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"Silent Illumination" #2 (2025-01-D2-JP) | Otter.ai

"Silent Illumination" #2 (2025-01-D2-JP)

John Pulleyn42min

John Pulleyn

00:05

This is the second day of this January, 2025, rohatsu, seven day seshin, and we'll continue today reading from this book written by Guo Gu entitled silent illumination,

John Pulleyn

00:28

and pick up more or less where we left off yesterday and

John Pulleyn

00:46

this is a new chapter entitled starting from where we are. He begins. Chan offers no particular fixed way to practice. The only purpose of practice is to uproot our deep seated emotional afflictions and negative habitual patterns that conceal our true awakened nature, and at the same time, develop our true potential. We just chanted the cause of our sorrow is ego, delusion. From dark path to dark path, we've wandered in darkness.

John Pulleyn

01:42

So though chan offers no particular fixed way to practice, he says, over the centuries, chan masters have developed numerous skillful means to help people before we discuss the actual practices, we need to understand and to develop a conviction regarding our true nature, our Buddha nature, we also need to learn to expose embrace and transform the emotional afflictions and negative habitual patterns, the root of which is self grasping. It is the self. Of course, this is a small self. It is the self and all of its manifestations that conceals our true nature. Must begin here to appreciate the teachings so we can live the truth of our intrinsic freedom. I

John Pulleyn

02:44

Buddha nature, our true nature is simply freedom. It's not a thing. If it were that it would have a before and an after, it would be subject to birth and death, would be either permanent or impermanent. Buddha nature is inconceivable. We too are inconceivable. The inconceivably is that right here And right now, we are free. You.

John Pulleyn

03:40

Of course, we don't always feel free. Do we? One of the one of the features of a seven day seshin Is the hard slog through the first two, three days, which has a great deal of value, really get a chance to see how our reactivity, our catastrophizing worry, concern, how that amplifies the difficulties of sitting all these hours raining in the mind,

John Pulleyn

04:41

it's really not a problem.

John Pulleyn

04:48

But he says, In the face of all the difficulties that we experience, each one of us tries to live the best way we can responding to whatever conditions we find ourselves in, though. Those who are suffering and harming others are simply giving form to the workings of Buddha nature in delusion, when we're awakened, Buddha Nature expresses itself as wisdom. When we're deluded, it appears as ignorance. We must awaken to who we are in order to embody the truth of our Buddha Nature amid the complexities of life,

John Pulleyn

05:30

we can't recognize Buddha nature because we are so steeped in our created world of dualities, we perpetuate notions of good and evil, gaining and losing success and failure, victim and perpetrator, all of which revolve around the central vantage point of me, me, I and mine, is precisely due to this self referential polarization that We suffer and inflict the same suffering on others. Cause of our sorrow is ego, delusion. We can free ourselves from this cycle by not confusing emotional afflictions with our true nature, by not confusing the furniture with the spaciousness of the room when we free ourselves in this way, we allow the Buddha nature of those around us to also manifest through our understanding. We can engage with all beings in such a way as to help them bring out their own wisdom and compassion. To do this, we must engage in practice

John Pulleyn

06:49

skipping a little bit. He says, Buddha nature is not something we've lost, but it is present right here and now. It is not a primordial state that we have to get back to. If we think like this, then we will create an opposition of past and present. Might even blame others for why we lost it in the first place. They see ourselves as the victims of our history, our culture, our educational system and so forth, all those things that have made us lose our true nature. Many people blame their parents, understandably. I say that as a parent, Buddha nature exists in all right here and right now. It is up to us to actualize it. Buddha Nature manifests in all situations and at all times. Is empty of fixations but full of possibilities. It can be empty of delusion but full of compassion. This is the correct understanding whatever difficulties we may face, it's all good. I A G, as I like to say, we practice engaging with all sentient beings so as to be free, so as to free all from suffering. This is one of the joys of an open life. It's just bumping into strangers, shop clerks, people you may realize are probably voting for Donald Trump, all sorts of people, and they're they're wonderful. Uh, for the most part,

John Pulleyn

08:55

we're not demanding that they change or be away or be on our team. Just part of the amazing variety find all around us.

John Pulleyn

09:16

Guo. Gu says in delusion, Buddha Nature appears as self, yet originally, there is no self. It only appears as such because we attach to it, the sense of me, I and mine, and all the objects that we hold on to self is the result of grasping, cultivation, practice, in other words, begins with exposing, embracing, transforming and letting go of self referential grasping so that we can realize the full potential of Buddha nature as wisdom and compassion. Only then will we be able to truly live love and bring to full. Fulfillment who we truly are. For most of us, attachment to our thoughts and feelings, our inner monologs, defines who we are. They are all that we've ever known about ourselves. We're completely entwined with them. We find it difficult to understand that we're more than just our narratives, likes and dislikes, that we are originally free. Buddhist teachings point to the moment to moment emergence of phenomena in our minds, sensations, conceptions, and gives these mental phenomena the general label of mental continuum. This mental continuum is experienced at different levels. At the very course level, our experience is that of a self. We have a sense that we are here, separate from what we see there, even when we use a method of meditation, we feel we're sitting using a method. And thoughts come and go, invading our mental continuum. There seems to be an eye that's sitting and experiencing my thoughts. This eye feels like a solid reference point, a center through which we experience everything that's not this center. For example, as you hear these words, you read these words, you probably see their visual form and hear the internal speech they elicit as you read them. You also feel the sensations in your body as you read and are aware of the one who is witnessing all these things. In other words, there's you, and then there's all the things you are experiencing. On this very superficial level, you feel there's a mind containing all these objects, and there is someone who possesses this mind, cluttered as it sometimes is. You spell it out like that, and really sounds ridiculous, even the internally generated thoughts are somehow objectively experienced by the me of you. You feel you are the subjective experiencer, and you have the sense of I that is in opposition to the world out there. I

John Pulleyn

12:23

then he makes a point we mentioned yesterday. This sense of I is a byproduct of the natural functioning of the brain's neurological wiring, which generates a sense of self that helps us to navigate the world. This subjectivity, this sense of a separate self, is not where the problem lies. Subjectivity is the natural function of the brain. The problem lies with our deep seated attachment to this me, I and mine, and the discursive thinking that reifies it into a thing, that makes it into a thing. So it is our attachment to this mental construction that leads us astray from our true nature. Chan teaches that this nature is intrinsically free from these fragmented, random mental activities that come and go, rise and perish, that's their nature. They liberate themselves, instant by instant. As they come and go,

John Pulleyn

13:33

they're impermanent.

John Pulleyn

13:40

Rise and disappear. This moment's problem disappears, the new one arises.

John Pulleyn

14:01

No self is not a concept that we need to take on faith, nor is it a particular belief system that we have to accept unreservedly, simply the way things are. Even neuroscientists tell us that our self quotation marks is just patterns of neurosynaptic firings that change continuously. When we fixate on something that doesn't exist, we make erroneous choices and experience the consequences suffering.

John Pulleyn

14:38

Basic Buddhist understanding our suffering is the consequence of our choices, where we put our mind, what we believe,

John Pulleyn

14:56

everything we've done in the past based on what we believe. I

John Pulleyn

15:07

read somewhere little saying that most people fear consequences, but Buddhists fear causes. How we use our mind determines our future. Teaching we can find in the dharmapada and the one of the Buddha's earliest sermons You

John Pulleyn

15:40

of course, to change these causes, we have to see, We have to be aware of what's going on. See how our mind works. See how he seize on this little impediment to make it into a huge obstacle. See how we write ourselves off as this kind of person or that kind of person. See things in terms of success and failure. See ourselves as a thing, mysterious entity. You

John Pulleyn

16:44

Guo Gu says, one way to realize this selfless freedom, this fluid nature, is to apply ourselves to meditation. As we practice meditation, the mind starts to become more calm, concentrated and clear as our discursive thinking starts to subside, the mind naturally becomes focused on one thing, the method of meditation itself. As we progress a subtler level of experience begins to manifest moment to moment. I call this freshness. There is only the experiencing itself, which is vibrant, not abiding anywhere, and lacks words or language to describe it. Can get a taste of this in seshin, things that seem seemed ordinary and humdrum suddenly are alive, that aliveness, that freshness, is always there. We've just thrown up a screen, screen of self and other, of like and dislike, of grasping and aversion. I

John Pulleyn

18:11

at this subtle level, while we're meditating, we might hear the sound of an automobile going by, but its passing doesn't leave any trace on our minds in each moment we experience with freshness. And when the object disappears, our perception vanishes with it. We continue with our meditation. If we persist in the practice, all of our fragmented and scattered thoughts are reduced to a single point the present moment, and going further, even our last bit of attachment to the present may suddenly vanish when this happens, self grasping disappears, leaving us with just experiencing without self. Buddha Nature manifests this vivid experience. Experiencing wakeful and focused is liberating.

John Pulleyn

19:09

We get out of the way it

John Pulleyn

19:17

goes on that said, our persistence and genuine practice is dependent on our ability to work with the undercurrent feeling tones, all the subtle thoughts that shape our everyday experience that leads into the Next Chapter, which is entitled The underlying feeling tones you

John Pulleyn

19:44

this should be pretty familiar to everyone currently inhabiting a body. He says to be free. We must know what we should be free of ordinarily, our minds are cluttered with the thoughts and feelings of everyday living. Sometimes, he. Thoughts are not fully formed concepts, but are simply underlying feeling tones. Most people are unaware of these feeling tones, yet it is precisely these feelings that shape our choices, reasoning, experience and judgment. So we have to learn to recognize them and work with them. In particular, we need to develop an awareness of the overall tone of our internal states by helping us to clear out the clutter of our minds, meditation exposes these internal, hidden internal states so that we can do something about them. Is this clearing itself awakening? No, you simply practice and self grasping may still be present.

John Pulleyn

21:01

And he goes back to chan Master Hong Ji, the master we mentioned yesterday, proponent of silent illumination, says chan Master Hong Ji refers to feeling tones as dust like intentions and concerns that conceal the original, bright mirror mind of natural awakening. Hong Ji teaches that we have to recognize that there is nothing outside ourselves. If we expose and loosen our grasp on these feeling tones, we will not be affected by the objects of our experiencing either, because we no longer experience subject and object as separate, even when we fully engage with the world. Then he quotes from Hong Ji, silent and still abiding in itself. This suchness is apart from conditioning. Its luminosity is vast and spacious without any dust. Directly, delusion is thoroughly relinquished. Arriving at this fundamental place, you realize that it is not something newly acquired. Today, though it is like this, it must be actualized. To actualize it in this moment is simply not allow a single thing to arise, a single speck of dust to cover it, be spacious, be spaciousness and completely clear. And don't engage with dust like intentions dissolving your concerns. Just take a backward step and open your grasping hands now. Everybody who practices can get a feeling for relinquishing our grasping. Why is it that we can't just settle into this moment because we're grasping at the next one, always trying to get from here to there, accomplish this or that, avoid this, or that. Fundamental part of Zen practice is non grasping, letting things come, be receptive, open without an agenda.

John Pulleyn

23:32

Good comes, it'll pass. Bad comes, it'll pass. Right now, it's like this.

John Pulleyn

23:57

He says subtle intentions and concerns using Hong Xi's language, are the undercurrents of our interior experience that shape our choices and perceptions. We have to expose them and free ourselves from their shackles. We need to know that nothing defines us or binds us once we've exposed negative feeling tones, we can foster correct attitudes that resonate with our original freedom. Many of our subtle tendencies are hidden from our awareness. If we are unaware of what's going on inside us, simply practicing seated meditation won't take us too far along the road to liberation, and this is why many practitioners, after years of meditation, wonder why it is they are still vexed by the same people and events in their lives. How can it be that in seated meditation they're able to gain peace, but in the busyness of life, they are basically the same people? We don't expose this. Subtle tendencies that govern the way we practice and in turn, cultivate correct attitudes. We inevitably perpetuate separateness, opposition and self referential thinking. These subtle undercurrent tendencies manifest as the attitudes we have towards life. You need to expose them and cultivate the right attitudes to bring out our wisdom and compassion.

John Pulleyn

25:35

So many instinctual ways of being can fall into feeling we're being short changed, feeling aggrieved, feeling put upon, blaming others, blaming ourselves, just a mess. But we never really look at it, always swept under the rug. It's just sort of the flavor of our lives. Don't notice feeling tones just seems like that's the way things are, but it doesn't it does not have to be that way. Change is possible. We can get out of the way the

John Pulleyn

26:45

Gu says, from a Buddhist perspective, the distinction between thoughts and feeling tones is that thoughts are fully formed concepts, while the feeling tones are subtle intentions, perceptions or moods, which are subtle thoughts, whether we realize it or not, there are millions of subtle feeling tones that shape our experience in any given situation. We're just not aware of them. There's no clear cut difference between thoughts and feelings, yet we make a clear divide between them, which then shapes the way we articulate our inner experience and even understand Buddhism, for instance, many people read the Buddhist literature on the importance of having correct view, and they interpret it as some kind of knowledge or understanding, in other words, as correct thought. This is only partially correct. In Buddhism, thoughts and feelings are inseparable. If we can cultivate wholesome attitudes, we would naturally have correct understanding of things. Therefore, I emphasize cultivating correct attitudes and being more aware of the subtle feeling tones you

John Pulleyn

28:07

in order to become aware of undercurrent feeling tones, we have to train ourselves to experience them. The more immersed in our inner states we are, the more experienced we become, and the more we're able to navigate them and become skillful practitioners really how zazen works, coming aware of What's in the mind, even the subtle inclinations, grievances,

John Pulleyn

28:42

it's it says we have to cultivate some important attitudes in our practice. These attitudes should be cultivated in all aspects of our lives, beyond mere sitting meditation, in the remainder of this and the next chapter, I list some of these important attitudes. It is up to each of us to explore them, one by one and then all together, to see their interconnections and also the ways they affect our inner experience. Cultivating correct attitudes transforms the way we carry ourselves, relate to others and engage with the world. In this way, everything becomes our path. Life becomes practice, so we can foster the necessary prerequisites to realizing awakening.

John Pulleyn

29:32

Life becomes practice. Life becomes opening now closing yourself off. Life becomes enjoying your life.

John Pulleyn

29:49

He says, we can cultivate right attitudes through a four fold process of exposing, embracing, transforming and letting go. He.

John Pulleyn

30:06

When practitioners come across the familiar Buddhist teaching of non grasping, they think that they have to let go of everything, that this is something they can do right away, and that once they've done so, everything will be fine. The truth is we have to first see what it is we have to let go of we have to expose our subtle emotional afflictions and negative habits. In exposing them, we may recognize that they have been part of us for a long time. There is a history behind our behaviors. It may be depart part of our defense mechanisms and survival skills, so we have to accept them, the point that Jo Beck emphasizes, how much of our nature is shaped by the inevitable disappointments of our powerless childhood. We relied completely on our parents, who could never give us everything we needed or wanted, the coping strategies that we develop and then carry with us as part of the scenery. He says, they may be part of our defense mechanisms and survival skills, so we have to accept them. Only when we accept them will we be able to take responsibility for and work through them. Then we will no longer be under their influence. This is letting go of them. This is a long process, and it's not linear, but circular. The more we're able to see, the more we need to embrace. The more we embrace and let our feelings come through us, the more we are able to expose the deeper layers of our habits, the more we work through them, the more we able to let go and accept ourselves. In time we become freer. This letting go is actually the easiest part of the process, because it happens naturally and suddenly we must, must first do our preparatory work. We cannot anticipate when these habitual tendencies will release themselves, and we cannot will it to happen. Practice is a lifetime process that brings out the best in us. You

John Pulleyn

32:33

We can't anticipate when our negative tendencies will release themselves, and we can't will it to happen. Can't change in that way.

John Pulleyn

32:54

Want to read something from my friend Anthony de Mello. I which

John Pulleyn

33:13

is right on this topic. He says the first thing you need to do is get in touch with negative feelings you're not even aware of. Lots of people have negative feelings. They're not aware of lots of people are depressed, and they're not aware they are depressed. It's only when they make contact with joy that they understand how depressed they were. Can't deal with the cancer that you haven't detected. You can't get rid of boll weevils on your farm if you're not aware of their existence, the first thing you need is awareness of your negative feelings. What negative feelings? Gloominess, for instance, you're feeling gloomy and moody. You feel self hatred or guilt. Feel that life is pointless, that it makes no sense. You've got hurt feelings. You're feeling nervous and tense. Get in touch with these feelings first. The second step is to understand that the feeling is in you, not in reality, such a self evident thing. But do you think people know it? They don't believe me. They've got PhDs and our presidents of universities, and they haven't understood this. They didn't teach me how to live at school. They taught me everything else. As one man said, I got a pretty good education. Took me years to get over it. That's what spirituality is all about. You know, unlearning, unlearning, all the rubbish they taught you. Of course, you're not taught didactically. It's just in the air, in the water. Everybody feels this way. Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. So stop trying to change reality. That's crazy. Stop trying to change the other. Person. We spend all our time and energy trying to change external circumstances, trying to change our spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies and everybody else. We don't have to change anything negative feelings are in you. No person on earth has the power to make you unhappy. There is no event on Earth that has the power to disturb you or hurt you, no event, condition, situation or person. Nobody told you this. They told you the opposite. It's why you're in the mess that you're in now. It's why you're asleep. They never told you this, but it's self evident. Let's suppose that rain washes out a picnic. Who's feeling negative the rain? Or you, what's causing the negative feeling the rain, or your reaction when you bump your knee against a table. The table is fine. It's busy, busy being what it was made to be a table. Pain is in your knee, not in the table. Mystics keep trying to tell us that reality is all right. Reality is not problematic. Problems exist only in the human mind. Might add in the stupid, sleeping human mind. Reality is not problematic. Take away human beings from this planet and life would go on. Nature would go on in all its loveliness and violence, where would be the problem? No problem. You created. The problem you are. The problem you identified with me, and that is the problem feeling is in you, not in reality. Third step. Never identify with that feeling. It has nothing to do with I. He makes this distinction between me and I. People are probably familiar with that. Me is our conditioned self. I is our nature. True Nature, our awareness. Don't define your essential self in terms of that feeling. Don't say I am depressed. If you want to say it is depressed, that's all right. If you want to say depression is there, that's fine. If you want to say gloominess is there, that's fine. But not I am gloomy. You're defining yourself in terms of the feeling. That's your illusion, your mistake. There is depression right there now, there are hurt feelings right there now, but let it be. Leave it alone. It will pass. Everything passes. Everything. Your depressions and your thrills have nothing to do with happiness. Those are swings of the pendulum. Do you want to see kicks or thrills? Get ready for depression. Do you want your drug get ready for the hangover. One end of the pendulum swings to the other. This has nothing to do with I. It has nothing to do with happiness. It is the me. If you remember this, if you say it to yourself 1000 times. You try these three steps 1000 times, you will get it. You will not need to do it even three times. You might not need to do it even three times. I don't know, there's no rule for it, but do it 1000 times, you'll make the biggest discovery in your life, so easy to see it, to accept it. Problem is our reactivity, but then we forget, just fall back asleep, live a life of reactivity directed by all the patterns we've laid down. So I say Sheen is such a wonderful thing. Opportunity to break through that chip away bit by bit, to see it, have it brought up for us, it's the rare person that doesn't struggle with negative feelings in seshin. The

John Pulleyn

39:16

first two or three days, as we said before, seshin are usually a hard slog. Takes a while for the mind to settle. Bring all our aches and grievances in with us, but gradually, as we continue to sit, magic can happen. It's it suddenly what seemed unreachable is right there in front of us this very moment, everything we need is right there for us. Less and less involvement, and how am I doing?

John Pulleyn

40:17

Find ourselves in that silence, that open field looking and

John Pulleyn

40:51

gradually, this burden that we drag around with us gets whittled away. Things slough off and as both Demello and Guo Gu say, we don't need to make it happen. Need to see, need to let go,

John Pulleyn

41:19

stop trying to control, stop grasping everything comes to us. Seshin all the conditions are there. Don't have to worry about arranging things. Follow the schedule, sit with everyone you

John Pulleyn

41:49

day by day, round by round, the mind settles course. There are ups and downs, but they're not a problem, day by Day, round by round, let go of our problems and

John Pulleyn

42:23

what's there when we let go,

John Pulleyn

42:31

the only way to know is to do it.

John Pulleyn

42:40

Our time is up. We'll stop now and recite the four vows we.

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