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Hey, I'm Jon.
And I'm Becky.
And this is the We Are For Good podcast.
Nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.
We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an Impact Uprising.
So welcome to the good community. We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropists, world changers and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.
So let's get started. Becky, what's happenin?
Aloha, how are you? Are you ready to spill the tea?
Yes, I'm totally ready. Thank you guys so much for having me. You guys are my idols.
Oh, you're sweet.
You're too kind. Well, you know, this is a special week of the podcast. And it's a week that we carve out every year as honestly a gift back to the sector of a space that we were looking for when we were working full time in nonprofit. And it's mental health week. I am so honored to have Haylin Dennison with us today. She is this incredible, not only nonprofit founder, but she's also a licensed clinical social worker. She's a mental health activist and systems expert. And she is going to come in and talk about not only how do we look at like systems change, but she's also going to talk to us about what is it like to be doing the work, what is it like to be pouring into our kids, and helping them through their mental health journeys through her work with Spill the Tea Cafe in Hawaii. So it is just such an honor to introduce her she has got this really deep understanding of cognitive behavioral therapy and inner self work. And she's done a lot of work in the healthcare profession, her comprehensive knowledge of mental health systems theory, clinical practice, all kinds of comes together about these programs that promote resilience and self care. And after she got her graduate degrees in LA, she moved back to Hawaii with this mission to improve mental health and access treatment in her very own hometown. And this is just like a love letter back to them with Spill the Tea Cafe, I got to really meet you a few months ago. And I remember feeling so touched by the work that you do Haylin, and I'm so excited for you to walk us through a little bit of your story today of how you're meeting teenagers, who we know are just this particularly vulnerable population, this group of kids that we just love, that need access to mental health, because of all the challenges that are really unique to this moment in time. And so I want you to talk all about those programs. But first get into this house, my friend and his delight to have you on the podcast today. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I wonder Haylin if you just take us back a little bit because we want to get to know, how did you come to be like, What are these formative experiences growing up, that really set you on this course to do and go into this work? And now obviously, you've got your hand in so many different pots.
I'm like, Oh, my goodness, how far should we go back? I think, you know, really, mental health has always been a part of my life, whether I knew it or not, you know, early on in my life, my brother got into a car accident and was left with a traumatic brain injury, that kind of, you know, deteriorated and there was onset of like schizophrenia. And so we kind of care took a lot for him. And I really do think that I can't deny the fact that that experience really inspired me to do this work and to try to create a better life for myself. So that's kind of maybe where it started. And then, you know, moving forward, it's like moving to LA and I went to USC, and things were not perfect there. But they had a lot more resources than Hawaii, that's for sure. And so, you know, trying to take some of the training that I learned there and some of the innovation there and bring it back to Hawaii while still trying to adapt it right to the to the whole Hawaiian or Asian culture has really been like an art and a science. I actually opened Spill the Tea Cafe pretty recently, a year and a half ago with my son, Mattie. And it really came out of the needs to find a therapist and you know, during COVID, not just in Hawaii, right. But across the entire nation. There's a shortage of providers. And we really felt that here on the islands. I would also say that Hawaii is unique in the way that we are primarily Asian, the Asian culture, the native Hawaiian culture. And so there comes a lot of stigma with mental health still, although mental health is generally being more accepted among our community. And so with these problems, you know, I think it was half like mama bear and just seeing my kids struggle and not having the resources. And then the other half was, you know, my frustration with the health care industry and community mental health, and really, I guess drove me to create a new table. And so Spill, the Tea doesn't represent just like, I don't know, half my mama bear urge and half. The joke is that half of me was like, I didn't know what I was doing. And now we're a year and a half in. And we're fully in it, right? We're not giving up. But now from the founder standpoint, right from being like an employee in a nonprofit, just, my eyes are open, I'm more angry than ever. And so Spill the Tea represents like innovation, not just a mental health clinic, but for what we want to see in the future. And what I want to see in the future, is the ability to see a healthcare facility that prioritizes patients at high quality services that incorporates the things that are absolutely necessary, like social services, right, and also care coordination, the things that prevent people from from falling through the cracks. And we need to have those things. Equally important, we need to have a healthcare facility that prioritizes their physicians and their health care workers. And we need to create a space where our health care workers can also live and survive and thrive right and not be burned out. And so anyway, it's all full circle. I feel like there's so much similarities. Yeah, so many similarities between entrepreneurship, health care, you know, mental health. It's just, we need to create change. And I think that's a big reason why I'm so thankful to be here on your podcast today.
Okay, there's so much I want to double click on here. One, you are so fierce. And you are so incredibly inspiring. Something you said a little bit ago, and I want to double click on it was you said I'm angry? I'm I'm tired. And I have found in my health care philanthropy experience, that there is no greater force on this earth than an angry mother.
Yeah, oh, my god.
They're mobilized, there is no quit. And then and their ability to nurture and make change for the better is their superpower. And then that Spill the Tea is like the manifestation of your fierceness of your anger. And of you just saying, I don't know why we're working in these systems, you know, they're broken, they don't work for everyone. Yes. And so you just moved over and you made a new table, you created Spill the Tea Cafe, it was born out of this love of your child is born out of this need for revolution in health care and community. So take us back, like, tell us this mission story, tell us about your beautiful cafe and help us fall in love with it.
I think it started when Mattie was in the fifth grade. And this is my oldest son who is 15 now, and he
Hi Mattie!
And Mattie is trans. And I'm still transitioning with my pronouns for Mattie. So I just want to throw that out there because pronouns are very important. But I do still make mistakes. And so Mattie goes by he, him. And I wasn't ready to accept Mattie for being gay or wanting to cut his hair. And I really had this vision about what my child was going to be. And, you know, there was a time where we were going to church and Mattie had a pride flag shirt on. And typically, you know, remember, I'm a therapist, I'm supposed to be open minded. I'm supposed to be affirming, you're supposed to be all the things. And so I will always allow Mattie to her pride shirts, but not to church, right? So like Mattie take the shirt off. Like I'm not trying to deal with Papa or I'm not trying to deal with any of that. And in that moment, I think what happened and I try to be very careful, because I want to say my story. But I also want to respect that whatever Mattie story is, it's his story to tell. But what I will say in that moment was that he probably was holding in for months, if not years, right? And said, Mom, you say you're supportive. You say that you don't mind that I'm gay, but you are ashamed of me. And and I just want to ask you like, are you ashamed of me? You know, because you want me to hide parts of myself and in front of certain people. It broke my heart I cried. I said, I'm never ashamed of you. I'm so proud of you. You know, you're one of like, my biggest accomplishments in life. Like, please do not ever see that like, and I had to drown out all the noise at that moment and just say, like, how can I listen to my kid? How can I believe my kid whatever my kids going through, like, how do I stop dismissing this haircut thing you know, and I let him cut his hair in seventh grade. There was a major change. Like I never seen him like just as my son. He was so much more of himself. And then I really credit all of this evolution, and learning and healing of my entire family to the doctors at Stanford Gender Clinic. You know, and they say yes, Haylin, we understand that you've done all this crazy research. And also, I also have seen like 800 kids like Mattie this year. So all these things, and that's why I think that passion for the doctors as well. Sorry, my story is so tangential, I also have ADHD so that's a superpower.
So do I, keep going!
Yes Becky! Ok, ok.
Squirrel.
Exactly. But this is why I had this, you know, I did have to get scrappy. And we we still are, I am still, I mean, I'll say I'm at this point, like, I'm still self funding Spill the Tea. And so I had to get scrappy. But my point is that when I got scrappy, and how to diversify revenue streams, because you guys have a great mission, but you know, you don't have three years of 990s, right, so you don't even qualify at a minimum level to apply for these grants. And now I have to learn about marketing and sales. And like, I'm just a therapist, you know, and so it's so overwhelming. And I think that's what keeps us all stuck. Like, this is too much. I can't like figure this out, or you know, and I think this is why we can't create change in our industry. I offered consulting and mental health services, and you know, to other people, and to the med school. And then when I started working with med students, I was working with physicians for like eight years, like maybe like retirement age, but then when I went to med school, I just, I guess, re-igniting of like a passion for young people. Because the kids at Spill the Tea, who are in my academic stress group have straight A's and who are suicidal, those become my med students that I see, right? And then those become the doctors that I see who are burnt out and also like two and a half times more likely to die by suicide than any other profession. It's just not okay anymore. Like this is not okay.
It's not okay.
I don't know, I want us to create our own system and our own policies and programs and things that we know works, right. Like, we have to get back to the basics, I think. And that's what I'm very, very proud of Spill the Tea, even though I'm super upset that it's not where I want it to be. It's not because I can't like we don't you know, we're stuck at that point. It takes more funding to adapt to the scale and trying to be super positive. And also, you probably can tell the reality of my day to day right now. Right. And so I know that we can do this, and I'm kind of like, gonna die on this hill. Like, that's where I'm at right now. Or at least until year three.
We're not gonna let you die. And now I'm
This movement needs to go.
Yeah, I mean, lots of things. I want to just acknowledge, and thank you for your story for being vulnerable here. And, like we spent time even this season, talking about just the power of like authentic storytelling. And I think what you just did there, I believe breaks down walls to anybody's heart. I mean, you can't hear about your journey, hear about Mattie and like, have a different way to receive that when you realize we are humans here trying to navigate these things. So thank you for that piece. And secondly, like, who were the funders listening, let's do a call. There's people listening right now that can support this, you know, and I just want to acknowledge you though, for being a founder. We've spent time with founders this season talking about the founders journey. It is a winding path, but you are not alone. You know, there is a community here. And so anyone listening also feels alone, like there's the community of We Are For Good, like, how can we surround each other and support each other? Because it's not for the faint of heart? Being the founder and that, but we just want to encourage you in that. So what is spill the tea really one of the core services now just like kind of give us a quick overview of what does it look like in a given day? In the walls there?
Yes. And Spill the Tea Cafe I should say Mattie came up with the name. And we did that intentionally the way that we market is specifically to Gen Z, and also to destigmatize, right? We don't want to, say, adolescent mental health clinic, because who's going to want to come and then we want to make sure that we are taking a trauma informed lens, which means, you know, we understand the unique challenges that LGBTQIA+ youth face. This clinic is for all youth. I mean, that is the point, right? That is for all humans, all youth. And we want to make sure, though, that it's very clear that we're inclusive. So a lot of times people be like, oh, is this only for gay people? Of course not. It's for everyone. But we don't want kids to have to guess, right, like whether we're supportive or for me or not. And in order to do that, the unique challenges they face like in Hawaii, specifically 50% of trans youth actually attempted suicide in the past year. And then in 2019, this is specific to Hawaii as well Asian or other Pacific Islanders and native Hawaiians in 2019 SAMSA reported that suicide was the number one leading cause of death for that for youth and that's unheard of like that's there's no other state like that. And so I say this because LGBTQIA plus youth are placed at highest risk for suicide in our in our community. The research is super clear about it being due to the discrimination they face at home and at school and the community at church events, sports You know, and every kid I've talked to every single one have has a story about being so mistreated. And all of our staff, they have to be trained in crisis intervention, they have to be trained in suicide prevention, they have to be trained in care coordination, right. And there's like wraparound for the youth. And we know that they may not have a hot meal, or they might be rejected from their family. So this place is intentionally set up like a like a home, right? Like, there's your living room areas and TVs and PS5 and a library and WiFi and music. And you know, we give out free boba, we're so Asian. Yeah, and snacks, you know, and cup of noodles or whatever it is. But I mean, it's not just to have a cute place, right? Like, there's a strategy behind this. And we're listening to the kids, we're listening to people of the community, our staff is of the community, we have a teen advisory council where our board doesn't make any decisions without their input, you know, and so it's really like a drop in center, that's one service we offer. So kids don't have to come to therapy, they can really just come and hang out or study or have a tutor or have a mentor. The other solid, or I guess, key service we have is individual therapy for the youth. And in Hawaii, if they're 14 and up, they are allowed to access this service without parental consent, which is one way that we can remove the barriers for these youth and try to, you know, help decrease that suicide rate. And then I would say the other and arguably like the most impactful we do groups, and we also have, I guess, non traditional type of therapeutic services like music and art therapy and poetry and you know, like yoga, and I think bringing and incorporating those things back in like boxing and dancing. And then like it solves two issues. The first one is access, right? Because if you're coming in, during the COVID, during the during the pandemic, or if you're waiting like six months to see a therapist or three months, we can get them into group right away, at least in the interim. So that's one one problem it solves the second problem that it solves, I would say is that it's almost like takes a life on its own. So when the kids come to group, they might of course be withdrawn like the first or second time. But the act of just continuously coming, right? They become familiar, they start to talk, even if it's just like, oh, do you want boba, it starts off there. And then we're doing group activities that are not super traumatic, right? So we're kind of strategically engaging with them in such a way that they're gonna feel safe. So everything that we do in the customer journey is super important to be trauma informed. And I hope that answers your question, individual therapy, group therapy, and then we do monthly events. We're doing a rainbow prom this Saturday for all LGBTQ+ youth.
I saw that.
Yeah.
That's amazing!
So we do really cool non therapeutic events as well.
I'm just so proud of you, Haylin.
Thank you.
You eee, let me tell you where this is coming from. Personally, one, I was one of those parents and I have my daughter's consent to, to share this, that we were looking for a therapist during COVID for two years before we could find the right fit, you know, and kids are struggling, you are a working mom in the way that you would create a space of belonging and safety. It like just rocks me. And I just want to say thank you for doing that. And thank you for listening to your nudge. And I'm looking at your socials and I'm looking at your website. And it is such a joyful place. And I wonder what people can learn from what you've done here. Because you're you're so sweet about saying I don't know what I'm doing, which is also the We Are For Good way. We're just failing forward trying to figure it out every day. But I also think that you have created an authentic space of community care. And Community Care is a theme that we're really, really cognizant of right now. And the fact that we cannot do this work alone, we can't do this life alone. We can't work through our problems alone. And I wonder if you could just talk to people right now who are working in the impact and nonprofit space and tell us what you've learned about how to build an authentic space of community of care. And that could be physical, or that could be digital, that could be whatever, whatever you've learned, we'd love to get your insights on that.
Yes, absolutely. I think it's super important to be transparent and open, especially with the people that are around you. It's so important to kind of explain the why behind things. I think that is lacking so much in like corporate corporate culture or even like in the, you know, medical culture. And so it starts with myself, and then it starts with my team. All right. And that is like it has to be in that order. And so we have clinical supervision every week, which means it's a minimum of two hours, and everyone goes around, right? Not only going over their console questions like, Hey, this is a hard case what I do, but there's a dedicated hour for them to process transference and countertransference. And for people who don't know what that is, it's like, this is how this case is affecting me. This is how I'm feeling. I love Spill the Tea. And also, I had no idea that what a startup was, and this is a lot more than what my last practicum was, right? Like, allowing people to say all the hard stuff, right? It's very natural for us. Not all of us, okay, don't think but like, it's very natural for at least one of us to cry at every supervision, because that is the act of processing, right? And once that's released, and you understand that your team has your back, and oh, this one, one of our colleagues, right, like, and this happens, but their grandparent right is sick and has to caretake. But that is discussed in supervision, because now the whole team knows, it's like, Hey, we got you don't worry, like take off and you know, we rally around, but that like communication, which I've gotten in corporate saying that's overly communicating, it's like no, like, it's so necessary. And it's literally two hours a week and that small two hours. I know, it may sound like a long supervision. But when I have a team, like we have a team of over 25 people, you know, if the split those up, but when you have that big of a team, you need to make sure that we are cohesive, and that we don't start to work in silos. Right? And that it's not just this checkbox, like, oh, yeah, I did this, I did the biopsychosocial. Right. Like, it loses the entire healing process when we do that. And so I don't know, I go on my soapbox. But really, it's the administrative burden, right? That can get in the way of things. So at Spill the Tea. And this is something that listeners can do is look at what's actually happening in your organization, and see what admin stuff you can actually eliminate, like, really eliminate it and like, make that commitment to do to doing that. Right. That would be something I also think being inspirational is super important. And being transparent about this is hard. And I can't do it without you guys. Like I don't know if it's like desperation, but our team is so cohesive, because like, we need each other, you know, and we're all like, on your three we can transfer to W2s or right. Like, we have a dream and a mission. And we all understand what that is. And we don't understand what role we play in achieving that mission. And I think that's why we're still alive because I'm surprised we're still alive with zero funding. With zero funding, right? We have like 300 patients.
I'm not surprised. You're amazing.
Aw Becky, stop, thank you. It really means a lot to me. Because, you know, you know what the negativity bias. And also like, we get a lot of hate, right? Because we're an LGBTQ clinic. So when Becky says all this positive things to me, I'm like, wow, Becky, thank you so much. It makes a difference.
Please open yourself to it. Yes, it does.
Well, I mean, you've already started to kind of lead into this bigger conversation. I love this. Because this whole week of mental health week, we're trying to talk about just some of the stigmas that are in place. What is What are some common misconceptions or stigmas that you've seen surrounding mental health, specifically in the sector? And how do you think we can start tackling these at a system level? I mean, you're such a systems thinker. What are some things that we could think about? Or talk about as leaders to really switch the playing field a little bit?
Yeah, I think mental health, right. I don't know Gen Z. And below that, I just feel like they get it.
They so get it.
Yes. And I know that there has, I mean, we cannot deny the fact that the generational differences have, you know, have an impact on this. But my point is that mental health is becoming more accepted. I think, generally speaking, however, in the existing systems, there's still so much stigma, it's kind of like we haven't really gotten anywhere. I sometimes think we've gotten, we've gone backwards, like, anyway, sometimes I think sometimes, right? And so I guess if we're trying to really incorporate mental health into existing systems, what needs to happen is a extremely transparent and honest audit of like, what is happening, right, because sometimes we're not even aware. Like, for instance, in the medical culture, we don't talk about the suicides, we don't talk about mental health, right? What needs to happen is an honest evaluation of what's going on and then saying, Oh, we're gonna commit to prioritizing to mental health. I know this sounds very easy, but no one's doing it. So first step is saying, let's recognize the problem. Let's recognize that we have to do something different, or else we're probably not even going to have enough healthcare workers in the next 50 years if we continue this way. And then once we make that commitment that we want to change it and that's the hardest part. So I think that's where I feel always stuck. But once you prioritize it that you need to have the right people in the right seats to actually implement that change. And make sure right, because this is what we always do, we talk about mental health, and we do nothing, but putting the right people in the right seats to actually implement that and execute that. That is what is super needed.
I agree with you. And I think that your expertise as a social worker, and what you've seen this lived experience, it's adding so much layers, to the insight of what you're building. And I think it's building this very authentic community, of love, of care, of acceptance. And, and I want to kind of tap into this brain that you have, you know, as a social worker, and I want you to talk about some of these, like evidence based interventions in in these programs that you have that are promoting resiliency and self care, like what could our listeners begin to implement? Because we want people to get activated around this. And what are those resiliency and self care pieces that can be integrated into organizational culture and teams that anybody can take away from these learnings that you've witnessed?
I love this question, actually, because I work with a few institutions. And this question comes up a lot. And the first thing that I have to say, with with love and with respect is that we have to recognize that sometimes it is like almost like gaslighting when we keep telling our employees and our doctors and our healthcare workers and our social workers that they need to incorporate self care and they need to take care of themselves more, they need to do more mindfulness, right like you're and then you're looking at, like, for example, a CPS worker, social worker in Hawaii, that is completely overwhelmed. Working like almost seven days a week, right, taking on this total emotional toll getting yelled at by everyone in the system. And then you tell that CPS social worker, you need to incorporate more self care, or the physician right who is on call for 72 hours, or they've been studying seven days a week without eating without sleeping. They're like having panic attacks. And you tell them that they need to suck it up. And they need to just incorporate more self care. So that's the first point that I want to make. Yeah. But then the second thing, right, and we're not doing that, but I just want to speak to the listeners, because I know that they know what I'm talking about. And I think if we really want to incorporate, like evidence based mental health care, it's funding it. And so it's not really the great ideas. We all have the great ideas, it's more like who can implement them, who can execute them in a way that it is going to become successful, it is going to drive outcomes, like where's the data, like, we need to make sure that these are outcome driven? I know that's like not an easy answer. But I think it is a place to start. And I really hope that we can commit to doing that or even say you're stuck in an agency, right? And you want to do your own thing, like just thinking about what are you creating at the agency and if they're not allowing you to create something better than really reevaluating either how you can align with an agency that will allow you to do that. Or even thinking about starting something small on the side. Or or just joining like maybe like minded group, you know, individuals, collaborating, volunteer, nonprofit, you know, any of that, I think just coming together because when I feel alone, and when you guys when we all feel alone, that's when it it just stops our attraction, or it stops mine anyway, I call them like, my, my shower floor moments. There's been a couple over the past two years. That's pretty good.
I get it.
I just like, I'm just laying on the ground like crying like why, like, am I gonna make payroll? Like, did I mean, like, it's like that.
Yeah, Heck, yeah, we know what you mean. And there are so many nonprofit listeners out there that know it too. And I, I guess I'm quoting Seth Godin, a lot today. But I mean, he also says, like, you budget what you care about. So, so to your point, you cannot just say we need self care, or Oh, you need to take time off. Leaders, we need you to model it, we need you to put space in your budget for it, we need to see that it's okay. And that it's encouraged when we do take it off. And some people are watching. They're watching how people lean into this or lean out of it. And I think to me, it is one of the great cultural opportunities that you have to create either a vibrant culture or to like create something that is so fractured and untrusted that people don't feel like they can be themselves at work that they can't bring them best selves to this mission work. So I agree with you Halen, I think we've got to invest in it, model it and we got to support it in and celebrate it every time we see it.
Right and also listen to the customers or the clients that you're serving, right. It's really important that we kind of hear what they have to say because I think a lot of times when we're at the top we just make these decisions. And I think where that disconnect is whenever you transfer from being a social worker on the ground, right to like director level, it's like I see in so many organizations that you kind of lose that information. And so that's why it's so important that I, no matter what I do, or where I go in my career, I will always, this isn't the, it's a non negotiable, I would always, always always do that clinical supervision. So that I know about the team, you know, and if someone replaces me, they will continue that as well. Because that connection is so important to actually see, oh, that theory that you're trying to implement, does it actually work in the day to day, right, that new platform we're using, does it actually work when I'm in my car charging or whatever. And so that's why I think that's important. And the funding, so if you want to like prioritize mental health in your organization, then get funding for it, get a I don't know, therapists co locate in there, maybe, I don't know, if you're doing primary care. And you want to integrate a social worker and a therapist, allow your employees to go to that therapist, all 100% confidential, you don't get reported anything, right. There's kind of like these low cost ways or creative ways that we can. But I think it's super important to normalize. And even me as like, this is something I struggle with a lot too. But me as a leader, as an executive director, I have to model it if I tell them like go home, take care of yourself. And then my employees see me here till 10pm. Which, which you guys probably know, right? Like, I have to actively not do that.
Right.
Yeah, that's the struggle.
Right? And so I have to actively model late. I've taken a mental health day, and they see me and I'll post it, right. So they can also do that. Because if the leader is saying, take a self care day, do this, do that. But they're not doing themselves and they're working till 10pm Every night, then that's just cognitive dissonance. That doesn't make sense to anyone.
I mean, it is really hard to put that in practice. I mean, vulnerably speaking, I have the hardest time with that. I mean, and especially because we talk about these things a lot on the podcast, it's easy to talk about normalizing rest, but to actually do that, while you're trying to build a startup and meet payroll, and all the things I feel that I want to just ask you before we start to wind down, like what's been like helpful in your own inner self work to like have the resilience to keep going day in day out as their practices are, what do you lean on.
Oh, my gosh, Jon, I'm laughing because so if you want intense expedited, like personal growth and therapy, and you don't have a choice, then like, open a business or nonprofit.
So true.
I feel that.
Like this journey in itself, has pushed me more than anything I've ever experienced. And I'm not saying like life saving therapy I've experienced, and I'm so grateful for that therapy. But this is something new, this is something new for me. And it requires a lot of new learning and discomfort and self doubt and impostor syndrome. And so, you know, we can talk about that in therapy. But when you're actually doing it, you don't have a choice but to show up. But you don't have a choice but to keep going right or or lose your your organization. And so, I guess what I want to say is to start with yourself and look within and be able to actually increase your self awareness about what are your default settings? Where are you lacking? Like, where are you may be overly sensitive, where are your triggers? Because when you know that, then you can still make decisions for the business that's not based on your feelings, right? Because what I'm like I said, like on the shower floor, like crying, I'm not making good business decisions. But I know what that is. That's just old patterns. It's just fear. That's just going back to like my old trauma. And so this kind of holds me accountable in my personal growth. And I don't know I feel like do you guys also feel that way? Because when I talk to business owners, they also feel that mostly social social entrepreneurs
Oh yes.
Yeah.
And, if you want your relationship to like explore or like launch a business together with somebody you know, I mean, because Becky and I had to like, have the highs and lows with each other. There's a new dimension to it in a good way.
That is so cool. I hear you on that. I never really thought about it like that. But you're right. I'm sure there's like heights in on both sides. Right?
Totally. But when you like trust each other completely and you love each other and you love each other's families and you're glued in on the one, the why and the bigger picture it makes the other stuff somewhat easier.
Totally.
Yeah, for sure.
100%.
And I just want to celebrate story here because I feel like if I don't want to get too weepy but like one I want to say this to Mattie. I want to say this to your son like what you have inspired in your mother, in your community. What a beautiful soul Mattie is to be able to have existed and lived in such a way that something like this could come out of his life. So one you're an amazing kid Mattie and you are gonna go on to do very big things. But I want to know a story from you because we celebrate story. And we've seen the way that philanthropy and kindness and being a good human transforms people, even in the tiniest moments. And I wonder if there's a moment where you've seen philanthropy or kindness or gratitude or something play out that has just stayed with you that you might want to share with us today.
If you don't mind me sharing two, I because I want to, because I want to just the thing that made me feel like I was so successful, even though we might have had $0, in the account was when another kid in our cafe, note they were suicidal, and going through it. And that is actually very common with with this population. But that kid called the kids from the cafe, right, so it wasn't the therapist was a teen mentor wasn't the care coordinator wasn't me wasn't right. It's like, now they're calling each other. They go over their, like safety plan together, and the kid is okay, for another day, at least, you know, but that made me cry, because I was like, wow, it's, it's its own thing, you know, without me, and that is the whole goal of this. If we measure the value, and not the monetary value, but the impact value, that's way more than I could ever, like, ask for in a monetary like donation, right. And then I would say the other thing that really shook me was like, you know, I'm being introduced to this business world. And so weird, like, I did not know how it is and institutions and very, you know, and so Stanford like being as prestigious as they are. And, you know, there was a moment where they kind of selected us or allowed us to be part of this really intense training, and they're going to be training Spill the Tea for three years, pretty intensely. And that is of no cost to us. I mean, that is like something that I could never dream that could happen for a small Spill the Tea that like Stanford Gender Clinic is training us for free. So I'm getting emotional, but that's just, it makes me continue to believe in this work. Right? They're not saying, Oh, it's about the money, and we don't care about that. They're like, we're Stanford, and we care about you. And we're gonna make sure that you're providing the highest quality care. And that's what I'm super excited about. So I just want to shout them out.
I mean, I would shout out I love both your stories. I love that they point us back to like the meaning of philanthropy and we also got to show the Elevate Prize Foundation because this is what kind of reconnected us in the last couple months that I love their get loud campaign. And we were catching up with them and they're like, you know, we just did this really beautiful campaign to to select a winner of this unrestricted gift I think is $10,000. Right?
It's our, it is our biggest donation to date. Thank you so much.
Oh my goodness.
Thank you Carolina and team.
But that is a grassroots social media fueled prize and it's just such a beautiful way.
I love Get Loud.
I love the full circle of them. They've been on the podcast a few times. So, Haylin, this conversation has filled our hearts. I want to give you space to share a one good thing. You know how we wrap up our podcast is it could be a secret to you know how you live your life, or just a mantra or something that you want to leave our community with. Your one good thing.
Yes. I just want everyone to remember that growth mindset is kind of like this buzz term right now. I use it a lot, as well. But it's not something that we're just born with. You know, a lot of people are like, Oh, you Haylin you're just, you know, you're born like that. It's so untrue. Like growth mindset is a strategy. And it's a practice and you can improve at it, it is a skill set, like any other skill. And so just expect to be uncomfortable expect to feel like you don't want to do it. That is just your brains way of really creating new neural pathways like this is new, it feels so uncomfortable. Just remember that it's kind of just like neuroscience don't don't like, you know, absorb all of that and say like, if it's uncomfortable, like I'm on the right track, you know, because I am trying to do something that is like, arguably. So it's like, it's a really big vision. So how can I expect to just think it's going to be easy, but I just want to encourage other founders of nonprofits or people working in nonprofits that if you get frustrated, I just hope that like one of my favorite professors, from USC, Professor Angulo would always say, if you're not angry, you're not paying attention. What he was trying to say was that, like channel that anger into action, as social workers, and that always stuck with me even so this day, so growth mindset.
Such a good one good thing and it just speaks to abundance. And also, it's telling us that this work is not going to be easy. And thank you for calling it out. Because it's not we are literally swimming upstream as we try to create these new norms. And I know we've got this great quote from Rabbi Menachem who says none of us are complete unless all of us are included. And so the number one core value of We Are for Good is everyone matters. I have felt it so deeply in this conversation, whether you came for the mental health aspect, while, you came for the community piece. While, you came for, you know how to learn how to care and have an office that really promotes mental well being, I hope everybody will lean in to whatever piqued your interest in this conversation and go deeper because it's going to take some activation, it's going to take some rewiring of mindsets, and frankly, y'all, it's going to take some bravery and some boldness and hailing, you've been so brave and so bold, in what you've told us today, and how you work through this mission. So I want you to drop all of your socials here. Tell us how people can connect with you. Tell us what your greatest need is, where funding could be used most and tell people how they can follow you and start to follow Spill the Tea Cafe.
Oh, thank you so much, Becky. Yes, you can. Our website is spilltheteacafe.org on Instagram, we're @spill_theteacafe. I also have a personal Instagram @HaylinDennisonLCSW, if you'd like to follow us, and yes, we are just in a transitional phase right now where we are growing, and we're trying to upkeep that scale. So any aligned funders, you know, we are definitely in a place where we need to be able to implement the systems that we need, like primary care and being able to have care coordination. So really, you know, uplevel, the services that we have and be able to change the narrative for these kids and say like, you deserve the best care, the top tier care, right. That's what I want to do for this population. And for and for all of us.
You're already doing it and we are rooting for you. So grateful to be in this space with you. Yeah, thanks for coming on today.
I appreciate you guys. Okay, Becky and Jon, you guys take care now talk to you soon.
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