To paraphrase Buddha's saying, to be deluded is to assert oneself on all things. To be awake, is to make room for all things. So what we do with our attention is one of the most precious resources we have. And a lot of else, many other things follow in the wake of attention. But sometimes we use our attention as a tool or a vehicle for what the saying it places asserting ourselves onto the world. So we have an agenda, we want something, we want somebody to go away want to have something, we want to prove ourselves, we want people to see us a certain way we want something from other people. And sometimes it's clearly operation of conceit. That we have some kind of self self that we're kind of asserting and proving to other people. And, and we're the agent, we're in charge, we're going into the world to do something or we're, we don't feel like we have much agency But to the degree to we have agency we have pulling away from the world and hiding in ourselves or shutting down or something. And without being so conscious of it. Awareness is being used in the service of that. Awareness is directed to paying attention to when we want don't want it directed to what we're trying to avoid the direction we're trying to go forward or backwards, or whatever it is. So we're asserting ourselves, we're taking kind of this me, I'm the one who's doing it, I'm charging. And sometimes when people do mindfulness practice, they understand the instructions. But they interpreted through the filter of themselves asserting themselves or be taking charge being in charge of everything and making something happen. And finally, I found out what I can do to be something of XY or Z, how can I can make myself more relaxed and calm or something. No alternative is the path of the dharma is to see that what we're doing is that we're discovering how awareness can we can take our awareness and make room for everything. So kind of make space that awareness is is making the gaming breathing room, giving space to what's happening here. And it's a kind of space in which something then has a chance to breathe, something has a chance to grow, to evolve to unfold. That is very different than if we're asserting ourselves, when some things feel claustrophobic. They're shut down. They feel manipulated, they are manipulated with we're changing things, we're making things different, where we have our agenda, an idea of what's supposed to happen, and therefore we're going to make it happen. Another approach is so awakening approach is to make room for everything. So that things can evolve, things can change from a very different place where we have some trust, that there's a deeper wellspring of health that wants to come through if we make room for it. So if someone comes to us, and maybe they're angry with us, in a way that's not appropriate, that, you know, to assert oneself on that is to is to maybe be angry back, maybe all kinds of things. But the awakened approach is to make room for that anger. And so that, in a sense, you're helping the anger of the other person feel safe. It's okay. I've once I went, I've told people that in my role as a Buddhist teacher, that I tried to be someone with whom it's safe to be angry. And so that's kind of like an intentional goal is I used to be someone it's safe to be angry at me. And then sometimes people get angry with me. And I think anytime you're in a kind of central role, like a spiritual teacher or something, there's a lot of projection a lot of needs, a lot of things go on. So it's, you know, sooner or later people will be angry. And then the one time it happened to me many years ago, where someone was really angry with me
And I didn't, you know, it wasn't, I was I was responsible for something, all I did was I had a meeting with her and I forgot to meet with her during a retreat. So we had lots of other times to meet on retreat, but I've just forgotten so. So he sat for an hour with her having a monologue, telling me how terrible I was. And I sat there, I was sitting cross legged like this, I was just like, wow, this is I wonder how long it can go on. I was just like, amazed and just sitting there and letting it happen. And I didn't take it personally, I just was there, okay, making room for it. And then the end of the afternoon, the bell rang for supper. And, you know, Saved by the Bell as the saying they have in Buddhism. And so I said, to have this a bell have to go. So she let me go. And the next day, she said, that was so helpful, Gil, everyone else runs away from me when I'm angry. She'd never had the experience of someone who stayed present. And something shifted for her in that it was like a gift for her. That's something she was held or accepted or allowed to be how she was. So she can see herself in a different way.
Conflicts between groups of people, sometimes for prefer not to assert ourselves in the situation. But to make room for it's the present, this is where we use our awareness, we were clear, everyone sees we're paying attention, everyone knows where they're in the middle of it. We're not shutting down, we're stepping forward, in a sense, I'm here, what's happening here, but without asserting anything without trying to change anything or do anything, it can make a huge difference. To do that someone is hurting. And so by the way, all kinds of ways in which people hurt. And sometimes it's a fantastic medicine for them, to have someone who sits with them and allows the hurt the sadness, whatever it is, just to be there. And isn't trying to fix it or make it go away or over, you know, kind of override it in some way by telling jokes or who knows what but, but just making space, okay, I'm here with you, and you show that you're comfortable with it, it's a you're comfortable with the anger, you're comfortable with the sadness you're comfortable with, whatever it might be, and you're there to kind of give the space of awareness to it. And that allows other people to have space, there are people who in our society don't have real experience with pausing, quite slowing down and giving kind of a open space and time, to the unfolding of things to the revealing of things to some other process to unfold. Besides the process, if it's up to me to shut down and run away, attack, fix, solve, do something. And so there's learning to trust this other process of making room for things. And this, to learn to do this and appreciate this, this both learned and meditation. And it supports meditation. Because when we don't trust that there's something that can evolve and unfold, and deepen and move to health, then of course, it's netmeds pretty natural to want to think our way to solve our problems in our life. And so people will spend a lot of time thinking and meditation thinking and thinking because that's where they think the solution is going to be. But when we start having a trusting that there's some deeper processes available to us, that doesn't involve thinking, but involves giving room and space, then the the the conviction that thinking is the Buddhist, the solution is going to be begins to fall away. And then if we don't put all our hopes and thinking, then there's it easier to put it down and make room to feel to sense to be present for ourselves. To allow some deeper process within ourselves, to unfold and move through us. To allow things to process themselves. To allow sadness to process itself grief to process itself. Anger to process itself, joy, the process itself, the whole shebang, and everything conceit to process itself. And so the all these things don't become a problem don't become a source of shame or self criticism because we know there is something there's a there's they're all They're all doorways they're all to me is one more thing to open up to make space for to allow for. So we can let this hump some process to unfold. And it might be only it might be as simple sometimes is making space what's going on we realize we're carrying a lot of tension in the mind and the body. It's because we made space we recognize that shoulders like go finally or the stomach releases or you know, realize how much contraction constriction there is around the eyes or the forehead around all this thinking, I have no idea and so, then that comes down and then something begins shifting in very important ways when this physical tensions begin to abate. So, delusion is asserting oneself. Awakening is making room for everything. Giving space making room whether it's such a one or the other world is probably not accurate.
But most people err on the side of the first asserting themselves and don't really know much about making room for things letting something to unfold and open up. And if you get some experience with that, and and trust and extend valuing of it, then you can find your way to the hybrid ng of these the bringing these two together the middle way between the two, which is also needed for this life that we live. So those are my thoughts today. And may you experiment with giving more room to things to see what happens
