intermittent series that I've been doing, when I'm here related to compassion. And the premise around this is that the desire to live with compassion, to be more compassionate, is supported by understanding the many things that come together, to really let allow compassion to be strong or full, complete. And that a quick, headlong movement into compassion might be okay. But it might leave out too much of ourselves, it might leave too much of our potential or the fullness, the full embodiment, the full quality of compassion, that is nourishing, that is beneficial, certainly for the people we have compassion for, and also for ourselves, that we don't leave ourselves out, in being compassionate. And one of the reasons for that is the compassion we have the way we care for others, is so much better and cleaner, if we have cared for ourselves properly, if we include ourselves as the foundation for a healthy form of compassion, so to understand the different elements and dynamics within ourselves, that contribute to a healthy compassion is, is really important. And so many weeks ago, I said that there were five different elements that come together for this kind of healthy compassion. And so there were five A's, so awareness, attunement, appreciation, aspiration, and then the action. And, and so to take time to understand these different aspects of compassion and things that contribute the foundations for them, and then to bring them along with us, when we're going to be compassionate. And that can be second nature after a while as we understand it, so it doesn't take that long. But and or the each of these different foundations can be cultivated, so that they are there more often for ourselves. And so, the so I've, I've spent now a week on these different some of these elements, there was a week on awareness, and a week on attunement. And today I want to spend this week on the week of appreciation. And depreciation is a wonderful quality. I hope that each of you understand that when you feel appreciation for anything at all, that it's a nice feeling. It's an inspired feeling. It's a, it's a kind of a happy feeling, to appreciate something, appreciate oneself, appreciate others appreciate our experience, our good fortune, what's happening. And the ability to appreciate, is a enriching experience for anybody's life, to spend more time appreciating, in a realistic way. The goodness that benefits the well being the good fortune we have, is an antidote to spending too much time ruminating about our misfortune, what is not going right. And there's a kind of sometimes a certain bias that many human beings have for being a of tuning in to their misfortune, and overlooking their good fortune, what it is to appreciate and and some people who live lives that are our dream for many people around the world who are poor and oppressed and challenged in so many different ways. There's a dream that they could live that way. People who live that live in, you know, and sometimes in a modern Western A society where there's so much, so much available for us, we don't appreciate how much is available, how much support how much goodness, there is a much benefit we get, because we focus more on the areas of our misfortune. Not to dismiss misfortune, but to put it in the context of something larger and put it in a more maybe realistic context. And one of those ways is to appreciate more, and have taken the benefits of appreciation. And for compassion, it's invaluable to appreciate the people we have compassion for, and to appreciate them in deep ways, not some surface way or not some policy of appreciation, but really, to take people in. And one way to really appreciate well, is not to be distracted by our thoughts or concerns or worries about people about what we feel we need to do not be distracted by our sense of responsibility, which sometimes can be activating and, oddly enough, a distance of others, if we kind of inhabit the strong ideas and feelings, I should do something, I'm responsible, I have to do something, it's up to me, all of which kind of maybe puts the focus back on oneself. But to take time, to be in our direct experience, to appreciate others in into deeper and deeper ways. So appreciation is a number of things. One is that to value, whatever we appreciate, I think we value, it, give it give it value, give it importance. So to appreciate other people is to see them through with his valuable see, and those important to see them with. Yeah, see that their, their precious human beings, they're valuable human beings, that they're important human beings. And if we want to be compassionate to people, we also need to consider what it is that supports people what what they benefit from, and how they, we they their situation can be improved. And not a few people, their situation is improved. If they experience others, appreciating them, that others treat them as important as valuable. And just to stop and do that is invaluable. And, and if we get caught up immediately, we need to do something, we missed the opportunity. There have been times when people homeless people have asked me for something. And maybe it's my circumstance that I'm not in a situation to provide them with what they want. And, and certainly been times in my life where I just kept walking and ignored them. But this idea that this, that it's a gift to appreciate people, I've turned towards them and said hello, or said I am sorry, or not right now or, but I wish you well, or thank you to really stop and take them in and look at them at least. And not to you know, to ignore them as if they're important people. And so this can be done in all kinds of circumstances and family and friends and work that we take the time to recognize them, they're important. And everyone is important to not see everyone as a valuable human being in some way or other. By looking past what they do, to see their potential to see something deeper in them, then their actions is one of the great things, even people sometimes who are doing things which are harm harming others. Sometimes they do it because they have never been valued themselves and they're hurt and they're spreading their hurt around others to others. And the ability to stop and see them in a deeper way than their actions sometimes transforms them. That might be beginning of what stops them from their maladaptive behavior. So to see that everyone's important and part of appreciation also, many people feel or it's sometimes explained, is gratitude. That there's also a feeling of gratitude, that we're receiving something from others we're receiving their goodness we're receiving benefit from them or we're receiving, you know, that we benefit also from other presence of others. And what does it take to be grateful for a stranger I'm grateful that they're alive, grateful that they connect us to life more fully grateful that we're here to is where we bring our practice and our love or care. Here, thank you. And the

and so devalued to see the importance of people to be grateful for people that they exist, no matter their circumstance, that whatever their age is, we appreciate them. Whatever their nationality is, we appreciate them, whatever their race is, we appreciate them, whatever their gender is, and now we understand there are many variations of gender, many, and to really allow people to kind of inhabit who they are and, and, and appreciate them for deeply, it would be as a gift to appreciate their sexuality, or who they are sexually. Whatever partnerships I had with, with others, whatever their orientation is, and again, they're to appreciate the variety the richness of sexual expression, and, and, you know, it's kind of pointless to diminish people for their gender, their sexuality, their nationality, their race. But to step forward and say, Yes, hi, you are important and valuable and dignified and equal member of the human race and people, whatever ability people have, and I appreciate so much now that we understand that there's such a wide range of ways that brains operate ways that abilities that people have, and that each one is a full human being, regardless of where as they are, and abilities and mental abilities, emotional abilities, physical abilities, and, and to really kind of no matter who comes in front of us to have the first instinct, the first kind of approach approach, to take the time, to perceive them without distractions, to perceive them, without judgments, to perceive them without commentary, to perceive them. With a willingness and an openness and a wisdom. To see this too, is a fool, maybe perfect, maybe, or something. This too, is a human being, that can be appreciated as a human being as they are. And there's a lack of this in our world. Probably all over Waco, we find a lack of people being appreciated deeply. And I know people who just simply going to the supermarket, and shopping, they can feel that there's people don't appreciate them for whatever reason all. There's so many reasons we do this. People who are short, or feel like they're overlooked people who are old experience feel that they're overlooked people ever, who are of some minority race feel that they're ignored. People who display characteristics, that, or features or whatever way that people are ignored or dismissed or worse that goes on. It's a form of care and love and, and benefit for oneself, and for others, to appreciate them to be grateful for them to open and allow ourselves to see them as dignified and valuable human beings. And wouldn't this be a good foundation for compassion? I said maybe less compassion is needed in this world if we treat each other this way. So appreciation will be the topic for this week. And and looking forward to I appreciate the opportunity to spend this week on this topic. And appreciate all of you for not only being present here today for this, but also so many of you have been present for so long on these 7am sittings as YouTube sittings. And I really feel it had been invaluable for me and to be able to come in in and offer these teachings and have these kinds of considerations. So I want to thank all of you. And may it may We continue Thank you