Kasey Mathews Full Audio Edited
2:19PM Aug 2, 2021
Emma Campbell (Host)
And I'm a homebody and don't need, I seen a need that interacts with people much work. So for me, it was a chance for the outside world and everybody in my life to slow down to kind of match my face.
It was nice for you. Did you want to introduce yourself to everyone then Casey? And just give, give us a little view about, you know, your story and your journey and how you kind of became a life coach.
I would love to. So, I'm Kasey Mathews, I am a mother of two. It was the birth of my daughter, our second child that really began this journey. For me unexpectedly I'd been a classroom teacher, and our son had been born on his due date. And our daughter was born halfway through my pregnancy at 25 pounds, 11 ounces, teeny, teeny preemie and major surgeries, we almost lost her multiple times. And even when we were on the other side of it, and even when everybody looking at me from the outside in thought that I was, you know, recovered and doing fine and showing up with a smile on my face, I was suffering deeply, you know, struggling with, with pretty severe anxiety, but I never named it you know, like this low grade vibration always living beneath my skin. And I was constantly just on alert, you know, this hyper vigilance. So once I own that, that started my journey of healing. And then what came out of that was a book that wanted to be written about this journey about this discover of discovery of alternative medicines, and really like my own story of growing up my own story of transformation, because of our daughter's birth, and all that ensued as a result. So that book became a labor of love, it took me four or five years, four years to write the fifth year to get it out into the world published, find a publisher go through all that. And then I started speaking, and had never really intended to, but there was a desire in the medical community to hear the parent perspective, and how they can better their medical care by coming from a more family centered approach, not just looking at the baby, but how does this impact the entire family. So with that, then my toes started dipping into book writing, coaching. And then I started doing a lot of training on transformational life coaching. So it was never a path that I intentionally set out. It was a path that was sort of kept laying itself out in front of me and I just kept following along.
I think a lot of us in this community find that, you know, we might go into this kind of journey with intentions of how, what we think what we want to happen. And then you know, divine intervention comes in and has his own plan, right, for us.
Complete divine intervention. I mean, that's truly what it what it is. And even you know, when I was writing that first book, there were moments where I would say, I can't do this, I don't want to do this, this is some real life out of me. And then I just kept coming back to this place of, I don't have a choice. This is a calling this book has a I always think in terms of books really, and businesses, they're beings and they have their own agendas and their own stories and their own desires. And they come to us as the vessels to merge them out into the world. So you know, I didn't have a choice. Here I am.
I love the way you said that because there is so much that needs to be said, in a way. And there is different people that can meet can communicate that in different ways. You know, we have so many different types of books, so many different spiritual practices, but they're all just like you said, they're all beings in their own that needs to be like communicated across to people. So that every One has their own unique understanding of how to kind of find the meaning of life in a way and and actually, and actually heal on this planet and show up better as ourselves. So, for your personal journey, what did what did your healing journey kind of mean to you? Like, how did it show up and manifest in your life.
Though it was really, you know, this, this-- that's, that's the mission of my coaching is to really how can you show up as the best version of yourself and be in love with your own life. And for me, I have been somebody who really trusted in life, who was just, you know, kind of very footloose and fancy free, and just love life and, you know, really believed in the magic of life. And then when my world was turned upside down, it really caused me to question and, and it wasn't even the birth of our daughter, it was really just becoming a parent in general, that suddenly, there was much to fear in life through the eyes of a mom, not knowing my children say, you know, this big scary world out there. So this, this part of myself, I've never known before this kind of mama bear, protect yourself came to life, and I started looking at life through those eyes. And you know, from the outside, no one would have looked at me as like an overprotective mom. But it was like within my own system of this kind of always what's out there. And I think it's gonna be interesting to see coming out on the other side of COVID. For a lot of a lot of mothers these days, what does that mean, as their kids go back out into this world in a in a bigger way, as we all do. So I've been actually tying a lot of making a lot of connections between that period of isolation with a medically fragile child. And because isolation was very familiar to us in our daughter's first few years, and coming out into the world, and it just is that desire to sort of take that step back and keep yourself safe and protected in the same with your children? So there's such a long answer to that. And it's, you know, all within the pages of my book, but the short answer is, it was really about learning to trust in life again, and let down my guard and not be in the state of perpetual fight or flight.
And what would you if someone's listening, you know, what would you describe perpetual fight and flight actually is? You know, what is that? And how does that show in people's lives?
So, it's this idea that you're moving through life, you know, showing up doing what you need to do. And yet there's this, I've described it as this like perpetual hum, like this vibration, just beneath the skin, into my skin, so that if everything's going along well, and fine, then I'm in the flow at the same time, but all it takes is one little thing to tip those scales, because there's so little foundation built beneath me. And I'm set off so easily. Because any little thing can be a trigger, I always think it's a funny thing, my sister and I laugh about it that like, okay, life is okay, everything's fine. And then I, we, at the time of our children's nanny was our big English Mastiff. And she was always having little health issues this she'd end up in a cone. And I don't know if you know, mastiffs, but you know, there has been a huge one with this giant cones to get my life, you know, moving forward and everything functioning well. And then inevitably, dog in a coma is always sort of the metaphor for something happening, something going awry, and not having the reserves to be able to handle it. I think in terms of like, we all have sort of this, well, that lives right down the center of our being, and water comes out, water comes out, water comes out. And if water doesn't replenish back in, eventually, there's nothing left to pull from. That's where I think it is, for a lot of people we're functioning with this very little bit of water down at the bottom of the well. And, you know, energy flows through water, right, and we're made up of water. So if we're in this place where there's very little in there, you know, it's just you can just visualize the stuck energy. Right?
Exactly. And how do we move that energy? How do we have that foundation where we can actually, you know, make sure that we do have water going in with ourselves to actually replenish from, to use the metaphor that you used?
So I love, love, love that question. Because it's, you know, my most favorite question in the world. And I think that when that well is depleted, that's where we're functioning from a place of just hanging on, you know, just getting through our days and how do we replenish it? How Do we bring the water back in, by taking care of ourselves by giving ourselves moments and, you know, the term self care these days is so ubiquitous, it's so overused, that people don't really take a look deeper and think, oh, self care, I don't have time for a manicure or a pedicure. You know, the real self care would be the massage, you know, but I'm talking about self care that is unique and customized to every single person. So for me, my daily self care is a walk in the woods. And I'm fortunate to live in a place where I'm surrounded by Woods so I can do that. My self care is sitting in front of my little home altar, you know, I'm moving my candles and reading out of my daily devotional. So it's individualized for everybody what that is, but what replenishes your well is what feeds your soul, and a one to three things each day and, and they can be microset micro moments, you know, not just even in our busy lives, taking a moment to sit in your car and take three deep breaths, you know, that's replenishing that, well, that's reconnecting you bring you back into yourself. So there's not a one size fits all for everybody. Beyond the what feeds your soul, what lights you up? What feels magical to you, then that's what you do to replenish your well.
Totally, and, but how can people find these things? If it's someone who is, you know, new to this kind of journey, and they think: okay, how do I know what self care means to me? How do I figure out how to create a routine that actually works for me, and actually enables me to show up better in my life and replenish that well.
I think part of the problem today, for a lot of people is overwhelm of information, there's just you know, so I could easily say, Oh, it's everywhere, just go look on the internet, just do a Google search. And, you know, most people will walk away right where they started, or, if not, so even more confused, because there's just so much out there. So for me, what I find really helpful. And again, it's all a personal journey, but I love structure and predictability within my days. I know children depend on that I see my animals do. And you know, having been a classroom teacher. So when I found myself going through the motions of every day, creating a to do list, and then every night looking at the do to do list and seeing I probably got maybe one thing, if any done off the list, going to bed feeling like a failure, I once again, I didn't get anything done, waking up and doing it all over again. So I thought, you know, there has to be a different, better, simpler way to approach our days. So I looked for a daily planner that would that would do that. And I just couldn't find it. Maybe it does exist, but I couldn't find it. So I created my own, I created what I call the magical living daily planner. It's something that I offer for free, it's on my website. Why I love it so much is the first it's it's designed like a cross on a page, there are four quadrants, and then the first quadrant is planning for your soul. So it's really, the first thing you do is that what feeds your soul. So for me every day, it's a walk water. So I remember to stay hydrated, and sitting in meditation, and I even just call it my sitting still time, you know, my five minutes. And then I often add like a fourth bonus one, which might be, you know, half hour in the backyard on the Adirondack chair with a book, it might be a nap. It might be a movie in the middle of a day on a Wednesday afternoon these things that have all like guilty pleasures. And I say there is nothing guilty and pleasure at all, when it's loving and caring for yourself. How can you know what's there to feel guilty about? And I think that's sort of an ingrained in women that we have to be busy and show our productivity and yeah.
Yeah, definitely. I think even even so for men as well, I think that can kind of transcend the crossed into their, you know, this kind of sense that they have to be doing things striving for things. And when, you know, if we create that foundation of slowing down, and like you said creating that mindful morning for ourselves, whatever that mindful morning kind of looks like it actually allows us to do this kind of the busy nurse but more in flow more naturally more mindfully.
Absolutely, well, so the way the daily planner works is there's a category and just for those who would look at that and say, well, I don't even know what that would look like. My offering would be to say just give yourself a quiet moment and make a list of all the things you love to do. How no matter how simple or how suffer, it's far out, like, you know, I love to ride roller coasters, and I love to plant seeds in the garden, you know, I love to walk in the woods, and I love to take travel adventures, whatever that is, but make a giant list of it. So that you have that as your go to resource. And you can do that. What does self care look like? Just for me, you know, only me? And what are little things I can do each day? And what are bigger, long term goals I can set for myself. So when we're incorporating that every day, we show up in a really different way. And people around us see it and feel it. And I always think of that as like energetic ripples that move off of us and have a positive impact on the people around us.
Yeah. Yes, yes.
We're modeling, like how I love and care for myself and show up as my best self and inspiring others to do the same. You know? So--
Sorry, go ahead.
No, no, I was gonna say I think that's really important to be aware of, because it's not just caring for yourself, it's caring for the collective when you do that.
Well also, a lot of my coaching clients are mothers, and there's this inherent like, well, I can't take care of myself until I've taken care of everybody else. First. What I try to get them to see is flipping this on their on its head and saying, when you do take care of yourself first, you have a full Well, you're not coming from a place of depletion. So when you're caring for everybody else, you're showing up with so much more love and generosity and and coming from this place of not I have to, but place of I'd love to be you know, like, it's completely different.
It's funny how we have such outdated kind of views towards the way that we need to turn up in life, whether that be you know, we have to work really hard. And we have to, you know, as as as mums, of course, I of course, I'm not a mom yet, thankfully. I can imagine for a lot, they feel like they have to, you know, look after their children and do everything for their children. But we're forgetting that, at the end of the day, it all comes back to you, it all comes back to how I think energy is such a big thing, like I really do. And I think we don't understand how much it affects a lot of things that go on around us and, and what we can actually, if we shift that energy into a much more peaceful state into a much more kind of loving state, how it really can really impact our day and the people around us in our day.
Absolutely, absolutely. And I would say probably the greatest gift I ever gave my children because, you know, you've heard me describe how I was in the early days in living in this place of fear, coming from a place of fear loving them from a place of fear. When I made that transformation in that shift, and understood the importance of loving and caring for myself first, they would have more to give them that was the greatest gift I ever gave them because so much of my life and everything was focused on them. And with this giant spotlight shining on them. It was you know, I sort of see it as this like they're standing on the stage being like, you know, the lights on, you must show so when I turn the spotlight back on myself, like what do I want to be doing with my life? How do I want to show up? Why don't I share my story with the world and write a book and start a coaching practice. It freed my kids to go be who they want it to become in my burning spotlight all the time.
And I think we don't just do that with with children as well we do that with a lot of people in our lives, you know, whether that partner is friends, we kind of have an expectation for them. And you know, and that expectation comes from a place of focusing outside of ourselves.
100% agree, and i think that's that's the message in all of this the you know, filling your well caring for yourself, setting this plan for your days where you're incorporating soul what you're doing is you're not looking out you're turning the camera lens back on you and it's it's a very different way of moving through life. But what I witness when people make this shift with my coaching clients with friends and family I see suddenly they're like I'm in love with my life I love my life you know they go from I don't want to get out of bed I don't I you know I'm just I just want to keep hitting snooze because I don't want to face the day too. I can't wait. I can't wait to see all the magic that today brings.
Totally, and I think even, it allows us to also watch challenges come up. Because you know, life is not without its challenges life is not without its, I like to see challenges as our opportunities, you know, for more growth, but it's not without those hardships and, you know, when we approach life from this way where we are so kind of in touch with our own being, it allows us to approach these even challenging times with a with a lot more lightness, I think. So, do you feel that you've, you know, when you kind of go through this transition of shifting from I guess, a fear kind of approach to a more love kind of approach to the foundation of your life? Do you think it helps us actually, you know, tackle challenges a lot, a lot easier.
So much so. And I think what happens is what we would think is this, oh, my goodness, the sky is falling overwhelming challenge. It gives us the reserves. Again, if we're thinking of that, well, you know, that wealth is full of water, and we have the energy, we have the stability, we have the stamina, we have the alignment within ourselves to say, Okay, I can handle this, when the opposite being when there's so little in there, all it takes is one little thing to tip those scales, free things seems like such an overwhelming challenge. So it puts things in perspective. And it also when we come from a place of we've taken care of ourselves, you know, the pandemics a perfect example. So people were who were already hanging on by a string, you know, and suddenly, life is turned upside down. That was a big, big challenge for a lot of people I witnessed and love seeing that for a lot of people, it's turning out to be quite a gift of time for this, this self love, self attention and all of that. So yes, I am even now sort of forgetting what your so it is when when, as far as meeting challenges, the small day to day challenges, almost don't even really fall in that category anymore. you approach the day, how you wake up each day, I always think of it as like, when you're in that place, you're wearing a pair of glasses that are all scratched up and cloudy. And that's the world you're looking through and who wants to get out of bed and start the day in that way. So making this shift loving and caring for yourself replenishing your well is like putting on this brand new pair of glasses, where they're crystal clear lenses, they're beautiful, the skies are blue, you know, when you look through those. So what would have even fallen in the category of challenge before really isn't even necessarily bigger moments in life, the the true bigger challenges, the struggles, we have the resiliency within us that we can much better handle what comes our way.
Totally. And I think that's one of the biggest gifts to actually have from the healing journey is to just be able to approach those challenges with a different perspective and with with the tools in place to actually, like you said, Look at them through a clearer pair of glasses. And I really love the kind of metaphors that you use for this because it just describes it in such a beautiful way and helps people kind of actually visualize what these shifts for them in their life actually mean, I agree. I love metaphors I use. So like I had, I had one more question that I kind of wanted to bring up. And it's just, you know, if someone is in their life, I think this is will hit for a lot of people, they just say I just don't have the time. I just don't have the I'm just so drained at this point. I don't even have the time. You know, I don't have the energy. How would you actually advise these people just to get started with implementing these things into their life? If they're really like, I don't have time, I don't have energy.
So a little bit of tough love.
It's a perspective, but not having enough time as a choice. And not having enough time is a belief, and not having enough time is the story you're telling yourself. Not having enough time as the excuse you're hiding behind. Because for a lot of people, even if they're not necessarily happy where they are. They know where they are. It's safe and it's predictable. Because transformation change is unknown. It's scary. What would my life look like if I put the attention on me and showed up in my fullness every day? Well, it's what I want, I think, but I don't know what it looks like. So where I am, at least it might not be great. But I know what it looks like, I know I'm safe. So I don't really have the time to look into anything else. Can you see how it becomes this crutch that we lean on. So I think people get to the point where they say, I can't live this way anymore. I'm not going to my least favorite word in English language is the word fine. I'm not going to live a life that I would describe as fine. I didn't come in, and I want to live a life, that's amazing. That's exceptional, I want to be in love with my own life. And when they get to that point, they make the time because it becomes a priority. Time is all about your priorities. So if you are important to us enough to yourself, if your health, if your well being is important enough to yourself, if you want to be here for the long haul, and you want to make an impact on the world, you know, then you'd make the time. And you know, when I'm talking about those micro moments of self care throughout the day, we all have 30 seconds we can give to ourselves, you know?
I mean, we all spend about two hours of our day, at least, scrolling through Instagram.
So then it's really like, okay, where can we take a step back and look at our lives? And where can we create more time. And that's the beautiful part about it is when we actually slow down when we fill out this daily planner, where we're incorporating moments of feeding our soul time, throughout our day, time actually feels like it's expanding. It's it's all about that to do list that I said, every day I'd look at and I would get none of it done. The way the planner set up is first, it's your soul. And then it's your service, whatever work you're offering the world, whether it's for pay or not. So moving from that into that work, where it's your output, and then that to do list that never ending laundry, empty the dishwasher, pay the bills, all that, well, you show up to meet that list in a very different way. Because you've been loved and cared for your purpose and passion has been met, because you've made the time for what you're putting out in the world. So I find, you know, I used to just have horror laundry, and would always get put off and put off. And now coming from that place. It's as you know, standing there folding t shirts, I'm noticing the feel of the texture of the cotton, and the smell and the beauty and coming from a really different place because I'm in a different place.
Totally. And I get and I get to some people listening, this might sound you know, a little bit airy fairy and stuff. But this is stuff that happens over time over practice, you know, this is not just about, you're suddenly going to have you know, all of a sudden, you're going to go from absolutely hating doing the laundry to loving it, you know, it is a shift that is practice, you know, but it is real, you know, these shifts are real, these shifts are possible, you just have to believe that they're possible. And I think that's what we're lacking a lot. And that's where people like you who are coaching these people to make themselves that they have that power within them. And they can have that belief, they just got to believe in themselves and believe in their ability to actually turn up and give themselves that time.
Yeah, and even for someone who doesn't believe it, well, then give yourself a little challenge and prove yourself.
Make it fun.
Believe it or not, the proof is in the pudding, give it a try. See if making these simple little practical changes in your life. Do it for seven days in a row. And then just notice, how do you feel? And if no change at all? Okay, well, you know, you're right, I guess. If you notice, actually, I do feel better. Hmm. Well, maybe there's something there. And I love what you said that it's a practice. And it is it's like we don't decide today I'm going to go run a marathon tomorrow, right away building the muscles garnering the strength. It's a practice. It's a discipline, it's creating new habits that will lead us step by step often, when I begin working with a new coaching client, we'll talk about where do they want to be? What is this dream life they want to create for themselves? And where are they now and we don't go this huge jump from one to the other. They're all steady, life changing but impactful steps that lasts a lifetime because you know, this sort of quick fix, you know how to change your life in five days. It doesn't last because, you know, real lasting change. We need to really incorporate and integrate these changes, lasting habit to take away like just for your audience to think about is if there's just one thing that they want to say okay, I really am I feel like I don't drink enough water every day or I don't have exercise or move my body or whatever, the real key to creating a new habit is you have to anchor it into something that you already do. So you know, you wake up every single day, right? So for me, I'm really conscious about drinking enough water. So before I go to bed every night, I put a glass of water on my bedside table. So the very first thing I do when my feet are put on the floor is I drink that whole glass of water. So I've already started ahead of the game, finding something you know, when you whatever it is that you already do, you know, if you know you eat lunch every single day, well, can you tag a 10 minute walk outdoors or even standing outside on your front porch and just, you know, link it to something else. And that's how you'll get that new habit to stem.
And that's why you've got to have that the willingness as well to change, you know, the willingness to grow, the willingness to move forward. Because like, I think you said earlier, and we just get stuck. And we get stagnant if we don't have that willingness to just move out of old kind of limiting beliefs about ourselves that we put on ourselves, that society put on ourselves, that other people put on ourselves, and just be like, you know, I can change this behavior, I can make my life the way I want my life to be, you know?
And I think for some people, it's even one step back, is, well, what do I want my life to look like? So if someone if I were to hand you a magic wand, and just say, go ahead, wave it, and now describe, what does your life look like, and not just in your business life, not just in your family button, every aspect of your life? Oftentimes, it helps to start start with your physical body because it gets people right in, you know, in line with their own selves, like, are you happy with where you are physically in health and in mind, body spirit? Okay, what about where you're living? What about your daily practices? What about family business? So take a really comprehensive view and and ask yourself, what do I want my life to look like here? Because a lot of people never stop, they're just going through the motions, the day to day like, Well, my life looks like this, because this is what my life is, well, hang on, you know, we're so much more powerful than that. And, Darren, if I have a magic wand in my hand, you know, I better make it look like so. So taking that moment, and I'm really, as a writer, you know, I believe so much in the power of writing. But, you know, if you want to take it one step further, is write all that down. You know, if it's just a journal, once we write it down, there's power in writing, you know, that you could write something.
Totally, I love that. I love that. And I think it is just, it's like what we said, it's the practice and the patience, and it's the trust in yourself. And it's the trust in, that these habits will create those changes that you want, you just got to be patient. And I always like to say, you know, the things you want are on the other side of consistency, you know, and it's showing the universe, kind of, or whatever you want to call it, God source, whatever, that every day that you want this new change in your life. And you know, these things aren't hard. It's not, they're not hard work. They are things that are meant to light you up. And like you said, it's unique to everyone. So finding that is central. Beautiful, so beautiful. So, so where can people find you?
Over at my website, it's KaseyMathews.com. Kasey with a K, and Mathews with one T. That's confusing for a lot of people.
It'll be in the show notes, don't worry.
I'm on Instagram and I have a Facebook coaching page, and in all the usual. My books are on Amazon and my coaching, all them descriptions are all in the website, all of that.
And we'll definitely link in that, that your book as well to have a look so people can have a look at that. And the low and the free. Is it the free journal you've got? What did you call it the free journals called the daily plan, the daily planner, daily fan, I will definitely link that in as well, because I think people could really benefit from that as well. Because it's, you know, really great to have that kind of guidance there in front of you, to really help you. And just to wrap up, we asked all of our guests one question, and that's to share a message from your soul. So just whatever comes up for you intuitively,
Yeah, it's to know how special, how important you are, how much magic and potential lives within you. And to know that when you keep it hidden away, when you play small, you're actually denying the world and those that would delight in being able to benefit from your gifts. The world needs people to stand up to be strong to share what they have to offer the world now. Where we-- it's it's calling for all of us to put aside, you know, perfectionism, judgment, all the rest and just stand up and be the best version of ourselves.
I love that and you're definitely doing I can see that, and you have a beautiful energy. So thank you for sharing it with me today.
Thanks, Emma, I feel the same way about you and I'm really grateful to have been here.
Thank you so much. That was a beautiful episode.