Music, welcome to the sovereign heart podcast, where we get to talk about what it takes to live love and build relationships from the unlimited potential of your heart. My name is Michaela rose. I'm the polyamorous dating and relationship coach, artist, lover, communication, nerd, total water bender and heart centered weirdo, and I'm so honored to be alive at the same time as you how great is that the world is a changing place, and so are the ways we love and support one another, within and beyond the paradigms of monogamy, polyamory, nonviolent, communication, polarity, tantra, attachment, twin flames, dating, kink and more, there is one thread that weaves us all trust, a nutrient that is only created from a willingness to go first, the discernment to call a red flag red crystal clear communication and a little bit of faith in the unknown. I am so excited to be on this journey with you. Let's dive in.
Hello, beautiful sovereign hearted being and welcome to another episode of the sovereign heart podcast. My name is Michaela. I'm the polyamorous dating and relationship coach and your guide here on this journey of what brings us closer to living and loving from the truth of our sovereign hearts and today, today is so juicy and so deep, because I am talking about one of the key components to living and loving in your life, when you're dating, when you're already in relationship, when you're navigating transitions in relationships, whether that's an ending, a beginning, adding another partner, changing the way that you're navigating throughout all of these transitions and all of these different experiences of inviting people, inviting other beings, other than ourselves, into our realm. There is so much there around understanding and knowing and embodying and seeing and feeling at the very core of your being that
your own best lover, your own best partner, your own best friend, Your own best kinky like, oh, giver of of delicious experiences and comfort and all of the things that you need. Your own best lover will always be you. It will always be you at the very core of everything that is this piece, this sovereignty that I think we're really talking about here when we talk about, how do we live from our heart and from our sovereignty? How do I create relationships and be, you know, experiencing depth and connection and intimacy and play and sensuality and sexuality and all of these things, while also maintaining my sense of this is me, and this is my sovereign self, and this is my pleasure. So being your own best lover and becoming your own best lover is truly about recognizing that your pleasure, your body, your soul, your Eunice, your magnetism, your radiance, your beauty, your magic, is yours to claim.
And
that can be not always the inner conversation that's happening because we are so much in a culture, right? And we'll start at the bigger, more cultural layers, and then bring it down to more of a personal layer. We're such in a culture that idolizes and really puts on a pedestal relationship, you know, being with another in a romantic, sexual, intimate life, partner, all of this kind of stuff, right? The movies and the shows and all the things, falling in love, it's, it's the whole thing, right? And so, because that's such a thread in our culture, because that's such something that's so normal that, like, we unconsciously think that we should want, and everyone should want, which great if you do great, if you don't right,
that underneath all that there's this really subtle, almost imperceptible at times, thread that says, My pleasure is dependent on me having this My pleasure, my aliveness, my Eros, is dependent on who is in my life to give me.
At who is in my life that I can fall in love with. And I can feel those falling in love feelings who is in my life to experience pleasure and depth and sex and intimacy and all these things with. And then I will feel that embodied sense of, I am a pleasure goddess or God or whatever it is, right? Then I'll feel that sense of, oh, I have a lover. I feel filled up. I feel just so joyous and well loved, well touched, well fucked, all of the things.
Now, you could have that, right? You could have connections in your life that are deeply fulfilling in that way, and that are reflective of that nature of being filled up, being so loved, being so cared for.
However, life is very unpredictable, right? And you might have that at one time and you might not have it at another time, or you might have it, and some might go down, right? Life changes might happen. Somebody loses a job, somebody loses a friend or a parent or a child, right? These kind of tragedies impact us, or maybe there's a deep connection, and then your communication isn't really on it, you know, so you start not really feeling like you understand each other, and that start, starts impacting the connection, or one or the other person yourself, or another person just decides, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not interested in having this relationship anymore. Or you just get to a point where you hit a wall, and that same level of depth and intimacy and that like filled up feeling just isn't the same with that person anymore, and you're not always sure why. You're not always sure what's going on. So nine times out of 10, right? The key to moving through these kind of places in our lives, or wherever you are at right? If none of that is true and you're like, I'm just single out here, doing my thing right, no matter where you are at being able to and committing to really knowing yourself as your own lover, knowing your hands As the hands of the lover, knowing your breath,
has the breath of the lover that holds you and caresses you and sees you with this infinite loving gaze of compassion and wow, and you are amazing, and you are everything to me, right, That level of commitment to seeing feeling and knowing yourself as your own best lover is what allows all those other relational experiences to be and to exist, and we can kind of release our claws from them a little bit right? Of them needing to be a certain way, or needing to find the partner, or the perfect partner, or another partner, right? Or needing it to be, you know, the sex is okay, but it needs to be amazing. And if this person isn't giving me to that, then there's something wrong with them, or with me, or with the relationship. We shift that narrative and we flip it back on. How can I show up for me? How can I show up for my pleasure? How can I devote myself to my Eros even more deeply? How can I be so committed to loving myself as I want to be loved, touching myself, being with myself, dating myself as I want to be loved, so much so that that becomes this inner narrative at the very core of all of those layers, the cultural, the relational, all the way down to the emotional and the deep, deep, deep somatic experience of having a body and being alive to feel at that level. I am my own best lover. I am here with me no matter what. I love me. I am a pleasurable being. I experience pleasure no matter what I am, a pleasure. Goddess, no matter what I am, a pleasure God, I am a erotic, liberated being, no matter what I can feel, safe in my arrows, no matter what I can feel
like, I belong in the inner, alchemical realms of my own erotic glory within myself, no matter what you get where I'm going here, right? That inner sense is what allows you to show up to all of those other experiences.
Is not from a place of wanting, of holding, of attaching, of grasping, of needing, of all of these things which don't get me wrong, needing is so good and wonderful, but you're needing something from this place of I deserve so much because I am the goddess or the sovereign being of of pleasure, right? And I deserve so much. And I stand for my erotic liberation. I stand for me experiencing the best and the depth of all the things, sexually, emotionally, connection wise. And so I need this level of care and this level of respect and this level of skill, really, like, like, really being able to get into that sense of like, wow. Okay, so this is my journey. I claim my pleasure. It's my birthright to experience these things, and if I'm not getting that, if I'm if that's not being reflected back to me in a partner, or in, you know, a lover, or in an experience, then I understand right that either I need to spend some time coming back and holding myself and understanding that I got what I need right here, right? Or there needs to be this reflection and some discernment of, Wow, I am. I am devoted to my pleasure. I'm devoted to my aliveness. This is not really reflecting that back to me. Maybe, maybe this isn't the right choice for me, right? You also get to have more capacity to say no to things that are not a full Yes, right? Because what we're in that space of wanting and needing and grasping, and I say that more in like
the like over attachment kind of way, and not in the surrendered kind of way, then we get to see how that inner stay, that inner knowing, is actually what allows us to let go a little bit and be able to say, wow. Okay, so if I had everything that I need right now, right? If I have everything that I need, if I'm already fulfilled, if I already have all of the lovers, the pleasure, the partners that I want, or partner singular right, if you want,
then what right? What choices do I make from that place? What choices and who do I invite into my world with that knowing? What do I choose? Do I just choose to be with myself? Do I choose somebody that I want in my realm, or do I not right? And how do I want that, and in what flavor and in what style? So that deep, deep dive, that deep commitment to showing up as your own best lover for you, is what allows you to hold that inner center, and this is really, truly the heart of this sovereign hearted work that we do is to hold yourself in that center of knowing how deeply you are committed to you and allowing that to inform and actually design the rest of your sensual, erotic, you Know, dating relationship life in such a way that is in service and in devotion to that deep inner knowing that you are, in fact, your own best lover.
So how can you cultivate this? How can you actually take the time and what can you do to really cultivate this inner sense of knowing yourself as your own best lover? A simple way that I love is to simply notice where you see qualities in other people that you may be doing a little bit of what we're talking about, of like projecting the oh, I'm going to get all of my pleasure. I'm going to get all of my needs. I'm going to get all of my, you know, my inner sense of fulfillment and that I'm beautiful and that I'm wanted, and all of those things from this other person. Can you notice what about them that you really like? Or can you notice what about their presence? What does that actually bring into your life? Because that's actually going to be a little bit of a map to see where are the qualities that I'm looking at, who embodies these qualities, and noticing that that is an indication that you are most likely wanting more of those qualities for yourself. So if you notice that somebody you're with has a lot of confidence, right, then maybe that's something, maybe that's a quality that you want to bring in and ask yourself, Okay, I'm so confident. I am so confident in my in my Eros and My pleasure.
And all of this. How did I do that? How did I get here? How did I, how did I experience that? How did I, how did I embody this? And really seeing how you amplify those qualities in your own life, it can point you directly to where your sore spots are, and help you add these little bit of layers of support for your sense of, Oh, wow. Really being able to claim those things, and it's an easy way to really take your power back as well when you're very much in, like the new relationship energy, or something like that of dating and getting to know somebody and going, Oh, okay, so that amazing feeling that I feel when I was when I when I'm with them. Oh, that's their level of presence. Wow, I want more presence for myself. Maybe then you go and you practice a five minute meditation right before dropping into any kind of sensual experience, and you make that a habit to do that, and then love yourself and touch yourself in the way that you want, so that you can experience that inner sense of pleasure with more presence, right? So you see you can take the outer world and actually help you, help that inform what you need more of in your inner world.
So then we also get really curious, right? How can you actually physically enjoy this experience of being your own best lover, because I think we could think about it all day, right? I could talk to you about it all day, but at the core of it, and the reality of it, is that you are not going to truly, truly be your own best lover until you allow yourself to go through the somatic, emotional, psychological process of becoming that. And so that's something you can do by actually dropping in to these kind of self pleasure sessions, right? I have a whole episode on, you know, self pleasure and, you know, dropping into this kind of ritual space and why to do it, and some tips and stuff like that. So if that's something that's new to you, please go check out that episode. But what you can add right if you're already familiar, or if you've already gone back and listened to that now, what you can add is this inner sense of knowing your own breath, like I was talking about knowing your own touch as the breath of the lover, as the touch of the lover. So as you breathe, and as you maybe you know listen to a sensual playlist, and as you feel yourself building pleasure and Eros and feeling good, can you feel that you are that lover, loving on yourself, that your breath, your touch, all of your sensations are the lover, experiencing itself through your senses, through yourself, the lover itself, your own best lover themselves, herself, himself, experiencing themselves through you as you right. So this, this kind of gets into the deeper realms of how we can really go beyond the conscious mind when we amplify a certain sense of who we are. Right, your own best lover is not all that you are. It is an aspect of who you are. But you can amplify that. You can turn up the volume on that a little bit and see what happens when you invite even just that one little drop of okay, I am my best, my own best lover. I'm gonna touch myself, I'm gonna hold myself. I'm gonna breathe from that sense of Yes, yes, yes, my pleasure is mine. Yes, this is my birth, right? Yes, I deserve all of this and more. Yes, I am worthy of the love, the pleasure, the Eros, the orgasmic nature of who I really am. All right,
so that can also look like if there's something you've always wanted to experience in the bedroom, right? Can you give yourself to that right? In a, in a, in a modified way, if you only need one person. And this translates again, to when you are with a partner, because you're feeling yourself as your own best lover. You're claiming that pleasure, you're claiming that sovereignty of who you really are and that depth of what you really desire. And then you get into connection with another person, and you're already coming from that place, you're much more easily able to create, and, you know, dream into the moment, right? Dream and then step into the moment and have the experiences that are more aligned and more attuned with your full Fuck yes and your full, you know, exuberant, beautiful pleasure, right? So, coming back to the self and coming back.
To this. How do we cultivate this really knowing yourself as the lover, feeling your touch, feeling your hands, feeling your breath, feeling you as your own best lover, but also allowing that to fill you up. So this is a practice that I do so much. I love it so much, you can actually really begin to feel that your own magnetism, your own radiance, your own pleasure, joy, you know, sparkling, beautiful, whatever it is that is inside of you that makes you you, that sovereign expression of your Eros when you allow yourself to fill up, right, allowing it to feel like maybe a colorful energy, right, or a golden energy, filling you up, filling up your heart, filling up your body, filling up your sexual organs, filling up your brain. The brain is our biggest sexual organ, filling up your mind with this juiciness of who you really are, filling up your whole body, and maybe even filling up beyond your body, right into the more energetic realms of who you are, and allowing that energy to build and build and build, allowing yourself to feel pleasure, To Know yourself as your own best lover, to breathe as your own best lover, and allowing that to fill you up with this deliciousness of your magnetism, your beauty, your radiance, filling up your whole body, filling up the space around you, your body, maybe even filling up the whole room, right? Or if you're outside, maybe just seeing how expanded you can get into that, oh, that feeling of just filling up and feeling that magnetism, right?
And in doing that, it's natural for it to feel a little bit uncomfortable at first, because you're likely not always so used to feeling yourself as so, you know, just really, really dripping and drenching yourself in your own magnetism, radiance, beauty, all of these beautiful things that you are, it might feel a little uncomfortable. So also, when doing any of these kind of practices, of there's a sense of expansion. We also want to make sure that we're creating support and stability for that expansion. So if it does start to and you do, you know, do these practices and the invitations that I'm saying, and you do start to feel uncomfortable, can you add a little bit more support? Can you notice the bed underneath you or the the seat underneath you again? Can you notice how the trees, the mountains, the rivers, the land that you're on, is there supporting you? Can you notice how gravity is there holding you down, keeping you safe, and how your skeleton, your inner sense of you, your your your actual physicality is keeping you upright, is holding you up against gravity. How powerful is it to feel that level of stability? And you can also work with some affirmations, right? If you're expanded, if you're creating a more expanded state, it can be so helpful to care for the parts of us that are naturally going to feel a little bit uncomfortable with that. You can let them know it is safe to be magnetic. It is safe to feel radiant. It is safe to feel so so, so beautiful. It is safe to be so magnetic. It is safe to feel wanted. It is safe to feel desired, right? Because as you cultivate this inner sense, you actually do start to attract more attention from the outside world, right? Because that can, that can that can be a little scary, right? It can be a little scary to be seen. Because when you're filling up and filling up and really feeling yourself and allowing yourself to know and see and feel yourself as this radiant, magnetic being that you are, it might start to actually feel that way, and you might start to actually have experiences in your life where people are able to see you, which can be a little scary, Right? So we also always want to add those layers of it's safe to be seen, it's safe to be magnetic. It's safe to be the full on, expressed, expanded, radiant version of who you truly are, of your sovereign Eros, your sovereign way with pleasure and sensuality and sexuality.
Ah, right? And then, within any practice, always take time to integrate. Always take time to, you know, just allow everything to land. Allow yourself not to have to do anything right or follow any of these little cues anymore, but just allowing yourself to fully land.
In the experience and noticing, what did you learn? What did you experience, what insights came through, what wisdom, what are some of the things that you can do in your everyday life? Right, to to remind yourself of this inner sense, right? Maybe it's looking in the mirror and telling yourself and looking at yourself and saying, Wow, I am so gorgeous. I love these freckles. I love the I love my teeth. I love the way that they have a little funny crookedness. I love that my hips. I love my my beautiful, beautiful heart, and all the way it shows up, right? You can, you can focus more on the physicality, right? If that's something that you struggle with, more good, focus more on really making a habit and making a practice of seeing your own form in the mirror and complimenting it, complimenting it, and giving it the kind of love and and showering it with with with so much care and,
you know, celebration that you would feel if you were in a deeply,
you know, deeply loving relationship where you were getting that from another person. Can you take the time to do that to yourself, or if it's more so along the lines of, you know, the inner sense of like, I don't know, I don't know if I'm worthy of this. Like, I don't know if I'm what I really bring to the table. Can you take the time to write out a list of everything that makes you an amazing lover, everything that makes you an amazing partner, everything that makes you such a fucking catch, right? And just like write that down and read it to yourself every single day, think about you know, what qualities you bring to the bedroom, what qualities you bring to a household, right to, you know, taking care of shit, right? Like finances, what you bring to communication and connection and your just, your inherent qualities, what the things that you love, the things that are amazing about you, the reasons why, Oh, my God, anyone would be so freaking and not just anyone, but the right person, right would be so delighted to get to be a part of your world. Can you write down all of what that is and read it to yourself every day, right? And allow yourself to soak that in and allow yourself to see yourself as truly how beautiful you are, to see yourself as the lover, and to see yourself through the eyes of the lover, right? If you've ever been in love and you've ever looked at somebody with those you know that devotional kind of sense that you know in the in the tantric in Sanskrit, we call that bhakti, you know, that kind of devotional love for another being and how, oh, just it's over. It's just totally all encompassing to allow yourself to just be with that and sense that and feel that loving devotion and care and love and respect and all of that for another being, you can also do that similar thing with yourself. You can allow yourself to be that point of focus and to just be in the dripping love. You can actually allow it to be a meditation, right to sit there and just be in the dripping over, over, just everywhere, the kind of loving of who this amazing being is that you are envisioning and paying attention to and focusing your love and your energy on, because it's you, because it's you.
So I think the last thing that I'll say here is something that a I'm a yogi, and I often will do a practice with one of my favorite teachers, and it's all about unlocking, unlocking your pelvis, and really allowing the stuck energies to that Are there, to to release and allowing the more subtle energies of the body to create more healing and depth in that way. And there's a favorite quote that she says every time I do this practice, I'm a little I love doing those little online practices, and I will do them over and over and over again. If I love them, I learn. And it's just it's so deep and it's so good every time. And when you get deeply into the pelvis, right, which is also where we hold all this sexual, sensual energy, and where we also often feel really stuck, when you can get into that through a pleasure practice, through a yoga practice, through dance, through movement, through shaking, through whatever it is that helps you unlock and move that energy. What the The favorite quote that I always think of is that when you unlock these parts of yourself, when you allow your Eros to be a. Uh, unburdened, right, unburdened from the the hurt and the shame and the all the things that keep us stuck and you allow yourself to fill up in these ways. You really know that when you are with yourself, you are never alone, and often we can feel so lonely in our society, because there's a lot of things that kind of back us into corners. And it's not the most natural way right, to be living these boxed, compartmentalized life instead of, you know, sitting by the campfire with with our village like we might have done, or our ancestors might have done in the past, right? So being able to feel this inner sense of when you are with yourself, you are never alone, when you are with yourself, when you feel with yourself, and that you feel and you know the love of yourself with yourself, you are never truly alone, right? And you will go through this life feeling so connected and so fulfilled by the simplicity of being willing and being committed to being with you, to you, being with you, and knowing yourself as your own best lover. So please go and take any droplets that you heard here today and just drop, even just one droplet, into your life, into your self practice, into the ways that you've been thinking about dating and creating relationships and having more of that erotic goodness that you want, and I look forward to hearing how it goes, and you can always send me a little hello with any of the links in the show notes and let me know how it went for you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for your time, for your love, for your commitment to listening to this beautiful podcast, and I look forward to seeing you next time. Okay, bye. You.
